Transcript

Dr. Jessica Peck hosts the Nurse Mama show prescribing Hope for healthy families

Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show prescribing Hope for healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there friends and welcome to my favorite time of day, getting to spend time with you prescribing Hope for healthy families. We need it. We need hope and hope filled stories. And one of the things that, that I love most about sitting behind this microphone is being able to invite people to share their hope filled stories and to share their testimony because we can find hope and heartache. We live in a broken world. We live in a world where we experience trials and trauma and tragedy and things that we wish desperately were not true. But we know that we have hope. We have a hope that does not disappoint and that God cares for us so deeply. And so my question for you, maybe you've been in this situation and, or you have known someone in this kind of situation. What do you do when a healthcare provider, when a physician tells you that your unborn child will be a drain on your family? Well, for Beverly Jacobson, this was the moment that heartbreak turned into fierce, unstoppable love and advocacy and hope that she's going to share. So in, we're going to introduce you today to the mom who took what, what some think is their worst news, their worst nightmare, but just turned it into a mission of hope. I want you to get ready to meet a true mama bear and that is Beverly Jacobson. Beverly, welcome. We're so glad to have you here today.

>> Beverly Jacobson: Well, hello and thank you so much for having me. It's truly an honor to be here.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Beverly, we're going to talk about a topic that's pretty tender for a lot of people. We're going to talk about prenatal diagnosis, about pregnancy related concerns and so just wanted to give our listeners out there, the advance warning that that is coming. But such a, such an inspiring story of hope.

Beverly was expecting her ninth child when she was diagnosed with Edward syndrome

I want you to start though by taking us back to that appointment that you got news that you were not expecting. And what I said a lot of moms would see like, oh, that's my worst nightmare, which I'm always very sensitive about because when we're, our fear is someone else's reality. What was going through your heart and your mind when you heard that news?

>> Beverly Jacobson: Sure. Well, I'll quickly set the stage that this was a pregnancy, with our ninth baby, I have two little ones in heaven, early miscarriages, but I had eight healthy children and I was in my early 40s, and I was already, you know, just getting over the shock of having one more baby. and very excited, you know, feeling this little one doing gymnastics in my belly and so excited to meet him or her on the ultrasound. And so when I got the call, I really thought it was to schedule that 20 week ultrasound. But instead I heard these words like Edward syndrome, you know, elevated risk, and I had no idea really what that meant. But we were ushered into a diagnostic ultrasound appointment. We met with a genetic counselor beforehand. And it, I mean, devastating is. Is the only word I can think of is. the news that we received was, we heard that according to many in the medical community, this was a diagnosis considered incompatible with life, which seemed like such a paradox because she was clearly kicking inside of me, but spent the next some weeks preparing a burial for this little baby because we weren't given any hope. the doctor who talked to us about it was very cold and clinical, and she used the term fetus instead of baby. And we just found out we were having a girl. But she referred to, her as it, and just very, ah, clinical language. And I appreciate your heart of compassion. Just to, to be able to speak, truth and kindness into a very difficult situation. I think it would have made a big difference from us from the get go. But thankfully, God, you know, opened up some doors for us to, to get some other information and begin changing our perspective so that we were then preparing for life instead of preparing for death. So it was a, a rough season, that's for sure.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Beverly, I appreciate you sharing your story. And as I shared with you, just as we were starting, for me as a pediatric nurse practitioner, I. Families who are in this situation. And you're right, while it might seem cold and clinical on one side, which it shouldn't be, it is someone's very real reality and all of the decisions, all of the emotions, everything that goes along with that. I want to orient our listeners a little bit and tell them a little bit about Edwards syndrome. It is a rare genetic condition that happens when the baby is born with an extra copy of chromosome 18. So usually we have two copies of each chromosome, but babies with Edwards syndrome have three cop of that number 18. That's why it's called try so me try like T R I3. And it does start before birth, but it's usually seen on ultrasound, just like you shared with us, Beverly. And it's. And really, it can be anything. A lot of babies don't live long and the condition is considered life limiting. Some do pass away before birth or in the first weeks of life. But some children do survive longer and with loving care and support, can survive even, though they have. They may have different medical and developmental needs. And that was your story, was it not, Beverly?

>> Beverly Jacobson: Yes, it was. We were so excited to meet her alive, if at all possible, and we crafted a birth plan for that possibility. And we did have plans in case she was stillborn, but as my due date approached, she was very much alive. And so we were, shifting to, okay, what kind of interventions might she need if she is born alive? And she was 40 weeks and three days was actually in my womb longer than any of her brothers and sisters were. And it was amazing. I got to hold her on my chest for a few minutes, and then she definitely needed support. So we were glad to have a medical team who was on board with giving her any interventions that she might need. I said, I just want her to be treated like any of her siblings would have been if they needed oxygen support or feeding support. And she needed both. and sure enough, we were in the nicu, but not very long, really, considering her condition. And she has a, a number of anomalies and complexities, but we were home with her after 18 days, and she has more or less been home with us ever since. We have had some hospital admissions, for sure, but let me tell your listeners, Verity is over eight years old now, and I, I just, I never could have imagined what our life could have been. my, my beginning hope was just that we could hold her alive in the hospital and let her meet her siblings. But here we are doing life with a delightful little girl who certainly does have significant needs. she absolutely needs 100% caretaking, but we wouldn't trade it for anything. We love her so much and we've learned so much on this journey, for sure.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, Beverly, that's something I definitely have learned. In my experience, I've seen kids born with conditions that I think they, they won't live a few weeks and they live for a long time. It's amazing the difference that loving caretaking kids and have, because conversely, I see other kids who, you know, would be expected to live longer, but aren't. And so it's that caretaking really does make a difference, and you need a team of people around you who are going to equip you to meet the medical needs, but also the psychological needs, the emotional needs. It's so complex and it's so difficult.

Edwards syndrome is often presented as a hopeless diagnosis

And Edwards syndrome in Particular, as you said, is often presented as a hopeless diagnosis. You said the words incompatible with life. And I know there are other people who have received this diagnosis, received this prognosis, or people know, people who do. And I want you to take us back to those days. And how did you. What were the challenges that you had? How can people who are walking with people going through this be sensitive in what they say and provide meaningful support? And even in that phase of hopeless diagnosis, where did you find hope?

>> Beverly Jacobson: Yeah, I think, a provider that I saw, during pregnancy. I was there to get information, to learn about all the things that I needed to know to prepare for the unknowns. And his first words to me, were, in his words, to talk about my retarded daughter and then to say, to go on to say if she did survive, she would live a futile life and be a drain on the family. And that from a medical provider was absolutely the last thing I expected. And I look back on that day. I was in the car crying because I didn't know how to answer him in his office. I just kind of sat there dumbfounded. But that was my mama bear moment. And that is when I just felt that fierce love rise up in me, that, that God given love, that protective instinct that we have for our babies. And it was like a switch flip for me. I went home wanting to find out everything I could about this condition. I read medical research, which is, that's, that's hard for me. That was outside my comfort zone. But I learned, I began learning. I began finding connections online. I began to realize that there are families with children, not just babies, but children, even teenagers, even young adults living with this condition. And I had to change my mindset and start preparing for the possibility that our little Verity, as we had named her, would live and not pass. And you are right that many, many babies are stillborn. We've worked with a number of families that their story is different from ours. And that is hard. And we still say, ah, we want to take you from heartache to hope. And that hope is going to look different in the different circumstances. But that hope is rooted in Jesus. And I absolutely know that I could not have gotten through this. We would not be where we're at today if it weren't for the hope of Jesus. I'm so grateful that we had that foundation of truth coming into the diagnosis and then navigating the rest of the pregnancy with honestly, you know, struggles, to be completely frank, just depression and anxiety. There, there was a lot mentally and emotionally and spiritually to deal with. But God met us in that time, and it was a sweet, sweet time. I look back on that as just a time that I was diving into his word. I was soaking in the truth, and I was being reminded of his character and that he is for me, he is for us. he had good plans for this baby. No matter how long we were going to get to have Verity here on Earth, I knew that her life mattered. And that's why we named her Verity, because that means truth. And we knew the truth was and is that her life matters. And every baby counts. Every baby has a purpose. And it doesn't matter how long or short they're here on, on this earth. We can love them and we can embrace them, and we can help them fulfill God's purposes too.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, Beverly, I have tears in my eyes. Hearing you speak, hearing a mama bear talk like you're talking, it is a beautiful thing. And for a baby to be loved like you love your daughter, it's just an incredible thing. And thank you for sharing so transparently and so authentically because it's not easy. For sure. Sometimes we can look at the end of the story and say, oh, well, here we are. But it doesn't negate those hard days. And I can't imagine the hardest day. I feel like I have to apologize on behalf of, of my shared profession in healthcare that you experienced that. That is never anything that anyone should experience in a healthcare encounter. And I am so sorry that you experienced that. And that is a reality.

Beverly Jacobson says she was never pressured to terminate pregnancy

And I want to ask you, Beverly, while we're here right now, because I feel like there's a lot of stories in the news that will talk about, ah, a prenatal diagnosis and women who are fighting for a right to terminate that pregnancy. What did you feel in the opposite? Did you feel support in wanting to continue your pregnancy? And what was your experience like in that?

>> Beverly Jacobson: Thankfully, I was never pressured to abort. I don't know if part of that is. I came to the genetic counselor's office and in our appointments and basically laid it on the table and said, look, termination, is not an option. We love this child. We want to be prepared. It's just not an option for us. I don't know if that had anything to do with it or if they would have counseled differently otherwise. I've learned that that's a little bit of an anomaly, actually. Maybe we are the exception rather than the rule, because the more I've worked with mama bears across the Nation. And even in other countries, the more I realize, actually the conversation is usually, here's the diagnosis, when do you want to schedule the termination? And it's an expectation that abortion is the next logical step. There is no discussion of the other side. There's no presentation of, here are the options of if your baby is stillborn. Here's how we can honor that experience. Here's how we can help provide support if you do have a child with significant special needs. There, there isn't any of that. And, we've encountered moms who face pressure to abort at appointment after appointment, to the point of even providers saying, we will help you get across state lines if they're, you know, in a, a more pro life state. It's really heartbreaking and it's really why we felt called to start the ministry that we're now, involved with. I'm, I'm very grateful I didn't have that pressure. but that, that meeting or the couple of encounters I did have with the medical professionals who were less than compassionate, shall we say? I do feel that God allowed me to experience that, to just get a taste of what many mama bears go through at these medical appointments, because you are, you're floored. You don't, you don't really know this world, probably. You don't know the medical terminology. And somebody that you normally would trust, somebody who is knowledgeable, is there telling you that you should end your pregnancy. And it's heartbreaking. And I wish that we could share the other side of the story with these moms and dads and the families that are getting the devastating news.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, you are starting to do that today and turning heartbreak into hope. It's really inspiring. Beverly, we have much more to explore in your story and to talk about how this pregnancy really led to a mission. Like you said, you helping other mama bears across the country. I know that you are not alone in this. So we'll be back with more help and more hope with Beverly Jacobson. I'll see you on the other side of this break.

Preborn Network provides free ultrasounds to women seeking abortions

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>> Fight On My Knees by Evan Craft: you might not know it, but. Somebody'S been praying for this very moment. Feels like a whisper, but in heaven, it's love. don't give up. Don't give up on the ones you love. Oh, just a little faith is enough. help me to remember my help comes from heaven. God, when I surrender, I find all I need Strengthen every weakness in the name of Jesus Always try to seek it I fight on my knees.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back. friends. That is Fight on My Knees by Evan Craft. And it is a good reminder for us. We are facing battles that we cannot possibly fight in our own strength, we cannot. Problems we cannot solve in our own wisdom. But we can get so much hope and prayer and help and prayer. That's what we need to do.

Beverly Jacobson shared her daughter's prenatal diagnosis with us

And most people wouldn't expect joy to follow a devastating prenatal diagnosis. That's what we're talking about today. But Beverly Jacobson, as I have quickly learned, is no ordinary mom. Her faith, her fight, her family story will challenge everything that you think you know about disability and dignity and what it truly means to advocate for life. This is a story about fierce love and the miracles that follow. It's a story about finding hope in heartbreak. If you've been listening in, Beverly shared her daughter's prenatal diagnosis of Edwards syndrome, which is a pretty significant medical diagnosis. And she has been talking about her experience in finding life and finding hope in the heartbreak of that diagnosis when things don't go as you envision them to go.

When you get a diagnosis like this, it affects your whole family

And, Beverly, I know when you get a diagnosis like this, it doesn't just affect you as a mom, it affects your whole family. And so what was that like? You said you were a mom already. You had nine children. what was that like for your husband, for your children, for your other family and loved ones walking through that with you at that time?

>> Beverly Jacobson: Yeah, I, Severity is our ninth. So we have she has eight big brothers and sisters, and at the time they were toddlers all the way up through teenagers. And I remember that conversation we had the night that we got the confirmed diagnosis. And we never, you know, want to sugarcoat anything. We, we believe in walking through life, authentically with our children. We are a homeschool family desiring to pass on our faith. first and foremost, that is our primary responsibility. We believe as parents, to help them see and know Jesus. And even though I didn't quite have all the words or the answers, you know, I knew we needed to talk about it with them. And it was hard. My parents actually were visiting us that weekend, so they were hearing the news at the same time as, as our children. And I'm so grateful. my parents and my husband's parents, instilled in us a foundation of the knowledge of God and that his truth and, and leaning on the Word, you know, and so that was where we went. We, we don't know what the story is going to look like. We don't know how long your baby sister is going to be in mommy's belly. there's a good chance that she could go to heaven before we get to see her or maybe shortly after she gets here, maybe. We were told that the babies with this condition lived an average of 5 to 15 days. And so that's how we started the journey was trying to prepare our children, which, how do you do that? Like, we couldn't even wrap our brains around it as adults. And here we are talking to, you know, not even a 2 year old. And my oldest was a, about 16 at the time. And I remember one of my teenage boys just very soberly asking, well, mom, could, could God heal her? And we had a precious conversation as we processed through that that, well, could he? Yes, he could. He's all powerful, he can do anything. But at the same time, he had already knit her together in my womb just the way she was, with that extra 18th chromosome in every single cell of her body. And I believed that there was a purpose for that. And so I was kind of trying to convince myself of that at the time. I knew at the gut level, but it's so hard as a mommy, you know, you, you just want your children. And we even say that, don't we, that as long as I have a healthy baby, it doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl. We talk about that and we don't really think about actually, well, what if it's not a healthy Baby, are you still going to love that baby? I mean there, there's some things that unpack there that, that, you know, we even in Christian society, we just, you know, say things and don't necessarily know how they impact others. And I've certainly learned to watch my words and, and you know, that, that's a whole other conversation maybe, but, but that, that's how we laid the foundation. We just being open about it and talking our way through it. And then, let's fast forward a little bit. You know, we got to bring her home. And that was a m. We're all excited. Baby Verity is here and we get to love her and take care of her. But I will say that first year was so hard with the learning curve. I'm sure, you know, with your medical knowledge. I had a steep learning curve of, of becoming a medical mama bear, learning how to change a G tube, you know, how to deal with, with tube feedings and oxygen and, and monitor m. Her saturations and all kinds of tests and therapies and, and it really was a difficult year. And hovering over everything was that that shadow of the, the dark cloud of doom that we were expecting her really to pass any time because supposedly this was incompatible with life and she probably wouldn't make it, statistically speaking to her first birthday. And so, ah, every crisis was magnified because we thought, what if this is the day we're going to lose her? It was so hard to walk through that as an adult. I don't know. I, I, I think my, our Lord poured out on my children extra grace that I just can't explain because we were in such a fog just trying to survive that year. but we got to her first birthday and realized, you know what? We, let's stop living in fear. Let's, let's just live, let's move forward and embrace this life that God has given us. Because now somehow we have this new normal. And actually it's, it's kind of beautiful and it's kind of wonderful and she's doing okay and she's happy and she's not suffering the way, you know, the world told us that, that she might suffer if we brought her into this world with that condition. And I don't know how to explain the, the last eight years other than by the grace of God. We are here today and we know that her story is, is God's story. And we're here to steward it and to, to share it as a means of sharing the Hope of Christ and letting people know that if they're in this situation, they don't have to walk this road alone. It does take a village, and we want to help you through that.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Beverly, I'm so glad you said what you said about people saying that as long as it's healthy. Because my sister had a baby that was born with, several congenital problems, and she said that really stuck with her, that people would just say, oh, as long as it's healthy, and then thinking, well, my baby's not healthy, so what does that mean? What. What value does my baby have? And. And, you know, all of the feelings that come along with that. So I think, as you said, being careful with our words is so important.

Beverly describes going from heartbreak to hope through pregnancy

But looking at this journey that you've beautifully described, you have described going from heartbreak to hope, and it sounds like it was not easy, but it was worth it. And I think about even looking at your children in the eyes and trying to explain the unexplainable. But I think there's also a reason that Jesus said we needed the faith of a child, because there's something that can be hopeful in our children's views because they have such a simpler faith. As adults, we mess a lot of things up that. And we complicate things that don't need to be complicated. But talk about that journey, specifically of going from heartbreak to hope. And you've already said so much about how your faith informed that and strengthened that. But just recap, that for somebody who maybe is in that early stages of heartbreak.

>> Beverly Jacobson: Yeah, I. I would say I think that there's a place absolutely for grief and lament. And I grieved a lot during the pregnancy. In fact, it's kind of strange to unpack how grief is part of my life even now, even though Verity's still with. With us. But I think it's okay to. To be brokenhearted and, and just sit with that. I don't want it to. To sound like it's okay to wallow, necessarily, but. But to sit in like Job's friends did it well, when they just sat in the dirt with him for seven days and acknowledged the pain that he had experienced. The problem came when they opened their mouths and tried to give, you know, spiritual platitudes and trite sayings and explain things away. There are a lot of things that we say and. And, as Christians, too, I talk about this when I have a chance to speak to churches. You know, how can we be more caring and compassionate in our language? And what can we really do. And I think just coming alongside someone and sitting with them in the grief and acknowledging this is not the way it's supposed to be. This is part of a broken world. And I'm sad with you, and maybe even. I don't know what to say. I don't know. I want to fix it, but I don't know. You, know, I don't know what's appropriate or not, but just being there. I had a few friends who did that with me, and it meant the world. Our churches loved it. So she was born in Omaha, so we had a church there. And then my husband, being military, we moved to Colorado, and we. We had a new church here. And both places loved us so well. They asked questions. They wanted to know about Verity. They wanted to know how they could support us. They brought us meals. I mean, the body of Christ loved us so well and really helped carry us through the most difficult season of our lives. And getting over that hu. You know, that big learning curve, and finally being in that place where we had that new normal, that's where we started to just breathe normally, maybe get a little bit more sleep, and realize that, okay, God is providing what we need. It may look different. We thought we needed this, but he gave us that. And that actually turned out to be better. And finding that God met us in the wilderness, and he sat with us when we felt like we weren't hearing from him. And I believe he was sad with us. Us. I believe that he carried that. He knows our pain, right? He's the. Jesus is the man of sorrows. Psalm 56, I think, talks about him recording, our tears or holding our tears in a bottle. Depends on the version that you have. He knows all of our pain and our brokenness, and someday everything will be made new. But guess what? He brings beauty out of ashes here on earth, too. So he will redeem our heartache if we let him, if we can carry it to him and trust his character, that he is so, so good and so faithful. He never let us down on that journey. And I just pray that our kids saw that. I pray, and I believe that they have their own, testimony of, faith. And they are walking with Jesus in a deeper way than they would have if it hadn't been for the journey that we as a family went on and that they watched us as parents struggle through. Through.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, Beverly, it's amazing because you didn't expect this journey. You know, you've talked about being surprised at so many points doing during it, and so Much uncertainty, not knowing if your daughter would live 5 hours or 5 days or much less 5 years or how your family would get through this together. And just like you talked about that first year, surviving, finding church, family, all of these things you didn't know. I'm sure at the beginning when you got this diagnosis, the last thing on your mind was, oh, well, maybe one day I'll have a ministry where I help other moms. I'm sure that didn't think, you didn't think of that. But God, but God brought you through. How did you go from that journey, your own personal journey of ah, finding hope and heartache in your family? And where were you inspired to help others find the same?

>> Beverly Jacobson: I think God put the seed in my heart even when Verity was a tiny baby, because I just started dreaming about a physical location. We called it Verity's Village. It would be a retreat and conferen center and I wanted to minister to families who were struggling like we were. And verity was about 4 years old and we had the opportunity for me to go to the Save the Storks Pro Life Innovator Summit here in Colorado Springs. And I read about it and thought I, I have a heart for women who are getting a prenatal diagnosis. That was where I landed. You know, I, yes, I have a heart for disability ministry as well and other things. But I found myself reaching out online when I would see mama say I just was told this by the doctor and, and, and you could just I could just feel, I could feel her in her, my body. I remembered how that felt to get that news and I wanted to speak hope and truth in those situations. And you know, I'm not going to pretend to be a medical expert, but I could speak words of life and words of love and compassion. And that's where I found myself drawn was to the women who were pregnant and being pressured to terminate. And I thought, oh, they've got to hear the other side of the story. so a, ah, quick version of the story is that I pitched our idea and Save the Storks generously gave us a ten thousand dollar grant because they also saw the need in the pro life movement for us to specifically help this group of women because a prenatal diagnosis is often used to put the legality or the so called ethics of abortion. And we know that's not, that's not helpful for anyone. It's certainly not helpful for baby and it's got ramifications for mama and her whole family for years down the road. So we wanted to speak life and truth into a difficult place. And so when, when they gave us a ten thousand dollar grant, I took it as a big green light from the Lord that this is the next step. And I, yes, I didn't think that this was what I would be doing. But we were in a good place with Verity and just made it so clear that we needed to, to have a ministry that would point women to the hope of Jesus and walk with them in a practical way through getting the diagnosis, to delivery and then beyond.

Beverly shares the realities of having a child with chronic medical issues

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: And you absolutely are doing that because you're sharing the realities. I mean I'm sure like you said, like your child asked, can we pray for very to be healed and, and God could have done that. But you know in his providence, this is the way that your journey has played out and having the realities of having a child with chronic medical issues and, and being able to speak to that, say this is what it is. But I think, Beverly, one of the most powerful things about your testimony is seeing all of the reality and saying God is still good and seeing the faithfulness of God. And you talk about the redemption of suffering. And I think that is a really beautiful thing. When we're already coming up against our next break, I feel like the time is going so fast. I'm really riveted by this specifics of your story. But when we come back, we'll talk more about the mission behind Mama Bear Care and how you support women facing a prenatal diagnosis.

Mama BearCare. org is a ministry specifically for women with prenatal diagnosis

But just really quickly before we go to break, Beverly tell. I know there's women already who are searching you online. How do they find you?

>> Beverly Jacobson: Absolutely. Mama BearCare.org M A M A MamaBearCare.org you can reach out to us if you've received a prenatal diagnosis or if you scroll down, you'll find the button to join our prenatal support group. We would love to get you plugged in. Well, yes, we'll definitely talk more about the ministry, but please know you do not have to do this alone. We have some support and some resources and a, a host of Mama Bears ready to welcome you into our community and let you know you are not alone. And we'll, we'll do this together.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Beverly, I shared with you when you reached out, when we learned about your ministry. This was the first time that I had ever heard about a ministry specifically for women with prenatal diagnosis, which we know happens more than we wish it would, but more from Beverly Jacobson. When we come back on the other side of this break. Don't go away.

One of the remarkable things about the Bible is that he is a God who speaks

Here's Dr. John Oswalt from the American Family Studios documentary the God who Speaks.

>> Dr. John Oswalt: One of the remarkable things about the God of the Bible is that he is a God who speaks. The writers of the Bible again and again talk of him as the living God, and when they do, they include. This idea that the idols are dumb, they cannot speak language, is an incredible mystery, really. what is it that makes human beings able to communicate in word? Personally, I think that is the image of God in us, because God speaks right at the beginning of the Bible, God spoke the world into existence. It did not somehow evolve from his body. It was something that he spoke. Visit thegodwhospeaks.org

>> No Fear by Jon Reddick: I got enemies at every side? It ain't looking good, I ain't gonna lie? Arrows flying, devil's trying to make me think I'm going down this time. You might think that I'd be afraid? Runnin' scared with a shaken faith But the God I know says it ain't over? The God I know's gonna make a way. Yeah, though I walk through the valley, I will have no fear, no fear. The mighty power of Jesus is fighting for me here. No fear, no fear. The light of the world.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is No Fear by Jon Reddick. No fear. Not over my life. That's what we're talking about today.

Beverly Jacobson founded Mama Bear Care after receiving prenatal diagnosis

How do you have no fear in a situation where the natural human response is to have nothing but fear? We are talking to Beverly Jacobson today. And when her world turned upside down with a fear filled prenatal diagnosis, she did not just survive, she created a movement that is now thriving. So we're talking about her pro life faith based ministry is how she's equipping moms to step into their God given roles as protectors, as advocates. If you have ever doubted your ability to make a difference, this show is for you. If you are walking through a prenatal diagnosis, if you know someone walking through that, you are not alone. That has been Beverly's message and she founded Mama Bear Care which empowers women who have received a prenatal diagnosis to embrace their Mama Bear role, equipping them to advocate for their special babies with fierce love and tender care. And Beverly, you described your learning curve really well. That's something that I definitely have a front row seat to for a lot of parents. I remember caring for the baby on a personal level. I had a friend who had a baby with, several problems when the baby was born and the Baby ended up with an ostomy. And even thinking how she was thinking, how do I have a babysitter? Because I don't have a babysitter who knows how to take care of an ostomy. All of those things. The learning curve is really steep. Trying to figure out what you're going to do, what support you need. I want you to talk more about Mama Bear care and how you are empowering women to walk along that journey. What does this ministry look like from a practical standpoint?

>> Beverly Jacobson: Yeah, that's great. We say, from diagnosis to delivery and beyond. And it starts with our prenatal support group, from diagnosis to delivery. It is on Facebook. people can find us, or they often do find us just by searching there. They did. They do what I did. They Google the, you know, the diagnosis. And we serve any diagnosis, or even a suspected diagnosis. We've had some moms who have joined us, needing the support. And then baby is born, and the diagnosis was incorrect. Their baby actually, is perfectly healthy with no medical issues. But you know what? That pregnancy was fraught with fear and uncertainty. And so even if it's a suspected diagnosis, we will walk alongside mamas, because I know firsthand I have a burden for this. I know the depression I experience. And I had every form of support, you know, a loving husband and, And a church family, a wonderful family, lots of support. So a lot of moms don't have that support. We want to make sure that she's not alone and that she feels she has what she needs to move forward, to carry to term, whatever that's going to look like. So we hope that it starts with connecting with our ministry or somebody like us who's going to say, hey, let's value your baby's life, and let's honor him or her. However long God has this child with you, we. We're going to walk with you. So they join our support group. We connect them with our Mama Bear care coordinator. Her name is Catherine, and Catherine was actually one of the first mamas that I got to serve online. We still have not met in person to this day, although we're talking about it. We've got to get together. But I walked with her through her own journey from diagnosis to delivery, and her little girl, Indiana Learned, lived six weeks, all of them in the hospital, and then was suddenly taken to heaven. But Catherine has walked it. And not only does she have the personal experience, but she is a NICU nurse herself. That is her. Her expertise. So she brings a medical, expertise to the table, as well as, as care coordination and, administration. so she's very gifted. She's a unique lady who is now working with us part time specifically to walk these moms from that moment of diagnosis, this through the pregnancy, getting ready for delivery. She will help them with birth planning. She helps them create questions for their care team. A lot of times they need to transfer to a different hospital, maybe one that has a higher NICU levels to accommodate what baby's needs might be. She's walked with mamas through grief as well. She's an amazing resource. We also want to connect our mama bears to our pastoral counselors. They can access free counseling in our group sessions. We have separate sessions for pregnant parents as well as bereaved parents and medical caregiving parents. And then they can also reach out for individual or couples counseling. This is a hard, hard journey. It's hard on a marriage. It's hard, on a family. And so we've partnered with some pastoral counselors who are themselves grandparents to a little girl, beautiful little girl with trisomy 18. And they have been a godsend for our little community online as well. we send care packages. We love to send, physical gifts and resources that will help the moms know that this is a child, a beloved child of God. And let's honor that life. So we send little gifts as well as our pregnancy journal and our guidebook from diagnosis to delivery. So, ah, a lot of moms will come into that support group and they, they just need to lurk. They're not ready to connect. They, they just are kind of peeking around, asking some questions or maybe just looking at all the past posts. so it's wherever they need to us, we want to meet them there. If they want us to hold their hands through the pregnancy and get ready for delivery, we will do that. but we love to celebrate the babies when they're born and to honor them when they pass with what we call our hope box series. So we love to love on our mamas with tangible gifts as well.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, Beverly, it sounds like the response has just been tremendous. And it's not like you're sitting around twiddling your thumbs thinking, okay, where are the mamas? They're coming. I mean, you are seeing that they are there and their needs that you have with this ministry.

Mama Bear Care has been serving mom moms for four years now

And I know we may have listeners who have a heart for this. And so I just want to invite you to be bold and say what those needs are as you're rising to meet the needs as awareness increases and moms are desperate for this kind of support, what are the needs that you have?

>> Beverly Jacobson: Yes, thank you. I, we've been doing this for four years now. In the first year or two, it was kind of just me and now we've grown a little team and our team is very much part time. Counselors have, you know, full time jobs elsewhere. Our mama Bear care coordinator has a full time job as well. I'm still, you know, a mom of nine. I'm Verity's mom and I'm doing as much as I can. The reality is, you know, scripture says the the harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. And so I, I keep lifting it up to the Lord that, that this is his ministry. You know, this was not my idea. but he opened the doors for us to do this. And we have been privileged to serve mom moms all over the USA and around the world. There have been mamas from probably 20 other countries that we have served and walked alongside. And we do send care packages overseas. I love it when we get to add another country to our list. and so really it, the, what I am asking the Lord to do is blow the doors open for us to be able to hire full time staff. We need, you know, that financial stability that is going to give us that foundation for long term growth. maybe it's a little. I'm, I'm in the throes of estate planning with my husband, you know, trying to make sure everything is set up for, for Verity's care, you know, someday and, and thinking what, how can I steward this ministry for long term? This is not about us. It's not my story, it's God's story. And clearly the need is great. As you said, we, you know, it's not a question of, you know, how do we go out and find the moms, it's oh, they're finding us and we're doing as much as we can to keep up with the moms who are coming in and I know do a better job. I know we could do a deeper job, more mentoring, more, you know, one on one care if we were able to hire the staff. And so I've just, you know, I lift that up to the Lord in his perfect timing. But I do know, I want this ministry to outlive us. And to do that we've got to have a staff, a knowledgeable staff. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I'm here with a heart of passion and I, I know what I know from experience and I'm learning, I'm praying the Lord grows me on this journey. but yes, if, if somebody is, is listening and has a heart for this, I would love for them to reach out to me. to us. You can set up a monthly, partnership, with us. We have some, some suggested levels on our website, mama bearcare.org if you want to take a look. Any amount helps per month, but those recurring gifts are what we're needing. One time gifts have helped us float for four years. but sustainability is what I'm praying about at this stage in our journey for sure.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, you know, your self doubts about your ability to fulfill the mission that God has called you is nothing new. I always think of Moses, God calling him to be a deliverer and him saying, no, I'm slow of speech. send my brother with me. But God always uses those things that we have walked through really to reach others with, with compassion. And it gives you a completely, like you said, even the nurse coordinator that you're working with, when they walk that road, when they have lived that world and, and seen that, it gives them a completely different perspective. And now looking back on perspective, you know, because Verity is eight now and you've walked this road a long time now and you've walked with a lot of other moms that have given you perspective. I want you to give those people who are outside of this world who are thinking, that's not my story, but I may encounter someone who. That is their story. How can we understand the world in which this expectant mom is coming? In trying to navigate all of this information, all of the advances in science and technology that can create opportunity, but also pressure that can be. There's just, it's so difficult. Give us that perspective and walking through someone alongside that, how can we do that?

>> Beverly Jacobson: Well, I think, well, we mentioned it earlier, but just coming alongside and entering that story, being willing to listen to Mama and, and understanding. It's an emotional journey and, and we're navigating it for the first time ourselves. And as a friend, as somebody who loves somebody who's going through this, you know, you, you may not say the right thing all the time, but don't disappear. Just, just stay there, hang in there. You know, be the person who shows up. Text. How are you doing? You know, I'm, I'm at the store. Is there anything I can pick up for you? Can I bring a meal over? there, there are just so many, many little practical ways that we can love the people in, in this situation. and then for moms like me who have a child with, with, you know, profound disabilities, I think most of us in, in this community, at least I'll say this for myself, and I've heard other moms say it too. You know what, we don't mind talking about our kids. We would rather you come and ask questions rather than, you know, give funny looks and steer clear. Like, I, I love it when moms are at the park with kids and kids have that natural curiosity and they want to come over and see, you know, what's this wheelchair thing, or what's on her feet, or they're asking questions. I love it. I get a chance to educate the adults too, actually, and the kids. So I think, just treating our children as human beings, you know, get down on their level and look in their eyes and say, wow, you are, ah, you know, you have such a beautiful smile. What's your name? And then, you know, the parent may answer, my, my Verity is non verbal. You know, Verity may not necessarily look at you in the eye, but I love it because they're, they're showing they value my child. I think, thinking in, you know, look around and, and, and imagine navigating. Moms, with strollers. Get this, because there's a little bit of accessibility issues with strollers. Just imagine with a wheelchair, heavy equipment. some children need to have a ventilator and all. A lot of extra equipment as they're going out, you know, extra set of hands or. Is there anything I can do to help? You know, just. Even in passing, even just acknowledging that this is hard or, you know, a good job. Mama, you're doing amazing. Hang in there. I know this, this is probably very tired and exhausting, and I don't know what that's like, but I see you and, and I think, I think just being seen, even if we're not totally understood. Good. I think that just means the world.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Beverly, tell me, what has Verity taught you about human life, about the affirmation of life? I'm sure that you know, as you said, even from the very beginning, you experience people who speak in a ill and ill informed way, or maybe even in an intentionally insensitive way. What do you want to say in our last couple minutes here together about Verity and what she's taught you about life?

>> Beverly Jacobson: Oh, my goodness. Sometimes I think I should write a book about that. how much I have learned from my little girl. You know, my degree was in education, but I feel that Verity has educated me far more than I've ever educated anyone else. I. I think the biggest thing that I keep coming back to is how Verity has taught me about God's unconditional love for each of us. I look at her and. And I just love her so completely. Like, I. I think I was afraid when I was pregnant with her. How could I possibly love a child? you know, this. Like her sisters and brothers. I don't know if that sounds. I mean, that's probably not politically correct, say, but I had that fear of if she was going to have so many needs. And then in the back of my head, you know, that doctor saying she's going to be a drain on the family. Family. There's a little bit of fear of what if I don't love her as much as. As her siblings? Totally. Totally not a thing. I love her so completely. I have to make sure that I'm giving her siblings as much attention, you know, as they should have. but God constantly reminds me I don't have to do anything to earn his love. I'm a doer, and I like to check the boxes and. And do the things and. And serve and. And I love my Savior so much, and I want to serve him, but God has to remind me I don't earn my salvation. He loves me just the way I am, and I don't have to do anything to earn his love.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: So. So profound. So great. Go to mamabearcare.org find out more. Listen, wherever you are, whatever you're doing today, I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you, make his face to shine upon you, and I will see you right back here tomorrow.

>> Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.