Transcript

Dr. Jessica Peck prescribes Hope for healthy families on American Family Radio

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse. Mama show prescribing Hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: And mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck. Well, hey there friends and welcome to my favorite time of the afternoon on my favorite day of the week. It is fry. Yay. As my kids say Happy Friday to everybody no matter what you're doing on the weekend. It is summertime. We are rolling into the second half of the year and that means. I know, I know, I'm going to say it. We are getting closer to Christmas. Okay, that's it, that's it. Just that I'm so excited about that.

Every week we introduce a new healthy habit for healthy families

But I'm more excited to talk to you today about this week's healthy habit. If you've been listening along, we, you know that every week we introduce a new healthy habit for healthy families. We will have 52 of these by the time the year is over. And if you've missed any of them, just go back to the ask. Do the Doctor Nurse Mama coaching minutes and you can catch up. Just one minute. Little challenges to help your family get and stay on the right track. These are evidence based, science, informed faith, informed habits that will really revolutionize the way that your family relationships are going. And it is about the faithfulness over time. We started at the beginning of the year back in January, which seems like a million years ago, about some basic spirit spiritual disciplines. Then we talked about some schedule rhythms all throughout the early part of the spring we moved into some communication techniques and then we have started to talk about some tech based habits. This summer we're going to be spending a lot of time talking about tech because tech rules our lives. Last week we talked about reading and film and this week we are talking about being in pictures. Now this is something I talk about a lot but I really can't talk about enough. And just recently I had two graduations that my of my kids and I was at numerous other graduations and graduation events and I noticed this trend. I see parents, other family members who are so reluctant to get in the picture. How many times have you seen that little hand gesture like come on, come on, come get in the picture. And the person's shaking their head, no, no, it's ok. And then when they finally get in the picture, they're hiding in the back, you can barely see their head. They don't want to be in the picture. Today we're going to talk about the value of being in the picture. And I've shared this before, but it was so deeply convicting to me one time when my daughter took a photo of me and she handed my phone back and said, you won't like it. And to know that she knew what I would like and not like and how I was presented in picture, she had carefully memorized the image that I wanted to present. We're all guilty of that. So today let's talk about about the power of pictures. Not just the posed ones, not just the perfect ones, but the messy, meaningful, real life kind. And today we'll explore why being in photos matters for our families, how our relationship with the camera has changed and how to reclaim photos as a tool for legacy, faith and connection. And we'll talk about some of the dangers that can be there when for kids in the world of digital media and why we need to be engaged.

About 92% of all photos are taken on smartphones, only 7% with digital cameras

And so let's talk about how we can live and photograph the kind of strength and dignity that comes from Proverbs 31:25, especially for all of the women out there. It says she is clothed with strength and dignity. She can laugh at the days to come. And I know this is something I want my family to see reflected in pictures. Now, when we look at the history of, photography, it's so interesting because there was a time when getting a photo meant dressing up, standing very still. Now, you may have seen old photos and seen how dower they looked, how serious they were, and you think, man, were they just that unhappy at the time. But you may not have known it took eight minutes for the shutter to click and for that photo to take eight minutes, sometimes even longer than that. And you can't hold a smile for that long. You know, your face starts to twitch. It was much easier to hold a more relaxed expression. And so although they looked unhappy, it was really a status symbol. And family portraits were treasured and printed and framed and passed down through generations. They were seen as a luxury. And did you know that the first photo of a person was actually taken by accident in 1838? This is according to what I read. It was a man getting his boot shined and he was still long enough to appear in a long exposure street photo. And in the 1800s, photos were so rare and expensive that families would say for months or even years to be able to, to afford one single portrait. And now we have in the year 2022, that's the stat. I could find 1.72 trillion trillion photos taken per year. There are an estimated 95 million photos uploaded to Instagram every single day. And Gen z takes about 20 to 30 selfies before choosing one to post one in 30, that is mind blowing. So photos have transitioned from sacred keepsakes to really disposable content. People see photos as disposable now. And where it used to be rare, costly, deliberate, you wear your best clothes, you stand still, you smile formally and it was tangible. They were printed, they were sacred. Now it's just a form of communication. There are over 1.8 billion, that's with a B images uploaded to the Internet every single day. That is there were 1.81 trillion photos taken worldwide in 2023. That's about 229 photos per person on earth per year. And it's estimated by 2030 we'll be at 3 trillion photos every single year. And phones are really the new cameras. Do you remember the days where you'd have to actually bring a real physical camera? It's interesting because we see Gen Z start to embrace that. One of my favorite things is when Gen Z comes up to, older generations such as myself and they show you something like it's new. Did you know that you could have a, camera that's just a camera? Yes, I did know that. But in. But about 92% of all photos are taken on smartphones, only about 7% with a digital camera. Now the average Gen z takes about nine selfies a day. By age 21, someone in Gen Z, the average kid will have taken 25,000 selfies. And we see a kind of push against this curated image because we see images, we see images proliferating on platforms like Bereal. That is a social media platform that grew by over 300% from 2022 to 2023. And what happens is you just take a picture at the time. It gives you a prompt. You take one with your front camera, your back camera so people can see what you' what you're looking at. And it tells the number of times you took the photo, how long it took you to upload your photo after getting the prompt. And it's meant to be an uncurated, real look into life. We also see filters fading slowly. And who is holding onto the filters? Well, that is the middle aged moms. I know that's so, that's so harsh. But that's me too. But in a 2023 survey, 64% of teens said they prefer unfiltered or maybe lightly edited photos. This is like removing someone from the background and they see them as more trustworthy and real. We also have a digital clutter crisis. The average person has about 6,000 photos on their phone, most of which are never looked at again. And I have way, way more than that. It's, it's Sad but only 1 in 100 photos taken ever gets printed. So we see this, a really big shift. But here's something interesting that I found. Studies show that printed photos in the home, if you have printed photos of your family, that is linked to higher self esteem in children, especially when family portraits are visible. And one study found that kids who see themselves in family photos, they feel a sense of stronger belonging and identity that is really powerful and they want to see the whole family in the picture. They don't want to see just the kids, they want to see mom and dad. That is something that is really interesting to think about. Photos today are really less about preservation and more about performance, about image crafting. Photography is now morphed into self branding and real time story time. That is the camera is not just a memory keeper anymore. It functions as a mirror of what's going on in your life. A microscope and a megaphone. Now, Gen Z in particular has a complicated relationship with pictures. They are searching for authenticity because they have grown up in a world where everything is curated, curated perfection. And in response, we see many of them now rejecting those polished filtered image. And they say this is a quote from a Gen Z teen. We are over being fake if you edit your face. Newsflash, we know if you just post the highlight reel news flash, we can't relate. And the irony of this authenticity is that Gen Z is seeking relatable content. But even authenticity is commodified. It's marketed, it's sold. Unfiltered, still means staged. It means okay, there's messy buns or no makeup selfies, but they are taken with a ring light still. So there's still this pressure of curation.

72% of teens report feeling anxious about how they look in photos

We also have camera anxiety. And I really lament. I do. I. That is a dramatic word and I'm going to be dramatic and say I lament. For kids this, this day and age who grow up in the constant digital surveillance world, the constant presence of cameras makes many kids hyper aware of their appearance, hyper anxious about what they're doing, what they might be caught doing or saying on camera. I'm talking about really bad stuff. I'm just talking about foolishness or unguarded moments. And that is a problem. We see body dysmorphia and self comparison rampant, especially among girls. And we know that the mental health impacts, especially on teen girls who use social media is really bad. 72% of teens report feeling anxious about how they look in photos. One in three teen girls say that social media makes them feel worse about their body. And here, here's a startling statistic. Over 50%, over half of Gen Z says, you know what? I wish social media didn't exist. But at the same time, they also say it's essential for social life and they can't live without it. So they're living in this constant state of tension, this love, hate relationship with it, and it is impacting identity and image. Because Gen Z is the first generation whose entire lives have been photographed, often by their parents before they even had a say in what was posted about them. They are growing up in a world where their images exist forever online. Many of us can recall maybe bringing home a date that was getting in a relationship that was getting serious, and, you know, mom's going to bring out the dreaded photo album with the little plastic pages and the sticky, yellow, sticky stuff on there, and they're going to show you embarrassing pictures of their childhood. Now this lives online on social media, facial recognition databases. And some kids are now resisting being photographed at all. And they fear that digital permanence and others are working from a very early age to craft an image. A main character aesthetic is what they're talking about, main character energy as a form of self protection and expression. So let me give you parents out there a little bit of conviction. This is, is right, I'm, right there along with you because we see the rise of a trend called sharing. Now. This is parents sharing photos and stories of their children online. They're sharing their parenting journey online. And it's become a powerful and often overlooked force in shaping a child's digital identity. And as parents, we serve as the first curators of our children's online presence, often long before they even have a say about it. Every caption, every photo, every tag, it all contributes to the story that we are telling the world about who our children are. In essence, we are the authors of their story. Our social media feed becomes the mirror through which our children may one day see themselves. This is a sacred responsibility that we often don't give a second thought to. We want to tell a story that reflects not just milestones, not just smiles, not just challenges, not just accomplishments, but we can tell a story that reflects the truth of their identity as image bearers of God. And instead of crafting an image that's rooted in perfection or performance, we can share their lives through a, lens of grace and wonder and dignity and divine purpose, we can tell a good, good story. The one that God is writing in them already, the one that he will be faithful to. Complete sharing really carries more weight than many parents realize. Because one day our kids are going to scroll through our digital trail and see themselves through our eyes. And will they only see their accomplishments, their awards and their well styled school photos? Or will they see posts that celebrate who they are becoming, not just who they have been. Their kindness, their courage, their silliness, their resilience. The ways that God created them. More about being in pictures on Ask doctor nursemama Friday when we come back.

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>> Dr. Jessica Peck: When a woman experiences an unplanned pregnancy, she often feels alone and afraid. So many times her first response is to seek out an abortion. But because of the generosity of listeners like you, that search may lead her to a PreBorn Network clinic. PreBorn offers God's love and compassion to hurting women and then provides a free ultrasound to introduce them to the life growing inside them. This combination brings the ultimate miracle of life to life and doubles a baby's chance at life. Which is why preborn saw over 67,000 babies rescued last year alone. Meet Maddie Maddie was in a tough situation as she wasn't sure who the father was. But after receiving counseling, prayer and a free ultrasound at a PreBorn Network clinic, everything changed. Maddie discovered she had twins and found the strength she needed to choose life. Your tax- deductible donation of $28 sponsors one ultrasound how many babies can you save? Please donate your best gift today. Just dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby. That's pound 250 baby. Or go to preborn.com/AFR, that's preborn.com/AFR. afr. For the Good by Riley Clemmons  Who can bend my burdens and make them beautiful? Who can bring the healing to the hurt I hold? Who else could part the waters when I'm needing a way Though I'm walking through the valley I believe when you say, I believe when you say for the good, for the good, you worked all things together for the good, for the good your promise stands forever. You alone are my greatest hope.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: M welcome back friends. That is For the Good by Riley Clemmons and my top 10 I don't care if my top 10 list has a thousand songs. Music is such a powerful way to impact our mood, and that is one of the healthy habits we talked about way back in January. I hope you're catching up with us on that journey and that you're walking alongside us. It is in those faithful, everyday disciplines that God blesses our efforts and helps to make our families healthy. Not perfect, but healthy.

Sharenting is the practice of sharing your parenting journey online

In today's healthy habit we're talking about, and I'm answering questions about being in pictures and the impact that has on your family. Before the break, we were talking about a trend called sharenting, sharing your parenting journey online. And I was sharing with you the conviction that I have had about the weight of carrying their digital story, carrying their eternal digital footprint, but more than that, crafting their image through the eyes of God. I think this is so really convicting. And we can have well intentioned missteps as parents when we post for laughs at our kids expense. I saw this in the egg crack challenge or other challenges that scare our kids or make them upset for a little laugh and sharing moments that are appropriate moments but just are to be shared or we overshare struggles without their understanding or even their consent. I make it a point. My kids are all older teenagers now, young adults. I always ask their permission before I post anything about them because I want them to have some say in their story. And I always think, am I just posting what I want people to see or am I posting about their character, not just their accomplishments? As parents, we have the sacred opportunity to be the narrators of our children's earliest story and to craft their image in the reflection of God. So let's be intentional about crafting that image that reflects their worth as children, created in the image of God. This is a story that is not rooted in performance or perfection. And if we're really honest, sometimes those are the photos we're most likely to share. But it's really in the quiet beauty of their character, their journey, and the fingerprints of grace all over their lives. I love it when I see on social media parent affirming their kid, their character that they had, overcoming a, challenge that they had. That's a wonderful thing to see. And when we see this generation of parents who are taking over that image crafting, we see Gen Z pushing back and saying, hey, that is well intentioned, but maybe we didn't think this through. And we see some of that cultural resilience. We see Gen Z calling out celebrities for body editing, for plastic surgery, and they view it as deceptive and harmful. We also see Gen Z calling out inauthentic influencers, calling out when something is claimed to be uncurated, but it clearly is. They want to see people eat real food and cry real tears and show real struggle. They're not afraid to post the bloopers, but paradoxically, they're still also so deeply insecure. All of this comes back to the lens of our faith. We are made in the image of God, not in any image that we could ever craft on our social media feed. Nothing we ever create with our own human mind and our own human creativity is ever going to match the image that God has created for us and for our families. Photos should reflect Imago dei made in the image of God, not a mago algorithm. Okay, we are not made in the image of the algorithm Rhythm and Gen Z desperately needs adults to model a healthy theology of embodiment, a healthy view of our bodies, that our bodies, our smiles, our wrinkles, they are not mistakes, they are not something to be scorned. These are sacred stories that we hold. So things that you can say especially to a teen and even younger and younger as we see Gen Alpha emerging on social media platforms to say, hey, don't trade your joy, don't trade your contentment just for cheap likes, don't do that. You are not your photos. You are a whole person. You are deeply loved by God. You don't need to be a, filter to be beautiful. You're beautiful just the way you are. And in a world that relentlessly glorifies youth and perfection, embracing aging as a parent is hard and it can feel really countercultural. But it is also deeply powerful and profoundly freeing in the way that God designed us and the state step is to reframe aging not as a loss, a loss of youth, a loss of beauty, a loss of contentment, but it's gain. It's a gain of wisdom, a gain of perspective, a gain of compassion and that hard earned beauty that comes from walking through life's valleys and victories. Parents, grandparents, we can model healthy aging by practicing gratitude for what our bodies still do, rather than mourning what they used to do, what they used to look like. And so our kids, seeing us embracing those gray hairs, embracing those laugh lines as markers of a, life well lived. Those wrinkles on our face, around our eyes tell the story of our smiles. We have to resist the temptation to self deprecate about what I used to be. This sends a powerful message to our kids, especially our kids who look just like us. When we talk about how much we hate the way we look, our kids think, well, great, because I, I look just like you. And when we speak kindly about ourselves, we teach our kids to speak kindly about themselves. And instead of chasing impossible standards, we chase presence, we chase purpose, we chase peace. Aging gracefully means choosing authenticity over illusion, character over image, joy over comparison. Now this doesn't mean that you just let yourself go. I am not knocking any efforts out there to present yourself in the best way possible. But we have to think about how is that dictating our lives and the narratives we're telling about ourselves. And so we see again this rise of real and what the kids that are really wanting photography as, as an expression of themselves. Now here's the interesting thing. When we think about photography, and I say we as older generations, Gen X, millennials even, and boomers, we think of it as a keepsake. Gen Z actually sees photography more as activism, more as identity, expression. That photography is no longer about capturing moments, it's about movements. So hashtag movements where they show a photo of themselves in solidarity with a certain movement, maybe that's a certain color, maybe that's a flag, all of these things. And that photo sharing is increasingly tied to causes and to visibility into community. This can be good and this can be dangerous. At the same time, we also see the rise of something called ephemeral images. Have you ever heard this term before? Ephemeral? It means that it is disappears, it is short lived, it is meant to die quickly, whereas we kept photos forever. They regularly delete photos and in fact social media apps are designed for those photos to disappear. And I think there is a comfort in that content that doesn't live forever, or so they think. There's just less pressure, more spontaneity. And it just is mirroring that desire kids have for authenticity. But it reveals that tension between memory making and then now we have all this digital clutter. We also see kids having photo fatigue and they are increasingly aware of surveillance culture, of being videoed wherever they go, in school, in a store, walking down the street. And it's just the exhaustion of always feeling like they're on camera. And there is a quiet sort of rebellion that I hear that says not everything needs to be posted, don't post everything. So we see private photo dumps, we see locked albums, we see close friends stories, we see ghost or spam accounts as a way that kids are trying to reclaim those boundaries. And of photos that have gone really amok. We also see the influence of AI, artificial intelligence, edited photos and hyper reality. That line between reality and digitally constructed images is really blurring. We see apps that use AI to create idealized versions of people. Here's the important thing here that don't actually exist. And have you ever met somebody you know, you've seen online and then you look at them in person and you think you don't look like that at all all. And it distorts not only beauty standards, but it distorts memories. How we remember those events m might be filtered through the lens of AI. We also see mental health impacts. That constant exposure to carefully curated images, it det. It is detrimental to mental health. Studies link high levels of photo engagement. Those who use more selfies, more filters, they're more likely to be angry, anxious, they're more likely to be depressed, they're more likely to have lower self esteem. And that pressure to look happy or perfect in photos is real and it is exhausting. So despite everything digital, one of the encouraging trends is we see there's a growing hunger for tangibility in photos. Kids now want photo albums, they want scrapbooks, they want Polaroids, they want prints. And we see Gen Z really embracing what is painfully to me called vintage aesthetics. We're talking about taking a picture with a film camera. Yes, that's now vintage. Or photo booths. They love photo booths with that printed photo. They see that as more authentic than digital photos that are more disposable. But here's the thing. We really can use photos as a spiritual practice. It is a form. It can be used as a form of worship, a spiritual attentiveness. Are you capturing not just those moments that are accomplishments, but are you capturing those moments of the God stories in your life? The growth, the joy, the faithfulness? Turn that image into a sacred marker that is definitely biblical to create a milestone marker like that. And here's the thing. When we are absent from pictures, when we are not in our family pictures, it says a lot to our kids. It says that we're insecure about ourselves. We say like, I'll be in the picture when I lose ten pounds. What does that say to the little girl who looks just like us? And when we hide, they hear, my body is not good enough to be presented or remembered in a picture. And that is just a lie. Because the spiritual truth of this is that we're made in God's image and our child is made in our image, in God's image. Let them see beauty in both of them. And it's so common, like I said, it is so common for for parents, for people, for family members to just hide in those photos, get behind the camera, you crop yourself out, you cover up your face, you use a filter. And again, what message is that sending to our children? And we may hide because we just don't like the way we look. We feel the pressure to put, look put together. We may carry around past messages that we have internalized or we fear being judged in a digital world. But kids don't see our flaws. They don't see crow's feet. They don't see. They don't look at the picture and think oh well your arm's too big there or you know any you're, you're got real big crow's feet. They see us present in the tapestry of their story. They and children want to see themselves with us. Not just pictures of themselves. They want to see, see us in their lives. I know when my sweet, precious, amazing granny passed away that was one of the first thing I did was go back and look for photos. Not just photos of her. I wanted photos of me and her together. I wanted to remember those moments. I wanted to remember those stories. One of the things I love about my granny is that she embraced being a granny. She never tried to pretend being anything that she wasn't. And she always looked at me in the photo photos to, to my irritation I would say look at the camera. And she'd say I don't want to look at the camera, I just want to look at you. And now I have all of these amazing photos where she is just staring at me with love in her eyes. And I remember she loved me. She loved me too much to take a moment to waste to look at the camera. That's a powerful, powerful story. The long term impact of how we act in photos shapes our kids self image and their future confidence in their body. It influences how they handle imperfection and visibility. And we are either modeling self acceptance or self criticism. There is no in between. So I am challenging you to a better way to step into the frame. If you have messy hair, if you have tired eyes, if you have extra pounds, whatever it is, value presence over polish. Value presence over perfection. Be in that photo so they will know that they mattered enough for you to be there with them in that moment. Being seen in that way is an act of courage. It's an act of love. And you're not capturing perfection, you are capturing connection. Being real is so much better than being perfect. And make a habit of telling the God story behind the image. This was the day we almost missed the flight. But God worked it out. I love love the phrase but God. This smile came after a long season of tears. And this was the first smile I had had in a long time. My first glimmer of hope, my first reminder that God was good and he was going to take care of that. And when someone dies, just like I told you for My granny. We dig through those boxes of photos but too often they're thrown away because nobody knows who are these people? People? What happened here? What's the story? Don't let that happen. Tell the stories now. Make it a tradition to revisit photos together on birthdays or holidays that can be really, really beautiful. So be in the picture. Think about those moments that tell the character stories, not just the accomplishments, not just the perfect moments. And we'll be talking more about this, ah throughout our tech summer habits that we're talking about. When we come back, I'm going to talk about something that's a little difficult, that is a little sensitive for more sensitive ears. I'm going to talk about some dangers that kids can get into, especially teens today for misused, explicit images. We're going to talk about sexting. So when we come back, I'll share some wisdom for you, you about that, about photos. Don't go away on this Ask Doctor, Nurse, Mama Friday where we're talking about being in pictures. 52 habits for healthy families. We would love to have you join us. I'll see you after the break.

The month of June has been hijacked by the anti Christian culture

The month of June has been hijacked by the anti Christian culture to show their pride in something God calls an abomination. When you support afr, you help us continue to stand for godly values and provide the resources for you to stay in the know about the enemy's tactics. To say thank you for your gift this month we'll give you the booklet inside the LGBTQ push of the 1990s to help strengthen your convictions. Just go to afr.net/offers afr.net/offers

>> Lose My Soul by TobyMac, ft. Kirk Franklin and Mandisa: Father God I am clay in your hands Help me to stay that way through all life's demands cause they chip and they nag and they pull at me and every little thing I make up my mind to be like I'ma be a daddy who's in the mix and I'ma be a husband who stays legit and I pray that I'm an artist who rises above the road that is wide and filled with self love Everything that I see draws me though it's only in you that I can truly see that it's a feast for of eyes a low blow to purpose and I'm a little kid at a three ring circus I don't wanna gain

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is Lose My Soul by TobyMac featuring Kirk Franklin. And such a good reminder for us and we don't want to gain the whole world and lose our soul. And the temptations the challenges surrounding families today are very, very real.

Be in the pictures with your family this summer. That is this week's healthy habit

Here today on Ask doctor Nursemama Friday, I'm answering a lot of questions that I have about the impacts of being in pictures. That is this week's healthy habit that I'm encouraging you to do all of this summer to be in the pictures with your family. Don't hide, don't say no, don't edit them, don't fret about them afterwards. Don't, don't speak words of negativity over yourself. Speak the words of the image that God has crafted for you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, flaws and all. And in this world of curated perfection, our kids need us even more than ever to show just our real selves, how we are. Life is messy, we are messy, our memories are messy. But kids want to see the those God stories in your photos. Not just a timeline of all of the wonderful things that they have done which are important to think about. Those accomplishments that they work hard for, the academic accomplishments, the sports accomplishments, the band or music accomplishments, whatever it is that they have done, those are things that are worthy of celebrating. But are you celebrating the accomplishment more than the character it took to get there? The next time you publish, suppose something about your kids accomplishments, say something about their character. Talk about the persistence they had, the diligence they had, the never give up spirit, the, the patience that they had. What was that character trait you admired in them? Start making that a habit when and if you post something about your children. Because as they go back and look through your social media feed, which they absolutely will do, because kids, kids are designed to be egocentric. The whole world revolves around them. And you may think they don't care what I say about them. They actually really do. They are listening with their minds like a police scanner and they read what you write about them, write about what you affirm in their character, not just in their accomplishments, that can be a really powerful way to transform your pictures. And taking pictures of those God stories, those God moments when, when God provided not pictures that you would normally think of taking a curated photo, but maybe that is a photo of a place that you went. Maybe that is a photo of a tangible reminder of God's love. Maybe that's a photo of your Bible open to a specific verse where God gave you a verse on a specific day for your child. Think about those preserving those God stories that are going to last for eternity.

60% of teens feel pressured to send explicit photos online, study finds

Now, when we've been talking about this generational shift in photos, one thing I do want to talk about and this, this I will give a content warning here to say I'm going to talk about some things that are a little sensitive. So make sure you check those younger ears and listen to this in a, a more closed setting. That would be helpful. But there are some things that parents need to know about the proliferation of digital media and some of the things that I am seeing boots on the ground with families in real time. Good kids can make poor choices when the prefrontal cortex and their brain is slow to develop. That's the of their brain that is responsible for decision making, for judgment. We're thinking things through in a logical way. And when their thumb can move faster than the prefrontal cortex in their brain. A smartphone can be a very powerful tool that allows for impulsivity of childhood to be preserved in a digital environment forever. So so often when our kids make a mistake, we immediately go to that faith component, that moral component and think how could you do this when really it was a failure of decision making. When we have platforms that are exploiting kids developmental immaturity and encouraging them to do something that's impulsive, that they just don't think through. So here is the hard truth. One in 17s have sent a sext. One in four have received one. And 60% of teens feel report feeling pressured to send explicit photos. Now what does that word mean? Sexting. This actually became a recognized word in 2009. It's a combination of the word sex and texting. It's a form of digital communication that range just. Here's a really important thing to realize. Sometimes we just think of that as photos, but it can be text messages, it can be just words, it can be be audio messages that are recorded, it can be still photos or it can be videos. So often this experimentation will start on a continuum. It's not just going straight to photos or videos. Sometimes it can be through that messaging, just through words that are there. And one thing I'm really concerned about is the proliferation of abusers online, of predators online. This is absolutely happening. We know that not enough teens use privacy settings on their social media. according to best estimates, just a little over half. This means that half of teens have what we would call open source information. It's very easy for someone to get in there and to get what I call vicarious credibility. So they get to be in one friend's network and if I get in that one friend's network, then when other kids look at it, they're going to say, oh, you know so and so, so you must be okay, you're a friend of a friend. And then all of a sudden they develop this presence and they act like they're a legitimate person when often these are fabricated fake Personas that are online. And I have seen story after story in my own personal interactions with parents and in the news of great kids, kids who have great families, kids who, who are doing all of the right things, who just get caught up in their this scam that happens. And so they may have messaging that is occurring online and they are lured into starting to send some explicit messages or photos. And then all of a sudden they're told, oh, if you don't send more than or send me money, then I'm going to share these because now I know who is your pastor, I know your parents, I know your principal, I know your social network. And that happens in the heart. Hard truth of it is that sometimes teens who can't see the way forward, they can't imagine a world in which they would be so humiliated and they get to a point of desperation that sometimes ends in their life ending. That is really, really tragic. And what we see for a reaction to this is a fear based reaction. We see, oh my goodness, don't do this. And we see a really big cultural divide. I want you to, you to step into the world of teens for a moment and think about the mixed messages that they get when they look at popular culture, when they look at teen magazines, when they look at online influencers. They're not asking the question should you do this? They're answering the question, how should you do this? When should you do this? When? Who with? Who should you do this? It's a given that this is a norm in dating relationships and we have to push back on that, that. But if you look at the other side, we're saying from a perspective of parents, we're saying, oh, don't do this, it's a crime, you could be arrested. It's disgusting, it's stupid. We're saying all of these messages, when on the other side they engage in this, they get messages that say, wow, you're beautiful, you're brave, you're amazing. This is the kind of world that they're trying to navigate that disconnect and that can be really hard. And it is true that there are some outdated laws in different states that produce unintended criminal consequences. But when we use fear based tactics, they're only effective in generating fear. They are not effective in changing behavior. We have got to have honest conversations with our kids about this before it happens. I told you, the statistic is 60% of kids feel pressured to send and explain explicit photo that is not acceptable. But it is a reflection of the cultural norm and we have to talk to our kids about this before it happens. And that can be difficult because again, social media is disadvantaging kids who haven't yet achieved cognitive development where they proceed from concrete to abstract thinking. Now, wait, what does that mean? This means when they're thinking concretely, they think very literal terms and formal reasoning. They recognize that there can be shades of gray. Maybe not everyone is who they say they are. And there is. It's okay. There's some nuance there and I've got to figure that out. Some social media apps also give false senses of security because they say, oh, this image will disappear so you don't have to worry about it. And they think, oh, that image will disappear. But they don't realize it doesn't really disappear. Nothing that's ever taken on a phone, I don't mean even posted, everything, everything that's taken on a phone is at risk for living forever. It can be retrieved, it can be shared, it can be screenshotted. If someone can share your phone, all of those things are really important. So it's important to help your teen think abstractly. One of the great things that you can do is walk through scenarios and say, what would you do if? What would you do if? What would you do if? And just ask these questions now. They'll push back and they'll see, say, oh, that's not going to happen to me. Oh, mom, that's so cringe. Oh, don't ask me that. But they will learn. And it's our job to push through that discomfort. And that is important. I think we have to push back on this cultural message that these ways of communicating are normalized because they are not normal.

We cannot underestimate the power of what is happening in the lure online

We cannot underestimate the power of what is happening in the lure online. And we see lots of stories that we can learn from with that and it is really, really hard. And I think about, you know, as kids, we all, as parents, we all want our kids to be safe. And I think about, you know, when our, when my child, when your child was young, did you ever lose them in a public place? That feeling of panic is so awful. I remember the first time I was out all by myself with all four of my kids. They were all in ages 7 and under at the time. And I turned my back for just an instant at a museum to buy a ticket. And I turned around and my 3 year old was gone. And to say I lost my mind is an understatement. I mean, I was running through the museum, I was yelling, lock the doors. You know, I'm looking for my little, my, my little boy. And it turns out that he had wandered away from our group. And a museum worker had her in the office and, and he just kept saying, mama, mama, Mama, mama. And the museum worker said, no, what's her real name? And he said, mom. Mom is her real name. I want you to think about that. I had irrational anger. Why did you do that? Why did you run away from me? I shouldn't be angry at a three year old. I mean, that is irrational, anger. Because I told him, don't let go of the stroller, don't walk away. He wasn't developmentally capable of thinking through all of the things that would happen. And the same thing happens when our teens go online. And so it's important for us to cultivate empathy, to realize that they maybe faced a situation that they were not prepared to encounter. And anytime a teen discloses this to you, they disclose that they've engaged in this. It's coming from a place of hurt. It's honestly coming from a place of trauma. And experiencing this can be deeply traumatic. And we see a world that is changing very quickly with things like nudeifying technology, where apps, everyday normal apps can take everyday normal photos and remove clothing from people. And then all of a sudden they think, how did you get that photo of me? It looks like me, but it's not me. This is a scary world that our teens are navigating. So let's go to that moment. And if you don't think about it beforehand, if you just think that would never happen in a million years, years, you're going to be at the mercy of your emotions. So think about it and start with compassion and kindness and don't generalize. You know, don't say, how could you be so dumb? Don't you want everyone to know you have no morals? You've just ruined your whole life. Preserve their dignity. This isn't something that grandma, the siblings, everybody on your social media needs to know about. Just create that safe space and create that safe space. Say, I'm so sorry this happened to you. There may be legal implications for that and it's really important that you reach out for resources. I have more in my book Behind Closed Doors. You can also go to cyberbullying.org to find that cyberbullying.org to find out more information about that. But just think about the way that you can respond with kindness and just listen with your face and just give them that image that I'm so sorry this happened. We're going to get through this together and help them to see grace in a world that is saturated with cancel culture. They need to know that they are loved, that they are seen in the image of God. And that can be so hard. But that goes all the way back to image and we are created in the image of God. God. Now, teens do take a lot of selfies and they look for that perfect angle. And to send selfies, even explicit ones, is tempting because those adoring prey that adoring praise activates feel good chemicals in their brain. They want to feel attractive, they want to feel appealing. But if you our teens are no different. But if we continually give them the message they are created in the image of God, their dignity is worth preserving, their integrity is worth pursuing. That can be really important. So I would challenge you. Choose a favorite current photo of your teen, of your child, of your spouse, and tell them what you love in their character about that photo. What about their personality shines through on that. What do you love about it? I encourage you to do that. And and let's go back to Proverbs 31:25 clothed with strength and dignity. She laughs at the days to come. He can laugh at the days to come too. That's what photos can capture. Not perfection, but presence, joy, growth and God's fingerprints in our everyday lives. Let your photo albums be your modern day memorial stones. May the Lord bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you and all those family photos. I'll see you here next time.

>> Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.