Transcript

Hamilton: God called believers to be ambassadors even in this dark moment

Abraham Hamilton III: Darkness is not an affirmative force. It simply reoccupies the space vacated by the light.

Abraham Hamilton III: This is the, Hamilton Corner on American Family Radio.

Abraham Hamilton III: It should be uncomfortable for a believer to live as a hypocrite, delivering people.

Abraham Hamilton III: Out of the bondage of mainstream media and the philosophies of this world.

Abraham Hamilton III: God has called you and me to be his ambassadors even in this dark moment. Let's not miss our moment.

Hamilton Corner: What goes on in your home is far more important than White House

Abraham Hamilton III: And, now the, Hamilton Corner.

Abraham Hamilton III: Good evening everyone. You have made it. What a week this has been so far. But you've made it to. You're on your way to the weekend edition of the program. My name is Abraham Hamilton iii. I'm your host. This is the Hamilton Corner. Thank you for tuning in to the show. All of you who are tuning in, no matter how you're tuning in, if you're a podcast listener, you're listening live on the radio right now. You are a subscriber to streaming afa.net I said subscriber. You can subscribe whether or not you're paying any money or not. You can have a free account or if you want to become a great Commission partner, you can do that. Great, commission partners are those who give to the Ministry of American Family association on a monthly basis. One of the benefits of being a Great Commission partner is you get full access, to our online [email protected] it is, the place where all things AFA you can find documentaries, cultural, institutes, Bible, study curriculum, a whole host of offerings that are available to you in addition to being able to watch the radio programming. for this show, you can watch Eryn Addison's, you can watch AFA at the Core or Walker Wildmon. You, can watch Today's issues. You can watch a host of programs there in addition to supporting the ministry that we have here on. Also, some of you may be tuning in, via video streaming at other places or if you're live, audio [email protected] no matter how you are listening, we thank you. I thank you for tuning in to the program. At this very moment. Many of you, if not most of you, are making that transition from your part time jobs where you generate an income to your full time jobs where you cultivate an outcome as you are making that transition. I want to remind you, just as I do on a daily basis, nearly daily basis, that what goes on in your house is far more important, far more important than what goes on in the White House. I know there are a lot of things happening in the world. A lot of very important things. We talked earlier this week about the deployment of the 101st U.S. army Airborne Division to Europe. yeah, that's happening. but none of those things should provoke in us a, listfulness or hopelessness or despondency that militates towards neglecting what goes on in our homes. We need to be about our Father's business. And the beginning of that, responding to what the Lord requires of us, should start in our homes. So as I said earlier, what happens at your house is far more important than what goes on in the White House. In the White House. Even when the White House is occupied by a person who seems to fall asleep during television interviews. Yeah, yeah, you saw that. What, that was what? Tuesday? You saw that on Tuesday. But we are going to turn to the Word of God now as we do on a daily basis. I'm very excited because I have a special guest in studio. You can't see my M guests yet, but I can. But they're hanging out for the first segment. We'll bring them in for the second segment.

Understanding what God designed mankind to be before the rebellion is important

Genesis chapter three, verses one through seven is where I want to begin. Genesis chapter three. But before I get to those that specific, those specific passages, I want to make sure that I set up some things that are important to understand beforehand. So we've talked before. That one of the best things we can do in order to develop a biblical anthropology, as well as having a proper understanding of what God's design was for mankind before we were infected with the true invisible enemy sin, the true virus. That there's only one inoculant is not an injection that you get from Dr. Frauchi, sin. Before the humankind, before humankind was infected with sin, before the Lord's creation was affected with sin. We get, we get a great picture of what God designed for mankind. In addition to understanding what God designed mankind to be before the rebellion. A couple things just as a reminder. So in Genesis chapter two, well, let's go back. Genesis chapter one, verses 26 to 28, we have the Lord explaining, articulating and recording for us that mankind was made in his likeness and in his image. In his image, he created us both male and female. From that we understand that both men and women are equal bearers of the image of God. We are qualitative equals simultaneously. And it's important to know that this is simultaneous. This is not extraneous to. This is not, in addition to. This is simultaneous to being made qualitative equals and fellow bearers of God's. Image. Men and women are simultaneously created with ordained distinctiveness. Though we are equal bearers of the image of God and qualitative equals, we are quantitative, we are qualitatively, we are functionally distinct. God has designed men to be different from women. He's designed men to be designed women to be different from men. This is not just something we tolerate. This is a specific design of the Creator, our Creator, God. In addition to that, we find in Genesis chapter two, the Bible tells us, and I'll just read it, verse 8. The Lord God planted a garden toward the east in Eden, and there he placed the man whom he had formed. We've explained this before. The Bible reveals to us that Adam was not created in Eden. He was created outside of Eden. And then God plants Adam, pun intended, in the garden that is eastward from where God created Adam, which is in Eden. Go a little bit down further in Genesis chapter 2, verse 15. Then we find the Lord. Not only he already given us the what, having made Adam outside of Eden, placing him in Eden. Now we learn why he does that. Verse 15, Genesis chapter 2, it says this. Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to cultivate it and to keep it, to dress it and to keep it, to cultivate it, make it maximal, make it conducive to maximal human flourishing and to protect it. All right, Then we find Genesis chapter 2, verse 16. The Lord God commanded the man, saying, from any tree of the garden, you may eat freely, but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat. For in the day that you eat from it, you will surely die. That's verses 16 and 17. So we have three things that we see in Genesis chapter two. That God creates the man, places, him in Eden. We've talked before. Eden is a place or spot of God's presence. The first thing that God gives man before the rebellion, he makes man to be a man of his presence. Mankind was designed, and particularly men. We were made to be men of God's presence. The next thing we see, verses 16 and 17, God made men to be men of his word. God gave the instruction about the garden, about the tree, to Adam. Thirdly, we see in verse 15, God made men to be men of his work, placed in the garden to dress it and to keep it. All of that is foundational to properly understand what happens next in Genesis chapter three, which is where I want to focus.

Genesis three, verse one. Eve misquotes God's instruction

Genesis three, verse one. Here we go. Now, the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he made and he. I'm sorry. And now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, indeed has God said, you shall not eat from any tree of the garden. The woman said to the serpent, from the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat. But from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, you shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die. Verse 4. The serpent said to the woman, you surely will not die, for God knows that in the day you eat from it, your eyes will be open and you will be like God, knowing good and evil. When the woman saw that the tree was good for food and that it was a delight to the eyes and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate. I've explained to you guys before. I remember reading that thinking, what in the world is going on here? Where is Adam? As all of this is happening, where are you, Adam? Isn't it God who made you to be a man of his presence? Isn't it God who made you to be a man of his word, which includes the responsibility of accurately conveying his word to those whom God has placed within your jurisdiction? Thirdly, has not God made you a man of his work to both cultivate and to keep or protect the garden and those whom the Lord has entrusted to your care and within your jurisdiction? Where is Adam? We see in chapter three the anatomy of what I call the anatomy of the rebellion that you have the serpent, the talking snake, conversing with Eve. The beginning of the conversation includes Eve misquoting God's instruction. Verse 3. But from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, you shall not eat from it or touch it, lest you will die. Is that what God said? No, Eve is misquoting God. Adam. Eve is misrepresenting the instructions. Where you at? Verse 4. The serpent says to the woman, you will not surely die, for God knows in the day that you eat from it, your eyes will be opened and you will be like him. Eve reveals in this moment that she is being seduced by the suggestion of the talking snake. Because verse six reveals that when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that's lust of the eyes, and that it was the delight to the eyes, that's the lust of the flesh, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise a pride of life after being consumed, seduced, and enveloped in all three of these categorical temptations. The Bible then reveals she took from its fruit and she ate. But that's not the end of the story. Look at the latter part of verse six. And she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked, and they sewed fig leaves together and made for themselves loin coverings. The Bible reveals that the entire time Eve's conversation with the talking snake, the revelation of Eve being seduced and deceived by the talking snake, the evidence of Eve misquoting God, perverting, twisting what God has said, and her yielding to the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life. When all of these things transpired, Adam was right there and said nothing. And if there's any ambiguity concerning whom God determined to be responsible for the entire affair, it was not until Adam also partook of the forbidden fruit that the eyes of both of them were open. And when the scripture says their eyes were open, it's not as if they were walking around with the optical lenses closed all along. No, their eyes were open before, but. But now, for the first time in all of human history, that mankind is now introduced to a source of knowledge that God did not desire for them to procure. It's not that he wanted them ignorant, but it's the Old Testament pronouncement of the reality that we learn later that the Lord wants us to be innocent to evil. But this transpires. It was not until Adam ate the fruit that their eyes were opened. And then later on in that same chapter, after the breach transpires, Yahweh comes back. He doesn't say, eve, where are, you? He says, adam, where are you? This is one of the sources of scripture that reveals the reality, particularly for us as men, that you can be present and not present at the same time. Presence biblically requires far more fellows than physical presence. We need physical presence. But physical presence must be accompanied by functional presence. God made Adam an ambassador of his word. God made Adam the protector and cultivator in the garden. What we have revealed in Genesis chapter three is a dereliction of duty. Now, here's the thing. This dereliction of duty has had cataclysmic consequences. So cataclysmic, you and I are still overcoming the results of Adam's dereliction of duty. Very similarly, much of what has transpired in our society, the transformation of the American culture, has occurred on the watch of men whom God has placed in the various guards that he's placed us in to cultivate and to keep it, being entrusted with his word and being entrusted with his presence. But we've had maybe physical presence in many instances, not even physical presence compounded by a functional absence. It is high time, especially for us men, especially for us husbands, especially for us fathers, that we get beyond physical presence. I mean, even not even physically present. That's the first thing to become physically present. But to make sure our physical presence is accompanied by functional presence, and if we would reestablish ourselves and begin functioning once again as a prophets, priests, providers and protectors of our homes, we will see the ship in our society begin to be righted.

Abraham Hamilton III: Shining light into the darkness. This is the Hamilton Corner on American Family Radio.

Abraham Hamilton will be ministering in Pennsylvania on November 12

Abraham Hamilton III: Welcome back. Welcome back to the Hamilton Corner, Abraham Hamilton iii. Now, if you're watching the show, you probably can tell why I was so befuddled in the first segment. Couldn't get my words together because I still get nervous every time she comes in studio. My guest is my lovely wife, Maria Hamilton, the first. I describe her as the matriarch of Hamiltonia.

Maria Hamilton: Hamiltonia.

Abraham Hamilton III: That's what our children call our family. Hamiltonia, by the way.

Maria Hamilton: Yeah.

Abraham Hamilton III: But before we get it, go further in the show, I want to remind you that November 12th, Saturday, November 12th, at 6:00pm local time, I will be ministering at the Christian Life Academy's Building for Keeps event. It will be at the Cross Creek Resort, the address FOR which is 3815 State Highway 8 in Titusville, Pennsylvania. In order to come, you have to get your tickets. And the deadline for ticket purchasing is November 9th. You won't be able to get in at the door, so you need to get your tickets beforehand. And the ticket also includes dinner for the evening. Again, it's November 12th at the Cross Creek Resort in Titusville, Pennsylvania. If you're in the area or willing to come to the area, and I know some of you have even sent me messages, hey, I'm gonna see you in Pennsylvania. I can't wait to see you in Pennsylvania. It's going to be an amazing and amazing time.

We looked at who God created man to be before the rebellion

All right, well, I invited my wife onto the program, to discuss something, that unfortunately, I don't think gets talked about or taught enough, in our society. And I'll set this up by reading it straight from the scripture. We were looking in Genesis earlier. Learning from the Lord's Word, getting a glimpse into who God created man to be before the rebellion. And then in Genesis 3, we looked at, the particularities of the rebellion, where we saw that physical presence is not synonymous with functional presence. But we learned something else in Genesis 2. After the Lord announced Adam's purpose for being placed in the garden, to dress it and to keep it, then the Lord makes the observation. in verse 18, then the Lord God said, it's not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. After the Lord makes that observation, you'll find in verses 19 and 20, the Lord doesn't respond by revealing to him a wife or making a wife for him. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The next thing you get to see is Adam, beginning to operate in what God ordained for him to be. After that, the Lord reveals his wife to him, as it says in verse 21. So the Lord God caused the deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept. Then he took one of his ribs, took out. Sorry, took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh. At that place, the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which he had taken from the man and brought her to the man. The man said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Then God narrates the scene. Verse 24. For this reason shall a man leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Some translations there say, therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. What we have articulated for us there is that the Lord establishes as the archetype for a man who would be a candidate for marriage, that the parental source of the familial unit from which he derives, or the original band, if you will, from which he derives, includes a father and a mother, and him the son. The would be husband, soon to be the groom to be, is now loosed from that original band and becomes a foundational rubric for a brand new band. Hence our modern terminology of a husband or house band, for which the Lord says he leaves the original band and is joined to his wife in the formation of a new band cleaving to his wife. Hence the description of leaving and cleaving.

Buck: We have wrong understandings of what marriage is

Now, I want to bring my wife in on this, because one of the things that I've noticed, just anecdotally, in my own interpersonal interactions and even traveling around and speaking in different places, it seems that we've lost our understanding, our Comprehension of what it means to leave and to cleave. What are your initial thoughts after you hear me read the scripture?

Maria Hamilton: Yeah, we see that a lot, unfortunately. I think because there's so much brokenness in our society. we don't under. We're coming from, from broken. A lot of us are coming from broken marriages and we're coming from broken environments and we're coming from, places where we are not being taught thoroughly specifically what the Bible teaches about this. And so we are trying our best to figure out, even though those of us that do get married, you know, trying our best to figure out how to do this. And we have a lot of wrong understandings as to what marriage is, even that we don't understand what it means to cleave, to leave and to cleave. And so a lot of that brokenness is brought in to the union, you know, and it's really sad to see, to see it play out. We've seen it.

Abraham Hamilton III: One of the things that happens, guys, that happens that is greatly unfortunate. But it's prevalent. It's prevalent. You have two people, a husband and a wife, who mean well, love each other, want to be committed to each other, and then they get married. But it seems the marriage consists not of the husband and the wife and the potential future offspring, but it's the husband, his mom and them his paran, Uncle Buck. And it seems all of these people have sway within the marriage. And then on the wife's side you have, you know, mom and sister, Aunt Niecy and Nene. And not realizing the marital unit was never intended to consist of all of these different people.

Abraham Hamilton III: But when you have all of these different people that have input into the newly formed familial band, it actually has the potential to have a delete, a deleterious effect, A negative eroding effect on the marriage over time.

Maria Hamilton: I think there's a distinction to be made there as well because you know how you hear people saying when you get married, you marry their family as well. And so the understanding there that we, that we could take is, yeah, we are marrying into a family, right. There are people who matter, who are now were once upon a time strangers, but now they're, they belong to the family as a whole, the extended family. And there is love and respect and consideration and selflessness that we both have to exhibit in regards to our families. but going beyond that is where there are problems, right, because. Or that we invite problems. Because it's one thing to say, yeah, I've married into your family. But our union, you and I and the family that we are now starting, with our children and then our, you know, going forward in our posterity, the. We cannot bring opinions of our lovely family members and, you know, outside input into our, union. Especially when it's not grounded in the word of God. Right. Because there is, you know, then we can talk about the different types of input that we can get. but I think, you know, there's one thing to say about, you know, what. We are marrying into each other's family. So there's respect and there's love and there's consideration. There's selflessness when it comes to that. But not necessarily, for them to dictate how we will run our household or how we interact with each other.

Abraham Hamilton III: Yeah. And I think one of the great deficiencies in this regard is a, failure to understand. Priority.

Maria Hamilton: Yeah.

Abraham Hamilton III: Priority in relationships. When the scripture says, for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, it doesn't mean that you eliminate relationship, that you eliminate love and commitment and, relationship, so to speak. But it means that there is a transition in priority for the newly found band, which, as the scripture reveals, should be led by the husband. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother. And be joined to his wife. And the two shall become one flesh. We've described this before on By Design. I didn't understand as fully then as I understand now. But I remember when we got married and I told you about this, the Lord led me to sit down with my parents and my siblings. You know, I have, you know, three sisters and two brothers. We have a large family. We were what probably would describe in many circles as an enmeshed family. The Lord led me to sit down with my parents the day before our wedding and go through this scripture with them. And I said to my parents, I mean, not just my parents, my parents and my siblings. I'm the second youngest among my siblings. That after tomorrow. Guys, I need you guys to understand. Because of this scripture, when I use the term family, my primary commitment in family is going to be to Maria. As of tomorrow, my first consideration in everything that I do with our lives, our interaction, my first consideration will be Maria. This is not because I don't love you all anymore. I love you all still the same. I'm grateful to be a part of the family with you all. But because of God's order for marriage, from tomorrow forward, Maria is my priority. And I remember specifically saying, because of my family, we like to have events. You know, at the time we were living in Texas, I would come in town for different things. And in, New Orleans, there's always an occasion for a party, you know, I mean, you know, you woke up this morning, hey, party, you know, I said, so when we have the next event, like Thanksgiving or something, and we decide not to come, I need you guys to understand that I have decided as the head of our new family, not to come. It's not because Maria has done anything. She hadn't worked some Puerto Rican magic on me. You know, she's not trying to pull me away from you, but that I have decided and that we have decided it is in the best interest of our family for us not to come. And then I remember looking everybody in the eye and saying, do you guys understand what I'm saying? Do you understand what I'm saying? Do you understand what I'm saying? And so everybody acknowledged what I was saying. And I recognize the wisdom of that now. At the time, I didn't realize how significant that would be, but I now recognize how significant that was because it set this foundation for my family, on my side of our family, to understand that from tomorrow forward, Abe's priority in life is Maria. And so you guys don't need to be mad, because this is what God has ordained for us. In light of that, especially now on this side of it, how do you think that has had. That has impacted our marriage and your interaction, even with my side of our family?

Maria Hamilton: Yeah, so I, I love your family, and I've loved them from the beginning. I mean, it's always been very amicable, very respectful, very good. and I actually was not present for that conversation, nor really aware until after. Afterward. so I really appreciate it because it's. It's, It's covered me. Right? Like, not that there was a potential for there to be any, ill will or ill feelings between us, because I'm very nice person, but I try to get along with people. I mean, I'm. You know, I don't. I don't. I don't like the beef. So, there's not yet. But I thought.

When people give over to sin, then all kinds of stuff happens

I felt covered. I felt like they understood and I understood, and then we can all. There's no. I guess from the beginning, it just squashes any type of. Really any hard feelings or any sin that can arise to kind of disrupt that. And we know, guys, we live in a time where families are being attacked left and right and, really by the enemy. And when People are giving over to sin, then all kinds of stuff happens, and there's people being put against each other and all this horrible, all these horrible things that happen that are unnecessary if we take the steps in the beginning. So I appreciated that step you took.

Abraham Hamilton III: And if you have something else you wanted to say before him, jump right in. Feel free to jump right in.

Leave and cleaving includes a requirement when difficult times arise, Maria says

In addition to that, guys, the cleaving aspect of it, this is where it gets thick. The leaving and cleaving includes a requirement because of this prioritization of this newly formed unit, because of the priority of the marriage, that when difficult times arise, cleaving requires. I'll, use myself, for example, for me not to go to my family and bad mouth my wife to, my relatives, or to say it in a more sanitized version, that if there are issues that need to be resolved within the marriage, those issues should stay within the marriage. When you open your spouse to ridicule, and this is what it is when you open your spouse to ridicule to your relatives by including them in whatever difficulties that may be happening now, speaking for myself as a husband, you're doing the opposite of what my wife just described or what you described, Maria. I'm no longer covering my wife. I'm actually exposing her and subjecting her to ridicule. And many times when you may show up at the cookout or whatever, nothing has even been said but relatives on the side, like. Like they smelled something. And it's never the intention nobody ever intends. You know what? I'm about to drop this bomb and make my family despise my wife. That's never the goal, never the intention. But the cumulative effect of that is that you put your family in a position to where you've invited them into the inner sanctums of your marriage and welcomed them to serve as an eroding agent on the fiber of your union.

Maria Hamilton: I think that there's, also something to be discussed in that you may have a family because, you know, people come from different backgrounds, different experiences, and you have families that are, you know, godly, and they're. They understand leaving and cleaving, and they understand, you know, what you are trying to do as a husband and what the wife is trying to do as the wife. And. And they have the proper understanding. And so they want to be encouraging and they want to be, they want to pour in godliness that's good to receive. But I would even say that even in that scenario, which is the best case scenario, even in that scenario, you want to be careful that you are not allowing, too much input because then it damages the oneness that you're trying to create.

Abraham Hamilton III: Man. That's so good.

Hamilton: Oneness in marriage involves both instantaneous and continued development

The oneness aspect of what we're talking about and I want you to speak to. We're about to disrespectful music about to come on. I can tell, the oneness, cultivation and development. There's a reality, as the scripture says, when the two shall become one. There is an instantaneous oneness that happens as a result of, of the formal entrance into covenant. But then there's also the continued development of that oneness. It's very similar to sanctification. You know, you have the instantaneous sanctification, that flows from being justified in Christ, but then you have the continued sanctification that happens throughout their life. It's very similar in marriage to where when you formally enter the covenant, there is a oneness that is established, established by God's grace. Praise God for that. And there's a continual oneness that has to be cultivated. leaving and cleaving has a vital, vital role to play. When we come back from the break, I want to ask you, if you will, just to, to speak to the continued development of that oneness within the marital covenant.

Maria Hamilton: You agree? Let's do it.

Abraham Hamilton III: Let's do it. You're listening to, I say it all the time, the Hamilton's Corner. Because I am in studio with my lovely wife, as beautiful as the day I met her. And we're describing, we're discussing leaving and cleaving. This is not only wisdom from God, this is vital for the thriving of our marital unions. Anything you want to say?

Abraham Hamilton III: The Hamilton Corner podcast and one minute commentaries are available at afr.net back to the Hamilton Corner on American Family Radio.

Maria Hamilton: It's very important that we value each other

Abraham Hamilton III: Welcome back to the Hamilton's Corner. I'm in the studio with my lovely wife, Mrs. Maria Hamilton. Before we went to the break, we were discussing, oneness in marriage, the instantaneous oneness that happens as a result of the formal entree into covenant, the covenant of marriage, but also the necessity of continuously investing in cultivating and developing the fiber of oneness within marriage. And so I wanted to kick it to you.

Maria Hamilton: Yeah, one thing we always do because I guess it's very important and this is by the grace of God, guys, because I want communicate something really clearly. We did not know how to be married when we got married. God taught us what marriage was according to his plan and what it means, to, to continue Valuing it like God values it. And so, we prayed, man. We prayed. And God has shown us, and we don't have all the answers, and we're very different people. but God has, maybe opened our eyes to what is important and what is most important. And one of those things is being connected and being on the same page. And, we call it our love tank, but it comes from the five love languages, isn't it? From the book we read early on? And, you know, just always checking in on each other and making sure that our love tanks are full. And, and that comes with, you know, we have disagreements and we have different, things that happen with the children or whatever it is that can cause, you know, kind of neglect really, is what it is. Neglecting each other and just doing life without, considering our feelings or each other or whatever. And so we're always checking in, to make sure that we are doing well. and so, you know, almost every night, you know, we ask each other, how's your left tank? What, you know, is there anything I've done that or not doing that has caused, it to empty? and so we're always intentional about that. so I think it's very important that we value each other. And the thing that I always say that is hard to do when your emotions are all caught up, like when you're having a difficulty or an altercation or a disagreement, is to ensure that I genuinely believe, and therefore act in line with the fact that you are more important to me than anything that we're discussing, than any issue that we're having, than any difficulty that has arisen. and so when I communicate that to you, and then you reciprocate that to me, then those love tanks remain full. And I think that's something that is important to, embrace, is that you are indeed more important to me than the difficulty that we're having.

Abraham Hamilton III: and the issue may be.

Maria Hamilton: Yeah, whatever the issue may be. And I think the, The. The. The leaving and cleaving gets, damaged or interrupted when we allow outside influences to dictate. And we already are not valuing each other in that way. Right. We're already not caring for our love tanks. We're already not, putting each other first. We're already not valuing you or you, me, whatever, you know, the. As more important than the situation. And then we start talking to Mama, and we start talking to Sister, and we start talking to these people because we're emotionally aroused because of the. The The. The frustration we're having with each other that we. That we really. And we always say this, but we're poking holes in our own ship, you know, and we wondering why we're sinking. And it's because we're literally poking holes in our own ship.

Abraham Hamilton III: And along those same lines, it's vitally important, including among family members, that when there are. Notice I said when, not if. When there are disagreements, that you make the commitment to one another to disagree in private.

Maria Hamilton: Yeah, yeah.

Abraham Hamilton III: Not to engage in your disagreement before your family members. It's another aspect of leaving and cleaving and fortifying and protecting your union against unfriendly fire, you know? Because what invariably happens if you engage in the details of the disagreement, whatever it may be, in front of family, what invariably happens is that you put family in a position where they could. I'm not saying they will do it automatically, but where they could take sides. And in taking sides in that moment, they have the opportunity to contribute to fissures between you.

Maria Hamilton: And that's so damaging. That's so damaging. Not only does the. Because usually what happens is that family takes the side of the person that belongs to their biological family. Right. So then the in law.

Abraham Hamilton III: So they're not equal opportunity.

Maria Hamilton: No, no, no. So the in law, you know, the person, the in law, whatever, it's always left out. and then. Stop. This man said outlaw. And so that. And that makes you feel like it's them including your husband or your. Or your wife against you. And that is. Has to be the worst feeling ever. but yeah, we have something that's called a united front. Right. And it's not front like we're fronting, like faking it, but what we're doing is we are presenting a united front and even including in front of our children. So what we're always intentional about. And guys, we're not perfect at this. We have disagreements. Abe is very difficult to deal with at times. and I'm always perfect, so it's just really difficult, you know. But, But in those moments of like heightened frustration, trust me, I have felt them and experienced them, and he has two with me. We want to make sure that we are not exposing our own frustrations and our spouses stubbornness or whatever we're feeling that they're doing to everybody, because that's none of their business. And in reality, it causes more damage than it causes good, than it brings about good. Even if the external sources are well intended, like they have, well, good intentions, it still causes a A division, because you got to deal with that with your. With your spouse, you know, after they're gone, after they've already given their two cents on whatever it is. You have to deal with healing and coming together and forgiving and really facing the disagreement that you had. But you already have somebody in your ear telling you something, whether good or bad. Really, it's not something that you guys both agreed on. Really. The way we usually resolve disagreements, is by literally. And this is. I'm telling you, I give props to my husband, y', all, because this is not what I grew, up doing. Nor was it my. Nor is it. I feel like my strength. But the man dissects.

If you fight in public, you expose your spouse to external sources of vitriol

You understand me? Like, you know how he takes the word of God and he, like, tells you all the Hebrew and the Greek and dissects the scriptures, like, just till you have nothing left. Not nothing. You have all of it left, but you have, like, you understand it very well. He does that with our disagreements, right? So he. We sit and we sit and we discuss and we talk about how we arrived there. What is it that's the deep root problem that you're having that leads you to assume or conclude or whatever, whatever, y'. All. It takes time, but it is so good at the end. And the. During the moment, during the difficulty is not fun because I'm like, dude, leave me alone. Like, I just need to walk away because I'm mad. But we did really talk about it, and we talk about it and talk about it. And then at the end we realized, man, I understand why you got there. I understand why you concluded what you concluded. I understand why you assume what you assume. Next time let's not assume or next time, let's not conclude without the full story. You know what I mean? Like, things like that, that at the end you're like, boom, we got it. And then next time we disagree, then we're not going to repeat the thing that we had the issue that happened prior. And so we do that in private.

Maria Hamilton: When you. When you fight in public or when you fight in private, but then you go and tell mama or sister or brother or auntie, they're going to tell you, man, but this is what you need to do, or this how you need to. And he's wrong for this and he's wrong for that. What you're doing is you're not allowing for you guys to work through the process of digging deep down into the root of the circumstance and then heal together. Guys, what that does for a marriage, it's beyond. I mean, it's worth. I don't have any words. It's worth more than anything you can think. Literally. It is, it is a fortification.

Abraham Hamilton III: Of that union and the converse if you refuse to do that. So if you refuse to address the fissure together in private, you do the opposite, while not only not addressing the fissure, but you expose your spouse to external sources of vitriol. that will also compound division within the union. And what I mean.

Maria Hamilton: Go ahead, go ahead.

Abraham Hamilton III: And what I mean there is that you unintentionally, and nobody sits down and thinks, hey, this is what I really want to do. But you unintentionally communicate to your spouse that when the rubber meets the road, you are going to have to fend for yourself and to protect and preserve yourself. You cannot rely on me to be a source of covering and protection for you, which ultimately invest in an erosion of unity and cuts against oneness.

I have a question for you and I don't know how,

Maria Hamilton: I have a question for you and I don't know how, I don't think we've ever discussed this, in detail this way, but what would you say to the couple who has already invited the family members to give input and they've already exposed each other, and what would you say to that, to them and how to heal and how to come back together and fix it?

Abraham Hamilton III: Yeah. So in those circumstances, what will have to happen is first and foremost, I'll just use us. For example, I would have to apologize to you and say, babe, I realized over the course of our marriage, that contrary to building oneness with you, I have been subjecting you to external sources of injury.

Abraham Hamilton III: And I am sorry for doing that. And I've repented to God about that. And from now on going forward, I. I want to rectify this. In addition to this, I want you to come with me and I'm going to go speak to my family who I've done this to, and I'm going to confess my sin before God, to them and then inform them from now on, guys, this is how we're going to go forward. From now on, I'm not going to have any conversations with you about things that are going on inside my house. It's not because I don't love you anymore. It's not because I don't value your opinion anymore, things of that nature. But I realize that I've been working against the fortification and foundation of my own family and I don't want to do that any longer. It's basically repenting. There's a principle of repentance and sin, that the confession and repentance must go as broad as the impact of that sin.

Maria Hamilton: yeah. That's good.

Abraham Hamilton III: Okay. So I would need to go before my family and let them know that I have missed. I've missed the boat on covering you in this area. And so I want to endeavor to correct that, going forward.

Maria Hamilton: Yeah. And I think it's important to, also understand that that move that you just made because the exposure has happened and the rupture has happened, that that move that you're making is a healing move. Right. To restore the union. but it is literally what the Lord desires. Right. That cleaving. That cleaving and that becoming one with your spouse requires for men particularly to. To be the ones that set the boundaries, to be the ones that are, the band, you know, that cover and protect. And so when that happens, it man, it. What it communicates to the wife is. Is powerful. Right. Because she feels safe and secure. And then she feels like we're a team. And we are always a team, guys. We're always a team. Even when we disagree, we're always a team.

Abraham Hamilton III: Yeah.

Maria Hamilton: I think a lot of the times though, we come from, environments, especially men, where manhood has not been displayed. A lot of men, unfortunately, because the enemy has been so clever.

Abraham Hamilton III: and so one of the consequences of family being decimated.

Maria Hamilton: Yeah. The brokenness. Right. That men are not. Have never seen it, nor are they equipped, I guess, yet to really, set those boundaries properly and. And be, not in the defensive, but not reactive. Proactive. There we go. To be proactive. Guys. My thing is not words. Ave is, a master at words. But anyways, proactive, in setting those boundaries and talking and being and explaining in the forefront so that, like you did, so that we don't have those problems on the back end. but I think it's important for men to pray and ask the Holy Spirit, because again, he's a father to the fatherless. So even if we didn't have fathers to. To see to as an example, God can reveal and grow us up and show us and mature us to the place and particularly for men on how to be that leader and that covering and that protector. And even when it's done wrong, you can go back and apologize and there's forgiveness and then you can restore that union. I think that's very important.

Abraham Hamilton III: And that corrective maneuver that. That you. In response to your question will often include the necessity of practical follow up, for example, after having apologized and confessed that to family that we're making an adjustment it may require. Okay, Next time we're around family having a hard conversation, say gosh, please don't, please don't discuss my wife in that manner. Please don't talk about her parents. Please don't. do that. On the opposite side, if you are a family member of one of your relatives who's gotten married, that's good. You should seek to fortify their leaving and cleaving. If you have a relative who wants to come to you and complain about their spouse, you should say, we're not going to talk about that. We're not going to talk about my daughter in law like that. We're not going to talk about my son in law like that. If you have an issue with your spouse, you need to go and tell them about that so that you're not a party to eroding, this oneness that God desires in marriage.

Maria Hamilton: Yeah, yeah, it's very important. I think we have to keep that at the forefront. I think our marriages. The enemy is having a hate. I mean he's having a blast with destroying our marriages. And a lot of the times is by poking and poking and poking and poking and we are giving in to our fleshly desires and we're giving into our sin and then we're allowing all these things to, to come apart, become a part of our marriage and we're poking holes in our own ship.

Abraham Hamilton III: Man, I had a story I wanted to tell but that clock and that music is disrespectful. I was going to tell another story about.

Maria Hamilton: Can't tease him like that.

Abraham Hamilton III: Covering, I guess, I guess you got to come back.

Maria Hamilton: Oh, okay.

Abraham Hamilton III: And I don't know when what's going to happen in the middle of dealing with our six children.

Maria Hamilton: That's what you've been trying to do. I see this.

Abraham Hamilton III: That's not the plan. But I love you. Thank you for coming on the program. I appreciate that. Well, this has been the Hamilton corner. May you have a wonderful, wonderful weekend and may you prioritize your own marriages.

Maria Hamilton: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.