Transcript

Dr. Jessica Peck prescribes hope for healthy families on American Family Radio

Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse. Mama show prescribing hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck. Well, hey there friends and welcome to my favorite time of day on my favorite day of the week of the weekday. Sunday is actually my favorite day of the week. But it is fry. Yay.

Every Friday we focus on a habit for healthy families

Everyone, it is Friday. We have made it through another week in this crazy world. It seems like every time we open up the headlines, it's just a one upmanship of what happened last week and everything that seems the word of 2020 that we all hate unprecedented. It just seems to be continuing to go on and on. But listen, you are in the right place because we are in the business here of prescribing hope for healthy families and we have hope and help for you today. Now this year in 2025, I've been doing a series for you called 52 Habits for Healthy Families. We as a reminder this, there is no such thing as a perfect family. So if you feel like you're in a season of struggle, if you feel like things just haven't been going well, if you're getting to the end of summer and you have kids at home and you're feeling like your house is reaching the chaos stage, I'm right there with you. And no matter what life stage you're in, there are lessons to be learned because we have generations, no matter how old you are, we have generations below us that are looking to us to start steward the world for them wisely who are looking to us to be faithful. Examples of disciples of Christ. And all of us can do that. All of us have spheres of influence. So whether you're in the trenches and you're parenting kids in this digital era or you are grandparenting and you are watching from maybe a little bit different seat. Listen, tune in. I've got some help and hope for you today. Now every Friday we focus on a habit for healthy families. These are science backed, screening, scripture supported, just daily disciplines that will really help your family. It's in those everyday acts of obedience. If you've missed any, go back and listen to any Friday show. Catch the doctor, Nurse, Mama coaching minutes. That's a one minute catch up where you can give yourself a pop quiz and see how you're doing. We've talked about spiritual disciplines, we've talked about schedule rhythms, we've talked about communication skills. But this summer we're focusing on all things tech. And I had tech issues last Friday, which Just seems to be the irony of delivering that message. That's the way God keeps me hungle humble. But we are talking today about tidying up our tech. Now, many of you have been listening to the series I've been doing this year called the Declutter Diaries with Kathi Lipp. And we've talked about the physical clutter that is in our homes. But today we're going to talk about messes we didn't even know we were making. That's one whole problem, and I encourage you to listen to that. But we are going to take this one grace filled step at a time. So today I'm talking about something that's a little more sneaky. It's not the kind of mess that leaves Legos on the floor, dishes in the sink. But this is the mess that piles up quietly in our minds and our calendars, in our hearts. It's the clutter that we don't see because honestly, it's glowing in our pockets, it's pinging in our hands, it's creeping into every sacred margin of our lives. I am talking about tech clutter. I'm talking about clutter that comes from technology. And we may think, oh, this is so great because we're a paperless society now. We don't have stacks of paper, but it creates a different kind of clutter. We've got endless scrolling, constant notifications, digital distractions. They are slowly eroding the most important parts of our lives. We're talking about being present for our families, having peace in our spirit and having joy in our relationships. And we might laugh together about our collective screen addictions. It's kind of just a running social joke how many tabs we have open in life and in our browsers. And this is no joke. My husband and I had a huge fight over tabs one time because he was using my phone while we were out of the country and I had cell service. He did not. And let me just tell you, I had a lot of tabs. I won't say how many because I don't want to completely humiliate myself, but it was in the dozens. It was less than a hundred. Ish. Okay. But he thought he would be helpful and close my tabs and I lost my mind. And I cringe at that. I think I have got to have a better organization system if I've got that many things to do and I'm not tech savvy enough to put them in a better organization system. Anyway. All I'm saying is it's a problem And I relate and I want to have a deeper convers about how tech is defining who we're becoming as families and who we're becoming as people, a society, as culture. So today it's not just about unplugging, it's about realigning. And we'll talk about why tech tidying is more than just screen limits. It's more than screen time. It is reclaiming our intention and reclaiming our attention and our God given design for real conversation. So your family might be feeling like you're just a little digitally distracted, or maybe you are deep in, you are full fledged tech overwhelm. Either way, you're in the right place. So we might laugh a little, we'll probably cry a little, we'll learn and maybe we'll be just convicted enough to take a step forward. So technology is like glitter after Christmas. Yes, I did just say Christmas in July. I'm really not sorry. But you know when you clean it up and you think it's gone, but it just keeps reappearing, it's on your face, it's in the corner, it's just everywhere. And it seems like you can never get rid of it. That's what it feels like with tech. One second you're checking the weather, very well intentioned. And the next year, two hours into blooper reels or political outrage or Amazon lightning deals for stuff not only did you not know you needed, you didn't even know existed. But here's the deal. Tech is not our enemy. But when it is untamed, it is, robbing us of what matters most. Tech is a thief of time. It takes our focus, it takes our presence, it takes our relationship. And going to really talk about how those notifications distract us and how we really need to clean that up.

Technology has transformed our lives from physical clutter to tech clutter

So what is tech clutter? Let's start with a basic definition. It's not just physical devices. I'm not talking about all the old phones or computers that you have laying around the house, although I know you have those too. And dads, I know you have a big bucket full of cords to tech devices that if you're really honest, you don't know what all of them go to, but somehow you keep it. I, I don't understand it. But that's okay. We all have our struggles. It also the apps, the alerts, the emails, the screen time, the social media, the mental bandwidth it consumes. Ten years ago, research found that the average American touched their phone. How many times per day might you ask? 2,617 times per day. That's how many times the average American touched their phone. Now we see that we actually pick it up and engage more than 200 times a day. Now if you're thinking there's 24 hours in a day, that's at least a twice an hour. But that doesn't even account for sleep time. We are having these as an appendage on our body. They are just growing to our souls. And we know that, that we know about screen time. I've already talked about that. But let's take a look at how society has shift from physical clutter to tech clutter. So when we were growing up, you likely had a junk drawer. You know it's filled with expired coupons and rubber bands and pens that don't work. Well, now we have tech clutter. We have a digital inbox. Maybe you're inbox has 12, 342 emails that are not read. Maybe you have spam, you have expired promotions or things that we bookmark because we might read later and alert. We don't. And just like the junk drawer, we rarely clean it out. But it annoys us that it is there and it carries mental weight. Now we used to have box store runs where you'd go to your favorite store, fill in the blank. Now we've and you buy something you don't need. Now we've got Amazon carts, we have shopping carts online that are filled with stuff. And guess what, when you don't buy it, you get a notification that says hey, you left something really amazing in this cart. Come back, check it out. You need this. You deserve this. That is distracting. We have, we used to have overbooked calendars. Now we have notification overload and those notifications are reminders that we are living too fast. We used to have a wall calendar. Maybe it was packed with sticky notes or overlapping lapping appointments. Now we've got app notific reminders, calendar invites, pings from group chats. Oh, can we just take a moment to all bemoan the group chat? Is there anyone else out there that just feels like I want to leave the group chat but I don't want people to think I'm rude? Do I turn off the notifications? Now I have 147 unread text messages. But we have alerts that break our focus and prevent our rest. And that digital interruption is really the new form of chaos and it steals from us our ability to be fully present. Now we used to have have cable TV and I didn't have cable tv. Till after all my kids were born. We were that family when my kids were young, in the middle of the night, if I happened to turn on the tv, which, by the way, I'd have to get up and go push the buttons. We only had three channels and a news flash back then, which my kids call them, literally the previous century. There were, three shows that showed mash. You remember the show mash that was on all three stations. I didn't really have a lot of choice. And then you get cable TV and you think the choice is unlimited, and you're distracted and it steals your time. Because it didn't take me too long to decide if I was going to watch an episode of Match and which three I would watch. It, takes forever to scroll through hundreds of cable TV shows. Now we have infinite streaming. We have literally hundreds of thousands of streaming options, and they create decision fatigue. We all know that feeling where you sit around as a family and you say, let's watch something. What do you want to watch? I don't know. What do you want to watch? I don't care. Well, let's watch this. No, I don't want to watch that. Well, you said you didn't care. Well, I don't care, but I don't want to watch that. 2 hours ago by and you haven't watched anything except for the choices available to you. I know we've replaced scarcity with overload, but somehow it still hasn't made us more satisfied, and it certainly hasn't made us more connected. We used to have photo albums. Now we have camera roll overload. Ooh, this is a tough one for me. You used to have old, disorganized photos on those sticky brown pages stuffed in a closet somewhere. Now you've got 29,000 photos on your phone. Most of them are screenshots of things that you think maybe you go back to read or buy, but you never do. We are capt capturing everything. We're obsessed with capturing everything. But we are engaging even less. We are watching life pass us by through the notifications on our phone. Now, we used to have maybe you were a person who had coffee table stacks. Now we have digital content hoarding tabs open for articles you'll never finish. I've already confessed to you all in front of God and everyone. You have podcasts queued up. You have saved, reels that you're going to go back and watch, and you have a reading list that is certainly longer than your Bible. Oh, that's a tough thing to say. We're overloaded with information, but we are really underdeveloped and undernourished in wisdom and discernment and encouragement. And we used to have household noise, now we have mental noise. Used to there would be background noise from someone watching a tv, someone watching a radio, families actually talking in the same house. Now we have this constant mental hum because everybody is streaming on their own. They've got headphones and there's this, this eerie sort of silence, but yet we're putting that digital clutter right into our ears. So our houses might be quieter, but our minds are louder than ever. And that's because we have this untidy tech that is all in our heads and it is impacting our families. That constant use of technology, it is fracturing attention, it is weakening our emotional connections in our family.

66% of teens say their parents are distracted by technology during conversations

And as parents, as grandparents, as adults in children's lives, they call us, us out because we are just as distracted, if not more distracted. Kids have grown up with digital technology. It's not as novel to them. We are hooked because we think, I didn't have this before. And parents often are described by children as being too busy, they're looking at a screen just as much as I am. And multitasking parents, parents who are trying to make lunch while they're watching a show. Oh, I know, that's so hard. They're missing subtle cues from their kids and they're reducing empathy and response. We're doing it to our spouses too. And we are hyper connected digitally in this world. But tech clutter doesn't just live on devices. It is thriving in our relationship. These constant pings and scrolls and notifications and digital demands, they have quietly restructured the very rhythms of family life. And often we don't even realize that because what once were sacred shared moments, those dinner conversations, car rides, bedtime prayers, now we're just competing with attention, with demands for our attention. And those demands are really short lived. Like, we're talking. Our attention span is trained to be about 20 to 30 seconds. Now that's not good for relationships. And when our devices are interrupting those face to face interactions, we start to see the cost. Emotionally, eye contact is diminished. We don't laugh as much because we're scrolling in parallel tandem here. And children may feel emotionally invisible because parents are quicker to respond to the notifications on their phone than their child's questions or stories. That's just a, hard truth for us as a society. And over time, this is fostering isolation and resentment. 66% of teens said they feel like their parents are distracted by technology during conversations. So we have got to take a good, hard look at ourselves. When we come back, I'm going to share some insight of how I see technology literally changing the fabric of the American family. This is something we have a lot more to cover. I'll see you on the other side of this break.

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>> Hard Fought Hallelujah by Brandon Lake: There'S times when my hands go up freely the times that it calls there's days when a praise comes out easy Days when it takes all the strength I got I'll bring my heart fought heartfelt been through hell Hallelujah.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is a hard fought hallelujah by Brandon Lake. And.

Technology is taking over our families and disrupting traditional rhythms

And we hear that there are some battles that we are fighting today that are really hard fought. And one of the hardest battles that families are facing today is technology. It is so difficult. everywhere I go, these are the most questions that I get is how do we battle technology? And it is taking over our families. It is literally eroding the fabric of the American family, in my opinion, in my view and what I see. And today we're talking about a habit for healthy families. We've been talking about 52 habits for healthy families. We'll have those by the end of the year. And today we're talking about tidying up your tech and getting rid of the tech clutter. Now, we've been talking a lot about clutter because we tend to accumulate things as human beings. And the American family is no different in accumulating technological clutter. And it is disrupting the daily and weekly rhythms that once gave family stability. We have evening routines now are pushed later because we can't stop binge watching a show. I know I'm gonna say some things that will step on some toes. Know that I'm right there with you. But when we see the weekend that is intended for rest and connection, it's just swallowed up by endless scrolling and bedrotting. And that digital world never sleeps. And when families don't set boundaries, the tech giants are certainly not going to set them for you. Not that absence of those clear start and stop moments in our day, because our days just kind of bleed into our phones and bleed out of our phones. It really does contribute to a, feeling of restlessness. It just means that there's not enough time for spiritual practices, things like prayer, devotions, worship. We always talk about how busy we are, but if we paid attention to how many times tech notifications draw our time and we just get sidelined and distracted by busyness, we would be convicted. We also see this rise in passive coexistence because it is creating a very subtle, but what I see is dangerous shift from being together to simply being near each other. It's this parallel scrolling. It's scrolling in tandem is what I call it. And they. A family may spend hours in the same house, but everybody's in their own room, on their own device, with their own headphones, with their own screen, and you're not having any meaningful interactions. And so it's not loneliness in a traditional sense, but this just kind of passive coexistence.

I think technology is subtly influencing a loss of authority within the family

And one thing that I want to talk about a lot in this segment that I want to focus on now listen closely. I think that this dependency on technology is subtly influencing a role reversal and a loss of authority within the family because parents often feel not very sure of themselves and how to manage technology. We have this interesting gap in time right now where parents who did not grow up with technology are raising kids who were born into it, who were steeped in it, who were digitally fluent. And when children set that tech tone and they feel like they know so much more than the parents, and they do, parents start to feel like they, don't have the authority. That authority is blurred, and with it, the ability to lead your family spiritually and emotionally. And I am concerned about this role reversal and this particular generation where children are the tech experts, children are the influencers, and parents just. I talked to so Many parents who just feel overwhelmed, they feel hesitant. They don't want to look like they're behind the times. They don't want to overreact, they don't want to underreact. But they are concerned, and there is confusion there. Because in the family, parents should provide the guidance. They should set the boundaries. They should introduce tools in appropriate ways. That may be books, that may be toys, that may be routines, that may be the use of technology. But now with this modern shift, we see children who are leading this charge into tech changes and tech adoptions, and they're introducing their parents, hey, this is the platform. This is the trend. This is the meme. This is the app. This is the social media moment of the movie. this is the social media moment of the moment. And parents start to react to that instead of leading because they had no idea this was even going on. And parents start to subtly defer to their kids as experts, and they start to feel like, well, I can't set limits because I don't really know. And here we are. We teach our kids how to tie their shoes, how to ride a bike, how to cross the street. And we are authoritative, are we not? When we teach them, do not cross the street, you look both ways, and now. But we are afraid to take away their phone. I have parents who have literal fear and the damage in the relationship it will cause. I have counseled parents in my office who have gotten into physical altercations with their kids, who've been so upset about technology taken away from them, that is not okay. And the parents feel this kind of, I don't know what I'm doing. And they feel insecure when it comes to just navigating this world that their kids are so confident in. So here are some real relatable ways of how that shows up. Because it doesn't matter what new technology comes. It feels like once we learn about something, it's just gone because it's going so fast. And kids just instinctively know how to navigate these platforms. And I'm still here, you know, figuring out how to use my phone. And my kids are, you know, they'll show me shortcuts all the time. And it's really unsettling because we use parental controls. Well, kids know easily how to bypass those. They can code websites, they edit videos, and they. And we don't fully understand the language that they're using. I mean, they are talking about their DMS and ghost mode and. And, you know, the fyp. And some of you are already like, what in the World, this is the point. How do we lead if we don't even speak the language? And how we need a translator because there's a knowledge gap here that creates a power imbalance because kids can hide things. Kids have always hid things since the beginning of time. But it becomes easier for them to do so. And those parents feel left behind. They feel locked out of their kid's life. They might even feel manipulated or lied to because this is how kids are wired developmentally to behave. When they think they're going to be in trouble, they say whatever they have to say to get out of trouble. Because again, that's how they're wired to think. And we are using technology as an experimenting ground for young children. And that is just not okay. We don't really know what the outcomes of the use of technology will be, but we're just saying, let's just try it out and hope for the best. And that's not okay because kids are learning faster. They adapt to digital world. They absorb it like they're just breathing air. And parents, we are trying to work, we are trying to take care of our kids. We're trying to get food on the table, we're trying to keep a roof over their head, we're trying to get them to school or, or do their school at home or whatever it is. And I feel like I don't have the bandwidth, I don't have the desire to keep up with that. And I feel like we're always behind, so we just kind of give up. And parents worry that they've missed it. Like it's just too late to change things now. Like they already have these. I don't know how to reset those boundaries. And they feel par. Feel hesitant and feel like, well, if I've let it go on this long, how can I now take it back? Here's the thing. Kids today are growing up more confident in online life and life that's not real than in their real in person life. They might be flourishing online. They might know how to get followers, how to get digital engagement. They know how to express themselves in the tech world world. The parents feel like their influence is diminishing. And you think like, why are you so alive and so happy and so joyful and so engaged with people you don't even know and you're completely disconnected from us. Well, that's the alternate reality that tech creates. And it's parcel of that. It's part of that notification culture because they're constantly getting notifications from their social media saying, engage Here, engage here, engage here. There's a tension. And that digital savviness is really, it is an emerging threat to parental wisdom. Because when a child feels like they know more than a parent in any area, they will challenge your authority. And when we're talking about tech, that challenge is just a constant bombardment. And when parents are trying to raise kids with discernment, but we are trying to influence our kids and yet we're fighting all of these influencers online, that is really hard. But here is the truth. Here's some the of help and some hope. While kids might know more about technology than you do, parents are more emotionally, spiritually and developmentally wise. And wisdom is always a better commodity than information. So you may not have the information that they have, but it's easier to get information than it is to develop wisdom. So that can be a, reframing that you can use in your family. Like, thank you for that information. I'd like to share with you some wisdom and discernment. And that is how you have that exchange. Because it's okay to feel overwhelmed, but we just got to engage and recognize that we will never know all of the information that they know. But they are, we are never going to have the same kind of wisdom and discernment that we have at the same pace that we have that it's going to take them a long time to catch up because that's just the process of being mature. So this is important for you to retain some authority in your home. And if you feel like, have I lost authority in my home? Here's some signs that might be true. If you think I am really scared or hesitant to set any sort of limits because I'm afraid it will have conflict, I don't want to rock the boat. If your kids are using emotional manipulation to override your boundaries and telling you everyone else gets to, you're behind the times, you don't understand so and so does and you don't do that and you just don't understand this technology and you don't trust me. That's emotional manipulation. If your their tech use is monitored less than their chores. If you are strict about chores and curfews and homework and you are on it, but tech is kind of a free for all. That might be a sign or a potential risk that you could lose your authority. If your family values are shaped more by algorithms than by intentional teaching. If you are passively consuming content and you're letting the tech companies say, oh, you liked this? Watch this, this and you don't do your due diligence and being intentional about what you're consuming, that's a way that you can easily lose your authority. And if you yourself feel like my use is out of control, I binge watch. I my screen time is too high, it's hard. And I have felt that way. I feel like, how can I, I'm such a hypocrite. How can I tell you to get control of this when I clearly don't? Well, there's grace and, and space for the journey. But it matters because kids thrive on structure. And when the boundaries aren't clear, it makes them feel more anxious, it makes them more likely to act out. And if disrupts our discipleship because kids are going to follow influence online more than their spiritual mentors if we are not intentional about influence and it causes that breakdown in respect. But listen, there is a way to reestablish, to reclaim God given authority as parents in a healthy way that kids need. And kids, kids. First of all, we have to fix ourselves because kids notice they are impacted by our tech use. Kids are very perceptive. And when, while we focus on screen time, they're focusing on our attention. And they can feel really frustrated by our tech use because we are checking work emails after hours. Let me just check one quick thing and then that turns into 30 minutes of task switching because you got distracted by another notification. We, our kids see our constant pings for calendar reminders. They see payment alerts, they see spending reports. That instantly shifts our mental focus. If you see, oh, so your child, maybe you have a teenager just spent this money, at at wherever it is. Well instantly you're going to think where are you? What are you spending? Or this bill is coming in. Those are ways we have to be intentional about scheduling those notifications. There is a really big professional overlap where we see, see that boundaries blur when work follows us home via apps and then we have breaking news. It feels urgent, but it adds unnecessary stress and distraction. And I see kids roll their eyes at pretty much nothing more than parents glued to the news they want to check out. They don't want anything to do with that. They feel like they're less important. And then there's social distractions. We've got group texts. I've already talked about those. But you know, did you see this funny meme Alert, alert. We've got social media notifications, birthday memory alerts. Then we move on and look at our consumer and lifestyle pings. We've got shopping apps, we've got delivery updates. Your package is five stops away. Your package is four stops away. Your package is arriving today. Are you so excited to celebrate this? And again, these are just distracting us. You might have loyalty or reward program alerts like, say, hey, look for this attention, this sale. This is only going to be here for another hour. And that's not even to mention entertainment escapism. Those streaming service suggestions, it'll tell you a new episode just dropped. Or hey, just because you watched this, inviting that constant passive consumption. We have game notifications where your lives have been refilled or you have a new game to play, or you haven't played this game in a while. We have a new whatever. And then we see utility alerts. These feel urgent. They're not. Not. We have phone updates, app requests. We have weather alerts, which of course a lot of us are going to be hyper vigilant to. And then we have behavioral habit distractions, even without notifications. Have you ever felt this where you have a phantom notification where you feel like, was that my phone? Did it ping? Did it buzz? Is that a phone today? Let me check and see if I had a notification or a notification pool. You think, oh, I see a banner. And I think, oh, I'll just check it really quick, quick. Or those stacked distractions. Again, one notification leads to another. Each of those tiny interruptions feels like it's not a big deal. But we're talking about broken conversations, broken eye contact, broken emotional closeness, broken opportunities for bonding and brokenness and modeling healthy tech use for our families. And that the. The. The thief is. Comes to steal and kill and destroy. And a lot of times, I think the most effective way that the enemy can do that through technology is distraction. And even those good alerts, things that are not bad in and of themselves, they rob us of the sacred now that God has put in front of us. Kids, how many times do they say, mom, did you even hear what I say? I'm. You're not really listening to me. Those are so important. You're always working. You're on your phone, but I can't be, or you're distracted. Put the phone down. Watch me. Look at me. They say this all the time. You're always telling me to disconnect, but you never do. You're always multitasking. My kids tell me this all the time. Hang up and hang out, Mom. Hang up and hang out. And kids notice that when we come back, I'll tell you what kids actually want from you as their parents, even if they don't say it. And we'll talk about some of the faith impacts of, realigning your priorities. Don't go away. We'll be right back. And my father, your great grandfather, fought in World War II. Really? He was a gunner on the big ship out in the Pacific Ocean. Wow. Your great grandmother did her part, too. Was she on a ship? Oh, no. She stayed back home. She and a lot of her friends worked really hard in a factory because the men had gone off to war, and they held scrap metal drives to help in the war effort. The folks back home were heroes, too.

>> Jeff Chamblee: Here at the American Family association, we consider you the heroes back home as you fulfill your responsibility of caring for your family day to day. Your partnership with us is crucial as we fight the enemies of freedom in America. Thank you for your commitment to the American Family Association. Grandpa, what's a scrap metal drive? Let's get some cookies, and I'll tell you all about it.

>> Up + Up by Colton Dixon: Even though I walk through the valley Sometimes it feels like a crawl through the valley, But I got a promise that I hold on, tight, too? I can't lose when I'm right beside you? Yeah? God, know the plans you have for me? When my cup is overflowing? So while I'm in the in between? I' ma live my life knowing if I get down? You pick me up from the ground? You give me love that don't give out, give in no condition You lift me up and up again? Now, No matter who surrounds I'll let my hallelujah get loud

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Like a welcome back, friends. That is up + up by Colton Dixon. And that's where we're going today. We're going up and up.

Today, we're talking about 52 habits for healthy families

We can feel just pulled down by the distractions of the world. And even on this fry, yay. As my kids like to say, we can feel the weight of the world. Today, we're talking about 52 habits for healthy families. And I'm talking about tidying up your tech, really getting control of those notifications and looking around your home and in your life on your devices and seeing what can you clean up so that you are, not distracted. What is that tech clutter that you can get out of your life. And I'm answering questions that I get from families about how do we do that? This. And as I was talking in the last segment, I really was calling us out as older generations about the hypocrisy that we have. And kids notice that. Kids notice when we say phones are so bad. We preach on the evils of social media. But we are excessively scrolling ourselves and somehow sanctimonious and feel like ours isn't as dumb as theirs. That's really how we make it feel. I had a patient once say, I wish I was my mom's phone, phone. And I said, why is that? And they said, this child said to me, well, she never forgets it. She spends more time with it. She's always looking at it. It's really important in her life. She carries around with her everywhere she goes. I wish I was my mom's phone. Oh, that just heartbreaking still. But kids notice it when we say, you have to have screen time, turn off your phone at night. But we're sitting there in our bed on our side, binge watching shows, scrolling endlessly, seeing our face illuminated by that little blue light. We warn them about the digital danger and how there's predators out there. But we are addicted to notifications. We are addicted to news alerts. And we tell them, be in the moment. But we are living distracted and watching life go by through that little square. And this makes us lose our credibility. And kids are tuning out the message. Even if the message is right, even if what we're saying is true, we have to walk the talk. And what kids actually want from you is your undivided attention. Even when you think there's no way my kid wants to be on their phone, even 10 minutes can really feel like, feel a kid's emotional tank. They want our undivided attention and sometimes they just don't trust that it's going to be there. So it takes them a while to regulate to be present with us again. Kids also want our consistency. They want parents who model what they preach, who practice what they preach. That builds trust. And they want honest conversations. They want us to say, you know what, I'm struggling with this too. That invites connection, not disrespect or rebellion. And they want us to be present more than they want us to be perfect. There's no such thing as a perfect parent. But they need us to be there. And Jesus really modeled this for us, this life of undivided attention. I love verses of Scripture where it says he turned, he looked them in the eyes, he paused for interrupt interruptions. He never rushed through a relationship. And our families are not interruptions. And we treat them like interruptions. They're invitations to connect. So when our family is looking for our attention, we disrespect that. But the notifications that we get from tech, oh, we give that all the respect in the world. This is important. This sale is only going to last for 30 more minutes. I need to decide if I'm going to buy this in my cart can wait. And that is. That is a harsh thing. But that is what is happening in society. We have got to reframe authority in the family as love and not control. Because biblical authority, it's not about domineering. It's not about demanding respect. It's about protecting our kids. It's about discipling them, it's about guiding them. And we reflect the shepherding role that God shows us in Scripture. And it can be hard because there are things that are too heavy for our kids to carry. And I wanted to share a book with you recently. several of us in our family have been reading through the Hiding Place. Corrie Ten Boom's book. Highly recommend that, as a family, of course, read ahead for parents with younger children because it's a very tough subject. Talking about Corrie Ten Boom, who was in a concentration camp during World War II. And she relayed this story when she was a young girl about her father. She was on a train, and she asked her father about something that she shouldn't know about. She just asked. We've all been there as parents when our kids ask something, and we think, oh, how do we know this? And this is what she wrote, she said. He turned to look at me as he always did when answering a question. Did you get that? He turned to look at me as he always did when answering a question. Now, this is happening a hundred years ago. So much wisdom for us here. But to, my surprise, he said nothing. At last he stood, stood up, lifted his traveling case off the floor and set it on the floor. Will you carry it off the train, Corrie He. He said. I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. It's too heavy, I said. Yes, he said. And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. In the same way, Corrie with knowledge, some. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger, you can bear it. For now, you must trust me to carry it for you. Oh, I get goosebumps. This is the way that we have to acknowledge the realities of what our kids are facing, but also protect and safeguard their innocence. And we do that by authority that is rooted in love. It is one of the best legacies that you can give your child. And just saying, you're not alone. Alone. I'm going to Carry what you shouldn't have to carry. And we can rebuild our confidence by learning, by seeking information and getting support. We can learn basic tech knowledge, not to compete with our kids, but just to be able to speak confidently with them. We can ask others about how they've navigated these topics that are so hard. And we can reestablish not just our, family tech parameters for how we will use tech, but why we are using tech. What is our, what are our values around, around that? So sit, sit down and ask what kind of family do we want to be when we're engaging in technology use? And we can say people first, screen second. That can just be a mantra that you have in your house. People first. People are always first in this house. People are more important than screens in this house. And we have to model those boundaries we set. If we're asking our kids to unplug, we've got to do it too. And we've got to lead this way. And it's got to be visible, not verbal. We can, we can't just say it. We have to do it and invite our kids to hold us accountable. And we just, how do we do this though, when they still know so much more than we do? Well, we just be authentic about that. We have relational leadership. We anchor our authority in our spiritual values, not in how much information we possess. Technically, that's the value of the commodity they're seeing. We've got to flip the paradigm and seeing that wisdom is more valuable than information nation. And we will define for them what our authority is. It's not about knowing everything, because even the trusted guide for anything doesn't know everything. We don't have to be an expert to lead our families, but we do have to have clear values. We do have to have courage in setting boundaries. We do have to be consistent in modeling integrity. And so we may say, you know what, you're right. You may have more information than I do on the, the latest tech trends, but I am setting the tone for the kind of family culture we have. And it's my job to protect and to guide the family culture that we want to have. And so that is important. We lead with humility and openness. If we have honest, age appropriate admission of our tech gaps, that builds trust. It doesn't make us look weaker, especially with our teens and preteens. And we can say, you know, know what, you're right, this is moving so fast, it's really hard to keep up. And I didn't grow up with this. And I'm still learning, but I am really committed to be a learner, to be a lifelong learner. So tell me what you know, and I'll take that information. And together, partnered with my wisdom and discernment, we can help make the best decisions for you and for our family. And you can say, I'm asking you to help me understand the technology you're using, not because I want to spy on you or check up on you, but I am committed to growing with you, to guiding you, to making sure that you are safe, and for looking out for threats that could happen that you. You don't know about. And I want us to use technology with wisdom. And so that vulnerability, it shows that, hey, I respect the information that you have, and I am willing to learn, and I'm not afraid to lead, even if I don't have all of the information, because I know know the one who does have all of the information. I often tell my kids, now, this is just me. This is not, for coming from any professional research, but I will tell my kids, hey, you want to fight me on this, that's fine. I'm older than you. I'm stronger than you. I'm wiser than you. I have more resources than you. I've lived more life than you. And frankly, I've got more skin in this game. I am more committed to our relationship than you are at this point in your life. So if you want to find, fight me, that's okay. I'm strong enough. I can take that. And we'll. We'll wait this out. And we anchor our authority in that spiritual wisdom that we have. And Proverbs 4.

Setting digital boundaries is really important for parents and kids

7 says, the beginning of wisdom is this. Though it cost all you have, get understanding, it talks about, we really. We need to give our wisdom. We need to share wisdom with our kids and use curiosity. Curiosity is a really helpful tool to ask questions, you know, to ask, like, what is the biggest struggle that you have for you in tech notifications? And what are you. What are you. What are you trying to do better? You can learn together. And we hold that line with love and logic because our kids need us to explain things over and over again. Just like, let's be real. We need to explain to us over and over and over again how. How do I use that app? How do I open this? How do I use this thing on my computer? And if we listen and we learn and we invite them to share their information, then we can lead with courage and clarity and empathy for what it's like to live in this world. And we need to make sure that we are, are putting our tidying up our tech so that it's not just such a distraction to us that is really important to do. Let me give you some practical strategies here. Maybe you have a tech basket rule. Like those devices just go into a basket, a tray at dinner. We have the tech free time or tech free zone. Maybe you have a Sunday digital sabbath. Just choose one week that you just turn off your phone completely and you're reconnecting with people, you're reconnecting with nature, you're reconnecting with your family. Faith. And it's important to audit and to edit. Look at your phone apps on a monthly basis honestly and think, is this app serving me? Is it helping me serve my family? Is it helpful or is it harmful? Because it's just a distraction. I see in this younger generation of kids they will are very quick to take social media apps off their phone. They're like I need a hiatus and I don't have that on my phone. I've spent a lot of time this summer with college age kids and high school kids kids and it is surprising to me because one was, I heard one conversation where one was saying hey have you heard this about so and so and and somebody said no I haven't. They said oh well you have to put your social media app back on your phone to get that. And she said oh, I'm not willing to go there. I will take your second hand account because that is too much of a temptation for me. I don't like the way that I feel when I scroll and I'm going to hold that boundary. I was shook. Here is a 20 year old having healthier digital boundary setting than I am. That's really, that's, that's really convicting. We also want to have no scroll zones. Things that we're not going to have parallel scrolling, we're not going to scroll in tandem. There might be designated time. Hey, I'm going to have 20 minutes where it's just scrolling time and I can just look at whatever I want to look at. But setting those boundaries is really important. And looking at your notifications, just how many can you silence so that you're not distracted. And if you don't know how to reset those boundaries and reset those notifications on your phone, you think hey I, I downloaded this app, I have no idea how to stop the notifications from coming. Well guess who can help you? Your children, your grandchildren. They would be more than happy to help you with that. But the whole thing here is the whole point is prioritizing your relationship, making sure that you're treating those relational cues as urgently and as importantly as you're teaching those tech cues and have those, faith focused priorities be intentional about what you said. So just remember that kids are mirroring our behavior. If we want less distracted kids, we need to be a, less distracted adults and share your tech notifications openly normalize that struggle. Some celebrate small wins. Look back through one day and think, what if these notifications did I not need to have? And where do I not need to be a victim of the algorithm telling me what I need? And maybe your family can start a tech tidy challenge. Maybe within your family or another family can join you and share those ideas and successes and struggles for how you can clear up some of that digital clutter. Because here's the truth. Technology is a wonderful helper. It really can make our lives a lot easier in a lot of ways. And I hear all of the moms who are doing the online grocery shopping say, yes, yes, please. Let me just pull up, open my car and have my groceries put in there. No more toddler tantrums. But it is a terrible taskmaster. And when it takes the front seat, relationships are really shoved up in the trunk. But here's the good news. You're not stuck. You. It is not impossible. You can choose a different way. You can say yes to those relationship engagements, those long walks with your family, bedtime stories, prayer time Saturday mornings where the only scrolling you're having is a cinnamon roll scrolling. I'll have that any day, all day. And Hebrews reminds us that discipline is hard, but it brings a harvest of peace. So let's be people who choose peace. Let's be people and families who protect what matters most. And as you tidy up your tech, I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you and give you peace. I'll, see you here Monday.

>> Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.