Transcript

Dr. Jessica Peck shares her thoughts on social media on American Family Radio

Hello, and welcome to the Dr. Nurse. Mama show, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: And momma four, Dr. Jessica Peck. Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite time of the day, getting to spend time with you, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And let me tell you, we have a great conversation coming up with you. You know, every Friday, I have asked Dr. Nurse Mama Friday, and I get questions all the time, everywhere I go. I get questions in my practice, in my clinical practice. I get, questions from my students that I'm teaching. I get questions from other moms in my network and my just friend group. I get questions everywhere I go about all kinds of things. I actually remember one time where I was standing after church on Sunday and I had a friend from out of town visiting, and she was waiting very patiently on the side as I greeted people and talked afterwards. And she said, wow, you are so loved in your church. Like, there was a line of people waiting to talk to you. I said, yeah, they want to ask me about rashes and ear infections and things like that. And I'm always happy to do that. But one of the things for the last at least five years, I have gotten the most questions about that I continue to get questions about, hands down, is about social media. And I think it's just because we have this very interesting generational gap here in Gen X and even. Even in millennials, in elder Millennials, I say that with the utmost respect. We have a generation who did not grow up with social media as we know it today. Even in the millennial generation, you're talking about just barely the emergence of things like MySpace. You're talking aboutant Instant messenger being very big, but not like it is now. Not the smartphone, not that pervasive. And so as parents, we are parenting a generation who is having an entirely different childhood than we did. And that's important to recognize for a lot of reasons. For one, we just, we can't anticipate what's going to happen. In previous generations, we anticipate. We know how to teach people, our kids, how to drive because we learned how to drive. We know how to teach them how to ride a bike because we learned how to ride a bike. We know how to teach them to go to college or enter the workforce because we either went to college or entered the workforce or started a family. We know how to do all of those things, but we don't know what's coming in social media. And so we are very reactive in our approach. We address problems after they have happened. The other issue is that we don't know what that world looks like. We can't empathize with it because we didn't live it. We didn't walk in those shoes. So it's very easy for us to minimize the emotions that come with living at the speed of a smart/one and just to simplify it, really, dare I say oversimplify it and just make it, well, just unplug, just turn it off, just ignore it, just be free. And those things are just not realistic. And the reason this matters is because we have a generation of kids who see us as parents and grandparents as really disconnected from their reality. We look at the world they're living in and we want it so badly to be Mayberry. We want it to be idyllic. We want it to be like it was when we were growing up. But that is not the reality that they are facing. And today my guest is going to join me to talk about this. God has given her a message to really hammer this home because her message today is social media reset. She'written a book by that title. It's a 30 day guided journey to unplug, reconnect with God and reclaim your joy. Now when we look at the mental health crisis that is happening today, that's another common question I get. Is it as bad as people say it is? And I have to tell them no, it's not as bad as people say it is. It's worse. I have never seen it this critical. I have never seen it this prevalent, this pervasive, this just wide reaching. So that's what we are going to talk about today. If you want to discover the joy and freedom and flourishing life that comes with taking a social media break. If you're already feeling convicted, I'm going to convict you more. Don't touch that radio dial. We are going to talk about that with award winning author Allie Marie Smith.

Allie Marie Smith is the founder and CEO of Wonderfully Made

Allie is a speaker she is a podcast host. She is a life coach. She is the founder and CEO of Wonderfully Made a national nonprofit organization dedicated to helping girls and women know their God given value and identity. And she is joining us today from beautiful sunny California. Ah Allie we are so glad to have you. Thanks so much for joining us.

>> Allie Marie Smith: Thank you Jessica. Its such an honor to be here.

Wonderfully Made is a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping girls overcome depression

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well it is an honor for us to be able to talk about this because this is something that parents struggle with a lot and if I'm Honest. It's because as parents, as moms, we struggle with it a lot. So I would love to just start at the beginning for you. Tell us a little bit about your story, how you came to know the Lord and how you felt called into this ministry that you have today.

>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Well, I was grateful to grow up with a play based childhood. Unlike many kids today, I was always outside running, playing sports, really feisty, confident as a girl. But around the age of 12, I started to experience uninvited feelings of loneliness, sadness and worthiness. And it didn't make sense. And those experiences escalated. In high school, I, was really experiencing depression, although I didn't know what it was, it was just my norm. So I cope through people pleasing perfectionism, overachieving, and on the outside as a standout soccer player, straight A student who was quote unquote, part of the popular cloud froud. It looked like I had it together. But after I graduated high school two weeks later, I came completely undone. I found myself in a very deep and a dark deb. Debilitating depression. And it got so bad, you know, I had to be hospitalized. And it was a really long journey after and you know, many setbacks, and you know, everything that I placed my value and my worth in was really taken from me. And I was actually in the psychiatric hospital that I experienced a supernatural love of Christ after reading the gospels for the first time. And that changed me forever. And I was actually in the hospital chapel as a woman saying amazing grace, that I surrendered to my life, to Christ. And I stopped living for myself, stopped living the way that I was and gave my life to God. And so that was really the catalyst of my story, of the beginning of the organization I started Wonderfully Made. And our mission is to help girls and women know their value, their identity, their purpose, experience vibrant mental health and lead flourishing lives. So, that's the beginning of my work, which my story also ties into why I take social media so seriously as well.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Allie. my goodness, so much to unpack there. Wow. Okay, let's start. My first question is, I want you to take us back to the chapel. This woman seeing Amazing Grace in the hospital, can you tell us about that?

>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Well, I'm actually not giving the entire story. That summer, it was also so bad I actually drove to the Golden Gate Bridge with intention to end my life by jumping off, got a flat tires, kind hearted man came and you know, fix my tire and I engage with a real conversation with him. So I went home with A little hope in my heart. I really continued to struggle that summer and attempted to start college on the east coast but found myself in a very dark and dangerous place again. So I was read, admitted. So it was there, I was in the hospital for three weeks. and I had always believed in God and I love God. I just didn't know I could have a personal friendship relationship with Christ. And I was so desperate for hope so I asked for a Bible. So it was then, then I started to really understand who Jesus was and that he came to give hope and healing to the broken. And I was as broken as a girl can be. So the medication that I was on was very physiological for me. My mental health struggles. And so as I was on medication the desire to no longer want to live was beginning to fade. And I walked in the hospital chapel a woman saying in amazing grace and it was just beyond, beyond words. But I was overwhelmed by the presence and the love of Christ. And I've never experienced the nearness of m God's love before. And it was just overwhelming and it changed me forever. Although I have had many setbacks since then with my mental health, but by God's grace, through help and a commitment to live a healthy a sober lifestyle and do all I can to preserve my mental health, I am thriving. And so my mess that no matter what you're going through, mental health challenges are so treatable and that there is so much hope and you're not alone if you are experiencing them.

Social media and mental health are now permanently intertwined, Allie says

and to tie it to social media, we can't talk about mental health today without talking about social media. So that is why I'm so serious about this topic today.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Allie I agree with you so much. Social media and mental health are now permanently intertwined. I don't see any way of going back. We can only find a way forward and a way to help kids deal with the reality of this. But I think back just thank you so much for sharing more of your story. I really applaud your authenticity and your transparency and sharing that because I think even especially in faith based communities and Christian communities, there's so much shame and stigma that is associated with mental health. And so often just like social media and mental health are together so often that shame and stigma comes from well intentioned, well intentioned expressions of faith. Why don't you just pray? More like why don't you just ask God to take care of you and just, we kind of oversimplify that. But as you really well, describe. Sometimes it's just a complex combination of physiological things, of things that are happening in our bodies, things that are happening mentally in our minds, things that are happening externally in our environment. And you know, Allie I believe there's no such thing as coincidence. I don't think it's a coincidence that you got a flat tire. That that kind man was there, that woman singing Amazing Grace. And I say this because I think of the man who changed your tire. He probably didn't know the entirety of your story, just like the woman who'sang Amazing Grace didn't know the transformation that was happening. And I say that to our listeners to encourage you to be faithful. I have goosebumps right now to be faithful in the little things. Because you never know when that little act of obedience, if God nudges you to say, hey, stop and help this person or sing this song. Those things can be used to transform lives in a way that we won't know this side of heaven. So I. I really, really appreciate that.

You said you were experiencing depression, but you didn't know what it was

There's a couple more things, Allie that I want to go back and revisit that you talked about. The first thing that you talked about was depression. You said you were experiencing depression, but you didn't know what it was. And I find this to be really common because a lot of times kids don't have vocabulary or words to describe what they're feeling. They just feel it. And so I would love for you to go back and kind of talk about that. Looking back now, knowing what you know and what are some of the signs that parents can look out for in their kids and share that from your perspective, to know when there's a mental health issue going on before it gets to the point of crisis.

>> Allie Marie Smith: Yeah, that's a great question. And I will say that often, sometimes there aren't even signs. It can be such a hidden battle that, a child's best friend doesn't know, their parents don't know. And that was true in my story. I of wonderful family, and they didn't know what it was like to be in my mind until it was too late and I wasn't even functioning. and so the general warning signs, of course, Jessica, I'm sure you've, ah, shared these. It can be sleeping too much, not sleeping enough, noticing a disengagement from activities that they love. Actually, for me, I was soccer sports for my whole life. And my senior year I wanted to stop playing soccer. So that's a huge one. you know, there's so many you can kind of see the moon to, yeah. Lost and interest. there's so many different things, but it really is important, too, to just always do a check in and say, you know, how are you really? Or tell me what some of the thoughts that are running in your mind. And also I want to say if you are concerned that your child may be struggling with depression, it's always important to ask if they have any thoughts of harg them harming themselves. I just want to share that out there, but it can. It can be hidden, and it was for me. So that's why it's so important to engage in conversation and to really check in, to spend intentional time with the children in your life, to really get a pulse on how they are really doing.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Allie I'm so glad that you said that. That sometimes there are no signs, because I talk with a lot of parents who feel guilty and they look back and they think, shouldn't I have seen this? But sometimes it's so internalized, it's very difficult to see any signs, and it's just difficult to share that. When we come back, we'll talk more about that because depression actually is the fourth leading cause of disability among teenagers in the United States today. And we'll talk about how you can manage that. And Allie, I want to go back and talk more about your people pleasing and overachiever, because you are a poster child for coping with that. And sure, so many can identify with that. We have so much more to talk about because we haven't even gotten to the social media reset. But we will, I promise.

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>> This Is My Song by North Point Worship ft. Mac Powell: In Christ alone my solid ground Amazing grace Just how sweet the sound on that rugged cross Jesus because he lives this is my song

Allie Marie Smith talks about social media and mental health

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is this is my song by North Point Worship and Mac Powell. And today we're hearing the song and the story of Allie Marie Smith. She is an award winning author, speaker, podcast host, life coach. She's the founder and CEO of Wonderfully Made, a national nonprofit organization dedicated to helping girls and women know their God given value and identity. And she is all about vibrant mental health flourishing live. She's the author of Social media reset, a 30 day guided journey to unplug, reconnect with God and reclaim your joy. And the first segment we were talking about Allie's personal story and testimony of coming to know the Lord and her interactions with social media and mental health and how those two things are tied together. She also shared with us that she coped by people pleasing and overachieving which is so common and it'so common. It's a common coping mechanism because it's socially acceptable. And although it's more socially acceptable than things like substance use or other risk taking behavior, somehow we celebrate that. Even that overachiever, that busyness, even though it can be just as destructive.

Allie has spoken openly about the impact of social media on her life

Now Allie you have shared pretty openly the impact of social media on your life and how that negatively impacted you and caused some destruction. And so what would you, how do you see the role that social media, all that we've talked about this intersection of social media and mental health, what is your take on that now having had your personal experience and now walking to help others walk through this?

>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Well, when I first got social media, it was a long time ago. I got Facebook and Instagram right when they came out and it was fun to share updates, connect with friends. But as time went on they began to engineer it. They hired human behavioral scientists int intentionally create it to be addictive and prey upon our God given desire to be like seen and known. So we are given these dopamine hits every time we get a notification, a new like a new comment and that keeps us coming back for more and eventually leaves us with experiences of depression and sadness because of all the content we're seeing and especially the social comparisons. And going back to my story too on the people pleasing, that is just ah, intensified on social media. Because now young people, but especially girls, teen girls, are at the epicenter of the mental health crisis that is driven by social media. They crave acceptance, they strive for perfection and they're able to create these filtered, versions of themselves that they think the world will deem worthy and and good enough. And so when I started to use, it was fun. But before I knew it, it did become a full blown addiction. So I was constantly on my phone all the time, every Monday moment, waking up to it, going to bed with it, taking it with me everywhere. And I realized that it was beginning to really impact my well being in my frame of mind. I started to experience, anxiety, be more lonely, feel like my life wasn't good enough and really be bummed out. And because of my story, you know, then I realized at the rate I was using it, I was on track to spend five years of my life scrolling. And so God saved my life when depression very well could have taken it. And so I see every second of my life as sacred. And, and that was really the driving force between, my decision to take an extended social media break. I did that for quite a while and then I learned to use social media with wisdom and intentionality, using many boundaries. and when we get to the end of our lives, we will need to give an account before God of how we spent them. And every second on social media matters because seconds become minutes, become hours, become days, become a year of our life. And we need to look at it from, the spiritual perspective because if we were to spend one hour a day on it from the age of 13 to 80, we know that many youth are spending like 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 hours a day on it. That comes out to three years of your life scrolling. Two to three hours comes out to six to eight years and four or more hours, which is a very common for young people and adults, comes out to, can't come out to over 11 years of our lives. One of the most terrifying parts too is we can now die with more memories of other people's lives than of our own. So there's so much to unpack there.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: oh my goodness, yes, that is convicting. And Allie I firmly believe that technology is the thief of time. It is slowly stealing away our time. And just like you talked about, these are human engineers whose sole job it is, is to figure out ways to rig the algorithm so that you stay on that platform. Because every second that you are on that platform is another opportunity for them. To market to you, which is ultimately what they're after, is selling things. They have a product that they're selling. But there are others on there, of course, with much more nefarious motives. And to think that kids today, growing up, could spend 11 years of their life. And that was really good what you said too. I hadn't thought about it that way. That we'die with more memories of other people's lives than our own. That is a lot to unpack. And, you know, one of the interesting things for me as a healthcare professional is we don't really have a diagnosis for social media addiction, although we all know it's a reality. We see it boots on the ground. We definitely see it where it is very, very difficult to put it down and to walk away. And I think that is, that is just super convicting.

Allie says taking a social media break changed her life dramatically

So what do you think, when you stopped social media, what was the contrast that you saw? Like, how did your life change? What happened?

>> Allie Marie Smith: Oh, it changed dramatically. And it changes every time I talk to a friend or someone who, you know, I challenge to social media reset. I actually just challenged my friend to one, and she's been 33 days and she comes back and she says, I cannot believe the difference in my life. I can, I feel so much joyful. I'm excited about my life. I have peace of mind. I'm not restless, I'm not anxious. So, you know, studies have even shown that three, three days, five days, seven days, off your phone, off social media. Off social media instantly increases happiness and reduces anxiet. So it was night and day for me. you know, it takes a while for our brains to heal from this addiction, to reset our neural pathways. That's why I do recommend a minimum of 30 days. But actually the optimal time of 90 days is actually the best to really overcome a full addiction. So, yeah, so, I instantly felt a sense of calm, of, joy. I was more grateful for my life. I was more present in my life and in my relationships too. it took all those feelings away of, anxiety, sadness and envy. It just took them away instantly. So the extended social media break really allowed me to get my life back and my joy back. And every time someone does it, they always say how much it impacts them. And so that's why I wrote the book is we, you know, we all know how it's impacting ourselves, our kids, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. And there's a lot of talk about it, but what are we actually going to do about it? And so that's Why I wrote the book, it's because it's a guide to really come back to God, to reconnect with God, to wake up to the miracle of our own lives. And it, it's really a life coaching experience too that offers tips on how to really flourish your in your life. And it's filled with biblical wisdom.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, I think there are not many parents who would disagree with the fact that social media is destructive. It is, it's a reality. It can be used for good. It's like a car, it'it's an object. But it is the temptation to misuse it, the temptation to overuse it is so much there. And also theiety societal pressures, I think, especially for us as parents to let our kids. I remember when my daughter came home and she was in fifth grade, she's graduating from college now, and she told me everyone in her class had Instagram. And I told her what parents are supposed to say. Not everyone in your class has that. You know that's not true. But we went and looked and sure enough, every single kid did. They did have it. And so I reverted to parenting line number two. Well, if everybody jumped off a bridge, would you do it? That wasn't very effective, Allie. I do not recommend that. But looking at it, pushing against that is really hard. But when we look at that, we have a love hate relationship. I think as parents with our kids, phones and social media. We love ours, we hate theirs. And that's just the honest truth. They see that hypocrisy. When we saw the advent of COVID we saw new words in vocabulary like social distancing and words that, you know, kind of all make us a society now collectively cringe. But I think what happened during COVID was kids were isolated even more, they were driven even more to their phones. And then we see vocabulary in my profession, like fomo, fear of missing out. We can actually measure that scientifically now, fubbing, phone snubbing, where we can measure that scientifically and we see those societal impacts. So I think there aren't many parents who would say, okay, I know this is a problem, but somehow they just can. Can't take that first step. You know, it's like you just feel stuck in a rut. You just feel kind of paralyzed. And so what would you say, Allie, for somebody who wants to do the social media reset, how is your book that movement, that catalyst, that motivation that they need to actually take a meaningful step forward?

>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Well, in regards to adults, so the pa the book is written more for, women, it's not necessarily written for teen girls. However, many moms plan to invite their teen girls and, and her friends into doing a reset. and so, so yeah, it's ah, it's ah, it's just an amazing opportunity to reconnect with your life. So by pulling away for 30 days, you begin to really reconnect with God. You're going to be fully present, you're going to experience more joy. In the book, I have a list of over 75 things you can do instead of scrolling social media. And so it is really an experience to invest in your own life, to invest in the relationships. And really it's this radical return right to the lives we were intended to live, to the practices and the rhythms that lead to peace and fullness of joy, like solitude and being outside in creation, moving our bodies, having true connection with people. And so, I'GOING to be inviting my readers to actually invite all their friends, women in their church, Bible studies, to unplug together and to spend the time intentionally cultivating community, to have meals together, to be creative, to make things with your hands, to get outside in creation. it's really so more than a social media reset. It's really gonna be a reset for our soul. So I am so excited for anyone to do it. I know when people even think about going on social media for a few days, it can be, you know, frightening, but it is so worth it. And everyone I know who takes a break is just always so grateful and then allows them to come back to social media if they choose to return to it with wisdom and intentionality in a way that they're able to master it. So it does not master them.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, I recently was talking with a friend who was telling me that her daughter had been diagnosed with anxiety. Her daughter is a teenager. And she said that that pediatric care provider told her, well, you know, the solution to this is actually pretty simple. And she said, oh, really? What is it? And she said, you need to manage yours. You need to manage your anxiety. And I feel like that is so reflective of a lot of problems that we see with our kids. It's so uncomfortable, but they're just mirroring what they see. So these women you're inviting to do this, I hope that people who, women who are struggling with this will take you up on that invitation. Because if you are thinking as a mom, you're looking at your daughter and her face is in her phone all the time, it is likely that yours is too. But I struggle with that.

Step one is to take social media off your phone for an extended break

We differentiate ours. We think, oh, well, this is for work or this is just something that's more important than your are annoying social media. That's the honest truth of kind of how harshly we approach it. So what would be some practical steps? What would you say? Where should that mom, where should that woman start to step forward to say, okay, I'm going to do this? Do you have any tips on, on ways that you can prepare your heart to do that?

>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Well, of course the number one step is just to take the apps off your phone and ideally to do an extended break. and then once you decide to return to social media, I actually have a list of over 15 practical boundaries you can apply to change the way that you relate to social media. You know, you can set time limits, you can resolve to not use in the mornings or evenings. You can be very intentional with the accounts you follow. You know, only follow people you know and have personal relationships within real life. and, you know, keeping your boundaries or sharing them with other people. And there's, there's so many way, different ways that we can be strategic and how we use social media.

Allie Smith offers a 30 day social media reset for Christians

I always love giving my tip away, which has changed everything for me. And it's unusual, but I.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You have an unusual hold on Allie. We are coming up on a break and I want to make sure that our listeners do not go away because they're going to want to hear this. What this tip is. When we come back from break, we will talk about that, about what that specific tip is. Now, if you have missed the name of the book, it's called Social media reset, a 30 day guided journey to unplug, reconnect with God and reclaim your joy. You can find out more about Allie and connect with her community. Take her up on these invitations that she is offering to walk along this journey with her. Go to alliemariesmith.com that's allie a l l i e alliemariesmith.com there you can learn more about her nonprofit, wonderfully made. You can see more about her book and I challenge you to take this. Take this invitation for a reset. If your heart is burning within you, if you are feeling kind of torn and challenged, take that reset. Let me tell you, it can be life changing and this is something that I definitely struggle with and my kids will call me out on it. I have invited them to call me out on it. I think I'm. My daughter is so much better at this than I am and I am learning from her every single day. Convicted by her will continue to be convicted together but move forward with hope. We'll see you right on the other side of this break. Podcast AFA Spots the month of June has been hijacked by the anti Christian culture to show their pride in something God calls an abomination. When you support afr, you help us continue to stand for godly values and provide the resources for you to stay in the know about the enemy' tactics. To say thank you for your gift this month we'll give you the booklet inside the LGBTQ push of the 1990s. To help strengthen your convictions, just go to afr.net/offers afr.net/offers when I take

>> Honestly, We Just Need Jesus by Terrian: a Step back all the pain, all the fear we've been feeling losing sight of the thing that we're needing that we're needing. Honestly, I think we just need Jesus. Honestly, I think we just need Jesus. Have we all gone mad? Have we lost our minds? What used to be wrong. We say that it's right. Honestly, I think we just need Jesus.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is honestly, we just need Jesus by Terrian and those words are really, really relevant to what we're talking about. I think sometimes we look around at the world and we think, have we all gone mad? Have we lost our minds? What used to be wrong, we say that it's right. And we do need Jesus to help us with this cultural phenomenon of social media. So if you are looking for a practical solution, add to the ever present mental health crisis that is the result of social media addiction. If you are looking for a resource that helps you unpack how social media affects our souls, not just our physical brains and mind. And if you finally want to overcome that addiction, you have to scrolling your phone and find freedom. Setting practical boundaries. This is a great way to start.

Allie Marie Smith writes a book about unplugging from technology

We are talking today to Allie Marie Smith. You can find her at allie that's allie alliemariesmith.com she'written a book called A 30 Day Guided Journey to unplug, reconnect with God and reclaim your joy. And she shared some very convicting statistics with us, thinking that even as adults with just an hour a day, we could spend four or five years of our life just scrolling our phone and what could you do with that hour a day is the. This is the same of us who are saying, oh, how can I find five minutes to do Bible study? Or I need more time for prayer. I need more time to connect with my family. We have at that time and technology is the thief of time. Daughter who is college age, she's so good at this. She is always Telling me, mom, hang up and hang out. That is a phrase that we use in our house. Feel free to steal it, use it. Encourage people to hang up and hang out with each other. And all this summer, we will be going through a lot of habits on tech. So we're doing 52 habits for healthy families. You can catch those on the Doctor, Nurse, Mama coaching minutes. You can also catch those, on every Friday show where I talk about that. But stay tuned this summer because we'll be tackling all things tech.

Allie says she overcame her social media addiction after a long break

And Allie you have issued an invitation for a radical return, a reset for our souls. And right before the break, we left everybody hanging. You have an unusual, maybe just out of the box kind of tip to move forward. So we'd love to hear what that is.

>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Before I share it, I want to say that in order for us to have joy like no one else else, we have to live like no one else. As followers of Jesus, we are called not to conform to the patterns of this world. And we have freedom and agency, and we do not need to conform to the patterns of the social media circus. We can live differently, but it is up to us. And so my boundary is I have an iPad, and so I keep all my social media apps on my iPad because I'm simply not going to carry that around with me everywhere. So I know maybe not everyone has a means to do so, or can consider getting one family iPad and have having everyone's accounts on that device. And so, you know, you take turns and there's time limits so we can really get creative. But that has changed everything for me because social media is our ever present escape drug. It is always there right by our side. And so physically removing it and removing that temptation can change everything. So that is simply how I overcame my social media addiction after I took a long, extended break from it.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: That's a great idea. And it's an intentional step in the right direction. Right. Nothing is going to be miraculous overnight. And I think that sometimes part of the problem is we just think, oh, we're going to quit everything cold turkey and just stop. And then you don't and you fall off the wagon and then you just feel like, okay, well, I failed. So I'm just going to keep scrolling. And then you fall back into old patterns. But I think that scripture you'quoting from Romans is so appropriate because it's about transforming and renewing our minds. Not just about cutting out that negative influence, but replacing it with positive things, with connections. I think about how many times I'm you know, just waiting for my car to be have the oil changed or you're waiting even to pump your gas and immediately ``ly you are just scrolling instead of connecting with people around you whether that'people in your car with you or even strangers that you could meet that is so important to do.

Allie says parents should be honest with themselves about their relationship with social media

So you have some advice Allie for parents who are struggling with this, they are struggling themselves, they are struggling to guide their kids. Having the experience that you have had, your personal experience, what would you say now how would you encourage those parents to just persist in this when it sometimes can feel so overwhelming and discouraging?

>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Well I would first encourage them to be honest with themselves about their own relationship with social media and examine their own habits with it because like you said, your kids are going to watch you and they're going to mirror your behavior. So that is really the first step. And then I really, I do recommend the book, I do recommend the book the Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt because he really unveile this issue and offers recommendations of things that parents, schools, governments can do. And so I recommend his guide, his suggestions which is no smartphones before high school. there is a great phone company called the Gab phone and so it looks like an iPhone but it does not have the ability to have Internet on it. But you can text, you can take pictures, you can have gps. So that is a great way and the ideal way is actually to get your kids parents on the same page as you. So you get maybe other parents in your kids school team and you just pitch this idea, hey, we are going to give our kids a play based childhood not a phone based childhood. And you get them all on the same page so that they don't feel alone. They're not going to be the only one in their team or the only one in their classroom. So that is a great thing. And then also delaying social media until the age of 16 and then introducing it maybe with some guidelines or having it on that family iPad. But the key here is to show your kids a ah better life offline. Get them outside as much as possible. Give them amazing opportunities to connect in in real life with real people in front of them. You know, make your house the go to house and with for them and all their friends and have game nights, invest in the activities that they love and that bring them more joy because once they get a taste of how beautiful life is when they're not tethered to their devices they're, they're going to want the real, the real joy of life that will never be found on their phones. And then of course phones, our schools really should be phones free. So if you, if your school is not, try to advocate for that. and, and you know, yes, being outside a lot, delaying that smartphone social media introduction, really is a really big one.

Online photos and videos leave a more lasting impression on our brains than memories

And on that note, I do want to share how so often we can die with more memories of other people's lives, with more memories of actually other kids lives. If you scroll for 2 hours 20 minutes a day, you will potentially have seen 1.5 million images or videos in a year. And the thing about online or yeah, photos and videos is they leave a more lasting impression on our brain than memories in our own lives. And so you know, how many pictures of your kids have you intentionally looked at today? And so it is really serious. So to fight that, that very serious possibility is I recommend families getting a digital photo album. So making your tv, a slideshow of your family's most beautiful happy memory. And your kids are going to see that and it's actually going to have a positive effect, a healing effect on their brains. And so that's another practical strategy because it's all about what can we do? There are things that we can do about it. This has been enough and it's time to act and it's time to make changes.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Amen. I agree Allie, it really is. Those are great tips by the way. I think that is so helpful and one of the big things that we have to do as parents ###ences not just be the phone police constantly telling our kids get off your phone, stop scrolling your phone, get engaged. We've got to provide them with a compelling alternative. And you've described that so beautifully Allie because the compelling alternative, the only thing that we have really as parents that is not online is that real life relationship connection. Even if they're connecting with another person digitally, it is not the same, same as an in person real life relationship where you are face to face, eye to eye, heart to heart. That's what we can provide our kids. That is what they are aching for. And I love what you say about trying to find other people who are like minded because you really got to find somebody who's in the same boat. Even if you can't say, you can't convert everybody, you can at least find one other family that hey, there's somebody for you to be in that same boat with. You all can hang out together and you can commiserate and you can come back and thank us later. You, when you see, when you grow up and you see the advantages and the benefits of that and how much more emotionally healthy because so many people are watching other people's lives while their life is passing them by, that's been really convicting today. Allie

Wonderfully Made is a nonprofit that helps girls and women embrace their worth

Before we end though, I want to make sure that we talk more about Wonderfully Made, your, nonprofit that you have to help girls and women embrace their identity and their worth in God. Tell us about that and what resources are available on your website.

>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Well, I started it 20 years ago, actually, when I was 20. And yeah, that's our heart was we want to see girls and women know their valued in their identity and be transformed by a personal relationship with God. And so we, do young women's retreats and conferences for young women and the women who love them. We have a really wonderful podcast at the intersection of faith and mental, physical, spiritual wellness. You can find that on our [email protected] do we also have some mental health workshops? I have a course, for young women. And we actually launched an amazing social media campaign where we are using social media for good. And we are purchasing YouTube ads that are storytelling ads. And so when a young woman is watching maybe, a video about a fitness model, I come up and I instantly tell her, you know, you are loved. You have a person purpose. And I share my story and I give her hope that no matter what she is going through, she can come through the other side. And the results are phenomenal. We are so excited, at, the success of this campaign. for $64,000, we can potentially have the entire, 22 million young, women view this ad. So it's really exciting about how we can reach masses of young women with the message of what it means to be Wonderfully made.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I love that, Allie. That's such a great example of leveraging the power of social media and using it for good. Because as I said in the very beginning, it's a reality. It's not going anywhere. So many of us, we want to put that train back in the station. It's already left. It is way down the road, and we've got to figure out ways to use it for good. I think that's incredibly wonderful. So if you want to check out Wonderfully Made, just, it's really easy, go to wonderfullymade.org I'm looking at it right now. You can see, just like Allie said, the podcast, the Workshops, the books, the events, you can support the work that is done. And this would be a great, this looks like a great resource, for women who are just looking for those kinds of messages. And Allie the messages that we get on social media are the opposite of that. You're not enough. You'll never be enough. You need this skin serum. You need this seven step skin regime. You need this tumbler. No, you need this because it's all about marketing. And to market to us, they have to make us feel like we're less than. And this is the crux of social media because when you're looking at image crafting, which is what social media is, we have to teach young people to craft their image, that their image is actually already crafted in God, that they are made in the image of a living God who loves them more than they can ever imagine. And no image they try to craft for themselves will ever compete with the beautiful image that God has made. So to know that there are people like you raising your voice to be encouraging, that encourages me.

Social media reset a 30 day guided journey to unplug, reconnect with God

So I want to know, Allie what do you hope that people will get that women will get from reading this book? Social media reset a 30 day guided journey. What do you hope? how do you hope they will transform?

>> Allie Marie Smith: My wish is that ah, they will know how valuable they are, what a miracle, their life and reconnect with the God who created them and learn to live the abundant life that we've been created for that we are never going to find online. We're only going to find it in an embodied life, with God and the people we love.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I love that. Appreciate that. Allie thank you so much for your message. It is so needed. Again, it's social media reset a 30 day guided journey to unplug, reconnect with God and reclaim your joy. That's the important thing here. This isn't okay, do all of these things because you must and you have to. This is about finding joy in your real life. You can go to alliemariesmith.com that's a L L I E. Go to wonderfullymade.org and you can see all the resources that are there for you. And I encourage you with today's hope prescription to unplug and reconnect with God. Even if it's one simple way forward. Maybe that is getting this book, maybe that is listening in again to the doctor, nurse mama coaching minutes. Listen into our healthy habits journey. This summer we're going to take a deep dive into that. And each week we'll talk about some of those things. Allie was talking about tidying up your tech and being transparent with it and having tech free zones and tech free times. We'll walk through all of those baby steps together. And I'm here with you. And I pray that wherever you are, whatever you're doing, whatever your situation today, that the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you. I pray that he will be gracious to you. And I'll see you here tomorrow. Don't miss it. We're going to have, We're going to have a great show for you. I can't wait to be here. I'll see you then.

>> Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.