Transcript

American Family Radio thanks sponsor, Preborn for supporting pro life advocacy

Dr. Jessica Peck: We would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, PreBorn. When a mother meets her baby on ultrasound and hears their heartbeat, it's a divine connection. And the majority of the time she will choose life. But they can't do it without our help. Preborn needs us, the pro life community, to come alongside them. One ultrasound is just $28. To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword BABY or visit preborn.com/AFR hello

 : and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite time of day, getting to spend time with you, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And we are just going full tilt here into the month of March. I, I confess I am really, really behind. I know some of you out there, if you're a regular listener, you know my love for Christmas. And I just have a confession to make in case you feel like you're behind and you don't have it all together. I do still have a Christmas tree up in my house. I have never had one up until March, but it just keeps mocking me every time I walk past it. And I've just had so much going on and I've put it off. Maybe it's subconscious, maybe it's not to, to my husband out there listening. I'm sorry, honey, I'm working on it. And if you feel like, you know, you've just got things behind. I looked at it today and thought, yep, there is the Christmas tree. And right on the mantle I have a Easter sign. So, you know, it's just kind of representative of the way things that are go, the way things are going. But thank the Lord for places like American Family Association, American Family Radio, where you can get encouraged and equipped and families can be strengthened all over the world. And I am so grateful to have joined the American Family association family. They truly are a family, literally and figuratively. And I've been with AFA now for about three years and gotten to know all of the people behind the scenes. And let me tell you, these are people who love the Lord, who are working so hard on your behalf, who are mission minded, who are very unselfish, very generous, very cruel, courageous, very brave in facing some of the things that they are facing to advocate for you. And I have seen that now for several years. And I have seen, I want to assure you of the authenticity of that and with how, how Seriously, they hold stewarding the resources that are so generously given to them by AFA listeners. It's always really fun for me to be out speaking at a conference somewhere or traveling and to see and meet one of our listeners and say, and they will me with so much enthusiasm. I am an AFA supporter. I am an AFR listener. And that is really exciting to me. So today we are talking about how you can support the work of afa. And a little bit later we'll be talking some more about the summit that's going to happen in July. I will be there along with other really fantastic speakers who will encourage you. But right now we are joined once again by the gracious, the incredible Chelsea Wildmon, who works with AFA's foundation and, and really is the engine behind everything that AFA does. Because without your support, we just couldn't do it. And we do rely on listener support and it is a joy to be able to support that. And I know as a supporter and as a recipient of that, and we have our share a thon coming up in April, which is really exciting. And so every once in a while Chelsea gives us her time. She drops by to tell us and remind us of the ways that we can support AFA and the work that it's doing through the foundation. Chelsea, so glad to have you here. I know you're a busy mama, getting ready for spring break. So thank you so much for joining us.

Chelsea Wildmon: Thank you so much for having me.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Chelsea, tell us about the foundation. Tell us about how we can contribute. I know there's people out there listening who have resources that they can share.

Chelsea Wildmon: Yes, absolutely. So our foundation exists to help, support American Family association and American Family Radio in preserving our ministry's future, for, for future generations to come, for our children and our children's grandchildren. so we are here to help provide, that support through our donors, through our very generous friends and family that come alongside and partner with us here at AFA and afr. And some of the ways that they can do that and also benefit, their long term retirement planning and estate planning is mainly through our, what we call our offering of a charitable gift annuity. our charitable gift annuity offers a fixed income for the rest of your life and then upon your passing, any remaining funds are then gifted to AFA to continue our ministry's work for the Lord. now you might think, well, what do I get in return? And what is it a benefit to me? because we do, we want that benefit to be there for our supporters as well. So some of those wonderful benefits are a partial tax deduction the year that they give the gift, as well as partial tax free income when they start to receive those payments. Now, this is unlike a traditional annuity or a Roth account or a 401k. these funds are, for the rest of your life, it's not going to go up or down with the market. Your percentage is not going to change. It is fixed for the rest of your life. And that is dependent upon how old you are when you give the gift and then when you start to receive those payments. So obviously, the sooner you put it in and any amount of time that you wait to receive those payments, it's going to be a higher percentage for you. but it's a wonderful way to provide some lifetime income, especially in those retirement years.

Dr. Jessica Peck: And the minimum for that is $2,000. Is that right, Chelsea? And you can do more than one?

Chelsea Wildmon: That is correct, yes. Yes. So our minimum is 2000. That is always tell folks that's not going to yield very much income. But certainly we have multiple annuitants that will put multiple $2,000 to $5,000 in place. Some, of them do that once a year with possibly a work bonus, something of that sort. and then those payments really do add up to be a nice little nest egg. So, yes, minimum is $2,000. There's not a maximum. and yes, that's a benefit to them at the time that they, choose to receive that income, either monthly, quarterly, annually, or semiannually so they can really make those payments work, work for their family.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, it is everybody's favorite time of year, tax season. You know, even, I think even the tax preparers are like, here we go. It's our favorite time of year. I mean, I know it's what they do, but it's tough. So you may be, you may be having conversation with your tax advisor or preparer. If you work with somebody to help you do your taxes, that would be a great thing to talk to them about as well to see if this would be an option for you and just to look at your charitable giving, because it's a great time do it. Don't wait until December or the, you know, the day, the week after Thanksgiving where we have Giving Tuesday. You can have Giving Day any day that you wish. And you know, Chelsea, I'm always really so grateful to meet donors. We, there was a donor event hosted by afa, in Houston not too long ago. And I was able to go to that with my producer. Our husbands went. Your husband was there, Wesley, his brother Walker was there along with their grandfather or their, their father. Tim was there talking about their grandf, you know, of course founding that. And it was fantastic. I'm telling you, Chelsea, we went to this dinner and it was almost, you couldn't even hardly get into the room because there were so many people there who were just so enthusiastic about supporting the work of AFA and to sit with them, to break bread with them, to talk with them, to hear their stories about, you know, one of them that we sat with said that she listens to Hannah's heart. She struggled with infertility and it had really made a big difference with her. Another man I sat across from said he could not understand his teenage grandchildren and he was really struggling with how do I relate to them, how do I connect with them? And so he listens to my show in the afternoon at 2 o'. Clock. This sweet little grandpa who is just trying to make better connections. I mean any grandkid would want that for sure. So there's just so many ways, I mean we haven't even scratched the surface. All of the radio hosts that are on equipping you with news and faith filled information, but also the media that's being produced, the advocacy that is being done in state halls, I voter guide. I mean we'll, we'll celebrate all of this for sure at Sharathon. But one of the things that you're celebrating, I know Chelsea, is that AFA has a new website. the foundation has a new website. So tell us about that and how to go check it out.

Chelsea Wildmon: Yes. So we have same great information. Some more wonderful information has been added since it's afafoundation.net we've got a new fresh look on there. really bringing it current to all of the website, in these very technologically advanced times, that are progressing every day. but it's a wonderful tool to be able to go online and get that information that you need. Maybe you're not ready to give us a call yet, although we welcome those calls. but you can go online, get the information, read some donor testimonies, some donor stories of how a charitable gift annuity has helped them, why they chose to put one in place with the AFA foundation, because there are so many organizations that offer this as a tool for financial planning and for estate planning. But we are always so thankful when people choose to put their faith and their trust and their funds into the AFA foundation with our organization. That's something we don't take lightly. And we're very thankful for all the contributions, all the donations, that we do get as a ministry. And having our AFA foundation family is really something special. So you'll get to, read all that information and see what, a benefit, a charitable gift could be, you know, for. For the listener.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, you know, Chelsea, it's a story I've told many times now, and I will take it to my grave that the first time I met your husband, Wesley, he was upstairs in the beautiful new building that AFA has. And he. He had on cleaning gloves and cleaning supplies, pushing a cleaning cart, and he was wiping down the banisters, you know, of the stair and wiping down the railing in the hallway. And I. I was really kind of taken aback, and he said, no, go downstairs. Look, you'll see a picture of my pawpaw there. And sure enough, there's a little caricature drawing that really very sweet and precious of Don Wildmon with cleaning tools. I've heard legendary stories about. About plungers and clogged toilets, and there was nothing that was. He felt like, you know, he wasn't, He. He wasn't humble enough to help with. And I can tell you, having witnessed that, that really being one of my first introductions to afa, that you really do take this stewardship very, very seriously, and I'm so appreciative of that. Well, Chelsea, anything else? Do we miss anything?

Chelsea Wildmon: I think that we have covered everything. We would love to speak with your listeners, if they are ever interested in, learning more about the foundation or about the charitable gift annuity or giving a gift to afa. We would love to speak with them.

Dr. Jessica Peck: I know that you would, and I know that I've met some donors before as they're having tours of again, as I said, the beautiful facility that you have there. And we're so appreciative for everything that you do, Chelsea. And to all of the listeners, we're so appreciative for everything that you do. Thanks for hopping in here, Chelsea, in this afternoon, and we'll see you next time.

Chelsea Wildmon: Thank you so much.

American Family Association is holding an Activate summit in Tupelo, Mississippi

Dr. Jessica Peck: All right, well, I. As I said, we have been talking this week in promoting the Activate Summit. This is something that is being sponsored by American Family Association. It's not the first one. It will likely not be the last, but it is one in a series that they are holding. This particular one is themed Roots to Fruit, Grounded in truth, Growing in Grace, now, this is happening in Cadence Bank Conference center in Tupelo, Mississippi. Now, if you've never been to Tupelo, Mississippi, I'm telling you, it is the most charming town. They have delicious food, they have great places to stay. The people are so warm and inviting. It's not too far from Memphis or Birmingham if you wanted to fly in or you could drive. It is really, it's a great place to be. And this summit is going to have programming for kids and adult. There will be an actual kids program, the Activate Kids program for kids ages 6 to 12 and 13 and up will be adults. And I think this is so great because you're going to have teenagers coming with their parents who will be hearing about all of the issues that are facing family. And we'll be talking about them in a way that can engage conversation between parents and kids. You can also bring your kids five and under. There's no cost, no childcare, but you can bring them with you if you want to because after all, it is American Family Association. So this is a family sponsored event. And you can get your tickets before the regular pricing ends on April 30th. It's $175 for adults, $75 for the activate Kids program. There's going they're still recruiting vendors and partners. So if you're interested in that, go to afa.net, you'll find a way to contact somebody that puts you in touch with the right people. But really, it's going to be so exciting to see all of the speakers who are addressing issues of marriage and family. And studies show that husbands and wives and children all thrive as part of a family unit. And God's design for the family is really sacred and powerful. And that's why we have an enemy, as Jeff Schreve talked about with us yesterday. And I apologize, by the way, if I confused any of you when we had Jeff on in the afternoon. But it was so fun to have him on the show. But he did talk about how the thief is prowling to steal and kill and destroy. But we know that Jesus came, that we might have life more abundantly. And we want to help you have that abundant life in your family. So we'll talk about some of the cultural, social, political issues that are facing families today and what you can do about it. So again, this afa.net summit and when we come back, we're going to have another one of the speakers from the summit. We've already talked with Jeff Schreve, but we will be Talking with another speaker from the summit who's going to be specifically talking about blended families. This is something that you are not going to miss. We'll have Laura Petherbridge right on the other side of this break. I'll see you in a minute. Abortion moves fast, and right now in our communities, women are being pressured to make irreversible decisions. In moments of fear and panic, they're told to act quickly or risk losing support. Many feel they have no other option. But because of you, they do. At PreBorn Network clinics a woman receives what the abortion industry will never offer compassion without pressure, clarity about the life growing inside her and real support to welcome her baby and the hope of the gospel. She's given a free ultrasound and space to breathe. And more than 80% of the time, when a mother sees her baby on a preborn ultrasound, she chooses life. This March, PreBorn is believing to save 6,800 babies, but it will take 124 partners saying yes every day. I'm asking you to pause your busy day for just a moment and become a, yes right now. Just $28 provides one ultrasound. $140 helps five mothers. Every dollar helps save babies and share hope. To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby. That's pound 250, baby. Or visit preborn.com/AFR- that's preborn.com/AFR.

God Story by Anne Wilson: I've gone where the  helpless go the dead end of a broken road and I've learned there's a place so low you can't see a way out been stuck in a ditch so deep thought it might be the end of me but, I'm still here. And there could only be one way How my life is a God story. Gotta tell the world what he's up for me miracles are miracles that only he could do. I'm proof now we're all only one prayer away from a testimony. There's only one getting all the glory My whole life is a God story.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is God Story by Anne Wilson. And I can tell you for sure what 100% that, my life is definitely a God story. When I look back to where I started, I can see God's fingerprints all over the story of my family coming from generational brokenness and now have a legacy. And that life's, work and a mission of helping families repair that is not coincidence. That's redemption. And those are the kinds of stories that God is in the business of, of writing and There are many, many ways that families can be. Broken When I wrote my book Behind Closed Doors, a couple of years ago is one thing I actually addressed in the chapter about divorce. I asked the question, why do we seem to only refer to divorced families as broken families? Because there are many, many ways that a family can be broken. By betrayal, by illness, by trial, trauma, tragedy, and the children that are in those situations, it's hard to differentiate those. The source of that. When you feel broken, you feel broken. But as I said, God is in the business of restoration. And that's what we're talking about today is an issue of brokenness that impacts millions of homes, but also a repair that can happen. We're talking about blended families. And according to the Pew research center, about 16% of children, that's almost one in five in the United States live in blended families, meaning they reside with a step parent, a step sibling, a half sibling, and maybe a bonus parent if you're. If you use that term, term. And additionally, research from the US Census Bureau shows that about 40% of marriages include at least one spouse who has been married before. And this often does bring children into the relationship. And blended families are really not an exception. They are part of the fabric of our churches and our communities. And we could not have a more compassionate or experienced voice to guide us through this conversation than my guest for the rest of the show here today, Laura Petherbridge.

Laura Petherbridge talks with blended families about issues of co parenting and divorce prevention

She is a speaker, a teacher, an author. She serves, serves couples and single adults in areas of spiritual growth. She talks with blended families, issues of co parenting, divorce prevention, recovery, and she's co author of a book called the Smart Stepmom that's written alongside a, step family expert Ron Deal and endorsed by Gary Chapman, who, of course, we've had on the show before, who is the author of the five Love Languages. She also authored When I Do Becomes I Don't, as well as devotional resources for stepmoms navigating this sacred but sometimes overwhelming role. She's spoken at the Billy Graham Training center, which I know a lot of you have been to, and ministries like Lifeway and Family Life and Hearts at Home. Laura, we're so glad to have you here today. Thank you for joining us.

Laura Petherbridge: Thank you so much. I'm honored to be here.

Laura has used divorce to give her a platform to minister to blended families

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Laura, there's always a story behind a platform. That is something that I have learned in, as I've entered into this space. Can you tell us a little bit about your story that your God story that God has written in your life to Give you a platform to minister to blended families?

Laura Petherbridge: Yes, absolutely. Well, my parents divorced when I was 8 years old. And so divorce hit my life at a very young age. And as I grew up, I had one goal in my life, and that is that I would never be divorced because it was such a painful experience as a child. And so when I got re. And when I got married at, 26 years old, I thought that would be forever. And what I didn't realize, I was a baby Christian. I had become a Christian at 24 years old. I was not raised in a Christian home. And so I knew that God hated divorce. So I thought, this is a perfect match. I hate divorce. God hates divorce. That way, divorce will never happen to me. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that in our free will, just because I had decided that I never wanted to be divorced did not mean that the man that I married had that same decision. And so when he decided he did not want to be married anymore and was in a new relationship with someone else, that created the most catastrophic experience in my life, at least to this day. So divorce then, as an adult, almost killed me. I seriously contemplated taking my life because as a baby Christian, it just caused me to feel like I was failing God. Even though I wasn't the one that wanted the divorce, I still was in a very deep sense of shame and fear. And God will never use my life. God will never use me. And the enemy was just having a picnic in my mind. And so, when I met my current husband, We've been married 40 years now. He had two children. They were 11 and 13 at the time. And I was just shocked that God was able to redeem my story and give me a new life, give me a new marriage. And I immediately began wanting to use the pain that I had experienced to then help other people. So I first began in divorce recovery ministry. That's how I got started in ministry. I worked with Divorce Care Net. I became one of the featured experts on their video series that has reached over 16,000 churches worldwide. Now and then I wrote a book called When I Do Becomes I Don't, where I answered the most frequently asked questions that I got during all those years in divorce recovery ministry. Then I began working with stepfamilies and stepmoms. And so it has come full circle to me being able to just minister in all the areas that I thought would destroy me.

Laura, thank you for sharing your story of family brokenness

Dr. Jessica Peck: Laura, I am absolutely overwhelmed by your authenticity and by your openness and transparency and sharing your story. So often stories like this are so wrapped in Shame. It's hard for people to tell them, and it's not uncommon that I'll meet someone who really. It's almost like they had a whole nother life that they've never even talked about. And to hear you talk about your story so openly, I know is going to resonate with so many who have a very similar story. And I feel like even though that brokenness happened so long ago and, and you have, you know, and God has redeemed that story, I'm still sorry that you experienced that. I really am, Laura, because that is not, you know, God's design. And living in a broken world, it's really hard to experience pain like that. But I'm so grateful for the redemption that he has made in your story, and most of all, for your obedience and your courage and stepping out and sharing your testimony and sharing hope with others. That is exactly what I said. You know, when, when I meet somebody who has a platform like this, it's because they've walked a road. They. There's so often, you know, my story of family brokenness is different in the logistics of your. Of your family brokenness, Laura. But the pain of that, the pattern of that is still the same. And, and, you know, just as I started out my own family, I thought, oh, my family is not going to be broken, like, because I will it. That's enough. Just my, you know, my, my desire for that. But what I really, really discovered was that it wasn't enough just to remove off circumstances, to remove abuse, to remove addiction, to remove whatever it is, you know, that's facing any family that can make their family be. Cause their family to experience brokenness. You have to embrace a new mindset and a new skill set. You have to intentionally take a healing journey, much like what you just described with divorce care, which has reached, as you said, 16,000 churches. And I don't even know how many people, how many hearts, how many homes that that has provided a new way forward. Because there's so much dysfunctional behavior that can embedded in broken families. And you don't even identify it as dysfunctional. You don't even realize. You just think that this is normal. And many times, you know, I see people, or I'll have an experience where you share something and you just share it like it's normal. And then all of a sudden you look around the table and everybody's just staring at you and you're like, oh, wait, that's not normal. How do you help families step out of those patterns, that lead to Brokenness and lead people to stay in brokenness and give them hope and healing for an intentional way forward.

Laura Petherbridge: Absolutely. That's obviously the goal, is to point people to hope. And it breaks my heart when I hear so many church leaders constantly use the phrase God hates divorce. Not that I don't agree with that or, not that I don't think it's biblical because he does hate divorce. But I think we've perverted the reason why God hates divorce. God hates divorce because it wounds his people. God hates divorce because it breaks us. God hates divorce because it's a tearing of the flesh. The two became one flesh and now there's this ripping, this tearing. and a part of you goes with that person and a part of that person stays with you. You. And especially if you have children, that is an, an ongoing, eternal connection with that one flesh, other person. So when we glibly or even legalistically use the phrase God hates divorce, it can actually wound the Christian who wanted their marriage so desperately like I did did, and make them feel that shame that you mentioned. Make them feel that I am less than, that God can never use me now. Because he hates divorce. God does hate divorce because it is so excruciatingly painful and it puts us in a place of vulnerability, especially women. Puts us in a place of vulnerability. And so he doesn't want us to live like that, covered in shame and less than and weakness and fear. And so the whole goal is to help people understand, number one, how can I be doing pre marriage, first of all, so that I can see the red flags. There were huge red flags in my dating relationship and even my engagement with my first husband, where I think if I would have had the proper material or the proper resources, there's much more of that available now than there was when I was getting married all those years ago. and I'm talking resources that dig deep, not the Pollyanna Christianese, just love and submit and respect to each other. Other. I'm talking about the stuff that digs deeply into your own woundedness. Just like you just mentioned my woundedness. My childhood pain came with me into my marriage. It caused me to be very codependent. It caused me to ignore red flags. So if we really love marriage and care about marriage and the church, church, we're going to help people before they get married to understand. Let's make sure you, you totally get what you are committing to and that you've healed from the past before you take this huge plunge.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Laura.

Dr. Jessica Peck: God hates divorce. And we just throw that out there

Amen to all the Things, I mean, just yes to all the things. And I think you hit on something really important here. I think there are a lot of well intentioned Christians, well intentioned believers who unintentionally weaponize scripture to wound other and it wounds other people and that's not their intent. God hates divorce. You know, another one that I see often is people who struggle with mental health and thinking be anxious for nothing. And we just throw that out there like a platitude, like just oversimplifying things. And at every point that you are referencing, you know, before you get married, once you've just gotten married, when you are in that marriage, there is an intersection of the church in all of those aspects of family life. And you referenced it even just now, you know, you said when you first got married, I mean the church was not talking about this. It was basically like the bar is here, here's what you do. And then what do you do if like you said, your, your husband, your spouse walks away? That's something you don't want. Even if you have biblical grounds. Even if you don't have biblical grounds. What is the church's role in all of that? So what do you think that the church, what do you see the church's role at? What do you think that they' doing well and where do you think that we need to do better?

Laura Petherbridge: I think the ways they're doing well is that like I said, there are more programs now, there's more resources. I have a fellow pastor near where I live and he does the pre marriage, counseling at his church and it's a, I think it's 13 weeks he does. So first of all, let's stop with the Saturday morning three hour session thinking that that's enough for the second most important decision of your life.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Oh, my good is yes, I'm sorry, that really does make me laugh. You have to take longer driver's ed than that.

Laura Petherbridge: Yeah, exactly, exactly. And so, you know, let's stop thinking this is one or two classes, but also making sure the resources that you use. Because the reason I love this pastor is he's like, he runs his like a boot camp and he tells me if they can make it through my boot camp camp, he goes, they got a pretty good chance of their marriage surviving. So his goal isn't to put this like sweet little covering over this. He goes down into the down and dirty, difficult stuff to see if their conversations in that class and they're with other couples, it's not just the two of them, but with other couples, he tries to make it as hard as possible. And I love that about him. And so, you know, he's just, he really views it as his goal that he wants to dig in. And as soon as one of the two starts saying, well, I don't want to talk about that, or I don't think my childhood has anything to do with this, or, you know, I've forgiven my mother, I've forgiven my father, or I forgave that person that molested me. So we need to just move on. As soon as the person starts going there, he, he stops them. And because he gets it that this is going to impact their union.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, you know what, Laura? I get it, too. And you talk about going there. We're going to break right now, but we will be right back. And if you want to hear more, listen, stick around. We'll have more with Laura Petherbridge. And if you want to hear even more than that, register for the AFA Activate Summit. We'll be right back after this break.

The AFR app is a powerful tool, but it does have limitations

 : The AFR app is a powerful tool, but it does have limitations. You can't use it to change the oil in your vehicle or get rid of carpet stains. It won't walk the dog, won't pick up the dry cleaning or take the kids to practice. But while you're doing those things, you can listen to your favorite AFR content through the app on your phone, smart device or Roku. Just go to your app store or visit afr.net Listen to AFR wherever you go with the AFR app.

Worthy Of My Song (Worthy of It All) (Sped Up) by Chandler Moore: Your work. 'Cause the way I feel and the fear I'm facing doesn't change who you are or what you deserve. Come on. I give you my worship. You still deserve it. You're worthy you're worthy You're worthy of my song. Pour out your praises in blessing and breaking You're worthy of my song.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is worthy of my song. By Chandler Moore featuring Phil Wickham. And it is very true. We are talking today about the story, your story, the story that God is writing in your life. And listen, friends, we live in a broken world. And there are a lot of hills and a lot of valleys. And this life is challenging. But that is not a surprise to us. The Lord has told us that in this world we will have trouble, but that we can take heart, we can be of good cheer because he has overcome the world. And God is in the business, business of renewing, restoring. And that is encouraging to me. And one of those things that he has a heart to renew to restore, to redeem, is the family. And there are many families who walk roads of, brokenness. That happens through divorce, but it can also happen through abuse, through addiction, through trauma, tragedy, trial. I mean, you name it. There are a lot of ways that a family can be broken. But today we're talking specifically about blended families with Laura Petherbridge. She's an author, a teacher, a speaker. If you have ever taken a divorce care class, you might recognize her voice from those videos. She will be at the AFA Activate Summit in July with me, along with Jeff Schreve and many of the other wonderful speakers who will be there to talk about the issues impacting marriage and family. I'll be talking about the impacts of AI on worldview and relationship development. And Laura will be talking about issues of blended families. And before the break, Laura beautifully shared her own testimony very vulnerably, with no shame or stigma of her own divorce and remarriage. And, Laura, I've been doing a little math here. You told me how old you were when you got married. You did say that. And you told me how long you've been married to your husband now. And I'm wondering, how is that possible when you're probably no older than 39? Am I guessing about right? Time flies when you're having fun.

Laura Petherbridge: I am actually turning 70 in three days.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, happy, happy birthday, Laura. Happy birthday from me and all of our listeners to you. That's a huge milestone. And 40 years of marriage. 70 years of life. And I'm so grateful that you have spent your life helping families find recovery before the break we were talking about, before you get married. I think this is really important because Gen Z is actually much more interested in marriage than the generations have been before them since the baby boomers. I mean, really, we had declining marriage rates and millennials and Gen X, X and Gen Z. But now in Gen Z, we have this increased interest in marriage. Kids I'm talking to everywhere they want to get married. There are girls out there who are looking for godly guys. There are guys out there looking for godly girls. And I love how you were describing, you know, this boot camp, essentially, because marriage is hard, Laura. And I think, you know, sometimes, especially in this age of social media and where everything's made for a movie and made for production, you know, you kind of have this image in your mind, your mind that especially if you're a Christian, if you do things all the right way, if you save yourself, if you, you know, follow somebody who's going to you, know, marry someone who's going to follow the Lord, then your life will be a fairy tale. And that is just not the truth. Because the rent is due. You're going to argue about dumb things, you're going to argue about big things, you're going to face financial troubles, relationship troubles, all of those things. Things. And, and marriage just kind of has a way of stripping you down to the core and really showing the best of someone and the worst of someone.

Top three reasons why people get divorced are adultery, addiction and abuse

So talk a little bit more about this pre marriage counseling. How do we help prevent divorce before that marriage even takes place?

Laura Petherbridge: Well, although finances are a key issue in marriage, you hear all the time that finances are the reason for divorce. But I can tell you that after all these years of working in divorce recovery, the top three reasons why people get divorced are adultery or betrayal and sexual betrayal addiction. And that includes pornography addiction. very, very high rate of pornography addiction in particular among Christians, because you will meet many Christians today who said they are still virgins, so they think they're obeying God, but yet they are addicted to pornography. And so that's another whole subject, but adultery, addiction and abuse. And see, if we have not addressed our own childhood wounds, our own things that make us fearful or hurtful, or we will then, all of that will come out on our spouse else and very often comes out in these three areas. Adultery, addiction and abuse. And so digging deeply into who am I? Why am I the way I am? Is my identity in Christ and what does that really mean? Like I hear that phrase at church. I've been, you know, very churched, maybe grown up in church. So I know the answers. I know the Sunday school answers to get give when I'm in a class or even when I'm in pre marriage counseling. But a really good m. Pastor or guide in pre marriage counseling will dig deeply.

Step families are not the same as biological families as first time marriages

Now when we shift gears into talking about the step family, that is a completely different animal. And so the first thing we have, the first lie, and that's what I'm going to call it, is a lie that we have to address, is that step families are exactly the same as biological families as first time marriages. That is totally untrue. In order for a step family to be forming, there was a death, a divorce, or the breakup of a union previous to the step family. So a step family doesn't even exist unless there was a grief or a death from a previous relationship, whether that be the spouse died, there was a divorce, or what they call today uncoupling. Because so many people cohabitate Today there's a phrase that we now use called uncoupling. So they live together or they were together. They might have only been together for three months. Months doesn't mean, you know, they were even engaged. But they created a baby in that union. And so now this person is entering either one or both, the male or female is bringing a child into this new union. And m. That is what we call a step family or a blended family. Blended can be a confusing word because some people use the word blended blended to mean racially blended. That can mean, you know, two different races coming under one household. It can also mean a combination of adopted children, foster children, and biological children. So the phrase blended can mean different things to different people. But we've started using that phrase because so many people don't like the phrase step family.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Right.

Laura Petherbridge: So, but I'm going to use step family just to make it easy for us to understand. Understand. So when you are entering a step family marriage that you need to do even more work than you did in a first time marriage because, a first time marriage without children, because you are deal. You are deal. There's more people. First of all, let's start with that. Second of all, you're building on top of a loss, a great grief, a loss, a change. And even if the adults took the time to heal from that loss, from that grief, from that break, the children are usually a minimum of two to three years behind the adults in the grieving process, even if they are adult kids. So you bring all these additional emotions and loyalties. Kids are fiercely loyal to their biological parent, even if that parent is not a good parent. So they come in often, resisting this new stepmom, stepdad. And then we wonder why everything is so complex and confusing and people are fighting and the kids don't like it. And they're living 50% in one home and 50% in another home. And in one home they have a dog, another home they have a cat. In one home they have to do their homework. In the other home they don't have to do their homework. In one home they can use their devices 24,7. In the other home they get a three hour time limit. And we wonder why they are confused, hurting, emotionally exhausted, acting out on medication. It's confusing. So if it's confusing for the adults, imagine how confusing it is for the kids. So many more complexities.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Laura, you've got your finger on the pulse of this issue. This is exactly what I see in clinical practice, and it's amazing to me how much it intersects pediatrics. Because, you know, I've got families who, you know, sometimes the dad will bring them in or the mom will bring them in, or I'm trying to facilitate that communication, or I left the medication at this house, or I have my own room here, and I show with a step sibling here. I mean, the. The number of issues are just staggering. And that doesn't mean that they're insurmountable. That doesn't mean that there isn't hope. But you've got to face it honestly. And I think sometimes as parents, you know, you just. You want your kids to be happy, especially if you're feeling happy. Like you said, like, your healing is a little ahead of the curve of your kids.

Laura Petherbridge: You.

Dr. Jessica Peck: You want, like, somehow vicariously to give that to them, because our heart is for our kids to not carry that pain. But here is the honest truth, Laura. I both know this. I'm sure if you do not, as an adult, if you do not honestly face your childhood trauma, if you do not name it and claim it and intentionally seek a healing journey, then that burden will be your kids to bear, it will be your kids to carry. But there is healing in that. And you talked about something, Laura, that I want to go back to for a minute, because I think this is really important, and I think that's something we're learning a lot about as, science advances, and we're learning about God's marvelous design, miraculous design for our bodies. You talked about childhood wounds, and I see that there are a lot of people who experience divorce, who come from families where there are very deep childhood wounds. Sometimes you recognize that, and you know that you can say, I came from a home where there was abuse, addiction, adultery. Sometimes it's harder to know that you don't know that because you really didn't know anything different. And then you carry those issues, and you tend to be attracted to people, people who carry those same issues. And when you start to research it, the. The patterns are the same. You know, there's some dysfunctional characteristics of families that are. Are very common. You know, triangulation, like bringing a third person into the conversation or all, all kinds of things like that that are there, but you don't realize it. At what point do you say that it's important to look at that childhood wound and to be honest about it and say, know what? This is impacting our family dynamic. And then what do you do to go back and start to heal it? What is your view on that?

Laura Petherbridge: I can tell you that When I. And I've been working with stepmoms for a very long time, but I can tell you that when I do even, like, just little surveys and, when I ask them the question, how many of you, as a step parent, has it triggered? Becoming a step parent triggered your childhood pain? And I would say 85% of the room raises their hand.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Wow.

Laura Petherbridge: Because the reason that is is because stepchildren are typically rejecting you or, you know, you, no matter how many nice things you do for them. And so all of a sudden, this rejection, this fear, this hurt, this abandonment, this feeling outside the circle, feeling like you don't belong, not knowing where you sit at the table, all of that, it's triggering what was deep inside there from when you were a kid. Now, we normally don't connect the dots on those two things. We just get angry with the stepchild for rejecting me. Why aren't you seeing that I'm the one washing and ironing your clothes? Why aren't you seeing the one that I'm the one driving you to all your sporting events? We expect them to appreciate us. And when they're not doing that, we then go, turn around and go, I. I don't like this. I don't like this feeling. I don't like you. I want to get away from you. And this is a child that, the love of our life had with another person. This is not a child that came from our own own union. And so it's much easier to feel distant from that child and that trigger of our childhood wound then causing us to push that child further and further and further away. Because they're hurting me. They're triggering my pain. And so these two things go hand in hand. They are very much connected. And so I can say with complete sincerity, in my own life, until I got healing for my childhood pain, I could not become a godly stepmother because the two things were connected.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Laura, every once in a while, I have a conversation with someone on the radio that I feel like we need to put, dot, dot, dot, to be continued. Because we are right in the heart of a really important conversation. And I can just envision some. Somebody somewhere in their car who's listening, who's thinking, oh, my gosh, that's the first time I've made that connection. And you know what? If that's you, there is hope and help available to you. Contact Divorce Care  See, find a church near you. Find. Reach out to your church. Ask for help. recognizing the challenge is more than half the battle. And listen, I hate that we have to leave it here. But we do. But I do leave it with I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you. I'll see you here tomorrow. We'd like to thank our sponsors, including PreBorn. PreBorn has rescued over 400,000 babies from abortion. And every day their network clinics rescue 200 babies lives. Will you join PreBorn in loving and supporting young moms in crisis? Save a life today. Go to preborn.com/AFR the views and

Jeff Chamblee: opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.