Hello, and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner, and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite time of the afternoon, getting to spend time with you, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And listen, we really, really need hope in the world that is today. As we are racing towards the end of 2025. I cannot believe it. I cannot believe that we are already in October and rounding the corner to November. And today, I really wanted just to take a minute with you and talk about something I've been getting a lot of questions about. And it seems like it doesn't matter how much I talk about this, how much information I give about this, there are still more questions. And so today I'm going to talk about smartphones. I'm going to talk about social media, how that is impacting our family. I've been writing a lot about it in the Stand magazine for American Family association, and I just had an article that came out just this month. I actually just got it in the mail this week. And I talked about the anxious generation, because I get a lot of questions about that. So that's what we're gonna do today. Just so buckle in and we're going to get there. But before I do, as we are rounding the corner towards the holidays, I hope that you've been listening in. We've been trying to give you some great information to prepare your families for the holidays, because all of have the intention of having such a great holiday. But then once December 1st here gets here, we just start in regret, and thinking, I wish I would have, I wish I should have, I wish I could have. And we can do those things now. So we've talked about preparing for Advent. We've talked about preparing your home and decluttering a little bit, prioritizing that. And one of the things that I really, really want you to think about is Operation Christmas Child. Now, that is an organization through Samaritan's Purse that sends Christmas gifts to children all over the world. I've done it for years now. And last year, I had the sweetest experience with it. Really, I did. I packed all of my boxes. I always do four boxes to mirror my kids. And I've got four kids at home. And I figure if I can prepare gifts for four kids at home, I can prepare gifts for four kids all over the world. And they are so pleased, so greatly pleased with so very little. So this does not have to be something really expensive. Expensive. This is something that you can do on a budget for sure. You can seek donations. There's all kinds of ways, creative ways to get your kids involved. And you can actually track the box. You can register the box. And most of the time, not always, sometimes because of safety concerns or security concerns, but you can track and know where that box went. And last year when I did this, I packed all my boxes and I went to the drop off spot. And when I got there, there was a, an American Heritage Girls troop there who was volunteering. And let me tell you how incredibly precious they were. Absolutely precious. Came and got my boxes and filled out all of the paperworks. These girls were probably 8, 9, 10 years old. So to see them filling out the forms and having meaning and purpose and such joy in what they were doing was really very inspiring to me. And as I turned around to go, I felt this little girl tap my arm and say, you forgot the most important part. And me, with my adult mind, I said, oh, no, I paid online because I thought the most important part is to pay for the box. You pay eight, eight dollars, I think it is. Don't. Oh, it's ten. A, ten dollars. You pay ten dollars to pay for shipping, to help with the shipping cost of that. And she said, no, you didn't pray over the boxes with us. And so she called me back and I sat with those little girls and they. And she led the most beautiful, inspiring prayer. And we always have a guest from Operation Christmas child who comes. And we will have that coming up. So there's always a testimony because there's so many testimonies of flat out miracles that God does through this ministry. I mean, I am talking miracles. And we have had so many great stories. Even last year we talked about, we talked to a woman who was a little girl who had gotten a box and gotten exactly what she asked for. And there was a little best friend's necklace in there. And the woman who gave her that best friend's necklace necklace, she wanted to give that woman the other half of the necklace. Well, long story short, that woman ended up adopting her. I mean, it is just incredible. So I really encourage you to be a part of that. National Collection Week is coming up November 17th through the 24th, and that will be here before you know it, I promise you. Because this year is going so fast. So you can go to samaritanspurse.org/occ that's for Operation Christmas Child. samaritanspurse.org/occ and you can learn more about packing a shoebox. There's a list in there of things that they're looking for. There's some things in there not to pack for safety reasons, for emotional safety reasons, too. Just, things that are appropriate in there to pack. And you may even have a local church that is involved that's helping. I know my local church is involved. And I went and got my boxes, actually, two weeks ago from a little table that they had there, and they were able to help with that. So I really encourage you think intentionally now, last Friday on the Healthy Habits, I talked about being intentional, and I'm going to beat this drum because I am trying to do this in my own family. As much as I want you to do it with me, I really do. Let's be intentional this year. Last year, I wrote in the Stand about stewarding Christmas, and it really is a gift that we have to steward. There are things that each of us can do to make the holiday season a blessing to our families and to other families. And I want you to start thinking now about what that's going to be, what you're going to prioritize, what you're going to say no to, what your best yes is going to be, what is the most important thing that you want your family to experience. And again, if you're starting to stress about the finances, especially if money is tight, I will tell you how your kids are not going to remember every single gift they ever got. They are going to remember the memory of your presence there. They want your presence much more than they want your presence as in your gifts, and so intend to give your gift, your family, the gift of your presence this year. So that is my spiel.
As we're looking towards Christmas, it is crazy how much kids Christmas lists have changed
I know I have talked about Christmas a lot this week, and I know that we are in October. So can I just say thank you so much to those of you who are not quite ready for being so patient, so kind. I really appreciate that. And for those of you who are ready to go, I feel that, too. And as we're looking towards Christmas, it is crazy when we think about how much kids Christmas lists have changed. I mean, I think about the technology that I had in toys when I was growing up. And you're talking about, like, I think the most technologically marvelous toy I had was like, a little coffee pot. Does anybody remember this toy? And you would turn it upside down and the coffee would, disappear. I mean, I think that's, like, the most savvy toy that I had at the time. And then we Moved on to things like Hungry Hungry Hippo. But when you look at Gen Z and Gen Alpha at their Christmas list, it is filled with technology. And that technology is not cheap. I'm just going to put it out there. The things that they are asking for cost a lot of money. Whether it's a video, a gaming system, a smartphone, some other application that they want to have, whether it's headphones, AirPods, earbuds, whatever. My kids always make fun of me because I mix up how to say that all of these things that are technology. And I think we need to be really careful this year, especially about technology, because there is a lot of AI that is integrated even into toys for little, little kids. And I'll talk a little bit more about that. Well, and I've been writing about that because sometimes we're buying AI that's literally spying on our kids. I know that's such a scary thing. Nobody wants to think about that. But we want to be smart when it comes to smartphones and other forms of smart technology. When we're looking at our Christmas gifts this year. And I think it's really important when we look at those lists that our kids are giving us and really be intentional about what we're going to give them, why we're going to give it to them, and a lot. One, of the most common questions that I get is, how old should your child be when you get them a smartphone? And I have a really firm answer on this. And that answer is, it depends. It really depends. But here's, here's the bottom line. I think for smartphones, you need to wait as long as possible, as long as possible. Every kid is different, every family is different. So you need to evaluate your own family situation. What is that? One of the common situations that I encounter is families who are experiencing divorce. And so they may be going back and forth between homes. That may necessitate technology for communication in a different way than a family who is homeschooling, whose kids are pretty much with them or, you know, are, dropped off with them. There are different situations. Don't be afraid to be that parent. To just resist and say, no, don't, don't be, don't be afraid to be that parent, but don't do it. In the absence of relationship, you need to have ongoing communication. And one of the things that I'm seeing in Gen Z is a real pushback on technology. Actually, just this week I saw on the news a gathering that people had. It was just like a, publicly announced like, hey, let's all go to the park, anybody who's interested, and we'll all delete social media together as a statement of just saying we crave in person, real relationships. And we're not going to be, really tied to this algorithm anymore, tied to this prism of perfection. So I do see messages of hope there. But one of the tools that might be helpful to you if you are wondering, is your child ready for a smartphone? The American Academy of Pediatrics and AT&T, they collaborated together to make a tool to, that is basically a questionnaire that you can go through and see, is your child ready? Now, I've reviewed this tool and I think it is great because it really has to do with your child's developmental capacity and your child's character. So it walks through questions asking about, are they responsible with things? Because if they are losing things that are not as expensive as a smartphone, if they are breaking things that are not expensive as a smartphone, then that can be a tool to help you have something to work towards and talk to with your child and say, I am looking for you to be responsible with your homework, with your backpack, with your room being clean, all, and keeping up with the things that you have, taking care of them. And that can be something that you can put on as a goal that you're working towards. Because I think that whatever, whatever age you're looking at for a smartphone, it actually shouldn't be based on age. It should be based on responsibility and developmental readiness. That's where you should be aiming for. And it has to do with those developmental milestones and those character traits. Now, this can be hard because I know a lot of families who will say, well, you can get one when you're 13. Well, every kid is different. Maybe one kid, let's just, let's just call it like it is. The oldest, right. Is going to be ready maybe a lot sooner than maybe a middle child. Okay. I'm saying that as the oldest, so I clearly disclose my bias. And. But you can go to this tool and look at some of those things that are there. I will also tell you that with issues of smartphones and social media, if your child does not have a very strong sense of identity, this is not going to make it better. And kids will gaslight you. They will, and they will tell you that it is going to make it better. I promise you it won't. Because they'll say, oh, I'll be able to be in this group. I'll be in the know. I won't feel left out. You know, I'll be responsible and just don't buy any of it. Honestly. There are a lot of low technology solutions, a lot of dumb, phones, as I hear kids call them. Maybe they're not smartphones, but they have the capacity to call someone or some limited functionality. There are some wearable. There's some wearable technology like bracelets, watches that have some of that communication capacity that you could work your way up. Now, I was that mom who made my kids start on a flip phone. Yes, I was. And do they still talk about it? Absolutely they do. But do I regret it? Not even for a minute. And I think it was character building for them to learn how to text on a dumb phone where they were having to text, you know, two, two, two. You know how that goes. You know how that texting goes. That is really important. And so smartphones, what we have to remember as parents is that it's actually not a neutral tool. It is something that when you put it into the hands of your child, it is going to shape their values, shape their habits, shape their identity. And families need to give their kids intentional guidance, not just a list of rules. This needs to be how do we best use this? Not, you better use it this way or else. Because we can't just tell kids, hey, be smart about this. Hey, make good choices, be safe. They don't know how to do that. And technology is just going to amplify what already exists in their heart. Listen, when we come back, I've got a lot more to say about when and why to get a smartphone and guarding your kids hearts and minds online. And what I think about the anxious generation. We'll be right back. I want you to picture this. Her name is Kayla. She is 17, alone, terrified and pregnant. Sitting in a clinic, tears blurring, thinking abortion is her only option until she was offered a free ultrasound paid for by a hero just like you. The moment Kayla heard her baby's heartbeat, the decision was made. And today her little baby boy, Gabrielle is thriving because preborn walked with Kayla every step of the way. Now multiply that by 38,000. That's how many babies preborn has helped save just this year. How many mothers preborn has come alongside with practical and spiritual resources to make motherhood possible. But here's the most important thing you will hear today. Their goal is to save 70,000 by the end of the year. And they can't do it without us. Every $28 provides that ultrasound. The moment everything changes, will you be the reason the next Kayla chooses life. The reason Gabrielle fulfills his destiny. To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby. That's pound 250, baby. Or donate securely at preborn.com/AFR, that's preborn.com/AFR.
Do It Again by Elevation Worship : Waiting for change to come Knowing the battle's won for you have never failed me yet your promise still stands. Great is your faithfulness. Faithfulness, I'm still in your hands. This is my confidence You've never failed me yet
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is do it again by elevation worship. And today you've got me here talking to you about smartphones and technology. And we are talking about praying for the anxious generation. This has been talked about everywhere. And one of the most common questions I get is, when should my kids get a smartphone? And I am endeavoring to answer that. It's honestly not an easy question to answer, but I have some, guidance for you, some wisdom that may be helpful. And as I was saying before the break, smartphones are not neutral tools. And technology is going to amplify what is already in the heart. And we can use that technology as a tool to be creative, to connect, to learn. We can also use that tool for destruction, for comparison, for isolation, and for temptation. And we have got to think, when we are discipling our kids, we've got to include their digital life in that discipleship. We cannot outsource that. And so often we are. That is kind of the irony that is happening there, of the algorithm. Because when I see parents who are concerned today, I mean, we are talking about government overreach at the forefront of national public discussion, because parents do want to protect their authority. We want to be the primary decision makers for our kids. And we want to be informed about what our kids are being exposed to in education and healthcare, on media. And we want to retain our rights for that transparent communication. We want to consent to what they are learning about. We. We are all in it. We are in those detail. We. I see parents at school board meetings. I see parents online. I see parents in the curriculum. But here is the really harsh truth, because we have an ironic paradox that is emerging here. While we are fighting for our rights in the public square, we are giving away that authority and influence for free at home. We are being vigilant for strangers on the street. We are looking for teachers who teach lessons that are contrary to our faith. We're looking for healthcare providers who offer advice that contradict our family values. Values. But we are just very apathetic, honestly, as a parent generation, to online Algorithms that are having a far greater impact on our child's developing worldview. And while, you know, we're out there policing school curriculum, we're giving thousands, thousands of strangers unlimited access to our child's safest spaces. That's their living room. That's the bedroom. When kids invite thousands of people through gaming, through social media, through other online connections and platforms, they have a far more powerful influencer agenda. And this is a greater danger, I'm convinced, than even the ones that they're facing in the public square. Because we are allowing algorithms to influence our kids viewing habits, their marketing persuasions, their values that they're adopting the way that they're finding and cultivating friendship. And a, lot of us have no hands on involvement or oversight because we didn't grow up with this. So we don't know how to anticipate it. And that is really tough. And when we look at AI and the rise of AI artificial intelligence, especially companions in the forms of chatbots and avatars, they are marketed to our kids as fun and they're safe and they're customizable friends. All right, I want you to stop and think about this for a minute. Because they are designed, these AI companions are designed with algorithms to learn your child's personality, to learn their preferences. So the quote unquote relationship feels increasingly intimate. And AI uses that technology. It uses a technology called natural language processing, and it's analyzing the sentiments that are expressed by our children. And then it generates, this is really important to understand too, human like responses. They're not human responses. They seem like human responses. They seem eerily like human responses, but they're not. And they personalize the conversation based on past preferences. Now this really strikes my heart as a mom, because one of the things my kids say to me a lot is, mom, I told you this. Don't you remember? Well, my human brain can only process so much information at one time. And sometimes I do forget. Sometimes I wasn't paying attention, sometimes I was just trying to process too much, and sometimes it maybe seemed really unimportant at the time, but it really was a lot more important than I realized. And now I've got to compete with AI who remembers everything. Well, I don't want to even say who that remembers everything. And children can really develop a deep emotional attachment to an AI companion because they can't differentiate a robot from a real person. AI is using emotion engines. And what they do is they map the conversations they're having with your kids and they're Simulating empathetic language, like what they would want to hear, not what they need to hear, but what they want to hear. This is something called behavioral design, and it creates these seemingly warm emotional tones. We've got customized humor like oh, oh, you like sarcasm, or oh, you like, you know, silly puns. I'll give you that customized humor. And it feels like they care because they remember all the important dates, they remember to check in on something that's coming up, they remember to ask about something that is happening. And children don't have that abstract reasoning capacity to understand that an AI companion is mimicking human emotions. And as parents, we're so busy and we're trying to give our kids undivided attention. These AI companions are really dangerously attractive. We've got to wake up and we've got to realize the impact they're having because they're always available and they are always, always training. And they're training to be more and more attentive, more and more responsive. That's especially concerning to me for kids who are really lonely or socially isolated. And AI is basically offering a low stake takes place to experiment socially. And they don't have any fear of judgment. And then what happens is a lot of these AI companions, they have gamified features. So it's like you get, you get rewarded somehow you get a hit of dopamine for interacting with the AI companion and then that's going to increase their dependence. And with a customizable companion so readily available, it is really hard to feel motivated for messy relationships with imperfect humans. That's us for sure. And we, they lose the ability to have realistic, healthy conflict skills. Because I don't want that. I can just chat online. My AI companion always thinks I'm right. And even if they're safety filters, these AI chat bots, they have been documented to draw children into explicit, violent, manipulative conversations. They include role play, they include self harm, they include edgy or dark humor, they include normalizing violence, normalizing aggression, normalizing or even encouraging risk taking behaviors. And that simple curiosity can really quickly draw children down a path where their worldview is very powerfully influenced by this machine learning. And we are outsourcing that development of a moral compass, of spiritual values, of discernment and real concern for our kids. That's not okay. We can't do that. So we've got to be vigilant and we've got to engage, even though it's so hard because we're engaging in a world that we frankly don't Understand, I feel that way.
Parents need to guard against AI influence that takes advantage of children's developmental vulnerabilities
I know I've talked to so many of you who feel that same way too. So we've got to look at all the apps, the toys, the games, the online platforms, any interface that our kids have with technology. We've got to be fully informed of any integration of those AI companion features. And we gotta explain to our kids, this is not a person, this is a computer, this is a robot. It doesn't love you, it doesn't care about you, it is just made to entertain you and influence you. And we have that love that cannot be replaced. It cannot be replaced in the heart of a child. We've got to invest in that real life relationship and help our kids to have real life friendship. So I want to encourage parents be just as protective of the influence and authority that you have in your own home as you are being in the public square and guard against that algorithm influence that takes advantage of your kids developmental vulnerabilities to subvert the God given gift of stewarding your child's worldview. You can tell I feel so passionate about this because I feel like this is an, an area where enemy is coming in to steal and to kill and destroy. And he is stealing our children's innocence, he is stealing their relationship connection, he's stealing their developmental vulnerability and exploiting that and taking away their innocence. And so we've got to pray about that. And I know that can sound really scary, but one of the things, as I said, start looking now for integrations of AI in Christmas gifts because it is a technology powerhouse, it is here, it is not going away, it is a part of society. So we've got to learn how to live in a world that is fully embracing AI. And when we see all of those, those we see AI dominating the news stories, we see it really in almost every element of our lives. And you maybe don't even realize how much AI is already in inside your life. I know I've had even students with this who didn't realize that online editing platforms was already integrating AI before they even knew what it was or that it was here. It influences your streaming habits. AI is analyzing what you're streaming and then trying to feed you more in that genre so that you will stay on the platform, so that you will be exposed to more advertising, so that you will buy more products. And it really is an invasion of privacy that we just kind of give away for free. So think about what might be an AI for products and think about safety, think about privacy. These are the two things that you should really be thinking about because let me give you some examples. For example, smart speakers are often marketed as just a music player or it's a homework helper, but it may have an AI companion in it. It may be collecting your child's personal data, data things like stuffed animals, plush toys, robots, other electronic toys. They may be using AI to hold conversations with your child, to learn their preferences, as I said, or connect to the Internet. And you didn't even know it could do that. We have gaming consoles that now integrate AI features. It uses algorithms for game suggestions or marketing those purchases they make in the app or connecting with friend suggestions or, or whatever terminology they use on that platform. That may be humans or they may be AI bots because you can think that you're interacting with a real human and it's not. That is a scary reality that I'm seeing even in the world of predators who are using AI to generate. They can take open source information that they get for, about your kids from the Internet. If your kids have public social media and say, create a companion for a kid who, who likes soccer, doesn't get along so great with his mom, who, you know, likes this music and, and is interested in this hobby. That is some scary stuff. But God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a power and love and a sound mind. And so we can be wise consumers, we can look at the risks and most of all, pray. Pray for wisdom, pray for protection of your kids. That's so important. But we've got to be engaged. So what some things to look for for toys that talk back in a personalized way, that are asking about your child's personal preferences, that are asking you to input personal information, that need that constant connection to the Internet, or they're generating an AI companion. These should warrant some careful consideration. You shouldn't just use these blindly. because those AI enabled toys, they can record and store your child's voice as a recording. Because so often, how often do we just scroll down to the bottom, we click the box and we just say, yep, accept the privacy. We don't read what we're giving away. That's so important for us to do, to know what we're giving away. Because one of the lessons that previous generations has taught us is that there's nothing in this world that's free. Really, there's, there's nothing that's free. We're going to give up, something for that. And when we look at AI chatbots inside gates, they have the potential to go rogue and they can we. I have seen and talked to children who have experienced this where they have experienced AI or even real persons within a game that are convincing them to or exposing them to inappropriate or even violent explicit conversation. And we know that predators prowl in those spaces and even they, they have such seemingly safe labels like it may be, see, oh, I'm just your gaming buddy. And this takes advantage of kids because it automatically puts their guard down. They're looking for the scary stranger in the scary white van in the parking lot. And this is what this looks like. And that algorithm AI features, it influences marketing, it may push them to buy something that seems to be free. And it cultivates a digital dependency for emotional regulation and companionship. When I'm feeling lonely, when I'm feeling anxious, when I'm feeling, feeling scared, when I'm feeling depressed, I'm going to go to that online platform. And again, this is hard. When parents are busy, those AI companions are always present, always learning to be a better friend, always conflict free relationships. And it makes them just disappointed in those real life relationships. So before you panic and decide that everybody is just getting socks and underwear for Christmas, which I'm sure would not go over that well, there are some ways that you can be intentional about responsible purchasing. First of all, do your homework. Research that toy, research that game. Be fully informed of all the functions. Read the ratings, read the reviews, read the fine print and look for AI associated words. Those words are going to be like voice activated, AI powered, smart technology, cloud connected, Internet enabled, next level play powered by intelligence. Don't skip through those terms. Read it carefully to know what you are consenting to give away and check the settings. Because does that toy require creating a profile, gathering personal information? Is it storing your child's image or voice or likeness? Disable those chat features, disable those friend requests. Say no. No to location sharing, no to voice logging or any other option that you can limit that information sharing. And so resist the urge to center Christmas around the artificial traditions that we know too well. Artificial trees, artificial logs on the fire, artificial candies, artificial snow, artificial garland flavorings, colorings. Let's not add artificial intelligence too much to that. Center your heart and your home on the real gift of Christmas. That's a gift of a savior born to save the world. We'll have more after the break. During the Christmas season of 1976, I sat down one night to watch television. One man saw the battle coming. If we lose this cultural war, we're going to have a hedonistic, humanistic society. And he chose to stand and fight. If you will not respect our beliefs, then you will respect our money and we'll spend it with somebody else. Reverend Wildmon. Reverend Wildmon The Reverend Donald Wildmon. discover the story of the culture warrior Don Wildmon and how he went head to head with Hollywood playboy, the homosexual agenda, and the Disney empire. Things were changing, and many people just sort of acclimated to it. and Don Wildmon didn't. They thought, I think, that they could just crush him. The movement Don started paved the way for Christians to boldly stand for truth and righteousness in a hostile culture. Watch Culture Warrior today for free. Visit culturewarrior.movie
The Cross by Anne Wilson and Chris Tomlin: Who told you Grace can't reach the devil Made you believe the lies he tells are true? When you're sure that you're the one who's wandered to too far off it's not too late Just come home to the cross Come and see a savior's love that would die to make you new Nothing you have ever done can change what Mercy's done for you and if you ever wonder if you were so.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Greater welcome back, friends. That is the cross by Anne Wilson and Chris Tomlin. And today we are talking about praying for the anxious generation. We are talking about technology. And, we have been featuring the magazine produced by the American Family association, called the Stand. I've got it here. And every month I actually write a column for them, the Doctor, Nurse, Mama column, where I just write about whatever is on my heart. And I just got my issue in the mail. you can subscribe to this in print or online. And you can actually subscribe for a free trial. So go to, let's see. Give me the website and I'll give it to you in just a minute here. And you can go and find a free trial for six months. But this month I wrote about, the Anxious generation. I get a lot of questions about this, about the book by Jonathan Haidt, and I just want to share my article with you and share my thoughts on that. Because occasionally a book, a movie, a TV series, a concert tour catches just the right wave and it becomes a cultural juggernaut. And all of a sudden, it just seems like it's ever present in dialogue. And that is the case with Dr. Jonathan Haidt's book, the Anxious Generation. How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness. Now, this book debuted on the New York Times bestsellers list, and it stayed there for over a year. Now it's sold nearly 2 million copies. It's available in 44 languages. Clearly it hit a nerve, which is true. And Haidt makes many valuable points in his book. I do applaud the collective conversation, the conversation that we're having and the questions that I'm getting. I think that that's great. And I completely agree with his observations about our tendency as parents of Gen Z and Gen Alpha. Gen Z Of course born 1997 to 2012, Gen Alpha born after that. And we have in the new generation starting to be born this year. Believe it or not they are yet to be named. But we have Gen Alpha's just now becoming teenagers and we, and what Haidt says is that we overprotect our children in the real world while under protecting them in online environments. And I just talked about that in the segment before the break. And so hyper poses four new norms. One, no smartphones before high school. Two, no social media before 16. Three, phone free schools and four, more independence, free play and responsibility in the real world. Now these recommendations are great, they're certainly not unreasonable and they been made by many people in many different ways. But I confess, I do confess to having concerns about the wide scale rapid wholesale adoption of this framework is some sort of miracle solution. And he says, he proposes a simple causality. He says smartphones are primarily responsible for youth mental health decline. And he argues that that's right, that's gotta be the case because no one has presented a plausible alternative. And really my response to that is that the reality is just so much more complicated than that. I don't think that we can pin it on one specific thing because as adults we are not immune to that alarmist sensationalism we want. We yearn, we long for an instant simple fix. And I think we should know that smartphone use does restructure childhood and mostly in unhealthy, harmful ways. There are some good ways to use it, but I believe we've had a lot more harm than good and it does contribute to the unhealthy impacts on youth mental health. I'm not denying that at all. But we've also got to recognize it's certainly not the only factor because when we look at the this as Christians through a spiritual lens, we see a culture that is increasingly disconnected from faith because without a clear understanding of being made in the image of God, then we see kids with questions of identity and purpose and belonging that lead children to seek that external validation most often through smartphones. But they only find confusion and more insecurity and an identity crisis and anxiety city. We also know that Secular and re and religious research alike, both of those, they support health benefits related to faith practices. They say it is good to pray, it is good to go to church, it is good to share values with your family. But we also know that only about 4% of Gen Z hold a biblical worldview. And we live in a culture that promotes moral relativism. These are personal truth. You know, you speak your truth, live your truth, and all of these ever changing social norms. And this just creates chaos and confusion because kids don't know what is true. If we unmoor that from scripture and what's true for you may not be true for me, then what is true at all? We also know the declining church attendance decreases opportunities for discipleship. We have decreased intergenerational mentoring. We have decreased application of spiritual disciplines. And we also know that families today live in an over scheduled, overstimulated world that's focused on achievements. We can say that discipleship is our priority, but our calendar, our credit card statements, they tell the true story. And we don't have a lot of margin for meaningful relationship building and rest and renewal. And so the truth is that the parents, grandparents, we kind of deserve that label of anxious generation as much as our kids do because we are anxious. We are incredibly anxious about the impact of smartphones and social media. But we feel overwhelmed. We don't know what to do about it. We want some sort of solution. Well, enter the book the Anxious Generation. And that book, that movement has tapped into the gauntlet of parental anxiety that is there. And it offers a simple solution that places in the hands of parents all the power for a quick fix. And friends, I just believe it's not that simple. We are not that powerful. And if we take away the smartphones, what are we going to fill in the vacuum with? We've got to provide a compelling alternative. In the absence of discipleship happening with healthy relationships, taking away the smartphone is only part of the equation. It's yes and, and that and is huge. And it's important also. I, say this gently, with great respect, but it's important for discerning parents to know that the author of this book is a professed atheist who holds a positive view of religion but sees Christianity as implausible. And his stated hope is for parents to adopt those four recommendations and rewire childhood. I have those hopes too. His stated vision is to, and I'm quoting here, foresee a world in which our children have reclaimed their birthright, a play rich and community centered childhood. I, I have no problem with that. But here's the thing. As Christians, we want that for our kids. We absolutely want that for our kids. And I think that's why this has resonated with so many of us. We want their childhood to be like our childhood because we know the good things that came from that. And frankly, we can make it more manageable for us. But we also, as Christians, have a much greater hope in the glory of God, a hope that does not disappoint because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit. And my vision, and I hope your vision for your kids, too, is that we will claim our, their birthright. We will claim our birthright, right, as joint heirs with Christ. That is what we want. We want to live eternally with our kids as joint heirs with Christ. And so as parents, we can leverage those practical recommendations on healthy technology use. I am all for that. But I would caution you and encourage you not to let the temptation for a simple quick fix distract you from the daily work of discipling your kids. That is slow, that is challenging. But God is equipping you for every good work in such a time as this. And so, going back to smartphones, let's go over some practical guidance here, because as I told you, smartphone is not a neutral tool. It is going to shape your child's values, habits, and identity, and it's going to amplify what already exists in their heart. It. We've got to include digital life in discipleship. And the goal is not control. The goal is discipleship. We are preparing our children to navigate that technology world with discernment, not just obeying the restrictions, not just staying within the parameters they give. But why and how do we make that discipleship real in their online life? And again, it's developmental. It's not chronological. And if you've already told your kids, kid, oh, you can have a smartphone when you're this many years old, don't be afraid to go back and say, you know, I know I said this, but I've learned some more, and I've learned more about keeping you safe and keeping you healthy. And I'm going to have to move this boundary because God has given me the joy and the responsibility and the privilege of stewarding your childhood, and I want to do that to the very best of my ability. Don't be afraid to do that. That.
Before your child gets a smartphone, decide what purpose it serves
So when you, when you start, we got to decide on, the when and the why to get a smartphone. And the why is honestly the most important why is, why does your child need a phone? What need is that meeting is this. You're getting it for safety. Are you getting it for communication? Are you getting it for social interaction? Clarity of that purpose helps you create the best boundaries. So why are you getting it? Not because you're 13, not just because, your friends have them, but you are getting this so that we can start to teach you, so that you can start to learn how to, how to be a good digital steward, digital citizen that is there. And delay is honestly not denial. Research is very clear that healthier digital habits, better mental health outcomes come when you delay as long as possible. So wait as long as you can, depending on what those needs are and involve your kid in the conversation. Again, that AT&T and American Academy of Pediatrics collaborative tool is a really good starting place for conversations, seeing what developmental task that you have. I also have written about this in my book Behind Closed Doors, a guide for parents and teens to help navigate life's toughest issues. And I do have a checklist in there as well. Well, just for a starting place for guidance and watch for those readiness signs. Can your child regulate their emotions really well? Do they control their impulses? Are they honest with you? Are they still in that developmental phase where they're going to lie to get out of trouble? Do they have good problem solving skills? Do they tell you in everything? I made that a very clear rule with my kids. When somebody would ask my kids, hey, can you keep a secret? Their immediate response was, no, I cannot not, I cannot keep any secrets from my parents. So I cannot promise you that I will not tell my parents what you're about to tell me. If I feel like I need to tell them, I will tell them. That's really important. And before you even get a phone, I would encourage you to build a digital discipleship culture in your home. Because you've got to model all of these things before you mentor your kids. You got to model those though your parents. As parents, as grandparents, our screen habits are going to preach louder than any rule that we have there. So you've got to look at yourself and think, am I in a place that I'm ready to steward my child's digital discipleship? If you're not and you think, you know what, I have way too much screen time. I don't have boundaries. I don't keep my phone out of the bed. Go back and listen to any Friday show. In the summer, we walked through all of the tech habits that will help you to be a Good digital disciple at home. Home. If you don't have those, let me tell you, the best way to develop those is ask your kids to hold you accountable and say, I'm learning this with you. I promise you they will hold you accountable with great glee. they will joyfully point out when you cross those boundaries and they're great accountability partner and just start to normalize some family reflection. Like, how did our phone go use go this week? How was our screen time as a family this week? It did it. What do we need to do better as a family with our screen time? And you might be surprised how your kids will speak into this even at a very early, age. That's so important. Guard their hearts and their minds online. Really think about all the safety things that you need to have. If that's filter, if that's an app, if that's knowing how a platform works before you let your kids get on it. It teaching them how to critically think. It's so important to talk early and often. When I do primary care and I do, well, child visits, I ask families, tell me what you're doing to keep your family safe online. It's really hard for families to answer that question because we're not really being intentional about it. And I want you to be intentional in thinking about that. You know what? I'm going to talk about this more on Friday. I, will talk more about keeping your family safe online and being a good digital disciple. What that looks like, how you set healthy boundaries, that's so important. Maybe that's a technical agreement, a technology agreement that you need to have with your family. But we've got to recognize that digital, the digital world is all around us. We are in a world that is saturated by screens. But we, we can, we can make a difference. We can help our kids to adopt healthy use of technology. We can protect our kids from the dangers that are out there online. We can equip them to navigate a world that is increasingly more scary. And wherever you are in the smartphone journey, in your Christmas shopping, in your driving across the country, picking up your kids from wherever work, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I do pray so sincerely that the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you and listen, I will see you right back here tomorrow. Can't wait.
Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
