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Dr. Jessica Peck Hey there friends and welcome to my favorite time of day. How are we doing everybody? How are we feeling? I don't know about you, but I feel like we are just already full steam ahead to the holidays. And one of the challenges that I am having is election weariness. I'm sure some of you feel that as well. We are ready. We. We are ready for the political ads to stop. I hope that you go and vote if you haven't voted already. But when we are living in the speed of a smartphone, whether it's election season or the holiday season or any other season of life. It just feels like Life is on 24. 7. And we can all struggle with feeling tired, and we can all struggle with feeling alone. A specific kind of loneliness that is an odd feeling in a world that is so digitally connected, but so relationally disconnected. In the wake of the Cove 19 pandemic, not only did we see a crisis of mental health, particularly among young people, we see a loneliness epidemic. And there's different ways that you can experience loneliness at different times in your life, but there is a particular kind of loneliness that can settle in when the house is quiet and your kids are little and they fall. Finally gone to bed. And then all of a sudden you hear the baby crying. You hear the toddler asking for one more glass of water. You hear the school age child saying, oh, mom, I forgot to tell you we need a poster for tomorrow. You hear the teenager on their phone that you told them not to have in their room. Or maybe you just have a quiet house and you wish you had those little voices there today, wherever you are, where we're talking about the care that God offers us in those hours. My guest is Betsy Childs Howard. She is an editor for the Gospel Coalition. She's a mom of two.
Betsy Childs Howard's Journey Into Writing Children's Books And Ministry
She's the author of many great children's books. One of the one, the one we're talking about today is called God Gives Sleep, and it's illustrated by Bethany Bethann. Welby. Betsy, welcome. We're so glad to have you here today.
Betsy Childs Howard Thank you. I'm really excited to talk to you today.
Dr. Jessica Peck Well, Betsy, just introduce us to yourself. Tell us a little bit about your story, your testimony, how you came to know the Lord and came into a ministry of children's books and writing for us.
Betsy Childs Howard Well, I grew up in a Christian home. And I'm so grateful for the knowledge and example of true faith that my parents showed me. And they read lots of great books to me as I was growing up. Both Christian books and just good books that talked about what was true and beautiful. And, I. I grew up in Birmingham, Alabama, which is where I live right now. And then I went away to college and lived a few different places and went into Christian ministry. I was working at Beeson Divinity School at Stanford University. And, I met my husband then, he's from England and he was living in New York City at the time. And we decided to get married. And I knew I wouldn't be able to continue working at my job in Birmingham. So that's when I became an editor for the Gospel Coalition because we're all remote, we're all around the country and I have loved being a part of that ministry. While I was there, I started noticing something, we have something called the Gospel Coalition Book Awards. And I was in charge of the children's book category because I've just always loved children's books. And so I was really seeing what was being published and there was wonderful things being published, but I felt like I was seeing some holes in things that we were seeing a lot of wonderful biblical theology, but not a lot of story driven moral formation. So I had this idea we should do this. And that became what's now known as TGC Kids. And that's how I got into writing children's books. This book, God Gives Sleep, is not a part of that series. But, it's been such a pleasure to get to write children's books and have them beautifully illustrated by others. And now my little boys who are 6 and 4 are old enough to enjoy them. And even to understand that Mama wrote these books has been really fun for them.
The Enduring Value Of Reading Books To Children For Connection And Formation
Dr. Jessica Peck What a great full circle moment to have that heritage of faith. I'm so encouraged when I hear those stories of a heritage of faith because we have a lot of people, listeners who come from that heritage of faith, and we have a lot of listeners who are starting that heritage of faith, who are the first generation. And to me it's always encouraging to hear about generations that have gone before. And I'm so grateful, Betsy, that you are writing children's books in this space because we see a decrease in reading. But. And there are some great tools that we have that are digital, that, that are, that are software based. But nothing can replace the feel of a well worn book in your hand, the smell even that it has when you open the pages. Yes. The sitting next to the parent and child sitting side by side, arm around, you know, parents arm around their, their precious little baby snuggled in close, heartbeat to heartbeat, turning the pages together, spending time together in an unhurried way. It is so countercultural, but it's so simple. And I'm really grateful to know that there are people out there who are being so intentional, just like you've described, and making sure not only do we have a good emotional experience, but we have good biblical theology and a good biblical foundation. Tell us about this book, specifically God Give Sleep. What inspired you to write about this topic?
Betsy Childs Howard Well, I started writing children's books before I actually had children. my first son Was born the month before my first book came out. But then after I had children, of course I wanted to read to them. And we read so many board books, I can't count how many board books we read. So I, along with my son who was learning to recognize words and interested in the animal sounds and stuff like that, I started forming strong opinions about board books and what I liked in a board book and what I didn't like in a board book. So I just became a connoisseur of board books. And I thought, someday I want to write a board book. That's exactly what I would want. So, you know, I would have opinions about. I don't like it. If there's too many words per page, the child's ready to turn the page. They've lost interest. You want to, you know, there's a pacing and there's a, I love, for this age, I love rhyming and so that started me just thinking kind of critically, what works well for the child and the parent at the board book age. And then the more I thought about it and thought about ideas, I thought, you know, board books are good for children because it helps them with language development. Like you said, you get to cuddle up to mom or dad or grandparents. And they just, they love it and they love to read the same things over and over. But often the child isn't actually following what's going on in the book. I mean by the time that they're two or three, they are. But if you're sitting with a six month old, they still love turning the pages and hearing the sounds. Who is actually following the message and it's the parent. So I wanted to write a book that children would love to see the pictures, to see the animals, to hear the rhymes, but that would bring spiritual encouragement to weary parents. And that's what I hope that, that God gives sleep will do.
Dr. Jessica Peck You know, I love that you're thinking about the parents because we think that parenting, some of the elements of parenting, we're looking for that magic moment, that life hack that, you know, what our kids need, the right car seat and the right, you know, nursery furniture and all those things. This is what I've learned to be the character of the Lord, Betsy, is that he is so big good to us. And the ways that we can lead and instruct our children come through simple repetition of rhymes that are based on the truth of scripture. And that is something that God waters that seed. He blesses that effort. I'm absolutely Convinced of it just in the simple everyday. What I've said before is that it's in the mundane that God makes the legacy of your parenting miraculous. Because it's not that one mountaintop moment that you remember that, you know, epic vacation or whatever it was. It's that the feeling that you had of, just. Just like you started your story, Betsy, describing your parents reading to you and, and really investing in you, that legacy of faith, which I think is beautiful. And, and what I know is that when God calls people to write books, it's rarely because, like, oh, this isn't a struggle for you at all. I've actually mastered this pretty perfectly. I've never felt weary. But if you do, here's some help for you I would love to hear just from your own story. Maybe in your mother early mothering days, or maybe at another season in your life where you. You felt weary and you. You felt that. That you knew that. Because somehow you knew that parents needed this. You must have felt that you needed that yourself.
Betsy Childs Howard I definitely felt it. And, I. The circumstances of my first child were a little bit unusual in that he was born in May 2020. We were living in NewSong York City, so this was the beginning of the pandemic. So we were all alone, which on the one hand was good. It's a. It was a good time to stay home, you know, with an infant. But my family couldn't come meet the baby. You know, I was really on my own. And, those. The first few weeks and months, you know, you expect the baby to be up all the time, but then there starts to be this message of, here are the things that you can do to m. Help your baby sleep. And I am grateful for all of those sources of advice. And I'm not going to, you know, adopt anyone, say I believe in this particular method or anything like that, but I was just alone in my apartment with my phone in the middle of the night. My husband was sleeping, baby was up, and this anxiety would start to take a hold of me that I just needed to get it right to make my baby sleep, whether that was the right swaddle or the right sleep method. And, it provoked so much anxiety in me. And, I know that I am not the only one who feels that, just that, I know mothers have always had anxieties, but I honestly think that the Internet can really increase those anxieties by giving us kind of conflicting information while also saying, this will solve all your problems. So I would just cry out to the Lord, in those times, and I think that it was very normal for my baby to still be awake at those. In those months, but I sort of felt like I must be doing something wrong because my baby's not sleeping and I'm not sleeping, and. And it really drove me to prayer over and over again.
Dr. Jessica Peck Betsy, I'm so glad that you shared your story. Thank you for being so transparent. You know, for me, as, a pediatric nurse who worked through the pandemic, I cannot even tell you how many people I saw, how many mothers who had babies alone and then didn't have support after that because of so much complication and mixed messages and fear that was. And just in those days of being alone, I just want to say I'm so sorry that you had that experience, but I'm also really grateful that you can see the good in it. And, you know, we know from Scripture, 1st Thessalonians 5, 18, from Philippians, that for that, in everything, we can give thanks. We don't have to be thankful for the circumstances that started that, the isolation. But wow, what. What an amazing perspective shift to be grateful in that situation and to be driven to prayer. You know, my oldest is now in grad school, so it's.
Betsy Childs Howard It's.
Dr. Jessica Peck It's been a little while, but, But had really had really bad colic, probably because I was so anxious, you know, when I was a very anxious mom. And. And I'm sure, you know, I wanted. I was just like you. I can relate to it.
Sweet Memories Of Early Motherhood Despite Anxious Times And Limited Media
And it feels like yesterday, even though it was two decades ago, and I remember just feeling like, oh, I want to do it right. I want to do it right. And I've looked back on those days so often and thought, I'm so grateful that we didn't have smartphones then. I'm just grateful that I didn't even have that temptation just to scroll through, because we actually. We had a TV that only. We didn't have cable. It would only play three stations. It was mash, the old TV show. MASH on all three stations, like, in the middle of the night. That was it. So that didn't last very long.
Betsy Childs Howard And.
Dr. Jessica Peck And those are some of the sweetest memories that I have. Now. Betsy is just praying, singing over my child. And, you know, we made it through. Now she's in grad school. She did great. What do you see as some of the challenges for moms having such access to a smartphone, having such, access to information that can feel like you're connected but also feel disconnected? And now my team is telling me we're just about to go to break. So that is what I want to talk about when we come back, Betsy, because I see a generation of moms who has more access to more information than ever. You know, when I, in those early days, I had what to expect when you're inspecting and I had a phone call to my grandmother, like, that was pretty much it. You know, those are the resources that I had. But you, you've talked about having all of these available resources, and yet that can increase your anxiety. When we come back from the break, I want to talk more about that. The book is called God Gives Sleep, and it's by Betsy Childs Howard. And I am so grateful for the opportunity to have this conversation because sleep is important, but we know from scripture that God gives sleep to his beloved. And I'm so grateful, Betsy, for your ministry and helping us Think about how God' care. Just in the middle of the night, in the middle of those ordinary, sometimes exhausting nights. Wherever you are, maybe you're waiting for a teenager to come home or maybe you're waiting for a kid to call. This is such an encouraging message and I'm so grateful for the scriptures that you have based this on and the encouraging messages that are given. When we come back, we'll talk more. And you know, there is probably a new mom somewhere in your life who really needs some encouragement. So if you see those new moms out and about, give them a shout out. Just tell them they're doing a great job. Tell them their babies are beautiful. Tell them just something nice. I remember one mom saying somebody yelled at her across the library parking lot. Good for you, teaching your kids to read. And it stuck with her. You have that power to you. I'll be right back with more from Betsy Childs Howard. Hello, I'm Jessica peck, host of Dr. Nurse Mama. Did you know that this content is listener supported? Without people like you, this podcast would not exist. And that's why we need you. A generous monthly gift of any amount will help sustain American Family Radio and specifically this podcast. Please consider becoming a monthly financial partner today by visiting afr.net/give that's afr.net/give
Children of God by Third Day praise to the father of our Lord Jesus Christ, our God and our King. To him we will sing in his great mercy he has given us life. Now we can be called the children of God. Great is the love that the Father has given us what he has delivered us, what he has delivered us. Children of God, sing your song and rejoice for the love that he has given the song. Oh, children of God. By the blood of his song, we have been redeemed and we can be called children of God. children of God.
Dr. Jessica Peck Welcome back, friends. That is Children of God. by third day. And we're talking about the children of God. We're all children of God. Today. I'm talking to Betsy Childs Howard, who is the author of many children's books. But the one we're talking about today is called God Gives Sleep. It's a charming little board book. It would make a great Christmas gift for the new babies in your life. I actually, on the break, just ordered one for somebody I know who is just shared that they are. That she's expecting a baby. So I'm excited to give that to her because she. This is a book that Betsy has shared with us that was so thoughtfully crafted not just for baby, but also for parents, because we live in a world where it has just become increasingly normal to be exhausted. If you're listening from the beginning, Betsy shared her story. just imagine being a new mom in New York City in May of 2020. And we all remember back how isolating that was. And before the break, Betsy, I was just talking about how smartphones are so ubiquitous and they're such an integral part of motherhood today. And I think there's some great benefits for that. There's a lot more access to information, but there can be some downsides to that, too. And I know you have some really great wisdom to share with us about the importance of real relationship connections.
Betsy Childs Howard Yes. And I. I'm grateful for the fact that my smartphone let me make some of those real relationship connections. You know, my parents could FaceTime and see the baby, and there, that was a huge blessing. But I. I think that when it came to looking for practical advice or wisdom, when I would go to my phone, it would make me more anxious.
Real Conversations With Experienced Moms Offer Reassurance That Challenges Will Pass
When I talked to real people, I became less anxious. And it's interesting because I feel like most of the time, whether it's an Instagram account or even like a hospital medical account, where you're looking up how to feed your child or whatever the message is, if you do things right, you will be able to fix this. Which most of the time, like with normal infants, things are just hard. And then babies grow and change and things get easier. And I felt like when I talked to real moms, particularly those who had children older than mine, they gave me the message, this, too, shall pass. You know, your baby isn't crying because you're doing something wrong. Your baby is crying because your baby is seven weeks old, you know, and helping talk me down from making me feel like if I just did everything right, that there would be some magic bullet that would solve everything. I remember one time, I think it was the first time my baby ever slept through the night, and we had forgotten to turn the noisemaker on. And I thought this was it all the time. It was. So the next night, I excitedly left the noisemaker on, and, you know, it was just a fluke. But, you mentioned your oldest had colic. My second child, I don't think it was colic, but he. He took. He cried a lot after he ate. And, we. I remember this. The pandemic was, you know, waning over by the time I had him. And I was with a mom that I think had five or six children and was talking about this issue with my baby and how I was giving it myocon. and she said, oh, I remember when we gave him so much myoclon, and I said, well, did it help? You know, did it? She said, I don't know. You know, the child had just grown out of it. And that was so helpful to me to realize she had raised five healthy kids, and it wasn't because she had figured out all the little tweaks to make things right. She had just kept being faithful, and eventually things had righted themselves. And that was. It was just so encouraging to recognize that. Whereas the perspective that I got often from my phone was, if you just. If you just found that one little magic bullet, then things would be easy.
Dr. Jessica Peck You know, Betsy, I find that today in parenting, it is almost impossible not to get sucked into the need for instant gratification. And I talk about this all the time. I talk to moms, groups all over about behavior management versus character formation. And even from the time they're little, like, oh, we gotta sleep, train them. Oh, we gotta, you know, train them on eating. We got to train them on everything. And we want that behavior to be so pleasing back to us because then that tells us, oh, my baby's not crying, my baby's sleeping, my baby's eating. Great. I'm clearly a great mom. Like, and we only care about that behavior feedback loop instead of investing in character formation and realizing, yeah, like you said, sometimes it's just a season, and sometimes it's, you know, it's just like you said, the baby cries because the baby's seven weeks old. And that's just what babies do sometimes at that age. And recognizing that there's character formation for us in that. In that struggle. That's really what I realized, you know, with my. With my first daughter. That's where I really learned to pray. Because it was just me and the Lord in the middle of the night after I turned off mash, it was like, that's not going to encourage me. I. I am going to really pray. And that's where I learned to talk to the Lord and to. To sing out my worries and to pray out my worries. And I can look back and be so grateful for that. And. And I look at the beautiful blessing that is my daughter and think, yeah, that. That was just a blip. We made it through. I. I hope I didn't scar her for life, which is the fear that we all have. But it's really about character formation for us. And that's one of the beautiful things that your book does, Betsy, is it administers to the weary soul of the parent, even when that sleep doesn't come. Can you tell us a little bit about that?
Betsy Childs Howard Yes. So the book starts off with animals, that God gives sleep to animals, to birds, to bees, to, you know, animals in the barn, kittens.
God Gives Sleep: A Book Acknowledging That Sleep Can Be Elusive But God Still Cares
And then it talks about babies and how God gives sleep to babies. I have found that babies love babies. Little children love to see babies in books. So in some ways you have, like, the Christian story in Eden where, like, everything's going right. You know, the animals are sleeping, the baby's sleeping. But that's not really the world we live in. Right. And so then after that, it goes. It turns to. But when you toss and turn and cry, drowning out a lullaby, everybody wonders why you won't sleep. Because, honestly, that is the position we find ourselves in so. So much of the time. And then it talks about how, it's been talking about all the animals that God gives sleep to. But then it talks about for a mother who's tired and teary, for a father full of love but weary God will keep. You know, there are times when God withholds good gifts. Sleep is a gift. But sometimes God withholds those gifts. And he will keep us in his love and his goodness and keep his promises to us when he withholds a good gift. So I just want to normalize that for parents, that sometimes God doesn't give sleep. And it doesn't mean you haven't prayed the right prayer or fed your child the right thing or created the right atmosphere. And this is a time to just look for God's strength to be made perfect in Your weakness. When God is withholding the good gift of sleep.
Dr. Jessica Peck Oh, but we don't like that. That that is an uncomfortable place to go, that his strength is made perfect in our weakness. And let me tell you, anybody who ever invented the phrase, I'm going to sleep like a baby clearly never had one, because I have found, you know, I mean, I can see babies sleeping peacefully when they sleep, sleep. But sleep is a really big deal, Betsy. And early families, especially, you know, in those young days, because when you lack sleep, your emotions are magnified. Things that ordinarily would seem really small or really big. If small problems seem like really big problems, small emotions seem like big emotions. And it, it, it can make you feel really weak really, really quickly. Tell us some more about depending on the Lord to give you the strength that you need. But also depending on sometimes he gives us good gifts and other people to come alongside us. And sometimes it can be really hard, I think, to be vulnerable and to admit that we need that. I know that was my experience. I did not want anybody to know that I was struggling like I was, because here I am, I'm a pediatric nurse practitioner. I'm going to work every day telling people what to do with their crying babies and going home and crying like a baby with my baby, because I can't figure it out. And it took a lot for me to invite somebody into that vulnerability. Can you talk about the balance between. Between depending on the Lord to give you the strength that you need in your point of weakness, but also accepting the good gifts he gives us and people to come alongside us and encourage us.
Betsy Childs Howard Yes. So I think that, like you mentioned earlier, things seem so much worse in the middle of the night. They, get just. Somehow it ratchets up the level of pressure. But I think that the Psalms talk about that. You know, the psalms talk about tossing and turning on your bed and pouring out your heart before the Lord. And I think that is a great thing to do if you are up in the night with an infant or an older child. I have more than one friend who have children with epilepsy or autism that are often up in the middle of the night even though their kids are long past the infant stage. So if that's you, I think finding scripture to meditate on, being very diligent to try to turn your mind to prayer in those moments. A friend, encouraged me with this verse before from Psalm 119, before I had my second child. And it says, I rise before dawn and cry for help.
Focusing On The Present Hour And Trusting God's Provision For Strength
I hope in your Word, my eyes are awake before the watches of the night that I may meditate on your promises. And I memorized that verse. I still remember it because I memorized it to the tune of Tractor Ted, which was what my older son was watching. And I still hear it with the Tractor Ted theme song in my head. But it gave me purpose when I was rising before dawn. Sometimes it was to feed my baby, sometimes it was because I couldn't go back to sleep after feeding my baby. And I thought, I rise before the watches of the night that I may meditate on your promises. And that gave m me purpose in the middle of the night to pray, to pour out my heart before the Lord to meditate on his promises. I would also say that when the morning comes, you're still tired. You know, you may not be as alone. But the thing that is really helpful to me is to just concentrate on one day at a time, to not think about, how am I going to do this for the next six weeks, the next six months? How am I going to do this after my maternity leaves? How am I going to do this when I have a second child? Just shrink it down to the next day or maybe the next hour and ask, has God given me what I need to get through the next hour to get through the next two hours? If so, I'm just going to thank him for that, and depend on that. And I love this book. God gives sleep, ends with the verse Isaiah 40, verse 31. Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. We have to come back to God. Ask him for strength. Ask him an hour from now for strength again. Ask him tomorrow for strength again. But when you, when you shrink it down into the need for the strength that's just right in front of you, it becomes less overwhelming. And, it just. Your emotions don't run out of control as much now. I completely agree. It's very important to ask for help. And often that is the way God's strength is made perfect in our weakness. So whether it's just talking to people, picking up the phone, you know, if you have people face to face, you can see that's great. and letting them comfort you and encourage you. One thing that I try to do with new moms is just remind them to take a nap. You think that would be a really obvious thing, but when you're sleep deprived, sometimes you don't even think of it. But also to the degree that you can make it possible, come over, go for a walk with their child, give them Time by themselves, take their older children away. When I had my second child, my sister came and stayed. She left her four children to stay with me for a week to care for my 2 year old so that I could take care of the newborn, you know, so God is so good to give us other people. Now sometimes we don't have them as much as we would like. You know, like there were not as many people in NewSong York City with disposable time to come over and hold your baby as there are in Birmingham, Alabama. But God did bring people to show up. And sometimes it was just the encouragement of sending a text, you know, someone sending me encouragement, sending me a song to listen to. God's, strength can be made perfect in, weakness through other people.
Dr. Jessica Peck You know, Betsy, speaking of other people, I want to ask you about your husband because, you know, we've been talking a lot about mom, but there are dads who are getting up in the night who feel maybe less equipped to help, you know, and think, like, okay, you're sleep deprived, like, maybe, maybe mom handles all of that. But regardless, whatever you're up in the night for, whether it's with a new baby, like you said, whether it's with a, a child with a disability, if you're waiting for a teenager to come home, or you're just having your own mental health struggles or seasons of anxiety or stress or trial or grief, what happens, whatever it is that's keeping you up in the middle of the night, you know, we often have somebody in the house with us. If you're a mom, you know, many times you, you might have your husband, with you. What was that like with you? Because I found that, you know, men, generally speaking, I do not wish to offend any man who is listening, but I find you to be the fix it variety. Like, you just want to, you want to fix it. And it can be hard to see, you know, you're especially a new mom or whatever else stage of life. It is like struggling in the night and not being able to fix it. How can we encourage our family members who are really close?
Betsy Childs Howard Well, my husband was great. I made the choice to be the one to get up in the night, and I wanted, I wanted one of us to have sleep, and then he would take the baby at different points during the day and give me some rest. So I was really grateful for that. But, you know, oftentimes it is. If the husband can get up and give the baby a bottle, that's really helpful. But I think the Thing that meant the most to me, like, he would try to help problem solve with me. He would talk through these things. But if just for whatever reason he said, you're doing a great job, or said to the baby, don't you have the best mama? It would feel like such a shock, you know, because you're just a, swirl in all your own anxiety about being a mom. And to have somebody else come in and say, like, you're doing something, such a good job, and not some. Like, there have been times, you know, at the grocery store where somebody said, like, you got this, mama. You're doing a great job. And that's been encouraging. But somebody who's seeing you day in and day out to actually verbalize you're doing a really good job is so encouraging. And I think people probably think it a lot more than they actually say it.
Dr. Jessica Peck I, think you're absolutely right, Betsy. We're, we're going to come back to that right after this break. But I'm gonna encourage you again. I encourage you at the end of the last break, look for a new mama in your life and give her encouragement. Maybe it's not a new mom. Maybe it's just any mom. Give a mom encouragement today. Maybe it's your own. We'll be right back with more from Betsy Childs. Howard.
Buddy Smith Jeff Chamblee We live in a day when America's families are under attack like never before. Buddy Smith, senior vice president of the American Family Association. The war against biblical principles rages on numerous fronts. The Internet, Hollywood, Washington, D.C. america's corporate boardrooms, and the list goes on. At American Family Association. We're committed to standing against the enemies of God, the enemies of your family, and we recognize is an impossible task without God's favor and your partnership. Thank you for being faithful, to pray for this ministry, to give financially, and to respond to our calls for activism. What you do on the home front is crucial to what we do on the battlefront. We praise God for your faithfulness, and may he give us many victories in the battles ahead as we work together to restore our nation's biblical foundations.
Look What You've Done by Tasha Layton Look what you've done. How could you fall so far? You should be ashamed of yourself. So I was ashamed of m myself. The lies I believed they got some roots. They run deep. I let him take a hold of my life. I let him take control of m my life. Standing in your presence, Lord, I can feel you digging all the roots up. I feel you healing all my wounds up. All, I can say is hallelujah. Look what you've done? Look what you've done in me? You spoke your truth into the lies I let my heart believe? Look at me now? Look how you made me new the enemy did everything that he could do? Oh, But look what you've done.
Dr. Jessica Peck Welcome back, friends. That is look what you've done by Tasha Layton. And today I'm talking to Betsy Childs Howard. She is with the Gospel Coalition. We're talking about her new baby board book called God Gives Sleep. But it is also a great message for adults. And we've been talking just about those still small hours of the night where things just seem. Seems like in that time problems seem a little bigger. You might feel a little lonelier. It just feels a little more overwhelming. But God invites us into his presence and God gives sleep to his beloved. And Betsy's talked about sometimes what happens when that sleep doesn't come. And that is certainly outlined in the psalms. But we can know that even when we feel like sleep would be the best thing ever and it's elusive, God is still there. God is still working. God is still forming our character. And Betsy, you had some other things that you wanted to share about just sleep. I know from a science perspective, the importance of sleep. And I see a whole generation, especially of teenagers, who are experiencing really significant health impacts.
The Importance Of Sleep And The Detrimental Effects Of Excessive Screen Time
And I have kids coming in thinking they have low blood sugar or anxiety or attention deficit disorder, when really they just need to sleep nine hours a night with their smartphone out of their room and actually wash their sheets once in a while and not have, you know, not, be waking up in the night to look at notifications. There's so many things that pull us from sleep. And I do think that that can be a tactic of the enemy at times. But God is there in the still small hours of the night. What else? What other wisdom do you have to offer for us?
Betsy Childs Howard Well, it's really interesting to think that sleep was a part of life before the fall. You know, we're told that, God made Eve from Adam when Adam was in his sleep. And God made us to need to spend a lot of our lives unconscious. there's a really good other new book for adults called the Wisdom of Sleep by my friend Brett McCracken that talks a lot about why we need sleep. And I think that sometimes we're so intent on trying to prove ourselves and be busy that we deprioritize sleep. So there's situations where you're doing everything you can to sleep and you can't sleep. And that's one situation there's other situations where you're not getting sleep because you're not prioritizing it. And I love Psalm 127, which is, we've talked about that this book opens, the Lord gives sleep to those he loves. But in Context, in Psalm 127, it says, it is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil, for he gives to his beloved sleep. And then the next verse says, behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward. So it's so interesting that in this place where it says God gives sleep, he pairs it with children being a reward, a heritage. and I don't think that means that if you don't have children, you're not being rewarded. But he's saying, like, children are a blessing and sleep is also a blessing. And those two things are sometimes in conflict. But I don't think that the promise of sleep is an every case promise that he's always going to give his beloved sleep. But I think it's saying this is the norm for us. The norm is not that you should have to stay up through the night every night eating the bread of anxious toil. The norm is you should do your work during the day, you should trust the Lord with the results, and then lie down and go to sleep. And I think that's a really good thing for us to hear in this time, when we can be always on. We can be working in the middle of the night from our laptops at home, from our phones in our bed. That that is not what God wants to be the norm. But instead, instead we should pursue sleep. And if the busyness of our lives is making that impossible, we should try to do what we can to change that and to really prioritize sleep. Because, we don't need to justify ourselves by all the things that we're doing and producing. God has already justified us and he says he gives to his beloved sleep. So I just want to encourage whether you're a parent, you're not a parent, whatever it is that is keeping you from sleep. If it's a question of busyness to try to rearrange things in your life to the degree that you can take advantage of this gift that God has given us.
Dr. Jessica Peck You know, every Friday on this show, we talk about a habit for healthy families. And early on when we talked about rhythms, we talked about four core spiritual disciplines. And then we did six rhythms. And two of them were about sleep. One was sleep hygiene and one was a bedtime routine. So if you want to go catch those shows from the early spring and Friday, you can listen. I had a lot more to say about sleep.
The Incredible Work Our Brain Does During Sleep For Processing And Preparation
Everything that Betsy is saying and more, all the amens, you can find it on that Friday Habit show. Or you can listen to the 1m minute version and the doctor, nurse, mama coaching minutes. Because God did design our bodies to sleep. And it, and it's good. I'm so glad that you brought up the fact that sleep was there before the fall. You know, that, that, that's not just a result of brokenness. It's how God designed our bodies. And when we, when I am still learning about the work that our brain does to process the experience, experiences that we have and to prepare us for the next day, it is absolutely incredible. But one of the things that really sticks out to me, Betsy, is that you know what? The average person is going to spend about a third of their life asleep, a third to a fourth of their life. What I saw, recently was that Gen Beta, a baby born in 2025, that's, that's the new generation that's being born. We have Gen Z, Gen Alpha, Gen Beta, 2025. They will spend 21 years of their life looking at a screen. 21 years. So if we have a third of our life asleep and a third of our life looking at a screen man, that makes the other time really, really slow. And one of the things that I love is you have another series of children's books that are for like about age 3 to 7 and they're all the Arlo and the great and the great big cover up. And you have Arlo and the Keep out club. Arlo takes off, but you have this one called Poly and the screen time overload. And I love that this is for 3 to 6, 7. Starting to talk about that sleep early, not just when we get to the teenage stage. Can you tell us about this series of books which would make a great Christmas gift by the way, for Those kiddos age 3 to 7 and the wisdom that you have in, in that even in talking about screen time, this is for ages 3 to 7. This is not 13 to 17. What is up with that?
Betsy Childs Howard I believe in talking about it before kids are making their own decisions. And one thing that my mother did really well was she would not just tell us what we were allowed to do, she would tell us why. So if there was a limit on something, she would explain why. And I think it's really good for children to start recognizing the negative effects screens can have on them. Not to say it's all negative, but to say, you know, if you do, if you spend a lot of time on a screen, it will take away your enjoyment of other things in life. And, you know, it's sort of like we like, sugar's fine, sugar is enjoyable. But if you eat a lot of sugar all the time, you won't eat the healthy food that you need. And if you're always on a screen, you'll lose your taste for doing really wonderful things like playing outside and swimming and reading good books. So, I wanted to start teaching my children about that long before they have any choice in the matter. And, it's been very helpful in those book Polly and the Screen Time Overload. She goes to her grandparents farm, but she gets a tablet for a gift right when she gets there. So she doesn't do any of the really fun things she was looking forward to doing. And her. By the end of the book, her grandfather helps her see that the screen needs to be put in its place. And, it's really helpful to me. Sometimes I will let my kids watch a show. They'll be really grouchy afterwards and won't want to do anything. And I will say, do you remember when that happened to Polly? And have you noticed how sometimes when you're on a screen for a long time, you don't want to do anything else? So I'm just trying to start this conversation and helping them see the effect that screens have on themselves before they are making choices, before they have a smartphone, before they, have to limit themselves.
Dr. Jessica Peck Oh, Betsy, I could not love it anymore because so often we, we have really, in parenting these days, we. I feel like we have a reactive approach.
Shifting From Reactive To Proactive Parenting Regarding Screen Time And Digital Habits
We kind of wait till there's a problem, then we say something. And I do feel really bad for J See, because they were the generation where social media really took off. And it's like they had these childhoods that were relatively protected, depending on where they fell in those birth years. And it's almost like not having any sugar at all. Then all of a sudden they just like got sugar overload and they got screen overload. But I'm seeing some trends back in the. In a healthy direction that encourages me because I know my kids are all, you know, young adult and an older teenager stage and they have very normal conversations with each other about, oh, yeah, I need to take a fast room. And they'll say something that's happened and they're like, remember, I'm off Instagram right now. I'm not on it. So what happened? And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, you're off of it right now. Because they start, they'll talk openly and say, yeah, I recognize that was just taking too much of my time. I looked at my screen time, I needed a self check. And I thought, man, the baby boomers, the Gen Xers, the millennials, all out there need to sit up and take note. So I love this concept of. Of introducing it beforehand. You're normalizing conversation. You're presenting yourself as the expert. You're opening the door for conversation, and you're setting the norms before you even get there, rather than all of a sudden arriving and having this. This great negotiation about having screen time when you've already normalized the norms. I could not love it more. Tell us a little bit more about the other books in the series about Arlo. And I'm looking at the. The covers of these. These are just. Just adorable, Betsy. They're so cute.
Betsy Childs Howard Well, and it's such a great experience to have somebody else illustrate your books and bring them to life. And I think Samara Hardy's done a great job with those illustrations. Arlo is a very lovable little boy, in my opinion. He, He has several different situations. The first book, Arlo the Great Big Cover up, really teaches kids about repentance. And you see Arlo does something wrong. He colors on the wall. He's miserable when he's trying to cover it up from his mom, but then when she actually discovers it, he feels great relief. Arlo and the Keep Out Club is about peer pressure, where he really wants to join the big boys who kind of have a club. But then he realizes he has to do something wrong to be initiated into their group. And he has to make what I call the right hard choice. And I really, in that book, wanted to show a cost. I didn't want it just to be everything worked out in the end, but to show that sometimes there is a cost to doing the right thing. but it does have a happy ending. And then, Arlo Takes off is the most recent book, and that is a book about. I wanted to write a book about sexuality and gender that was not about sexuality and gender, if that makes sense. It's about a little boy who watches a show that says you can be whatever you feel inside. He starts to feel like he can fly. So he tries to fly, and it doesn't go well. He's not a bird. He doesn't have wings. But I'm trying to set parents up for the conversation that they're not ready to have yet, but they will have down the road. When somebody says, oh, you can be a girl born in a boy's body, or if you feel like a boy, even if you look like a girl, you may really be a boy inside. So trying to, within a very age appropriate way, lay the groundwork for a conversation about the limits that God gave us and the bodies that he gave us to later be able to talk about all the messages the world is giving us about gender and sexuality.
Dr. Jessica Peck Well, I really appreciate all of the effort that you put into and the thought that you've put into it. And I still am such a champion for reading to kids. I have known, I've been in pediatric nursing for 30 years now. And that research has not changed. Reading really helps kids. It helps relationships, it helps school performance, it helps so many things. And so if you're not reading to your kids, I encourage you just to start. If your grandparents who are on FaceTime, I encourage you to read to your grandkids over FaceTime or read to them when they come for the holidays. Have a ready stack of books and just offer to read to them. You will be so surprised how quickly they will sit by your side and say, read it again and use the funny voices this time. And they love seeing your personality come out in that. It's, a great chance for bonding. And Betsy, we're really running out of time, but I wanted to also mention one of the books that you have is a book for adults called Seasons of Waiting, Walking by Faith When Dreams Are Delayed. And this also looks like an encouraging read. And just wanted to give you a minute to be able to tell our listeners about that as well.
Betsy Childs Howard Well, that book is about waiting in different areas of life. And you know, earlier you said just because you write a book on something doesn't mean you're always an expert. I've had to do a lot of waiting in my life and I had to try to learn to practice what I preach in this book. But it goes through five different types of waiting that are also biblical themes. Waiting for a child, waiting for marriage, waiting for healing, waiting for a home and waiting for a prodigal. And looks at each of those and tries to one, help people learn how to wait well, but also to see the kind of redemptive purpose that God can have in those kinds of waiting, even if they never end in this life, that it can be very purposeful and that you can sort of show the world something about the gospel and God's story through the way that you're waiting.
Dr. Jessica Peck Well, Betsy, I really appreciate the way that you've been just so transparent and sharing your journey. It is really encouraging just to hear your story. And being a young mom, I'm gonna say that because I feel like a much older, wiser mom. I've moved into that, that stage, but then on the things that when my kids were younger, but now when they're older, I'm looking to those other mothers, others who have gone before me, and mentors. And I just appreciate you paying it forward and sharing your journey and sharing encouragement with others. I hope that you will encourage a mom in your life today. If you feel so led, pick up the phone and call your own mom and encourage her. If you have that relationship, if you feel led to do that. If you see a mom out and about, if you are a husband who's going home to a mom, if you, if you know a single mom, if you know a mom who is just crushing it, tell her that. Tell her she's doing a great job. Give her a really specific compliment. Send her a text right now. As you do, I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you. I'll see you tomorrow.
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Dr. Jessica Peck Hey there friends and welcome to my favorite time of day. How are we doing everybody? How are we feeling? I don't know about you, but I feel like we are just already full steam ahead to the holidays. And one of the challenges that I am having is election weariness. I'm sure some of you feel that as well. We are ready. We. We are ready for the political ads to stop. I hope that you go and vote if you haven't voted already. But when we are living in the speed of a smartphone, whether it's election season or the holiday season or any other season of life. It just feels like Life is on 24. 7. And we can all struggle with feeling tired, and we can all struggle with feeling alone. A specific kind of loneliness that is an odd feeling in a world that is so digitally connected, but so relationally disconnected. In the wake of the Cove 19 pandemic, not only did we see a crisis of mental health, particularly among young people, we see a loneliness epidemic. And there's different ways that you can experience loneliness at different times in your life, but there is a particular kind of loneliness that can settle in when the house is quiet and your kids are little and they fall. Finally gone to bed. And then all of a sudden you hear the baby crying. You hear the toddler asking for one more glass of water. You hear the school age child saying, oh, mom, I forgot to tell you we need a poster for tomorrow. You hear the teenager on their phone that you told them not to have in their room. Or maybe you just have a quiet house and you wish you had those little voices there today, wherever you are, where we're talking about the care that God offers us in those hours. My guest is Betsy Childs Howard. She is an editor for the Gospel Coalition. She's a mom of two.
Betsy Childs Howard's Journey Into Writing Children's Books And Ministry
She's the author of many great children's books. One of the one, the one we're talking about today is called God Gives Sleep, and it's illustrated by Bethany Bethann. Welby. Betsy, welcome. We're so glad to have you here today.
Betsy Childs Howard Thank you. I'm really excited to talk to you today.
Dr. Jessica Peck Well, Betsy, just introduce us to yourself. Tell us a little bit about your story, your testimony, how you came to know the Lord and came into a ministry of children's books and writing for us.
Betsy Childs Howard Well, I grew up in a Christian home. And I'm so grateful for the knowledge and example of true faith that my parents showed me. And they read lots of great books to me as I was growing up. Both Christian books and just good books that talked about what was true and beautiful. And, I. I grew up in Birmingham, Alabama, which is where I live right now. And then I went away to college and lived a few different places and went into Christian ministry. I was working at Beeson Divinity School at Stanford University. And, I met my husband then, he's from England and he was living in New York City at the time. And we decided to get married. And I knew I wouldn't be able to continue working at my job in Birmingham. So that's when I became an editor for the Gospel Coalition because we're all remote, we're all around the country and I have loved being a part of that ministry. While I was there, I started noticing something, we have something called the Gospel Coalition Book Awards. And I was in charge of the children's book category because I've just always loved children's books. And so I was really seeing what was being published and there was wonderful things being published, but I felt like I was seeing some holes in things that we were seeing a lot of wonderful biblical theology, but not a lot of story driven moral formation. So I had this idea we should do this. And that became what's now known as TGC Kids. And that's how I got into writing children's books. This book, God Gives Sleep, is not a part of that series. But, it's been such a pleasure to get to write children's books and have them beautifully illustrated by others. And now my little boys who are 6 and 4 are old enough to enjoy them. And even to understand that Mama wrote these books has been really fun for them.
The Enduring Value Of Reading Books To Children For Connection And Formation
Dr. Jessica Peck What a great full circle moment to have that heritage of faith. I'm so encouraged when I hear those stories of a heritage of faith because we have a lot of people, listeners who come from that heritage of faith, and we have a lot of listeners who are starting that heritage of faith, who are the first generation. And to me it's always encouraging to hear about generations that have gone before. And I'm so grateful, Betsy, that you are writing children's books in this space because we see a decrease in reading. But. And there are some great tools that we have that are digital, that, that are, that are software based. But nothing can replace the feel of a well worn book in your hand, the smell even that it has when you open the pages. Yes. The sitting next to the parent and child sitting side by side, arm around, you know, parents arm around their, their precious little baby snuggled in close, heartbeat to heartbeat, turning the pages together, spending time together in an unhurried way. It is so countercultural, but it's so simple. And I'm really grateful to know that there are people out there who are being so intentional, just like you've described, and making sure not only do we have a good emotional experience, but we have good biblical theology and a good biblical foundation. Tell us about this book, specifically God Give Sleep. What inspired you to write about this topic?
Betsy Childs Howard Well, I started writing children's books before I actually had children. my first son Was born the month before my first book came out. But then after I had children, of course I wanted to read to them. And we read so many board books, I can't count how many board books we read. So I, along with my son who was learning to recognize words and interested in the animal sounds and stuff like that, I started forming strong opinions about board books and what I liked in a board book and what I didn't like in a board book. So I just became a connoisseur of board books. And I thought, someday I want to write a board book. That's exactly what I would want. So, you know, I would have opinions about. I don't like it. If there's too many words per page, the child's ready to turn the page. They've lost interest. You want to, you know, there's a pacing and there's a, I love, for this age, I love rhyming and so that started me just thinking kind of critically, what works well for the child and the parent at the board book age. And then the more I thought about it and thought about ideas, I thought, you know, board books are good for children because it helps them with language development. Like you said, you get to cuddle up to mom or dad or grandparents. And they just, they love it and they love to read the same things over and over. But often the child isn't actually following what's going on in the book. I mean by the time that they're two or three, they are. But if you're sitting with a six month old, they still love turning the pages and hearing the sounds. Who is actually following the message and it's the parent. So I wanted to write a book that children would love to see the pictures, to see the animals, to hear the rhymes, but that would bring spiritual encouragement to weary parents. And that's what I hope that, that God gives sleep will do.
Dr. Jessica Peck You know, I love that you're thinking about the parents because we think that parenting, some of the elements of parenting, we're looking for that magic moment, that life hack that, you know, what our kids need, the right car seat and the right, you know, nursery furniture and all those things. This is what I've learned to be the character of the Lord, Betsy, is that he is so big good to us. And the ways that we can lead and instruct our children come through simple repetition of rhymes that are based on the truth of scripture. And that is something that God waters that seed. He blesses that effort. I'm absolutely Convinced of it just in the simple everyday. What I've said before is that it's in the mundane that God makes the legacy of your parenting miraculous. Because it's not that one mountaintop moment that you remember that, you know, epic vacation or whatever it was. It's that the feeling that you had of, just. Just like you started your story, Betsy, describing your parents reading to you and, and really investing in you, that legacy of faith, which I think is beautiful. And, and what I know is that when God calls people to write books, it's rarely because, like, oh, this isn't a struggle for you at all. I've actually mastered this pretty perfectly. I've never felt weary. But if you do, here's some help for you I would love to hear just from your own story. Maybe in your mother early mothering days, or maybe at another season in your life where you. You felt weary and you. You felt that. That you knew that. Because somehow you knew that parents needed this. You must have felt that you needed that yourself.
Betsy Childs Howard I definitely felt it. And, I. The circumstances of my first child were a little bit unusual in that he was born in May 2020. We were living in NewSong York City, so this was the beginning of the pandemic. So we were all alone, which on the one hand was good. It's a. It was a good time to stay home, you know, with an infant. But my family couldn't come meet the baby. You know, I was really on my own. And, those. The first few weeks and months, you know, you expect the baby to be up all the time, but then there starts to be this message of, here are the things that you can do to m. Help your baby sleep. And I am grateful for all of those sources of advice. And I'm not going to, you know, adopt anyone, say I believe in this particular method or anything like that, but I was just alone in my apartment with my phone in the middle of the night. My husband was sleeping, baby was up, and this anxiety would start to take a hold of me that I just needed to get it right to make my baby sleep, whether that was the right swaddle or the right sleep method. And, it provoked so much anxiety in me. And, I know that I am not the only one who feels that, just that, I know mothers have always had anxieties, but I honestly think that the Internet can really increase those anxieties by giving us kind of conflicting information while also saying, this will solve all your problems. So I would just cry out to the Lord, in those times, and I think that it was very normal for my baby to still be awake at those. In those months, but I sort of felt like I must be doing something wrong because my baby's not sleeping and I'm not sleeping, and. And it really drove me to prayer over and over again.
Dr. Jessica Peck Betsy, I'm so glad that you shared your story. Thank you for being so transparent. You know, for me, as, a pediatric nurse who worked through the pandemic, I cannot even tell you how many people I saw, how many mothers who had babies alone and then didn't have support after that because of so much complication and mixed messages and fear that was. And just in those days of being alone, I just want to say I'm so sorry that you had that experience, but I'm also really grateful that you can see the good in it. And, you know, we know from Scripture, 1st Thessalonians 5, 18, from Philippians, that for that, in everything, we can give thanks. We don't have to be thankful for the circumstances that started that, the isolation. But wow, what. What an amazing perspective shift to be grateful in that situation and to be driven to prayer. You know, my oldest is now in grad school, so it's.
Betsy Childs Howard It's.
Dr. Jessica Peck It's been a little while, but, But had really had really bad colic, probably because I was so anxious, you know, when I was a very anxious mom. And. And I'm sure, you know, I wanted. I was just like you. I can relate to it.
Sweet Memories Of Early Motherhood Despite Anxious Times And Limited Media
And it feels like yesterday, even though it was two decades ago, and I remember just feeling like, oh, I want to do it right. I want to do it right. And I've looked back on those days so often and thought, I'm so grateful that we didn't have smartphones then. I'm just grateful that I didn't even have that temptation just to scroll through, because we actually. We had a TV that only. We didn't have cable. It would only play three stations. It was mash, the old TV show. MASH on all three stations, like, in the middle of the night. That was it. So that didn't last very long.
Betsy Childs Howard And.
Dr. Jessica Peck And those are some of the sweetest memories that I have. Now. Betsy is just praying, singing over my child. And, you know, we made it through. Now she's in grad school. She did great. What do you see as some of the challenges for moms having such access to a smartphone, having such, access to information that can feel like you're connected but also feel disconnected? And now my team is telling me we're just about to go to break. So that is what I want to talk about when we come back, Betsy, because I see a generation of moms who has more access to more information than ever. You know, when I, in those early days, I had what to expect when you're inspecting and I had a phone call to my grandmother, like, that was pretty much it. You know, those are the resources that I had. But you, you've talked about having all of these available resources, and yet that can increase your anxiety. When we come back from the break, I want to talk more about that. The book is called God Gives Sleep, and it's by Betsy Childs Howard. And I am so grateful for the opportunity to have this conversation because sleep is important, but we know from scripture that God gives sleep to his beloved. And I'm so grateful, Betsy, for your ministry and helping us Think about how God' care. Just in the middle of the night, in the middle of those ordinary, sometimes exhausting nights. Wherever you are, maybe you're waiting for a teenager to come home or maybe you're waiting for a kid to call. This is such an encouraging message and I'm so grateful for the scriptures that you have based this on and the encouraging messages that are given. When we come back, we'll talk more. And you know, there is probably a new mom somewhere in your life who really needs some encouragement. So if you see those new moms out and about, give them a shout out. Just tell them they're doing a great job. Tell them their babies are beautiful. Tell them just something nice. I remember one mom saying somebody yelled at her across the library parking lot. Good for you, teaching your kids to read. And it stuck with her. You have that power to you. I'll be right back with more from Betsy Childs Howard. Hello, I'm Jessica peck, host of Dr. Nurse Mama. Did you know that this content is listener supported? Without people like you, this podcast would not exist. And that's why we need you. A generous monthly gift of any amount will help sustain American Family Radio and specifically this podcast. Please consider becoming a monthly financial partner today by visiting afr.net/give that's afr.net/give
Children of God by Third Day praise to the father of our Lord Jesus Christ, our God and our King. To him we will sing in his great mercy he has given us life. Now we can be called the children of God. Great is the love that the Father has given us what he has delivered us, what he has delivered us. Children of God, sing your song and rejoice for the love that he has given the song. Oh, children of God. By the blood of his song, we have been redeemed and we can be called children of God. children of God.
Dr. Jessica Peck Welcome back, friends. That is Children of God. by third day. And we're talking about the children of God. We're all children of God. Today. I'm talking to Betsy Childs Howard, who is the author of many children's books. But the one we're talking about today is called God Gives Sleep. It's a charming little board book. It would make a great Christmas gift for the new babies in your life. I actually, on the break, just ordered one for somebody I know who is just shared that they are. That she's expecting a baby. So I'm excited to give that to her because she. This is a book that Betsy has shared with us that was so thoughtfully crafted not just for baby, but also for parents, because we live in a world where it has just become increasingly normal to be exhausted. If you're listening from the beginning, Betsy shared her story. just imagine being a new mom in New York City in May of 2020. And we all remember back how isolating that was. And before the break, Betsy, I was just talking about how smartphones are so ubiquitous and they're such an integral part of motherhood today. And I think there's some great benefits for that. There's a lot more access to information, but there can be some downsides to that, too. And I know you have some really great wisdom to share with us about the importance of real relationship connections.
Betsy Childs Howard Yes. And I. I'm grateful for the fact that my smartphone let me make some of those real relationship connections. You know, my parents could FaceTime and see the baby, and there, that was a huge blessing. But I. I think that when it came to looking for practical advice or wisdom, when I would go to my phone, it would make me more anxious.
Real Conversations With Experienced Moms Offer Reassurance That Challenges Will Pass
When I talked to real people, I became less anxious. And it's interesting because I feel like most of the time, whether it's an Instagram account or even like a hospital medical account, where you're looking up how to feed your child or whatever the message is, if you do things right, you will be able to fix this. Which most of the time, like with normal infants, things are just hard. And then babies grow and change and things get easier. And I felt like when I talked to real moms, particularly those who had children older than mine, they gave me the message, this, too, shall pass. You know, your baby isn't crying because you're doing something wrong. Your baby is crying because your baby is seven weeks old, you know, and helping talk me down from making me feel like if I just did everything right, that there would be some magic bullet that would solve everything. I remember one time, I think it was the first time my baby ever slept through the night, and we had forgotten to turn the noisemaker on. And I thought this was it all the time. It was. So the next night, I excitedly left the noisemaker on, and, you know, it was just a fluke. But, you mentioned your oldest had colic. My second child, I don't think it was colic, but he. He took. He cried a lot after he ate. And, we. I remember this. The pandemic was, you know, waning over by the time I had him. And I was with a mom that I think had five or six children and was talking about this issue with my baby and how I was giving it myocon. and she said, oh, I remember when we gave him so much myoclon, and I said, well, did it help? You know, did it? She said, I don't know. You know, the child had just grown out of it. And that was so helpful to me to realize she had raised five healthy kids, and it wasn't because she had figured out all the little tweaks to make things right. She had just kept being faithful, and eventually things had righted themselves. And that was. It was just so encouraging to recognize that. Whereas the perspective that I got often from my phone was, if you just. If you just found that one little magic bullet, then things would be easy.
Dr. Jessica Peck You know, Betsy, I find that today in parenting, it is almost impossible not to get sucked into the need for instant gratification. And I talk about this all the time. I talk to moms, groups all over about behavior management versus character formation. And even from the time they're little, like, oh, we gotta sleep, train them. Oh, we gotta, you know, train them on eating. We got to train them on everything. And we want that behavior to be so pleasing back to us because then that tells us, oh, my baby's not crying, my baby's sleeping, my baby's eating. Great. I'm clearly a great mom. Like, and we only care about that behavior feedback loop instead of investing in character formation and realizing, yeah, like you said, sometimes it's just a season, and sometimes it's, you know, it's just like you said, the baby cries because the baby's seven weeks old. And that's just what babies do sometimes at that age. And recognizing that there's character formation for us in that. In that struggle. That's really what I realized, you know, with my. With my first daughter. That's where I really learned to pray. Because it was just me and the Lord in the middle of the night after I turned off mash, it was like, that's not going to encourage me. I. I am going to really pray. And that's where I learned to talk to the Lord and to. To sing out my worries and to pray out my worries. And I can look back and be so grateful for that. And. And I look at the beautiful blessing that is my daughter and think, yeah, that. That was just a blip. We made it through. I. I hope I didn't scar her for life, which is the fear that we all have. But it's really about character formation for us. And that's one of the beautiful things that your book does, Betsy, is it administers to the weary soul of the parent, even when that sleep doesn't come. Can you tell us a little bit about that?
Betsy Childs Howard Yes. So the book starts off with animals, that God gives sleep to animals, to birds, to bees, to, you know, animals in the barn, kittens.
God Gives Sleep: A Book Acknowledging That Sleep Can Be Elusive But God Still Cares
And then it talks about babies and how God gives sleep to babies. I have found that babies love babies. Little children love to see babies in books. So in some ways you have, like, the Christian story in Eden where, like, everything's going right. You know, the animals are sleeping, the baby's sleeping. But that's not really the world we live in. Right. And so then after that, it goes. It turns to. But when you toss and turn and cry, drowning out a lullaby, everybody wonders why you won't sleep. Because, honestly, that is the position we find ourselves in so. So much of the time. And then it talks about how, it's been talking about all the animals that God gives sleep to. But then it talks about for a mother who's tired and teary, for a father full of love but weary God will keep. You know, there are times when God withholds good gifts. Sleep is a gift. But sometimes God withholds those gifts. And he will keep us in his love and his goodness and keep his promises to us when he withholds a good gift. So I just want to normalize that for parents, that sometimes God doesn't give sleep. And it doesn't mean you haven't prayed the right prayer or fed your child the right thing or created the right atmosphere. And this is a time to just look for God's strength to be made perfect in Your weakness. When God is withholding the good gift of sleep.
Dr. Jessica Peck Oh, but we don't like that. That that is an uncomfortable place to go, that his strength is made perfect in our weakness. And let me tell you, anybody who ever invented the phrase, I'm going to sleep like a baby clearly never had one, because I have found, you know, I mean, I can see babies sleeping peacefully when they sleep, sleep. But sleep is a really big deal, Betsy. And early families, especially, you know, in those young days, because when you lack sleep, your emotions are magnified. Things that ordinarily would seem really small or really big. If small problems seem like really big problems, small emotions seem like big emotions. And it, it, it can make you feel really weak really, really quickly. Tell us some more about depending on the Lord to give you the strength that you need. But also depending on sometimes he gives us good gifts and other people to come alongside us. And sometimes it can be really hard, I think, to be vulnerable and to admit that we need that. I know that was my experience. I did not want anybody to know that I was struggling like I was, because here I am, I'm a pediatric nurse practitioner. I'm going to work every day telling people what to do with their crying babies and going home and crying like a baby with my baby, because I can't figure it out. And it took a lot for me to invite somebody into that vulnerability. Can you talk about the balance between. Between depending on the Lord to give you the strength that you need in your point of weakness, but also accepting the good gifts he gives us and people to come alongside us and encourage us.
Betsy Childs Howard Yes. So I think that, like you mentioned earlier, things seem so much worse in the middle of the night. They, get just. Somehow it ratchets up the level of pressure. But I think that the Psalms talk about that. You know, the psalms talk about tossing and turning on your bed and pouring out your heart before the Lord. And I think that is a great thing to do if you are up in the night with an infant or an older child. I have more than one friend who have children with epilepsy or autism that are often up in the middle of the night even though their kids are long past the infant stage. So if that's you, I think finding scripture to meditate on, being very diligent to try to turn your mind to prayer in those moments. A friend, encouraged me with this verse before from Psalm 119, before I had my second child. And it says, I rise before dawn and cry for help.
Focusing On The Present Hour And Trusting God's Provision For Strength
I hope in your Word, my eyes are awake before the watches of the night that I may meditate on your promises. And I memorized that verse. I still remember it because I memorized it to the tune of Tractor Ted, which was what my older son was watching. And I still hear it with the Tractor Ted theme song in my head. But it gave me purpose when I was rising before dawn. Sometimes it was to feed my baby, sometimes it was because I couldn't go back to sleep after feeding my baby. And I thought, I rise before the watches of the night that I may meditate on your promises. And that gave m me purpose in the middle of the night to pray, to pour out my heart before the Lord to meditate on his promises. I would also say that when the morning comes, you're still tired. You know, you may not be as alone. But the thing that is really helpful to me is to just concentrate on one day at a time, to not think about, how am I going to do this for the next six weeks, the next six months? How am I going to do this after my maternity leaves? How am I going to do this when I have a second child? Just shrink it down to the next day or maybe the next hour and ask, has God given me what I need to get through the next hour to get through the next two hours? If so, I'm just going to thank him for that, and depend on that. And I love this book. God gives sleep, ends with the verse Isaiah 40, verse 31. Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. We have to come back to God. Ask him for strength. Ask him an hour from now for strength again. Ask him tomorrow for strength again. But when you, when you shrink it down into the need for the strength that's just right in front of you, it becomes less overwhelming. And, it just. Your emotions don't run out of control as much now. I completely agree. It's very important to ask for help. And often that is the way God's strength is made perfect in our weakness. So whether it's just talking to people, picking up the phone, you know, if you have people face to face, you can see that's great. and letting them comfort you and encourage you. One thing that I try to do with new moms is just remind them to take a nap. You think that would be a really obvious thing, but when you're sleep deprived, sometimes you don't even think of it. But also to the degree that you can make it possible, come over, go for a walk with their child, give them Time by themselves, take their older children away. When I had my second child, my sister came and stayed. She left her four children to stay with me for a week to care for my 2 year old so that I could take care of the newborn, you know, so God is so good to give us other people. Now sometimes we don't have them as much as we would like. You know, like there were not as many people in NewSong York City with disposable time to come over and hold your baby as there are in Birmingham, Alabama. But God did bring people to show up. And sometimes it was just the encouragement of sending a text, you know, someone sending me encouragement, sending me a song to listen to. God's, strength can be made perfect in, weakness through other people.
Dr. Jessica Peck You know, Betsy, speaking of other people, I want to ask you about your husband because, you know, we've been talking a lot about mom, but there are dads who are getting up in the night who feel maybe less equipped to help, you know, and think, like, okay, you're sleep deprived, like, maybe, maybe mom handles all of that. But regardless, whatever you're up in the night for, whether it's with a new baby, like you said, whether it's with a, a child with a disability, if you're waiting for a teenager to come home, or you're just having your own mental health struggles or seasons of anxiety or stress or trial or grief, what happens, whatever it is that's keeping you up in the middle of the night, you know, we often have somebody in the house with us. If you're a mom, you know, many times you, you might have your husband, with you. What was that like with you? Because I found that, you know, men, generally speaking, I do not wish to offend any man who is listening, but I find you to be the fix it variety. Like, you just want to, you want to fix it. And it can be hard to see, you know, you're especially a new mom or whatever else stage of life. It is like struggling in the night and not being able to fix it. How can we encourage our family members who are really close?
Betsy Childs Howard Well, my husband was great. I made the choice to be the one to get up in the night, and I wanted, I wanted one of us to have sleep, and then he would take the baby at different points during the day and give me some rest. So I was really grateful for that. But, you know, oftentimes it is. If the husband can get up and give the baby a bottle, that's really helpful. But I think the Thing that meant the most to me, like, he would try to help problem solve with me. He would talk through these things. But if just for whatever reason he said, you're doing a great job, or said to the baby, don't you have the best mama? It would feel like such a shock, you know, because you're just a, swirl in all your own anxiety about being a mom. And to have somebody else come in and say, like, you're doing something, such a good job, and not some. Like, there have been times, you know, at the grocery store where somebody said, like, you got this, mama. You're doing a great job. And that's been encouraging. But somebody who's seeing you day in and day out to actually verbalize you're doing a really good job is so encouraging. And I think people probably think it a lot more than they actually say it.
Dr. Jessica Peck I, think you're absolutely right, Betsy. We're, we're going to come back to that right after this break. But I'm gonna encourage you again. I encourage you at the end of the last break, look for a new mama in your life and give her encouragement. Maybe it's not a new mom. Maybe it's just any mom. Give a mom encouragement today. Maybe it's your own. We'll be right back with more from Betsy Childs. Howard.
Buddy Smith Jeff Chamblee We live in a day when America's families are under attack like never before. Buddy Smith, senior vice president of the American Family Association. The war against biblical principles rages on numerous fronts. The Internet, Hollywood, Washington, D.C. america's corporate boardrooms, and the list goes on. At American Family Association. We're committed to standing against the enemies of God, the enemies of your family, and we recognize is an impossible task without God's favor and your partnership. Thank you for being faithful, to pray for this ministry, to give financially, and to respond to our calls for activism. What you do on the home front is crucial to what we do on the battlefront. We praise God for your faithfulness, and may he give us many victories in the battles ahead as we work together to restore our nation's biblical foundations.
Look What You've Done by Tasha Layton Look what you've done. How could you fall so far? You should be ashamed of yourself. So I was ashamed of m myself. The lies I believed they got some roots. They run deep. I let him take a hold of my life. I let him take control of m my life. Standing in your presence, Lord, I can feel you digging all the roots up. I feel you healing all my wounds up. All, I can say is hallelujah. Look what you've done? Look what you've done in me? You spoke your truth into the lies I let my heart believe? Look at me now? Look how you made me new the enemy did everything that he could do? Oh, But look what you've done.
Dr. Jessica Peck Welcome back, friends. That is look what you've done by Tasha Layton. And today I'm talking to Betsy Childs Howard. She is with the Gospel Coalition. We're talking about her new baby board book called God Gives Sleep. But it is also a great message for adults. And we've been talking just about those still small hours of the night where things just seem. Seems like in that time problems seem a little bigger. You might feel a little lonelier. It just feels a little more overwhelming. But God invites us into his presence and God gives sleep to his beloved. And Betsy's talked about sometimes what happens when that sleep doesn't come. And that is certainly outlined in the psalms. But we can know that even when we feel like sleep would be the best thing ever and it's elusive, God is still there. God is still working. God is still forming our character. And Betsy, you had some other things that you wanted to share about just sleep. I know from a science perspective, the importance of sleep. And I see a whole generation, especially of teenagers, who are experiencing really significant health impacts.
The Importance Of Sleep And The Detrimental Effects Of Excessive Screen Time
And I have kids coming in thinking they have low blood sugar or anxiety or attention deficit disorder, when really they just need to sleep nine hours a night with their smartphone out of their room and actually wash their sheets once in a while and not have, you know, not, be waking up in the night to look at notifications. There's so many things that pull us from sleep. And I do think that that can be a tactic of the enemy at times. But God is there in the still small hours of the night. What else? What other wisdom do you have to offer for us?
Betsy Childs Howard Well, it's really interesting to think that sleep was a part of life before the fall. You know, we're told that, God made Eve from Adam when Adam was in his sleep. And God made us to need to spend a lot of our lives unconscious. there's a really good other new book for adults called the Wisdom of Sleep by my friend Brett McCracken that talks a lot about why we need sleep. And I think that sometimes we're so intent on trying to prove ourselves and be busy that we deprioritize sleep. So there's situations where you're doing everything you can to sleep and you can't sleep. And that's one situation there's other situations where you're not getting sleep because you're not prioritizing it. And I love Psalm 127, which is, we've talked about that this book opens, the Lord gives sleep to those he loves. But in Context, in Psalm 127, it says, it is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil, for he gives to his beloved sleep. And then the next verse says, behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward. So it's so interesting that in this place where it says God gives sleep, he pairs it with children being a reward, a heritage. and I don't think that means that if you don't have children, you're not being rewarded. But he's saying, like, children are a blessing and sleep is also a blessing. And those two things are sometimes in conflict. But I don't think that the promise of sleep is an every case promise that he's always going to give his beloved sleep. But I think it's saying this is the norm for us. The norm is not that you should have to stay up through the night every night eating the bread of anxious toil. The norm is you should do your work during the day, you should trust the Lord with the results, and then lie down and go to sleep. And I think that's a really good thing for us to hear in this time, when we can be always on. We can be working in the middle of the night from our laptops at home, from our phones in our bed. That that is not what God wants to be the norm. But instead, instead we should pursue sleep. And if the busyness of our lives is making that impossible, we should try to do what we can to change that and to really prioritize sleep. Because, we don't need to justify ourselves by all the things that we're doing and producing. God has already justified us and he says he gives to his beloved sleep. So I just want to encourage whether you're a parent, you're not a parent, whatever it is that is keeping you from sleep. If it's a question of busyness to try to rearrange things in your life to the degree that you can take advantage of this gift that God has given us.
Dr. Jessica Peck You know, every Friday on this show, we talk about a habit for healthy families. And early on when we talked about rhythms, we talked about four core spiritual disciplines. And then we did six rhythms. And two of them were about sleep. One was sleep hygiene and one was a bedtime routine. So if you want to go catch those shows from the early spring and Friday, you can listen. I had a lot more to say about sleep.
The Incredible Work Our Brain Does During Sleep For Processing And Preparation
Everything that Betsy is saying and more, all the amens, you can find it on that Friday Habit show. Or you can listen to the 1m minute version and the doctor, nurse, mama coaching minutes. Because God did design our bodies to sleep. And it, and it's good. I'm so glad that you brought up the fact that sleep was there before the fall. You know, that, that, that's not just a result of brokenness. It's how God designed our bodies. And when we, when I am still learning about the work that our brain does to process the experience, experiences that we have and to prepare us for the next day, it is absolutely incredible. But one of the things that really sticks out to me, Betsy, is that you know what? The average person is going to spend about a third of their life asleep, a third to a fourth of their life. What I saw, recently was that Gen Beta, a baby born in 2025, that's, that's the new generation that's being born. We have Gen Z, Gen Alpha, Gen Beta, 2025. They will spend 21 years of their life looking at a screen. 21 years. So if we have a third of our life asleep and a third of our life looking at a screen man, that makes the other time really, really slow. And one of the things that I love is you have another series of children's books that are for like about age 3 to 7 and they're all the Arlo and the great and the great big cover up. And you have Arlo and the Keep out club. Arlo takes off, but you have this one called Poly and the screen time overload. And I love that this is for 3 to 6, 7. Starting to talk about that sleep early, not just when we get to the teenage stage. Can you tell us about this series of books which would make a great Christmas gift by the way, for Those kiddos age 3 to 7 and the wisdom that you have in, in that even in talking about screen time, this is for ages 3 to 7. This is not 13 to 17. What is up with that?
Betsy Childs Howard I believe in talking about it before kids are making their own decisions. And one thing that my mother did really well was she would not just tell us what we were allowed to do, she would tell us why. So if there was a limit on something, she would explain why. And I think it's really good for children to start recognizing the negative effects screens can have on them. Not to say it's all negative, but to say, you know, if you do, if you spend a lot of time on a screen, it will take away your enjoyment of other things in life. And, you know, it's sort of like we like, sugar's fine, sugar is enjoyable. But if you eat a lot of sugar all the time, you won't eat the healthy food that you need. And if you're always on a screen, you'll lose your taste for doing really wonderful things like playing outside and swimming and reading good books. So, I wanted to start teaching my children about that long before they have any choice in the matter. And, it's been very helpful in those book Polly and the Screen Time Overload. She goes to her grandparents farm, but she gets a tablet for a gift right when she gets there. So she doesn't do any of the really fun things she was looking forward to doing. And her. By the end of the book, her grandfather helps her see that the screen needs to be put in its place. And, it's really helpful to me. Sometimes I will let my kids watch a show. They'll be really grouchy afterwards and won't want to do anything. And I will say, do you remember when that happened to Polly? And have you noticed how sometimes when you're on a screen for a long time, you don't want to do anything else? So I'm just trying to start this conversation and helping them see the effect that screens have on themselves before they are making choices, before they have a smartphone, before they, have to limit themselves.
Dr. Jessica Peck Oh, Betsy, I could not love it anymore because so often we, we have really, in parenting these days, we. I feel like we have a reactive approach.
Shifting From Reactive To Proactive Parenting Regarding Screen Time And Digital Habits
We kind of wait till there's a problem, then we say something. And I do feel really bad for J See, because they were the generation where social media really took off. And it's like they had these childhoods that were relatively protected, depending on where they fell in those birth years. And it's almost like not having any sugar at all. Then all of a sudden they just like got sugar overload and they got screen overload. But I'm seeing some trends back in the. In a healthy direction that encourages me because I know my kids are all, you know, young adult and an older teenager stage and they have very normal conversations with each other about, oh, yeah, I need to take a fast room. And they'll say something that's happened and they're like, remember, I'm off Instagram right now. I'm not on it. So what happened? And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, you're off of it right now. Because they start, they'll talk openly and say, yeah, I recognize that was just taking too much of my time. I looked at my screen time, I needed a self check. And I thought, man, the baby boomers, the Gen Xers, the millennials, all out there need to sit up and take note. So I love this concept of. Of introducing it beforehand. You're normalizing conversation. You're presenting yourself as the expert. You're opening the door for conversation, and you're setting the norms before you even get there, rather than all of a sudden arriving and having this. This great negotiation about having screen time when you've already normalized the norms. I could not love it more. Tell us a little bit more about the other books in the series about Arlo. And I'm looking at the. The covers of these. These are just. Just adorable, Betsy. They're so cute.
Betsy Childs Howard Well, and it's such a great experience to have somebody else illustrate your books and bring them to life. And I think Samara Hardy's done a great job with those illustrations. Arlo is a very lovable little boy, in my opinion. He, He has several different situations. The first book, Arlo the Great Big Cover up, really teaches kids about repentance. And you see Arlo does something wrong. He colors on the wall. He's miserable when he's trying to cover it up from his mom, but then when she actually discovers it, he feels great relief. Arlo and the Keep Out Club is about peer pressure, where he really wants to join the big boys who kind of have a club. But then he realizes he has to do something wrong to be initiated into their group. And he has to make what I call the right hard choice. And I really, in that book, wanted to show a cost. I didn't want it just to be everything worked out in the end, but to show that sometimes there is a cost to doing the right thing. but it does have a happy ending. And then, Arlo Takes off is the most recent book, and that is a book about. I wanted to write a book about sexuality and gender that was not about sexuality and gender, if that makes sense. It's about a little boy who watches a show that says you can be whatever you feel inside. He starts to feel like he can fly. So he tries to fly, and it doesn't go well. He's not a bird. He doesn't have wings. But I'm trying to set parents up for the conversation that they're not ready to have yet, but they will have down the road. When somebody says, oh, you can be a girl born in a boy's body, or if you feel like a boy, even if you look like a girl, you may really be a boy inside. So trying to, within a very age appropriate way, lay the groundwork for a conversation about the limits that God gave us and the bodies that he gave us to later be able to talk about all the messages the world is giving us about gender and sexuality.
Dr. Jessica Peck Well, I really appreciate all of the effort that you put into and the thought that you've put into it. And I still am such a champion for reading to kids. I have known, I've been in pediatric nursing for 30 years now. And that research has not changed. Reading really helps kids. It helps relationships, it helps school performance, it helps so many things. And so if you're not reading to your kids, I encourage you just to start. If your grandparents who are on FaceTime, I encourage you to read to your grandkids over FaceTime or read to them when they come for the holidays. Have a ready stack of books and just offer to read to them. You will be so surprised how quickly they will sit by your side and say, read it again and use the funny voices this time. And they love seeing your personality come out in that. It's, a great chance for bonding. And Betsy, we're really running out of time, but I wanted to also mention one of the books that you have is a book for adults called Seasons of Waiting, Walking by Faith When Dreams Are Delayed. And this also looks like an encouraging read. And just wanted to give you a minute to be able to tell our listeners about that as well.
Betsy Childs Howard Well, that book is about waiting in different areas of life. And you know, earlier you said just because you write a book on something doesn't mean you're always an expert. I've had to do a lot of waiting in my life and I had to try to learn to practice what I preach in this book. But it goes through five different types of waiting that are also biblical themes. Waiting for a child, waiting for marriage, waiting for healing, waiting for a home and waiting for a prodigal. And looks at each of those and tries to one, help people learn how to wait well, but also to see the kind of redemptive purpose that God can have in those kinds of waiting, even if they never end in this life, that it can be very purposeful and that you can sort of show the world something about the gospel and God's story through the way that you're waiting.
Dr. Jessica Peck Well, Betsy, I really appreciate the way that you've been just so transparent and sharing your journey. It is really encouraging just to hear your story. And being a young mom, I'm gonna say that because I feel like a much older, wiser mom. I've moved into that, that stage, but then on the things that when my kids were younger, but now when they're older, I'm looking to those other mothers, others who have gone before me, and mentors. And I just appreciate you paying it forward and sharing your journey and sharing encouragement with others. I hope that you will encourage a mom in your life today. If you feel so led, pick up the phone and call your own mom and encourage her. If you have that relationship, if you feel led to do that. If you see a mom out and about, if you are a husband who's going home to a mom, if you, if you know a single mom, if you know a mom who is just crushing it, tell her that. Tell her she's doing a great job. Give her a really specific compliment. Send her a text right now. As you do, I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you. I'll see you tomorrow.
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Jeff Chamblee opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
Author Betsy Childs Howard and Jessica discuss how faith can sustain a family through the sleepless nights of raising young children.
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