Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing Hope for healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner, and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite time of the day, getting to spend time with you, prescribing Hope for Healthy families and listen in the news, in the media. In my community, I. I have been hearing a lot of conversations about motherhood, about being moms. So today, this show is for the moms. But if you are not a mom, this show is still for you. Because if you're not a mom, you have a mom. You know, a mom you can really speak encouraging words of life. And motherhood today is really tough. And it feels like living between two extremes. And it doesn't matter if you have newborns, toddlers, teens, or you have grown adult children, it is really diffic because on the end of these two extremes is one is a picture perfect Pinterest mom with matching outfits. I'll never forget, never, ever in my life when I walked into my youngest child's kindergarten Christmas party and I saw monogram stockings and monogrammed cookies and, you know, individualized gift bags with their picture, like, on the bag. Not just, you know, glued on the bag, but actually, like, printed on the bag. I was not into Pinterest, and I was overwhelmed thinking, this is literally nicer than my wedding reception. Like, what am I supposed to do with this? And on the other end of it, we have a hot mess. You just really like feeling like I'm exhausted. It is chaotic, but, you know, it's authentic, right? Like, this is chaos, but this is how it is. We're just gonna live in the mess. But you know what? The honest truth is, neither one of those extremes is the life that God calls mothers to. So today I'm talking to author, speaker, homeschooling mom, Jamie Erickson. She knows this tension very well. She has a book called Overwhelmed Mom. We're talking about that today. She's going to help us see that there is another way other than those two extremes. A, life shaped by biblical principles and flexible rhythms that actually refresh rather than drain. This flexible rhythms thing is so important. It's about consistency, but not absolute rigidity. Like, we can be flexible, and we'll talk about that. So, Jamie, thank you so much for joining us.
Jessica says overwhelmed moms can find wisdom in God's wisdom
I know that there are a lot of overwhelmed moms out there, and I'm really excited to be able to. To encourage them with you today.
Jamie Erickson: I'm thrilled to be with you, Jessica. And I actually think we could just take the. The word mom off my book and just say overwhelmed, because I think it pretty much applies to all of us in certain seasons of our lives. But I'm, specifically talking to the moms today.
Dr. Jessica Peck: I'm so glad that you said that, because it is so true. There is wisdom for us and in everything. So you're right. Even whoever you are, wherever you are in your journey, there's wisdom that God has for you.
Jamie writes about feeling overwhelmed as a mother in her new book
But I would love to know specifically what caused you to write this book, because, Jamie, I've sat across the microphone now from hundreds of guests, and I have yet. Maybe you'll be the first. I don't know. But I have yet to have a guest come on and say, well, my motherhood journey has just been sublimely perfect, and I learned to do everything just right, and I want to share that with everyone else. I'm guessing it came from your own struggle, but that could just be a guess.
Jamie Erickson: Yeah, I think that woman might live in unicorn dreams. I've never met her either. the impetus for this book obviously came out of situations in my own life, of course, but really, it was when I was traveling around, speaking at different conventions around the world, and I would sit through Q&As, and moms would come to the microphone with lots of questions about faith and family and homeschooling and all the gamut, all the different habits, hats that we wear. And while all of their stories were slightly different, there was one through line that made it into every single one. It was a mom stepping up to the mic, basically saying, help. I'm drowning. I want to do this thing right, but I think I'm doing it all wrong. I'm feeling blistered and bruised. I want to enjoy my life. I want to enjoy my kids. I just feel so overwhelmed. And that was a universal theme that I heard again and again and again everywhere I went, speaking to moms around.
Dr. Jessica Peck: The country, well, then you add onto that the mom guilt that follows that. Because if you're overwhelmed to the point where you can't enjoy your life, which, if we're honest, every single mother has been there, whether it's for an hour, for a day, for a season, everybody's been there where you think, I'm just not even enjoying this anymore. We're just running ourselves raggedy. This is not fun anymore. And then you feel guilty and you think, okay, well, I'm supposed to enjoy being a mother. This is supposed to be, you know, the most beautiful calling the most, the highest calling, the most wonderful season of life. And then you start to feel guilty. But I think, one of those sources of guilt is that, you know, we look back and we are supposed to have it the easiest. I mean, we have a lot of practical luxuries that generations of moms before us did not have. All of these things that are marketed to us that tell us that they're going to make our life easier. You know, I look at. I was really fortunate to know, my great grandmother, she didn't pass away until I was at my early 20s. And talking about, you know, hearing her stories of what she had to do. I mean, we're talking about, like, the proverbial milking the cow, like, walking uphill both ways to school and hand washing clothes. Why are we so overwhelmed?
Jamie Erickson: Well, I want to address that word you just used for a second before I get to your question, that mom guilt word. I think that's a phrase we. We spin and scatter, circles. But I want to draw a listener's attention to the fact that guilt is not the same thing as mom guilt. We've added that word onto it. But actually, guilt is our standing before God and how we have missed his mark. Guilt is the natural byproduct of our sin. What I think we're actually doing is we're feeling shamed, and shame is our standing before other people. And so when we use the term mom guilt, it's usually because we feel a certain level of lesser than in relationship to others. But we have to remember our identity comes from God and the good work that he's doing in us. So I don't even like that word mom guilt, because it doesn't tell a true story. I think the reason we feel so overwhelmed is in our 21st century, when we have, like, all the tools and the technology at our disposal, is the same reason that I think, some of our ancestors of yesteryear felt this certain level of overwhelm. I think overwhelm is universal and it's also timeless. And it spins all the way back as far back as the garden, when Eve looked for not just good, not just what God called good, but she looked for something better or best. She was reaching for sinful superlatives because she wasn't, comfortable or content with her life. She wanted to make it so much better. And so what did she do? She added to it. And we continue as moms to add and add and add things to our lives that God never intended for, for them to Be there. And no wonder we feel so overwhelmed. We're trying to be all and do all to all, but we have to remember that only God is all.
Dr. Jessica Peck: I appreciate that call out on mom guilt, because you're right, it isn't very accurate in its description. And yet if I say that phrase, like every mom intuitively knows that feeling. I think just describing that feeling of less than. And I think that the trap there is exactly like you said, looking at our standards with others, how we are comparing to other people. And I think that is what they say. You know, the quote is that the comparison is the thief of joy. And I do believe that there is some truth in that. And in this world of comparison, it's really easy to get caught in that trap. And much like you were just talking about, like, we have what's good but reaching for better, or I, bet maybe we could do this a little better. And I really think social media plays a lot into that. And even if you're not on social media, because I meet a lot of moms who think, well, I'm not on social media. The way that social media has shaped our culture in that it's. Is that it impacts you even if you're not on it, because it just shapes the way that our interactions are. It shapes our culture of comparison. And I feel like that's what we're overwhelmed by because we're not content with the way that God has equipped us to raise our kids. I see so m many moms who struggle with this, who maybe God has gifted them in a unique way. Maybe their personality is different than another mom's personality. But thinking, oh, I've got to have that kind of personality. Like, I need to be the fun mom, or I need to be, you know, the baking mom or that kind of thing. It really, a lot of it, I think, is just a lack of contentment and recognition of the ways that God has equipped us uniquely and individually to. To parent our unique individual children. Would you agree with that?
Jamie Erickson: Yes. And I think we equate. Equate the word different with bad, but different at is actually honoring it. Says God, you created me uniquely. You have given me a unique spouse, perhaps unique children, unique circumstances, a unique budget at times. And I'm to step into that uniqueness. And actually in doing that's a form of worship. It's an acknowledgment of that uniqueness. So I think we often bristle when we feel that difference. And that's where that shame comes in when we, when we, when we look at the successes of others and assume that those successes also have to be our successes. But I think in embracing our differences and not trying to copy the successes of the mom down the street or the mom on Instagram, or the mom, you know, on Pinterest, and just truly be the mom God created us to be, I think we would feel slightly less overwhelmed. I don't think that's the only reason that we're feeling overwhelmed, but I. I do think it's one of the reasons for sure.
There are three main reasons why most women feel overwhelmed
Dr. Jessica Peck: So what do you think are the other reasons that are contributing to this feeling of overwhelm that we have?
Jamie Erickson: Well, I think, there are three main reasons why most women feel overwhelmed. And I want to draw your eyes to a verse in Scripture. It's 1st Thessalonians 4:11 through 12. Because I think if you remember this first, you'll remember those three different reasons you're overwhelmed. And hopefully that'll be able to help you claw your way out of whatever feelings you're feeling right now of overwhelm. And it reads like this. And to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, you should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anyone. Now that those two words, quiet life, don't we all want that? We want the peace and the quiet, but we don't feel that right now. But I think in examining that verse, we'll see the three different reasons that we're overwhelmed. If I were to read, that verse through our contemporary lens, we often want to use that phrase, mind your own business. We often want to say it with a degree of snark, like mind your own business. But I actually think that Paul here is. Is saying it with a. A, degree of comfort. It's an acknowledgment that there are certain things in our life that we can and should mind, certain skills, certain tasks that God gives us, that if we are faithful and steadfast, we. We are fully equipped to do. We might have to put some good rhythms and organization in place, but that's where we come back to the fruit of the spirit of steadfastness and lean into that. So sometimes we're overwhelmed when we do not mind our own business. But if I were to say that phrase slightly different, it reminds me of a different type of overwhelm, the type we just talked about. When I say mind your own business, that's a reminder to me that there are things that I think are mine to mind that you're doing, or my friend is doing, that Pinterest mom is doing. And I want to add that to my life. I look with green, envious eyes at the success of, of you, Jessica, and I want to do all the things that you're doing. Can I just remind us all, though, that you can go on social media and see what a mom is doing. You can't necessarily see what she's not getting done. So it paints a very inaccurate picture. But if I remember to mind your own business, that's a reminder to me that there are certain things that I think I have to mind. I don't need to mind. Those are not my things. And then if I read that phrase this way, mind your own business, with the emphasis on own, it's a reminder to me that there are just some certain things in life, some acute seasons of overwhelm that I just cannot mind. Because we live in a fractured world. We are bearing the sin scars of this world. And there are some things that I cannot just pull up my big girl pants and manage. They are actually things that I have to hold out my hands in surrender to God, trusting that he and he alone is able to mind. And when I try to spin my plates and do it of my own, in my own power, no wonder I feel so overwhelmed.
Dr. Jessica Peck: You're absolutely right. And that is a great reminder. I mean, so many times we look and I think I put so much pressure on myself. My family is not going to be upset if I serve leftovers, you know, which actually I'm not even serving leftovers because I am not even that great of a cook. My husband is a great cook and I've learned that that's okay. I have other, gifts that I can serve. But that's a great self reminder to think, okay, I'm not going to look at what everybody else is doing and think, oh, does my kids need to do this? Do we need to go there? Do we need to have this experience? I'm just going to mind my own business. And that is a good reminder. We'll have more help and hope for overwhelmed moms when we come back with Jamie Erickson. Don't go away. We'll be right back. I want you to picture this. Her name is Kayla. She is 17, alone, terrified and pregnant, sitting in a clinic, tears blurring, thinking abortion is her only option until she was offered a free ultrasound, paid for by a hero just like you. The moment Kayla heard her baby's Heartbeat. The decision was made. And today her little baby boy Gabrielle is thriving because preborn walked with Kayla every step of the way. Now multiply that by 38,000. That's how many babies preborn has helped save just this year. How many mothers preborn has come alongside with practical and spiritual resources to make motherhood possible. But here's the most important thing you will hear today. Their goal is to to save 70,000 by the end of the year. And they can't do it without us. every $28 provides that ultrasound. The moment everything changes, will you be the reason the next Kayla chooses life? The reason Gabrielle fulfills his destiny. To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby. That's pound 250, baby. Or donate securely at preborn.com/AFR, that's preborn.com/AFR. I believe in the Son
Because He Lives (Amen) by Matt Maher: I believe in the risen one. I believe I overcome by the power of his blood. Amen. Amen. I'm alive. I'm alive. Because he lives. Amen. Amen. Let my song join the One that never ends. Because he lives.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is because he lives. Amen.
Dr. Jessica Peck: By Matt Maher And we are bringing your message of hope today. The truth is there are a lot of moms out there who listen, who are listening, and a lot of anybody. If you are a human being living in today's world, it is easy to feel worn down because our to do list just seems endless. I feel like I'm constantly getting a notification on my phone that I have an email, I have a phone call, I have a text message, I have an order ready. I need to order something. The pressure is intense and the demands never stop. And sometimes it feels like we are just fed messages that say, hey, if you just try harder, if you just wake up earlier, if you stay up, later, and you just embrace that hustle culture, you can finally get it all together. My guest today is Jamie Erickson, and she's here to remind us that running on empty is not going to help us catch up. That is not a sustainable strategy. She's written a book called Overwhelmed mom, and she's offering you a different invitation today. How to adjust your home and your schedule and most importantly, your attitude, through biblical truths, simple rhythms, and find real relief in the everyday. I find that solutions to these kinds of things are usually blessedly simple, but they're not easy. It doesn't make them easy for sure to do. And freedom from all of that pressure is not going to come from finally achieving Being the perfect mom or just giving up and just saying, okay, this is as good as it's going to get. It really comes from reshaping our lives with God's wisdom and living in that beautiful in between where joy and peace are possible.
Jamie says much of our overwhelm is the choice
And, Jamie, we're going to step on some toes here and. And just talk about something that's a hard truth, honestly. Because we look at overwhelm in today's culture, and we really see ourselves a lot of times as victims of overwhelm. And we think, oh, all of this, this is happening. This is happening. We wouldn't maybe even say that out loud that, oh, poor me, and some things are not our choice. But there's a lot of things, a lot of pressures that we put on ourselves. And overwhelm can be a choice. How do we take a good, hard look at ourselves and decide if. If we're choosing to live in that overwhelm when we maybe have the choice to be free?
Jamie Erickson: Yeah, I think it's an inconvenient truth that so much of our overwhelm is the choice. Now, please understand me. I don't think that overwhelm is anybody's conscious decision. But I think when we, I think when we sort of give up or fall into apathy about our lives and we look at ourselves and think, well, I am the overwhelmed mom. My life is always going to be this way. I'm just a hot mess. What we inadvertently do is we surrender the pieces of our lives that we actually do have some elements of control. Listen, you can say, I don't really need to make my bed. I don't really need to do the dishes at the end of the day because the dishes are just going to be there again tomorrow. The bed is going to be unmade. You know, I'm gonna sleep in it tonight again anyway. You can say that about your life, but actually, that's not the whole truth, because the dishes in the sink won't just be the dishes in the sink. They'll be the dishes in the sink from today and yesterday. So you're actually compiling in your apathy, you're actually compiling those rudimentary, pieces of chaos in your life. And, and. And on the flip side of that, if you can get some handholds in your day and some structures and rhythms to the ordinary, mundane parts of life that we all have to do as moms, as wives, as human people, if you can get some handholds on those regular parts, then you will free up some of your time, attention and energy for those other pieces of overwhelm that are outside of your control. And, and I'm not just saying this, in theory, I have anecdotal evidence in my own life some very tragic situations that have happened in my life that I could face with trust in God. Because, the rest of my life wasn't spinning out of chaos. All the parts that could be controlled by me in my steadfastness and my faithfulness were being controlled. So then I could give my attention to those things that, that demanded more of my attention.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Can you tell us a little bit more about that? Because I think your personal experience is just so instructive. Because I think even as moms, we look at other moms and we think, oh, well, she's got it all together. And you don't often see that behind the scenes. So, so what was that season of life like for you and what did God teach you in the middle of that?
Jamie Erickson: Well, I. I am a firm believer that God will never give me a message to deliver that he does not not first want me to live. I started this book about overwhelm in 2022 and from then until now, I'll just give you a. Just a laundry list of things that happened, not my everyday overwhelm that I'm sure your, your listeners can also relate to. But these were the outside of my control. No amount of hustle was ever going to fix, forgive or solve any of these things. my sister passed away, my father in law passed away, or my. No, my stepdad passed away. My mother in law passed away. My son, he's being trained in the special forces in the military. He.
Jamie Erickson: I got a call on my birthday, my, my 45th birthday saying, this is a military doctor. We need next of kin to come and make decisions for your son. He was going to die. And I had to make my way several states away. All the while having three kids still at home that was supposed to mother and love and homeschool and care for. my. Our one sole car got totaled by a deer. That the deer got totaled as well, unfortunately. And we were carless for a while. So that's just a brief snapshot of the last couple of years from the time I started this book. And yet here I am, I'm still standing by the grace of God. None of those things were in my power to fix or cure or solve. But there were certain things in my life that I could get a hold of and I could organize and manage. And so that when all of those other Things. When life began to spin out of control and it felt like the sky was falling, I was okay. The Lord upheld me.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Jamie, that, that is convicting. That's not dishes in the sink. That is some heavy, heavy stuff. And I think that there's a lot of moms out there who can relate to that. And I think a lot of us, honestly, if we're being really honest here, since 2020, since the COVID pandemic, have felt that, because then what I started to see is, you know, we were overwhelmed by all that happened, and everybody would just say, oh, okay, well, 2021, that'll be better. 2022, that. That'll be better. And it just seems like we're just living in this frozen state of just overwhelm. And so what did you do to recognize that season of overwhelm and recognize that, yeah, those things you could not, absolutely not control? And, but you said, but here I am. And Jamie, I'm sure people are listening to your cheerful voice thinking, wait, what? Like, that does not. There seems to be a big cognitive dissonance right here. Like, how, how. Where did you start to find, Find hope in the middle of that?
I think every listener felt a little overwhelmed during the pandemic
Jamie Erickson: It's interesting that you should bring up the pandemic, because the pandemic, I, I, I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and, and assume that every listener felt a little overwhelmed during the pandemic. Right. I think that's because life, yeah, life was so not normal. And we were navigating so many new normals. We kind of were living like expats in a, a foreign country, trying to learn to do base basic things like go to the laundromat or the grocery store, with all new parameters, the new rules. And we felt overwhelmed, but we had all the time in the world. Like, our schedules were completely empty, and yet we were still overwhelmed. So the notion that if I just had some more time, if I, if I just got up a little earlier, if I just spun my wheels a little faster, all of that, all of those excuses flew out the window during the pandemic. And, and we were faced with the, faced with the reality that it isn't necessarily more time. We need, we just need to learn how to use our time better. Now, in regards to all the overwhelm that I've experienced that you, know is out of my control, I first want to say my, my son made a complete and total recovery. Praise God for that. But, but, boy, I was white knuckling it at his side, because, it wasn't it was very touch and go for a while. And please hear me, those experiences were devastating. I mean, I might sound joyful now, but it's only because of, of hindsight. And I can see, I can look back, like think the Joshua four stones and see stones stacked up of, God's unbelievable, unexplainable, faithfulness to me. And I can have nothing but joy. And, and that's part of the story. It's, it's that we are living in the. The not yet in between. We are living in the, ellipses between now and eternity. And in this time God has price, has promised that have trouble. And my life has been fraught with every kind of trouble. But even when I didn't know Christ through most of my growing up years, I can look back on all those troubling times and see that he knew me. He was keeping watch even before I knew Him. And if I can remember those things and stack them up like Joshua four stones, like a pillar of, of, remembrance. I face the next hard thing, the next overwhelmin season with trust. I know who to take my concerns, my cares, my anxiousness, my worry to. Because I have seen him be faithful in the past, I've seen him be faithful today. So I have no. Nothing but hope and m. Nothing but courage that he will be faithful tomorrow no matter what comes in my life.
Dr. Jessica Peck: That is so encouraging to hear your testimony of that, Jamie. And again, everybody hearing what you've been through, we can feel the weight of that. And there's so many who can identify with that, who feel like, you know, they're in a season of overwhelm. And I know I have definitely felt that. And sometimes it's kind of like what I said before, when we think, oh, it's this year, next year will be a good year. Oh no, it'll be the next year, it'll be a good year. Oh no, this summer is going to be the best summer ever. Okay, well, that summer was the, the worst summer ever. So we'll wait till next summer. And we're just kind of perpetually living in this state of discontent when we're, when we're in a season of trial, it's really hard to not be overwhelmed by that. Where, where do you, where does that come in? Living in seasons and having a season like you just described. It has been a season of trial. Where do you learn to manage the overwhelm that comes with, with seasons and not just, you know, fast forward. Like, let's just, let's Fast forward to the good, the good stuff. Let's go. Can we skip to the good part? I feel so.
Jamie Erickson: Right. Yes. You know, that's one of Satan's biggest tricks. I truly believe. and I'm going to say specifically to mothers for many reasons, but Satan wants us to live in the two places that we cannot change in our lives, the past and the future. He wants us to look back and pine for the glory days. Like as a mom, I, I'm launching teens into adulthood. Two of mine have launched. They still have three teens at home. So if I'm not, if I'm not conscious to take every thought captive, what, what happens to me is I can look back and pine for those wonderful days of little ones that just looked at me with, you know, stars in their eyes and the quick fix solution to any trauma in the day was like a snack and a nap. Weren't those wonderful days? And I can look back with, and only see the good parts. Of course, in hindsight, I only see the good parts. I don't see the tantrums and the, you know, the spilled milk and the sharpie markers on the wall. I can look back and pine for the past. Or, if you're a young mom listening. One of the things that at least I was very guilty of doing when I was in the toddler years, the preschool wrangling years, was I was, I looked to the future, with hope and anticipation. And I just couldn't wait until, you know, my kids were all out of car seats. I couldn't wait till they could stay at home by themselves without having to hire a babysitter. And I, I looked to this, the future, instead of being fully present right here, right now, which is where God, God has me. And I, think sometimes when we are, sometimes when you just tell ourselves, I need to be where my feet are. This is where God has me. And I can look back at the past and be very thankful and grateful. And I can look to the future with hopeful anticipation and expectation. But even if this present moment right now is full of heartache, grief, trouble, even if right now feels like a winter season in my life, I also know a little bit about seasons. And I can say that, you don't have springs and summers and falls without winters, do you?
Dr. Jessica Peck: That's right.
Jamie Erickson: And so this might feel like a winter season to you right now. And you look around and you just see dead things. Everything looks fallow and barren and empty. But there, God, God is at work doing just some wonderful Secret, silent things underneath in the roots growing deep, within you. If you can just embrace the season and be right here where your feet are.
Dr. Jessica Peck: That is so encouraging, Jamie. And here on the show, we've been Talking about healthy habits, 52 habits for healthy families. And the first week of this month of September, the first Friday, I talked about about loving each life stage and embracing each season that you're in. That is such a great advice. And that's the way to keep us grounded from looking to be. Oh, I gotta be that perfect mom. Maybe one day I can be the perfect mom. Or the best mom that I've been is in the past. How do we be in the present? When we come back, we'll have some very practical tips for you from Jamie Erickson, Overwhelmed Mom.
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Nobody Loves Me Like You by Chris Tomlin : Nobody loves me like you love me Jesus, I stand in awe of your amazing ways I worship you as long as I am breathing God, you are faithful and true Nobody loves me like you.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is Nobody loves me like you by Chris Tomlin.
Jamie Erickson believes moms are not victims of motherhood
And today we're having a conversation about motherhood. Motherhood is a gift. But when we are exhausted, when we're buried in responsibilities, when we're pulled in a thousand directions, that truth can really be hard to remember. And Jamie Erickson believes moms are not victims of motherhood. We are equipped and empowered by God to raise our children for his glory. And she's written a book called Overwhelmed Mom. Quiet the chaos. mind what matters. and Enjoy your life again. That's really what we want to do. And she is reminding us that we are we are not alone. She shares honest stories, biblical encouragement, and practical wisdom to help women reclaim, purpose and rediscover delight in the daily work of mothering And. Jamie, are you there with us? I know we were having some technical issues. I just want to make sure I have you with me. Are you there? Okay. All right. We're working on getting Jamie back. Welcome to the joys of live radio. But. But Jamie is sharing some practical tips, and it is really hard because as we were talking before the break, she's. She articulated so beautifully how Satan really does try to distract us, to live in the glory days of the past or to live in the hopeful days of the future and to overcome the struggles that we're having. But it's all about being present. Kids do not need a perfect, perfect parent. They need a present parent. That is the most important thing that you could do. So being present is so important and being content in the way that God has equipped you. I think so often in this comparison culture, we feel pressure to keep up with the Joneses like never before. If our kids are in sports. And then we hear, oh, well, this kid is having coaching lessons. Well, should our kid have coaching lessons? Are we behind? Are we doing a disservice to our kids? And we're calling constantly chasing the next best thing. And many times that comes from a good place. It comes from a place of positive intent. We want to give our kids the best. We want to serve our kids the best. But there's so many times where we just pile that on ourselves. And I will share with you on a personal level that I've been convicted of that so many times. There have been times where I have tried to plan the perfect party. The perfect event makes something so special and so perfect that I have stressed myself out and made my family absolutely miserable trying to give them, this perfect whatever it is. And that is just not the way that God has called us to do. And as my children have grown in wisdom, as they have and have become young adults, there are times now where they will take me aside and then we'll say. Say these things don't matter. It doesn't matter if the napkins match. It doesn't matter if, you know, the. The cake is perfect or if this particular person's here, if it's raining or it's not raining, or if the weather's bad because we plan to have something outside. It doesn't matter. I want you more than anything. I want you to be present, and I want you to be pleasant, if I'm being really honest, that is what they would say a lot. And so it can be really hard to do that. But that is the challenge that we are called, is to live in the present and to be content with the ways that God has equipped our family. Now, here's the beautiful thing about this. What we know about from research is that actually those unique qualities that we have, the things that make our homes different, the things that make our families different, those are the things that bond our children to us. Those are the things that bond our families together. And, Jamie, I know you're back with us and you have some very practical time tips that you can share. And I would love to hear those, for moms who have been listening, who are saying, yes, you've called me out, I feel seen, I feel a little persecuted, maybe. How can I be empowered and equipped to move forward practically and stop living in this life of overwhelm?
Jamie Erickson: Well, I think first and foremost, we have to change the way we narrate our lives. How we speak about ourselves really matters. And so if we constantly say, oh, I'm the hot mess mom, or if we take to the Internet and spill the tea about our kids on social media and just complain, and we bring all of the distress dumpings to, our friends and social media and everywhere about our lives, you know, Proverbs 18:21 says, Death and life are in the power of the tongue. And research shows us, and I'm sure you can probably agree, Jessica, that how we narrate our lives matters. We actually step into the story that we're telling about ourselves. So if we can just make that small tweak and determine that whenever we speak about ourselves, our kids, our home, it's going to be honest. There's nothing wrong with being honest, but that we know where to take that frustration, maybe to, one or two confidants in our lives, counselors, women who are not just going to keep scrolling as they see us dump all of our, our, vitriol and venom about our, our circumstances, but who will actually stop and pray with us and pray for us, point us to the truth, call us to steadfastness and faithfulness. I think that's the first step, is to just change the story we're telling about our lives. And then next, I think it's helpful to just audit your day, Audit and edit your day. And what I mean by that is look around to some of the pain points that you feel each day. Those things that constantly prickle and just like get the hairs on the back of your neck hackled because those are, the small irritants in your day, find out what those things are. Because you're not going to be able to overhaul your whole life in a day, a week, a month, a year, but you probably can overhaul one small pain point. And just like an archer just has to slowly pivot his aim to his arrow to change the entire trajectory of your, of his shot. If you just change one minor thing about your day. Maybe it's like where all the shoes get dumped when kids walk through the door at the end of a school day. Or maybe where the papers are stored when your husband comes home from work and he just wants to toss them on the kitchen table or on the counter. Just one small area. If you can audit and find out what is the most place, like irritating thing to me right now and find a solution for that one thing. Never underestimate the power of a small win. And then certainly I would say, whenever possible, analog your life. And I know right now, I've seen them myself, I've been to friends houses and they have them, those, those skylight calendars that are digital and they're, they're just so techy and beautiful and we all want them. But here's what research shows us. Every time you pick up a phone, every time you pick up a screen, you spend anywhere from 15 minutes to 30 minutes more on that screen than you ever thought you were going to. And when you add up the time, most mothers spend about four to five hours on a screen doing things that were not on their original plan and, and multiply that by seven days. That's 24 hours. One whole day of your week is spent looking at somebody else's children, looking at somebody else's chaos, managing somebody else's life. So if you can analog as many things about your life as possible to get yourself off of a screen. And what I mean by that is like put, you know, go back to a paper and pen calendar, write your recipes down on the recipe card instead of having to go to that app. Do as much as you can the old fashioned way, and you will buy back minutes of your life every single day that you can put forward to other things and be proactive in your life instead of reactive.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Jamie those are such helpful things. I mean, those are three things, but those are really, really big things. So I want to take them one by one here and just break them down a little bit more because let's go back to that first one. About changing the story that you're talking about. What the phenomenon you're describing is actually something called sharing, sharing your parenting journey. And there can be good things about that. But we really use social media in an unhealthy way to get attention, to get validation. Sometimes we feel like, I mean, motherhood can be a very unappreciated job. I don't know about you, Jamie, but when my kids were little, and even now they don't stand in the corner of my home and just say, oh wow mom, that was really great. I appreciate those decorations that you put out. It, it made me feel really happy and homey when I walked in and did well for my well being and oh, you balance discipline and love really well together. You don't get that. So sometimes we do go and we vent inappropriately when really that should be to somebody who's an accountability partner, just like you said, somebody who's going to pray for us, somebody who's going to tell us to check our attitude at the door, you know, who's going to really hold us accountable, who's going to give us compassion when we need need it and who's gonna give us a kick when we need it too. And so how, how do you find what is the best way that you think that there is to reframe that story that you're telling inside your head or to other people?
Jamie Erickson: Well, I think first and foremost check yourself every time you're, you're tempted to post or even share about, share a complaint about your life. Ask yourself why am I wanting to share this? Is it just to gather allies who will affirm me in my opinion, or is it that you actually need help and you're wanting practical help from people who might be willing to help? And if it's the latter, then probably the online spaces isn't going to be where you're going to find that. You're going to find that help within your local body of believers, your trusted friends, your mentors. So always ask yourself why. And then I think it is important and, and you know scripture, there's like, I want to say like 50 we one another imperatives in scripture where in specifically in the New Testament where we are called to one another with each other and that's because God knew that m community is good for us. And so I'm not saying you shouldn't share your burdens. We are to bear one another's burdens. That's one of the one anothers. But really choose. It's not just Good enough to gather people, you have to gather the right people. And so if you don't have that person in your life, if you don't have a trusted mentor, somebody who's maybe a few years down the road who can look back at you and say, yes, the journey is windy, but it is so worth it. Keep pressing in. your kids are not, ah, an occupational hazard. They're not robbing you of purpose or joy if you don't have that person in your life. I would begin praying, asking God, lord, please send me a person who can one another with me in my motherhood. And that's something he wants for all of us. So with boldness, as James says, ask and he will give it to you generously, liberally.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Absolutely. I love that verse in James. And, believe me, I ask all the time for wisdom because I know he gives. Exactly. Freely and abundantly is the version that I learned. But I. I think I need that. And really, this brings up your second point of that pain point. So if you feel like it's rising to the level that you need to vent about it to a friend or on social media or wherever, then that's a good indication that that may be something that you need to prioritize and be intentional about. And I found this, Jamie, in looking at the things that cause arguments in my family. Like, if there was, you know, one particular season where I found myself, you know, we would. I would have a fight with one of my children every single day because they would have a sports practice and somehow we could never find the sports equipment that was needed. And so I needed to stop and focus on that because then that one conflict would spill into other conflict. Now we've got a bad attitude about homework. Now we've got a bad attitude about doing the dishes. Now I've got a bad attitude about bedtime. And it really kind of avalanche effect. It escalates a. And I feel like just looking at that pain point and being intentional on what you need to do about that is really important. And a lot of times those things are just kind of practical. That's one of the reasons why one of the series we're doing this year is with clutter expert Kathi Lipp. And people ask me, why are you spending so much time on clutter? Well, because that's a major pain point of overwhelm. We just have too much stuff. And that can be something that we can really look at the. That's a simple way to simplify our lives so we're not so overwhelmed. Do you agree?
Jamie Erickson: The physical clutter that we feel when we have too much stuff or we're managing too many things actually adds to our emotional clutter and breathing emotional overwhelm. And you said that, when you would get upset at your child for not knowing where his or her sports equipment was, that frustration you feel would then avalanche into other areas of your parenting, other areas of your life. I would say the inverse is also true in that if you can get a hold of that one particular, seemingly, you know, inconsequential thing of your life, like, where are your athletic shoes? It will avalanche the other direction, too, because you'll free up time in your day that you would otherwise be looking for those athletic shoes to tackle another area of your life. And you'll begin to see how your, productivity or your positive day is beginning to avalanche and build and build. Because little bit by little bit, increment by increment, you are, unmooring yourself from your overwhelm.
Dr. Jessica Peck: And, we are already at the end of our time together, Jamie. But I do want to emphasize that last point that you made. Made. I have long said that technology is the thief of time. And I know that the enemy comes to steal and kill and destroy, and one of the things that he is finding so effective to steal is our time. And that was a very strong truth that you gave us, Jamie. We have. We really have to look at ourselves. And if you're feeling overwhelmed, one of the most convicting things you can do is go to your Screen Time app and see how much time is being stolen from you. We've got to be disciplined and choose the difficult. It may be difficult to do those things and to take back our time, but the reward is well worth it.
Jamie Erickson writes Overwhelmed Mom if you are feeling overwhelmed
Well, we've been talking to Jamie Erickson about Overwhelmed Mom. Get a copy if you are feeling overwhelmed. And wherever you are, overwhelmed or not, I pray that the Lord will bless you and keep you and make a space shine upon you and be gracious to you and give you peace in the middle of this overwhelm. And listen, I'll see you right back here tomorrow.
Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
