Transcript

Dr. Jessica Peck is prescribing Hope for healthy families on American Family Radio

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing Hope for healthy Families. Here on American Family Radio.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck. Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite time of the day, getting to spend time with you, prescribing Hope for healthy families. And it is my favorite day of the week. It is fry. Yay. We have made it, everybody. I'm so excited to be at the end of the week. It has a different energy, I'm telling you. So whatever you're doing this weekend, I hope you're going to enjoy time with your family. We're at the season of spring break, so maybe you're traveling, maybe you're having a staycation. But wherever you are, we are here to give you hope. And today what we're talking about is the power of weekly check ins. If you'll notice, since January we have been talking about weekly habits, 52 habits for healthy families. And we are already, almost through the first quarter of the year. Can you actually believe it? And here we are in week 11 talking about weekly check ins. Now, we've talked about things that are rhythms for your life, and we're about to have a transition. So stay tuned because next week we'll start to transition to some communication skills that are really important for building healthy families. Not perfect families, but healthy families.

This week we talk about the power of a weekly check in

But this week we're going to talk about the power of a weekly check in. Now, is this something that your family does? Because life can feel like a whirlwind sometimes, and schedules are pulling us in a hundred different directions. It's so easy to go through the motions and really miss what matters. That's people. People are, what really, really matter in our lives. And, you know, it seems like in the last two years, I have been to more funerals than I've been to in my whole life. And it really has given me a shifted perspective. And I'm so grateful for that gift because, out of all those funerals I've sat in, no one has sat there in their obituary and thought, well, I really wish I'd made more money. Oh, I really wish that I had gotten promoted. I wish that I had worked longer. Nobody says that. They're all talking about the people in their lives that are most important. So let's think for a second. What if just once a week, we just pressed pause because life today is going 24 7. It's really difficult to do that. But what if we just pressed pause and we truly Checked in.

Weekly check ins can bring peace to your home and strengthen your relationships

Now tonight we're talking about the beauty of weekly check ins. This is a simple life giving habit that can bring peace to your home, strengthen your relationships and remind your family that no one is navigating life alone. You may have heard about the epidemic among children of anxiety, depression, mental health crises. For me as a pediatric nurse practitioner, as a mom of four young kids, four young, young adult ish kind of kids, I can assure you that is true. But there's also an epidemic of loneliness and we need to know that we're not alone. So no matter your season, whether you're chasing toddlers, you're guiding teens, you're launching young adults, or you're in that, in that stage of life where you are just enjoying retirement. Whatever it is, this small rhythm can make a really big difference. So take a deep breath, get comfy and let's chat about how we can create meaningful connection in the middle of chaos.

Weekly check ins can strengthen family relationships and reduce stress, studies show

It is Ask Doctor, Nurse, Mama. Friday I'm going to answer some questions and the main question that I get on this is how Jessica, how, how do we do this? Well, I'm going to tell you, I don't do it perfectly, but I definitely have made progress. And for those of you who have heard my story that I've shared before in my book, I have shared about how about when my oldest daughter was 13, I realized that I was going to need a new mindset and a new skill set going forward. And I've been very intentional about curating that. And that's been about 10 years ago. So it takes time, give yourself grace and space for the journey. Because modern family life is really busy. We have schedules, we have screens, we have work, we have school, we have social pressures and most of all, we have media 24 7. There are no moments for stillness, but there is power. There is really significant relationship power and intentional connections. So weekly check ins can make such a difference. When was the last time that your family sat down free from distractions and truly connected? In our fast paced world, it's so easy to get caught up in the rush of daily life and we miss those opportunities to nurture the relationships that matter most. And that's why weekly check ins can be a game changer. Setting aside intentional time each week to talk, to reflect, to pray together. It doesn't just strengthen our relationships, it strengthens our mental status, our emotional status and our spiritual well being. Did you know that studies show that regular family conversations reduce stress, they increase resilience and they even help prevent risky behaviors in kids and Teens, really, truly. You know, Scripture reminds us in Deuteronomy 6, 6 through 7, impress God's truth on our children, on our families talking about it when we sit at home, when we walk along the road. And that weekly check in can be as simple as sharing the highs and lows from the week where you've been, where you've sat at home, where you've walked along the road, just praying together really quickly, or just setting goals for the days ahead. It is about creating a sacred rhythm of connection. And you might be thinking, yeah, I talk with my family regularly, but do they have that one time of the week that they know you're going to check in? So what would change in your family if you just committed to making this a weekly habit? Would your home feel a little more peaceful, a little more connected? What if this one simple weekly habit could strengthen your family and reduce your stress? I think everybody wants that.

Strong family connections are one of the most powerful protective factors for health

So let's talk a little bit more about the holistic health benefits of this connection point. Let's talk about our minds first. This is our emotional and mental, well, well being first of all, it provides a safe space to express our emotions. That time, I know my husband and I even recently just had, we were having a conversation where it was like, oh, we're gonna talk about something that we've been struggling with. And it's just the timing is not right. We don't have time for that. But if I know we're going to have that weekly connection, I can hold it until then. I can wait. We know that we have some time set as side to work through some of those things that are maybe challenges or decisions that we're having to make. And it gives that safe space. It also reduces stress and anxiety because you've got predictability, you've got consistency, and you've got stability. Those are really important elements for family health. It also helps you communicate better and it improves your emotional intelligence. You know, I've been so convicted in my own family because there's times where I'll discover a challenge that might child is facing. And they've been wrestling with it and haven't said anything. And when I look back, I think, oh, I, saw that I, I knew you were worried about something, but things were just going so fast. And then I got distracted. And as soon as that thought went through my head of, I, wonder what's going on. Oh, I need to do this. Having that check in is a great safety net to be able to catch those things and to feel really in tune and in step with your family. It also increases our physical health and our practical wellness. Can you believe this? Having those connections supports better sleep. You know, I've been talking about sleep. I spent two weeks talking about sleep and just giving us a feeling of overall relaxation before the week starts. And it helps us to check in on those health habits, all of those ones that we've been working on, and say, how are you doing? What's going really well? What's successes can we celebrate with you? What are you really struggling with? And it just creates an opportunity to talk about those things when you may just not have time during the week. It also strengthens our spiritual faith. It encourages gratitude and reflection, thinking, what are we thankful for this week? Maybe that's part of your family rhythm. And I know I'm throwing out a lot of options, but do what works best for your family. Do what works for a season and then change it up a little bit. It is so important, important to embrace the uniqueness of the family that God has given you. Here's another, thing. It really strengthens your family identity and your values. Your family knows who you are, what you stand for. You will notice themes coming up in these check ins and we are the this family and this is what we do. And you can capitalize on that. You can celebrate the victories, you can work through the challenges. Most of all, you can support each other through both of those. But it helps your family member to feel seen and heard. It reinforces their worth and their purpose. And sometimes some weeks are just busy and we don't have that time to connect. But knowing that we've got that week coming, even if it's just 5, 10, 15 minutes, you think about asking questions like, what are we doing well? Ask your family, what are we doing well as a family? What do we need to work on? And that really engages your whole family, whatever age your kids are or you, your spouse to say, what do we need to work on? Those strong family connections are one of the most powerful protective factors. We don't always talk about just the negative things like stop being on your phone or, you know, what you need to stop doing? What do you need to start doing? How do we prevent problems before they start? These connections are protective for your emotional, your mental, and even your physical well being. Like I just told you it worth saying again. Research consistently shows children and teens who have regular, meaningful conversations with their parents are less likely to engage in risky behaviors. This is drugs or other, you, know, intimate behaviors that are risky, experience depression, they don't struggle as much with feelings of isolation. A Harvard study of adult development found that strong relationships are the greatest predictor of long term happiness and health. We know that meaningful connection, a healthy relationship between child and adult is the number one predictor of resilience. A CDC study on youth risk behaviors found that a sense of family belonging significantly reduces the likelihood of substance abuse, violence, mental health struggles. Do you see a pattern here? But the key to fostering these connections isn't just in the big moments. It's paying attention to the little things. A change in mood, that little hesitation in their voice, that unspoken worry you can see on their face or in their eyes. And when families create space for consistent check ins. Here's the thing. You are opening the door for early intervention. This is so important because especially for kids, the way that their brain works, they're neuroplastic. And when they start to have an unhealthy way of coping, that worry is on a loop cycle in their brain. Every time it cycles makes that rut a little deeper. When you catch it early, the brain will correct itself and it will seek an alternate pathway that is, powerful. You can address those small concerns before they become big problems. This proactive approach makes sure that no one in your house is going to feel unseen or unheard. Now, none of us intend to make our spouse, to make our kids, to make our parents, whoever is living with us that we're caring for, we don't intend to say, oh, I want you to feel unseen and unheard and uncared about, but it's distraction. It's those nuances. It is those things that seem so, benign that are really, really dangerous. So being intentional about giving space for someone to be seen and heard, it just strengthens those bonds and cultivates a sense of security and trust that lasts a lifetime. Isn't that what we want? That's absolutely what we want. Here's another thing. It also fosters sibling relationships. It gives to resolve conflicts and celebrate those wins together. There are, ah, so often when my kids were young, I am playing referee. I'm saying, okay, give her space to talk. Let him express his feelings. Okay, it's your turn now. It's your turn. And I'm not resolving it for them, but I'm helping those communication skills and I'll be helping teach you those later on in our healthy habits journey. But know that when families check in regularly, people feel valued, people feel understood, they feel secure. And most of all, it gives you influence in their relationship. They are going to value their relationship with you. And their decisions are driven by their values. They're going to make decisions that honor your families. So when we come back, we'll talk about some specific strategies for different families at different ages and stages.

52 habits for healthy families. Now remember, we're on a journey

But, there are also challenges that you have saying, we don't have time. Oh, my kids are definitely not going to do that. Or it just feels so forced and fake. I'm going to help you with that when we come back. Now remember, we're on this journey, 52 habits for healthy families. If you've missed out and you think, well, what are the other 10? Well, you can go to the doctor, nurse, mama coaching minutes and you can listen to one minute. It's just one minute. We all have one minute. One minute to catch you up on all of the habits where we've gone so far, all of these rhythms for families that really will prescribe hope for your family more when we come back on the other side of this break. I'll see you in a minute. Because of listeners like you, PreBorn helped to rescue over 67,000 babies. Your $28 to sponsor one ultrasound doubled a baby's chance at life. Your tax- deductible gift saves lives. Please join us in this life saving mission. To donate, go to preborn.com/AFR. Will you take a moment and celebrate life with me?

Last year, Preborn helped to rescue over 67,000 babies from abortion

Last year, PreBorn helped to rescue over 67,000 babies from abortion. Hi, this is Jessica Peck, host of the Dr. Nurse Mama Show. And I want to to thank you for your partnership. Think about what you did. 67,000 babies are taking their first breath now because of you. Your $28 sponsored one ultrasound that was given to a woman as she was deciding about the future of her child. Once she saw her precious baby for the first time and heard their sweet  heartbeat, her baby's chance at life doubled. But PreBorn's mission is not only to rescue babies lives but also to lead women to Christ. Last year PreBorn network Clinics saw 8,900 women receive salvation. Your help is crucial to continue their life saving work. Your caring tax- deductible donation saves lives. So please be generous. To donate, go to preborn.com/AFR, that's preborn.com/AFR, or dial pound 250 and the keyword baby. That's pound 250 baby, your love can save a life. PreBorn's whole mission is to rescue babies from abortion and lead their families to Christ. Last year PreBorn's network of clinics saw 8,900 mothers come to Christ, please join us in this life saving mission. To donate, go to preborn.com/AFR. and.

>> This Is My Song by North Point Worship featuring Mac Powell : I sang in Christ alone my solid ground oh amazing grace Just how sweet the sound on that broken cross Jesus paid it all because he lives. This is my song.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is This Is My Song by North Point Worship featuring Mac Powell. And is that your song? Do you have a song on this Friday? Are you singing a song? I hope that you are. I hope that you will find hope.

Having a weekly check in with your family can help kids develop healthy relationships

Today we are talking about hope for families and finding that through the healthy habit of weekly check ins. Having a weekly check in with your family. Who doesn't want stronger family relationships? Who doesn't want greater parental influence? I'm going to talk about that in just a little bit because I think that modern parenting strategies, we've got to adapt. But there are some great ways that we've done it and there are some not great ways that we've done it. But the ways that the world is influencing our kids is changing. And if we want to influence our kids, the best way to do that is by building healthy relationships. And one of the best ways to do that is to have regular check ins with your family. We all want to feel connected. We all want our kids to be safer and not to engage in risky behaviors. We all want our kids to feel connected and not isolated. And goodness knows, we all want them to get along with their siblings. As a mama of four, I get that. I understand that and I'm so happy to have kids who are best friends. That doesn't mean that it's perfect, but it's something that we've been working on. But the key thing here is that when families check in regularly, your kids are going to feel seen, known and loved. That is important. And your spouse. So let's talk about some practical application. Okay, what does this look like? Like, okay, I get the concept. We need to be checking in regularly. Try make it a specific time and day of the week, whether that's Sunday nights. That's usually what works for me. But here's the thing. If you've got young kids, like we're talking ages about 3 to 10, just keep it short and simple. I'm talking 5, 10 minutes. Use a fun conversation starter and name it something that's uniquely your family's time. Even it can be something as plain as time. For our weekly check in, let's do our weekly check in. Maybe you have something more creative to do. Use some fun conversation starters. You can say, what was the best part of Your week we do highs and lows. What made you laugh? I'm going to give you one example of a conversation starter I used with my kids when they were younger. I said what word they were going to school at the time. What word does your teacher say most during a day? What word or phrase does your teacher say most? Let me tell you, I was not prepared. I heard hot mess. I heard police just like that. I heard, you'll never be bored in my class. And I heard, Canada. All my teacher does is talk about Canada. It was random, but it was funny. Now also we talked about this prompted a conversation where my son at the time brought home a paper and it said, write a sentence about your teacher. And my son wrote, my teacher is crazy. Now you can imagine my concern. And I asked him about this and I said, can you tell me more about this? And he said, yeah, she's crazy, crazy good. I just ran out of, ran out of room on the line. I couldn't write good. So he just wrote, his teacher was crazy. Well, all of these things, little check ins that was looking at all of their schoolwork, having those conversations, it really helped me connect with them. It also, for these younger kids, it teaches emotional expression. Now I want to tell you about something that you can find online that might be helpful for you. It's called the feelings wheel or the emotion wheel. You can just do a simple Internet search and you can find a lot of different variations of it. And what you'll see when it comes up is this wheel, that has a ton of emotions on the outside. And when you're asking your kids, how are you feeling? Sometimes it can be really difficult for them to put that in words. They only know so many words. But when you look at this feelings wheel, it gives a lot more nuance to that. So when they're looking at those words, you know, you might see words like I'm feeling upset, but maybe I'm feeling, feeling indignant, I'm feeling jealous, I'm feeling ridiculed, I'm feeling annoyed, I'm feeling dismissed, or whatever it is. But there, there are lots of different options of this that you can find online. And then you go down the wheel and say, okay, let's drill that down, let's make it, let's make it more specific. And then you come to the core emotion which is in the inside of the wheel. This just might be a good conversation tool that you can use just to help your kids name and claim their feelings. Having some, having some clarity in and how many times have you felt an emotion that your family members recognized before you even stop to recognize it yourself? They recognize, they know when mom or dad is irritated, they know when you're worried, they know when you're stressed. And sometimes you may not have even stopped to say, yeah, I'm feeling stressed about that. And so you can talk about that. Then that supports emotional regulation. Well, what do I do when I'm angry? What do I do when I'm worried? We go to the word of God. That's what we do. So you can look at your concordance and start looking up, that emotion word. Look up scriptures about angry, about anger, look up scriptures about worry, look up scriptures about sadness and start going to the word of God. That's really, really helpful. And then maybe you just end with a bedtime story, a family prayer, maybe a silly little game. That's a good way to do it. Just for families with young kids, just have that weekly check in, say, hey, we're going to check in. My husband and I called heart checks at that age. We're just gonna do a, quick heart check and just make sure everything is good. Now if you've got families with preteens and teens, that should be a no pressure zone. It is not time to do an interrogation to ask them 101 questions. You might incorporate food. Here's just a suggestion. Maybe it's a night you have a special snack or a dessert, or maybe it's even a special family dinner that's your going to be your check in time. Or maybe it's a, long trip that you're taking every week to go to a practice or to a church service or whatever, wherever that is that you're having that weekly rhythm. How can you fit this in and ask open ended questions.

I challenge you to try a weekly check in with your family

What thing are you looking forward to this week? What are you dreading this week? What's been challenging for you lately? How can we help support you? Discuss faith and values, but not in a way that invites dialogue and allow some flexibility. Sometimes it might happen in the car, sometimes it might be over ice cream, sometimes over text, during a walk. But just know that your kids know you're going to be checking in on them every week. And for those who have, young adults or no kids at home, stay connected with that rhythm of a regular check in. I know for a season my husband and I had our check in on a porch swing. We would go out and sit on the swing and our kids would know, oh, mom and dad are having their check in they're just talking and making sure everything's okay. That can be really helpful. Now a lot of families will say, we don't have time for this. And, and even 15 minutes makes a difference. And again, I'm just going to be that little voice of conviction saying, look at your screen time on your phone. How many minutes have you watched the news this week? How many minutes have you done something else where you could prioritize making this a priority? As our family has grown and scattered out, that check in happens over text. Okay, how's everybody's week looking? What? How can we pray for you, you this week? What kind of support does anybody need? And they might say, I need a ride or I need a prayer. I need a poster board, whatever that is. Now sometimes people will say, oh, I my kids, they're not going to do that. Make it fun, make it engaging. Make, start with dad jokes or do something funny. Play a game together. Don't. And don't give up. Be persistent, if it doesn't go well the first time, just be consistent and keep trying. And if it feels forced, just be consistent. Be flexible. Welcome suggestions from your family. Okay, how can we change this and make it better? And over time it will feel very natural. But listen, the bottom line is your family doesn't need perfection. It's not possible, by the way, to attain perfection. But it does need connection. So I'm going to challenge you to try a weekly check in. And again, if you can put that into something you're already doing, if you're already in the habit of driving together as a family to church and you're driving home, do it. when you're driving home, have that weekly check in. How did everything go at church? What did you learn? What is God teaching you? But know that God placed you in the family. He placed you in for a reason. And those people are, ah, your people, to steward and to show God's love to he has given them to you to care for and to comfort and to support. Because we know in this world we do not want to be alone. And I want to remind you of the verse I gave you earlier from Deuteronomy 6. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts and press them on your children. Talk about them. When you sit at home, when you walk along the road, when you lie down, when you get up, whatever that rhythm is, maybe it's lying down to sleep at night, whatever that rhythm is. For a check in, do that check in. And this verse just Beautifully reinforces the idea that we weave our faith and our values into our daily life. It's not just something that we do that we check off in a box. It's not just reserved for special occasions. It's an ongoing conversation, whether that's at the dinner table, in the car, or on Sunday nights. So that faith and wisdom and connection just become a natural part of our family rhythms.

Sometimes we fall into unhealthy parenting patterns without even realizing it

And one of the hardest things and the questions that I get a lot from parents are about parenting styles. How do we parent? Because we're getting so many different messages. And that will play into how you implement some of these rhythms that we've been talking about. And parenting is one of the most beautiful yet exhausting roles in life. And sometimes just in the chaos of it all, we fall into unhealthy patterns without even realizing it. And if you've fallen into that, it's going to be harder to adopt some of these rhythms, but much more important to do so. So here's some unhealthy parenting styles. I've talked about this a little bit in the last few weeks and keep getting questions. So want to come back to, to this authoritarian parenting that's overly controlling. That's rules without relationship. That's really high expectations, very little flexibility. And there's an unspoken expectation of perfection. We don't intend for it to be there, but it is there. And it can leave our kids feeling anxious. And rules without relationship can lead to rebellion. And for parents, it can be exhausting trying to control every single detail of their life. Like, we don't want to do that. We, we, and we need to leave some room for grace and for connection. Now on the other side of that, we've got overly strict and then we've got overly permissive. This is love with no boundaries. It's just, I want to be fun, I want to be easygoing. We have no structure. And that actually can also create insecurity, in children. They need guidance, guidance. They need predictability. And without it, they don't know how to self discipline. They don't know how to self regulate their emotions. So those are two extremes. We gotta find somewhere in the middle, we've gotta find that, love with boundaries, with an appropriate level of authority. And sometimes what I see is neglectful parenting. Now, I know this is a tender space and none of us would say we intend to be a neglectful parent. You definitely wouldn't because you wouldn't be listening. But this is just when you're in survival mode, you're stressed, you're exhausted, you're going through a season of personal struggles. Sometimes you just unintentionally or passively become disconnected and kids are left to kind of figure things out on their own. They don't want to bother you because they see all of the things that you're going through and that can let get, that gives them the message. They feel unimportant, important, they feel insecure and that can be really hard. Now on the other side of that spectrum we have reactive parenting where we have the emotions are just on heightened alert all the time and we just got these patterns we don't know how to break. Now all of these things when we see usually parenting is going to float on that continuum. Overly strict, overly permissive and then overly neglectful, overly emotional. So we've got to find that balance. In the, the middle there are a lot of people who have taken to social media and we see these trendy parenting styles and this, this self appointed wisdom, you know, like okay, this is the best way to do it. And some of those things are, are this, this is where we've kind of been. So starting in the 1990s when we see Gen X kids who are also known as latchkey kids, we start to see them saying okay, you know what, we've been a little hands off, we need to parent them better. So we have helicopter parenting that came on the scene this, who are hovering, hence the helicopter over their children's every move to protect them from failure or harm. So this is a parent is going constantly online on the school portal to check the grades or maybe even doing the homework for them or immediately emailing the teacher about any low grade or doing all of the homework. You know, let me help you with your school assignment and all of a sudden I've done it for you. And the drawbacks of this parenting style are we really limit kids ability to develop independence and to solve problems on their own and they need that as a life skill and it can make kids more anxious because they don't know how to fend for themselves and they don't know how to handle failure and which inevitably will come at some point in their, in their life. Then in the 2000s we saw the emergence of tiger parenting. Now this is, is high expectations, strict discipline, emphasis on academic and extracurricular excellence. This is, you know, that, that pressure that you're going to you're going to have that you're going to have that perfection. And again we see anxiety, we see low self esteem, we see burnout and it focuses on achievement over emotional well being. And then in the 2010s, we saw free range parenting. Hey, we need to go back a little bit. Like, let's let our kids have some independence. And this is like Back to the 80s, right, where you just go out and ride your bike and you know, there's no GPS or anything like that. But that can be perceived as neglectful if it's not balanced properly. We, again, all of this is about balance. There's also some safety concerns. We want to make sure our kids are safe and it requires a high level of trust and responsibility from kids. So then, in the 2010s, we saw this explosion of parenting styles. We saw gentle parenting that was influenced by attachment parenting that focuses on empathy and respect and understanding their emotions rather than implementing disciplines. We've all seen the social media reels on this where a toddler has a meltdown in the grocery store and then all of a sudden you see the parent laying on the floor next to them. How do you feel? How can I help you in this moment? And again, again, there are good things. There are benefits and drawbacks about both. But when we come back, I'll talk to you a little bit more about some of these other parenting styles that are there. But most of all, I'm going to give you some hope on the power of healthy parenting and where you can find balance in the middle of all of that chaos. Don't go away. We'll be right back. Talking more about weekly check ins on, ask Dr. Nursemama for Friday. I'll see you in a minute. And my father, your great grandfather, fought in World War II. Really? He was a gunner on the big ship out in the Pacific Ocean. Wow. Your great grandmother did her part too. Was she on a ship? Oh, no, she stayed back home. She and a lot of her friends worked really hard and affected because the men had gone off to war and they held scrap metal drives to help in the war effort. The folks back home were heroes too.

>> Jeff Chamblee: Here at the American Family association, we consider you the heroes back home as you fulfill your responsibility of caring for your family day to day. Your partnership with us is crucial as we fight the enemies of freedom in America. Thank you for your commitment. Commitment to the American Family Association. Grandpa, what's a scrap metal drive? Let's get some cookies and I'll, tell you all about it.

>> WWJD by CAIN: I grew up, with a bracelet wrapped around my wrist, four letters to remind me who my example is. Well, I know when out of style somewhere around 03. That question's an old question, but it still needs answering. What would Jesus do? I'm trying to do it. What would Jesus do? Want my life to prove it? I want to talk again. Keep asking it. What would Jesus do? What would Jesus do?

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is WWJD by CAIN Anybody have a bracelet like that? Wwjd I know I did. And the lyrics of that song say it went out of style somewhere around 03. But something that has not gone out of style is thinking what would Jesus do? In the timeless truth, truths of biblical principles of parenting, trying to navigate this chaotic world that just feels like it is going crazy. It really does feel that way.

In the 2010s, we see this explosion of different parenting styles

And today we're talking about having rhythms with your family, having weekly check ins and I'm talking about parenting styles and answering some questions here on Ask doctor Nursemama Friday on what do I think about some of these parenting styles? And I have lots of thoughts and I'm going to try to share them with you gently. So we're talking about gentle parenting and I know there's a lot about this. I've talked about this in the past and again, there is balance here. There's a good thing to be emotionally regulating, but we can overdo it. So Again, in the 2010s, we see this explosion of different parenting styles. We see this explosion of self help parenting. Let me tell you, I know myself. I do not need help for myself. I tried to do parenting on my own at first and it did not work out so well. But when I let go of those things and stop feeling the pressure of what the world was trying to tell me and embrace the unique journey of motherhood that God had given me and the unique kids that I had, the unique family that I had, that's where I found freedom. And when we look at some of these styles, other styles that we see are intensive parenting. And that's a hyper involved approach. Again, that's where we make the kids the center of our lives. And when we do that, it's important to prioritize our kids. When we look back at historical trends, when we see back at the turn of the century where children were seen and not heard and not allowed at the dinner table, now we've got this intensive parenting. Some of the drawbacks of that are it makes us burned out, it makes us stressed. And then when our kids leave home, we don't know who we are or what to do do anymore and they don't know what to do without us. We also had Snowplow or bulldozer parenting. This is parents removing any obstacle from their children's path to make sure they're going to be successful. They're not going to experience struggles. And I see this, I'll tell you as a college professor, where if a college student has an obstacle in their college journey, I may have parents who will come in. And it is important for us to find that balance, find that boundary of how do we help our kids transition to adulthood. We want them to feel successful and confident on their own. We want them to develop resilience and coping skills. We want them to feel confident in handling setbacks in adulthood which surely will come. And we want them to know that in this world we will have trouble. There is no way to protect all of our kids from the hardships of life. And then in the 2000 and twenties, you start to see the emergence of conscious parenting wellness. It's very popular in wellness and mindfulness movements. And that's where parents are focusing on self awareness and emotional intelligence and healing their own childhood wounds. Am I in favor of that? Absolutely. I'm in favor of those elements of emotional intelligence and healing our own trauma so that we don't pass that on to our kids. We know that if we have unhealed trauma, it can impact the way our DNA is read and transcribed. But healing is also passed on that way as well. But each of these parenting styles has strengths, but definitely has drawbacks too. That's why I'm just encouraging you today to free yourself from the pressure of that and just take a balanced approach. You need some structure. You need to nurture independence. You need to allow children, when it's safe and appropriate to, to experience natural consequences. If they forget their lunch, they're hungry for lunchtime. If they forget their homework, maybe they get a, mark on their grade book that impacts their grade. These kinds of things teach kids to change their behavior. It's like if you touch a hot stove, your brain says, move your hand. All of those things are healthy. And our role as parents is to make sure that it's safe to fail, that these are not the high stakes things that really matter, but these are the low stakes things can be learning experiences and that is the most effective. We all want to raise resilient, well adjusted kids.

Faith informed parenting, not fear based parenting, is the key to healthy parenting

I've talked before about the concept of lighthouse parenting and this might be helpful for you from a faith based perspective that's just rooted in the idea of we are a lighthouse. We are guiding children with unwavering love and wisdom, much like A lighthouse stands firm through the storms. It shines light, it gives direction. And as parents, parents, we are called to be a beacon of support and guidance for children. Much like God provides a constant source of light and truth in our lives, we are simply a reflection of that. And we read in Proverbs 22, train up children in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it. So that verse encourages us to create a firm foundation of faith, of wisdom and compassion in our parenting, helping our kids navigate life's challenges with God's guidance. So the benefits of being a lighthouse are really powerful. We're going to have trust, we're going to have emotional connection with our kids because they know they can trust us to shine light on danger, to show them the way to go. We can empower them to make decisions with confidence because they can see where they're going. They can rely on their faith. And we allow them the space to grow, to make mistakes. We help them build resilience and to know how to problem solve and to give them a sense of purpose. Lighthouse parents are protectors and guides and we show our kids the path of love and grace and faith while we point them toward God's greater plan for their lives. You see, healthy parenting is a timeless and transformative approach. It transcends fleeting trends, all of those trends that we said, and it also overcomes societal or cultural pressure pressures at its core. We have to understand our role as parents is to guide and nurture our children with love and wisdom and faith based on spiritual truths that have stood the test of time. I do not want you to fall victim to fear based parenting methods. I have seen so much of that, you know, and we see these fear laden messages. The world is coming for your children. You know, this, this is awful. They're going to see this and this is going to happen. And those we have to be realistic about the threats facing our kids. And I am not suggesting that we minimize those. But if we base our parenting and our relationships on fear, that is a strategy that is doomed to fail. If we chase after the latest parenting fads, if we, compare ourselves to other parents and think, oh, well, this is what they're doing, they're giving this privilege at this age, or they're giving their kids this experience and I, not, we are doomed to fail. But here's the hope. Healthy parenting draws from the deep well of biblical principles. And think about Proverbs. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding in all Your ways acknowledge him and he will guide your path. That is even with your family. Faith informed parenting, not fear based parenting. I want to you you to have faith informed parenting that provides stability and peace. It helps us to trust God's plan for our kids even when they have challenges. We have to reject the pressure we feel to control every aspect of our children's lives. And we instead create an environment of love, encouragement and guidance. And when we try to control them, it's because we're all also trying to control our image. We see our children as a reflection of the image of our parenting. and when there are struggles, when there are trials, we think, oh, I don't want the world to see that. Well, news flash. No family is perfect. No kid is perfect. And there's something really powerful and standing with them in those moments of challenge and loving them anyway. Speaking truth with love, allowing them to flourish into confident, resilient individuals. Not. You embarrassed me. I can't believe you did that. But I'm sorry you experienced that. I'm sorry you made that choice. It really feels terrible when those kinds of things happen. Let's talk about what we can do to set you up for success in the future. I want you to know I love you and it's going to be okay. That's really powerful. There is an incredible beauty and embracing the unique qualities of your family, recognizing that God intentionally crafted each member with a distinct personality, different temperaments, and beautifully given gifts.

In today's world, as parents, we are constantly navigating competing cultural forces

In a world that pressures families to conform, we feel like we have to be like other families. Whether it's through social media comparisons or just expectations of society. I want you to remember that your family's identity is meant and designed to be different. It's okay to be different. You don't have to keep up with others or you don't have to give your children the same privileges or experiences that everyone else has. You don't have to take the same vacations as we're going through spring break. A lot of times you'll look and you'll see that perfectly. You, know social media worthy picture and the snow and maybe that is for that family in that season. I'm not saying those things are bad, but it doesn't mean that you have to have that too. Your family can be different. Your family might be the family that loves to camp, that loves to have a staycation, that loves nothing more than staying at home for the week. That is okay. This is a powerful way to build a strong foundation of confidence and resilience. And when you Focus on what makes your family special. Your own traditions, your quirks, your ways of connecting. That is the way to cultivate an environment where every kid feels valued for who they truly are. Your spouse feels valued for who they are. That unique identity creates a sense of belonging and security that helps your family to navigate life's challenges with confidence. Confidence. And it encourages your family to stand apart. That is okay. We want them to stand firm on their values and to know that they're different and that's okay. And they can face the world with the knowledge that it's not just okay for me to be different. This is the way God designed us. This is the way God made our family to serve. And in today's world, as parents, we are constantly navigating competing cultural forces that influence our kids. We've got social media, we have peer pressure pressure, we have societal influence, we have culture wars that are all vying for our attention, that are all trying to shape our behaviors. And it's easy to feel as parents like my influence. My role is being undermined. But while our tactics may evolve, we may adopt different tactics. Our mission remains the same. To raise kids who love God and serve others. To guide and nurture and protect our kids in a way that promotes their overall well being. The old my way or the highway approach, it may not long. It doesn't work very well anymore. In a world where connection and autonomy are valued and there's so many competing influences. But the hope is that we can build that through healthy, authentic relationships. It's showing up for our kids emotionally, physically, mentally, that we position ourselves as the trusted authorities in their lives. When parents are deeply invested in their kids growth, when they're consistently present, when they're actively engaged, when they are seeking God's guidance to love them the best that they can, our kids are going to feel safe and supported and you're going to do okay. No matter what parenting style you might choose. It strengthens our trust and our respect. So the good news, here's the best news I'll give you today. As a parent, you don't have to be perfect perfect. You just need to be present. Healthy parenting isn't about following a strict manual. It's just these simple, sustainable rhythms that reflect your unique personality and strength. And we've been talking about how to do that here in the healthy habits. Starting with praying for your kids, memorizing scripture, going to church, playing worship music, practicing gratitude. Those are all things that are there. But here, here's just a starter for you. Create a consistent routine. Kids thrive on predictable patterns. Whether it's bedtime, prayers, family, dinner, morning routine. These moments tell them you are safe, you are loved, you belong. So have those rhythms in your life. Balance love and limits. Show love, but set clear, fair expectations. Connect and then correct. Correct. Model emotional stability. It's okay to have bad days, but just be intentional about showing self control. Apologize when you need to, which we'll talk about here in the upcoming weeks and teach your kids healthy ways to express their feelings and lean into your strengths. Not every parent is the Pinterest mom. Not every dad is the fun dad. That's okay. Maybe you show love through cooking meals. Maybe you're gift is storytelling. Maybe your gift is jokes. Maybe your gift is just being there and being a good listener. Embrace how God uniquely created you to connect with your family and listen. Make space for joy, play together, laugh, be silly. Enjoy your kids. Have fun with them instead of just managing them all the time. Listen. Parenting doesn't have to feel like a constant battle of exhaustion and frustration. When you just embrace healthy life giving habits tailored to your unique gifts, it becomes a home where your family can thrive. I hope that you have been encouraged just I challenge you again to make that time for a weekly check in with your family where somewhere you can habit stack that. And as you're doing that, I pray friend, that the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you and I'll see you here on Monday.

>> Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.