We would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, PreBorn
Dr. Jessica Peck We would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, PreBorn. When a mother meets her baby on ultrasound and hears their heartbeat, it's a divine connection. And the majority of the time she will choose life. But they can't do it without our help. Preborn needs us, the pro life community, to come alongside them. One ultrasound is just $28. To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby or visit preborn.com/AFR friend we're living in a defining moment today. A woman facing an unexpected pregnancy can order the abortion pill online, often before anyone has the chance to tell her she is loved, that she's not alone, or that there is hope. That's why you are needed right now. You were made for this moment. At PreBorn Network clinics, mothers are welcomed with compassion, practical support and a free ultrasound. And when she sees her baby and hears that tiny heartbeat for the very first time, fear often gives way to hope. In fact, more than 80% of abortion vulnerable women choose life after seeing their baby on an ultrasound at a PreBorn Network clinic. That one moment can save a baby's life and open a mother's heart to the hope of Jesus Christ. This is our moment to stand. For those who cannot speak for themselves, just $28 provides one life saving ultrasound. $140 helps rescue five babies. Please don't wait. Dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby. That's pound 250 baby. If you're a business owner, would you consider a larger donation to claim a write off? Your best gift would be appreciated. A stand alone gift of $15,000 will sponsor an ultrasound machine for a needy clinic helping to save countless babies lives for years to come. All gifts are tax- deductible. Together we can save lives one heartbeat at a time. preborn.com/AFR hello and welcome to the
Dr. Nursemama Show Prescribing Hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
Dr. Jessica Peck Hey there friends and welcome to my favorite time of day, getting to spend time with you prescribing Hope for Healthy families. I do that every day.
Modern Motherhood Pressures And Conflicting Cultural Messages Mothers Face Daily
That's the whole name of my show. The Dr. Nurse Mama show is my professor brain, my hands on nursing experience, but most of all my heart as a mom. And when I think about things through the lens of motherhood and I look back at my motherhood journey, I look back at my own mothers and my grandmothers. I think motherhood has always been demanding it's always been one of the most difficult jobs on the planet, but then one of the most rewarding. But also, I think, modern motherhood, mothering today, it just feels like there is an entirely new layer of pressures. And when I see young moms coming into my clinical practice, like, I wanna go home with them and I wanna rock their babies and stand in the corner and just tell them, hey, you're doing such a good job. Hey, you just balanced love and toughness with just such a great amount. Hey, you're not messing up your kids for life. Because mothers need that kind of encouraging voice in their lives. We live in a culture where voices are constantly telling m mothers conflicting messages. You should be fully present with your kids, but you also need to be really productive and have a showcase home. You need to be nurturing, but you also need to be successful. You need to be emotionally available, never overwhelmed. You need to be organized, have your house look Pinterest perfect. But you also need to be spontaneous in responding to the moments. You need to be spiritually grounded. But somehow, how do you squeeze Bible study into a schedule that already feels like it's packed? And then you add on the pressures of social media. And as moms, we're scrolling, we're following content that makes us feel bad about ourselves. We see these beautiful birthday parties and we think, oh, well, okay, so I guess my grocery store cake doesn't feel like it quite met the mark. We see other moms, perfect, perfectly organized homes. And we see in our pantries, chips from three years ago that expired in our crush. We see these family vacations that seem perfect that we don't have the money to take the meal prep containers when we're, stuck on fast food or just making peanut butter and jelly. We see the carefully curated family photos. Everybody's in Christmas pajamas. Even her husband didn't give her trouble about wearing matching Christmas pajamas. My husband would never do that. And then on the other side of the algorithm, we see memes about how chaotic motherhood is. And we even see cultural messages in light of recent events that are really negative and destructive and downright scary toward motherhood. And somewhere in the middle of those two extremes that I know, there's a lot of moms who are just sitting there wondering, am I doing enough? Why does everybody else seem to have this figured out? Where is God in the middle of all of this? Am I doing the best that I can? Does he see me? Am I messing up my family for life? The laundry isn't finished. Someone needs a ride. Someone Forgot their homework. Dinner needs to happen. The toddler's melting down, teenager's struggling. Work is demanding. Maybe you're caring for aging parents. Maybe you're serving at church. Maybe you just keep waiting for that elusive moment when life is finally going to slow down enough for you to get organized for you to breathe and maybe have some meaningful time alone with God. But what if we have completely misunderstood the margin?
Introducing Chelsey DeMatteis And Her Devotional Mercy In The Margin
What if we have missed the moment here? What if these interruptions aren't interruptions? What if they are actually invitations? That is the beautiful premise behind a new devotional called Mercy in the Margin. It's written by Today's guest, Chelsey DeMatteis. Chelsey is a wife, she's a mom, she's an author, she's a speaker, and she is passionate about helping women encounter Jesus in everyday life. She is a devotional writer for Lifeways, Journey Women magazine, Salem Media, YouVersion. She's the host of Living with Less podcast, and she's the author of many other books. She lives in the Midwest with her husband, their two kids, and this newest book we're talking about today, Mercy in the Margin, just released through BH Publishing. You can get a copy of it. It would make a great holiday gift, Mother's Day gift, and really just give it to the mother and encouragement and the mother that, you know, who needs that. And this is particularly relevant for mothers who just feel like they just need to add one more thing to already impossible list. We have a different invitation for them. Chelsey so happy to have you here today. Thank you for joining us.
Chelsey DeMatteis Yes, I'm, so thrilled to be here. And I loved everything you said. I sat there just nodding along with yes. That is actually exactly how I feel too.
Dr. Jessica Peck Well, you know, Chelsey as a mom, I look in my own life and I see all the language that you use. I so relate to this. Disruptions, detours, mix ups, messes. That is really the heartbeat of motherhood. And I think so many moms, including me, were conditioned to see those things is just evidence that we're failing. But your book invites us to consider a very different alternative. I want you to take us back to the beginning of your own journey. Whether that began, you can start with your own motherhood journey, or if that was impacted even by your life before that. What was happening in your own life when God first began to teach you about finding mercy in the margins of motherhood?
Chelsey DeMatteis You know, I. This message came when, right before our second. Our daughter turned one and my son was four. And so I was very much. They're about to be 9 and 5. So I was really in, like, all the little stuff. Like, all of the. There were so many messes. So many messes. And so I was really in that state of my own life. And then a lot of my friends, my girlfriends, they were all in that stage too, where some of them had lots of little people all very close together. And that's actually where the heart of this really came from, was a conversation with a friend who was a little bit behind me, just wondering, like, when. When am I going to find time to do the things that I love to do that God's gifted me to do? That was kind of our conversation. And I remember saying to her, there is mercy in the margin. Like, God is going to meet you in the time that he's already given you, and you're gonna find ways to do that. Like, he's gonna work that out. So I left that conversation and realized there's a lot to unpack there. And I just was kind of praying through that. And about a week or so after, really, the message came to life. I actually texted my husband helping at a VBS at our church. It was like, the most chaotic week.
Finding God In The Chaos Of Motherhood By Keeping Eyes Fixed On The Lord
And I said, I have a burning message in my heart that I need to go just pour out of me that I know God's asking me to write. And I love alliteration. So if you get a copy of the book, you'll see all of the devotions, or, M's, most of them, I should say. But when you look at it, you realize all of these moments, like many of them, happen in one day. and I think that's the beauty of motherhood is. And I know, again, it's contrary to popular belief, but sometimes being pulled in lots of different directions, it feels negative. But really what it does for me is it makes me have to look to Jesus all the time. All the time. I cannot. If I get overwhelmed by going in a million different directions, I get to the end of the day, and I'm sure you've been here some days where you go, did any of that matter? Like, did any of that matter? But when I'm feeling pulled in a million different directions and my eyes are fixed on the Lord and the truth that he's in that with me, he is truly in all of it. Whether it is the packing kids up for school or driving to another place or picking somebody else up, when I realized that the Lord's in that with me, I can get to the end of the day and go, wow, He Delighted in that. He was with me in that. And I did accomplish something today. I accomplished things for my family. And I kept my eyes fixed on what gives this whole life purpose.
Dr. Jessica Peck You know, I wrote an article not too long ago for the Stand magazine, and it was talking about just mothering journeys. And. And I feel like, you know, the. The word of encouragement that the Lord gave me was that it is in the mundane that God works miracles. The mundane is what becomes miraculous in your mothering journey. And when we look at social media, we're so programmed to look for the highlights. It's that perfect birthday party that you, that you plan and that you post on social media. It's in that perfect, you know, conversation that you have in that award ceremony or the family dinner that you put on for Thanksgiving. Or we think that's where our legacy and mothering is going to be established. And it's not. It's in wiping the runny noses and making a million lunches and, you know, in the. The everyday carpool that you have, where you're taking your kids to where they need to go. It's all of those little margins. I really believe, Chelsey And looking at some of the language that you're using in your book, it's in those margins that God works the most intimately. And you write about God using disruptions, detours, mix ups, messes. And those are things that we see so negatively. And I know as moms, we're really hard on ourselves. We can be. Our inner monologue can be really, really cruel. We say things to ourselves that we would never say to anybody else to their face. But how. What changed when you stopped seeing those as failures, as interruptions, as, you know, negative, and you started see those as invitations to meet God there.
Chelsey DeMatteis So something that really shifted for me. Our son is a junior golfer, and it's interesting how God really met me in the writing of this. Through the game of golf. Okay, Talk about, lots of failure, lots of detours, lots of things that don't go your way. And I remember one morning I was out with him. He was at a golf tournament, and he hit a shot, and where it landed, he was, like, beside himself. Okay, he's little still, right? And they got, up to where the ball landed, and it actually was in the most perfect spot for the next shot. And what the Lord taught me in that, when you're talking about that in our dialogue, is there are things that happen every day where we are truly cruel. I love that you use that word because that is what it is. We are beating ourselves up, berating ourselves over maybe something that we got wrong or the email that we missed, or oh, we forgot that we made this appointment when instead if we looked at that mistake or that mess up, or maybe it was a job you really, really wanted. Because I feel like today what we see on socials is moms feel like I've got to make a side income, I've got to do more for my family. And you didn't get the job or you didn't get the thing at church that you were hoping for. Instead of looking at that as a negative thing, what if that is the exact place where the Lord is landing the ball? Because once you get there, or the missed appointment and then you end up getting the phone call that, your neighbor needs you far more than the eye appointment needed you, you're in the perfect place that God has put your feet in that moment. And that really freed me. And it's interesting that the Lord had to use a seven year old to teach me that sometimes the ball going in the wrong place is actually exactly where my feet need to be. But, but, ah, also, there are things that happen in motherhood where it feels like a detour. It feels like we're walking another lap around the mountain. When really I think hindsight, it's easier to say. But what if it's. He's preparing us for something that we're not quite ready for just yet. And I have seen that in my own life where I finally get to a stage or get to a season or something happens in our family where I'm like, had that happened three years ago, that would have crushed me. But I didn't know it three years ago. And I was praying for it and wanting this thing so badly. But three years later, I can see, had the Lord answered that prayer then, or had the Lord made me not feel like such a failure by not getting something right, I would have missed out on the journey of what he's teaching me. But also he was keeping me from something that I was not ready to carry yet.
Dr. Jessica Peck It's so true. When I, when I think about the pressure that we put on ourselves today to have everything be perfect, whether it's the perfect golf shot or the perfect meal that's on the table. Like, we have to cook something that is gourmet and delicious and nutritious and, you know, we, we've got to be chefs, we've got to be chauffeurs, you've got to be counselors taking care of our kids, emotional health like, you've got to be all of these things, all of these roles. When I look at, you know, some of the beauty of motherhood, like you're, you're being a nurse, you're all of these things. And when we don't do those perfectly, I think so often we just try to take control of our mothering experience. And we want to, to define our success based on that immediate gratification. Like, I want to implement a discipline and have my kids respond appropriate, perfectly to it. I want to create a perfect dinner and have my family respond immediately to it and say, oh, wow, mom, this is so great. This is you. You have just fed me body, mind and soul and really delicious. And I saw how much time you spent. And then when we don't get that immediate feedback, that's when that inner monologue starts saying, well, you're not a good cook. You're. You're not a good communicator. Oh, you. Why were you such an idiot? You know, you are. I mean, we use words, if we're really honest that are extremely not reflective of God's identity for us. And so often we need to submit to the sovereignty of God, recognize that God is in control and he is going to work in the margin. And we can't just wait for life to become perfect enough or peaceful enough for us to experience God. God is inviting us to recognize his presence right in the middle of that messiness. And when we come back, we'll talk about how motherhood is not actually about losing ourselves. And this is a really common thing that we're seeing in culture today. Either we feel the pressure to make motherhood perfect or we buy into the lie that, hey, motherhood is taking you away from what you could really accomplish and how it's holding you back. We'll explore more about finding mercy in the margins of motherhood and the beauty and the peace that's awaiting there for you with Chelsey DeMatteis when we come back. Hello, I'm Jessica peck, host of Dr. Nurse Mama.
Dr. Jessica Peck Did you know that this content is listener supported?
Without people like you, this podcast would not exist
Without people like you, this podcast would not exist. And that's why we need you A generous monthly gift of any amount will help sustain American Family Radio and specifically this podcast. Please consider becoming a monthly financial partner today by visiting afr.net/give that's afr.net/give
Lord Have Mercy by Michael W. Smith Jesus, I've forgotten what the words that you have spoken Promises that burn within my heart have now grown new with the doubting heart I follow the paths of earthly wisdom Forgive me for my unbelief M. Renew the fire again. Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Lord, have mercy on me. Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Lord have mercy all.
Dr. Jessica Peck Welcome back, friends. That is Lord, have Mercy by Michael W. Smith. And that is my prayer for you listening today. I pray that you would find the mercy of God today. And I'm talking with author and speaker Chelsey DeMatteis about her new devotional book called Mercy in the Margins. And so often in today's world, we expect everything to just look perfectly, and we're going to encounter God and a meadow somewhere under a sunset while our family is having a picnic that we perfectly prepared. And we're going to have a devotional. We're all going to sing together. We'll be the Von Trapps. Maybe this is just my family fantasy, but really, everyday life is so messy. And one of the cultural narratives surrounding motherhood today is that motherhood means depletion. It's taking something from you. It's a drain. You give and you give and you give. You give your time, your body, your energy, your sleep, your attention, maybe your career, your priorities. And your identity feels like it's completely rearranged, and that's presented as something really negative. And we start to begin to believe that becoming a mother means becoming less of who we were, losing ourselves. But motherhood is not a season where we lose ourselves, but a season where God grows us, where God makes us more like him. One of the things I found was it wasn't me losing myself. It was. Was finding more of God. What does that look like practically? How can we push back against the cultural narrative that's negative about the cost that it takes to raise children?
Chelsey DeMatteis So one of the devotions I actually wrote in the book is titled Mercy and the Quiet Work of God. And I paint this picture of a bread maker because I was at a friend's house.
Motherhood As A Sanctifying Process, Equipping Us With More of God
We walked in the door, and it smelled amazing. There was a just, oh, my gosh. You know, it, like, invites you. And when you walk in there. And I came home and was just really thinking about that whole experience, and I was like, you know what? Motherhood feels so much like that. Parenting feels so much like that. my husband would agree, where you become parents. And, yes, the narrative is so loud right now that you lose yourself, you lose all of these things. But really, what I have found and it challenges me. Like, I hope everyone hears this and knows, like, I am being sanctified because of motherhood. Like, it's not easy, but I see motherhood as this bread Maker. Okay. And that's the Lord. And you're putting all these ingredients in there. It gives you the measurements, right? The Lord has told me, okay? He gives me his word. I have his word here. I know the things he's called me to do as a parent, but also as his daughter. he has the things that he's given my husband and called my husband to do. We put those in the bread maker and our kids gifts and talents and the hopes and prayers and things that we have. And we're filling up that bread maker, hoping that the Lord's going to do all the work. And what I've seen is instead of losing myself, what I'm finding is the Lord is just equipping me with more, more of who he's called me to be. and also this call to trust him more. And I'm getting to just. Just add things into that bread maker, and eventually I'll get to close the lid and out will come this fruitful harvest. And I think that's what has at least hung me up, is mothering in the little years. And even I hear people say in the teenage years, I'm not quite there yet. Where's the fruit? Like, honestly, I think that's why we feel like we're losing ourselves. When people say, I've just lost myself in motherhood. A lot of it is because they're like, there's no fruit. Fruit I've poured in all this time, all this effort, all these prayers. I gave up the things so I can be here, present with my kids, and there's no fruit. But fruit is not instant. I mean, you can read that in scripture when you hear about the harvest, the jubilee. I mean, things were years and years and years before you could reap a harvest. And I feel like that is so much of what motherhood is. It's pouring in, it's investing, it's.
Motherhood Is About Pouring In And Trusting God To Grow Something Beautiful
It's putting in these ingredients, choosing to trust the Lord to close the lid, that when we one day get to open that, I'm hoping it's sooner than I think, but you'll get to see this beautiful thing that God has actually pieced and put together. And, that you weren't actually losing yourself. He was growing something in you. And when you're growing, you're finding new things out about yourself. I feel like I have learned so much about me as a person. I know the things that I feel very passionate about that I would have said, yeah, I kind of care about those things. But once I became a mother, God really highlighted for me those things that are my hills to die on. Like, I've got my hills to die on. but also entrusting him. And I think without that, if I felt like, if I gave into, I should say those thoughts of I've lost myself, what did I do? What was all of this for? You miss out on seeing the fruit of what God's growing in you personally, like today, because there is fruit today. But then also we'll miss out on seeing that fruit that's to come if we just throw in the towel because we think I missed it. Like, I gave up so much for this, but really it's. I gained so much in this calling, in this role as a mother. And the Lord's going to show that, that a little bit at a time. It's kind of like that manna. I feel like he'll show me. I'll see like an inkling of fruit in my son. I'm like, oh, glory to God. Oh, my goodness. He helped that little girl pick up her lunch that fell. The lunch woman will tell me from school. And I'm like, that's fruit. But I think we need to, as much as we need to realize that we can encounter Jesus in the day to day, I think when your son or your daughter helps to pick up someone's lunch that fell down, that is fruit. Like that is seeing the work of the Lord in your child. They could have kept walking and they didn't. And so be encouraged in the little things. When my son helps buckle my daughter in her car seat, fruit. He could be selfish and just sit down and buckle himself in and not pay attention to her. And so I would encourage parents listening, dads too, that when you see your kids do something that you know is contrary to their flesh, look at it as fruit and say, wow, Lord, thank you. Thank you for giving me a glimpse.
Dr. Jessica Peck you know, I had this exact revelation early in my mothering journey. I went out to a pineapple field, Chelsey And I didn't know at the time that it takes about two years to grow a pineapple. And so I was expecting something completely different, you know, when we went out there. But it's just a field of red dirt. It was really not very pretty. It was hot. There were a lot of bugs. And yet I see these workers out there who are working very diligently and they are doing whatever they need to do, you know, to, to water the pineapples, to make sure they have the right sun, all of that, because they know they have confidence in the seeds that they planted. They know that they will be harvested in the proper time. I think our kids need to see that confidence in our eyes, Chelsey because we are so inclined to instant gratification today. And we treat parenting. I've said this often, like the little instant helper on the Internet.
Parenting Like An Instant Helper Versus Trusting God's Process
You know, like the little virtual assistant that pops up in corner. We're like, our kids have a problem or they experience, you know, they express something that is, you know, needs to be corrected, disciplined in their character, whatever it is. And we're like, okay, what's your problem today? Well, have you tried this? Have you tried this? Have you tried this? Okay, do this. Would you be willing to take a survey about my service? And then we want them to say, five stars. You're amazing. You did the great. You know, a great thing. But, Chelsey one of the hardest truths that I had to embrace as a mom, especially at the stage where you are. When my kids were little, as I had to understand that it was not their job to give me instant gratification on my parenting skills. That is not their job in life. It takes how m. I mean, think about the things that the Lord is teaching you in your life that he's teaching me. I don't learn them in one thing. I don't learn them in one encounter with the Lord. God doesn't say, hey, you really need to work on being more patient. And I'm like, oh, got it. Okay. All right. I'm like, no, I'm stubborn, and it takes me a while to learn it. And so I had to learn that with my kids. Because when we post things online about our mothering journey, we post those great moments. We get immediate feedback. We get a. Like, we get a comment. We get an affirmation that gives us a dopamine hit in our brain, and it gives that positive affirmation. So we start going to social media to get our motherhood affirmed, rather than being patient and planting the pineapples and seeing, okay, I know when it seems like you're in a season of struggle, you just.
Seeing God Work On Our Character During The Waiting Seasons Of Motherhood
You have to wait. And it's in those moments where you see God working on your character, where you see him teaching you, where you see him strengthening you, where he gives you a new skill, a new mindset, a new character, trait development. That's really important. We've got to release our kids from that pressure, because what happens is we start to try to micromanage their behavior, and we start to care less about the heart. We only care about that immediate feedback loop, as long as you're acting the right way, that kind of manages my anxiety about making sure that I'm a good mom. And that's not what it's about. So why do you think, Chelsey that it is that we don't want to be in the margins? We want to be in the spotlight. We want to be in those big mountaintop moments. What is our. Our rejection of our disdain for those mundane margin spaces. Like, we're like, I hear what you're saying, but that doesn't sound very fun.
Chelsey DeMatteis Right? So, you know, I keep thinking, like, the word margin for me is, it's. You look at a piece of paper like, the margin is fixed. People do not like boundaries. Oftentimes they're like, I don't like these fixed things. But when I wrote this, like, mercy in the margin, the margin is the fixed time that the Lord has given me. I have 24 hours in that day, and where am I going to find him in that? And so oftentimes where I can find him, I write about this, but there's a devotion titled Mercy in the Meantime. And the meantime moments, that's the 15 minutes before I have to run out the door to go do the next thing. People discount that I actually write about those being that's where, like, miracles take place. That is where we so often want to pass that off. We'd rather be busy. How weird is this? We'd rather be busy doing something else rather than doing maybe the task in front of us. And I'm preaching to myself because I actually do need to do my dishes. Dishes today and get the dishwasher unloaded. But to me, that is not as fun as sharing something or calling a girlfriend, catching up with her. But, you have to ask yourself, why is that?
Turning Meantime Moments Into Opportunities To Talk With The Lord
And it's. Nobody's clapping for me when I'm unloading the dishwasher. But that's a meantime task. It only takes me eight minutes to do. So what the Lord has really invited me in is in these meantime moments, which is typically the moments that. That people don't like. They'd rather not be bothered doing those things. We can turn that to a moment where it's because oftentimes people will say, I have no margin in my day to spend more time with the Lord. Well, we don't need more margin. The margin is fixed. But we need to find the time. Like, what are we doing in the meantime? And that's where we can talk with Him. I tell people all the time, I'm like, Just talk to the Lord. Just talk to him. People think when they, okay, I need to sit and I need to pray. And I'm like, just have a conversation when you're putting the dishes away. I think that's the crux of it all, is the mundane feels so uncomfortable because there's no one applauding you. There's nobody watching. And to be quite frank, nobody cares. Nobody cares if I actually put the dishes away. But the Lord delights, delights if I'm going to take the time to talk to him while I'm doing that. So while I may not have the applause of a house or a yellow lab, she won't pay attention to it either. I'm sitting here under the delight of my Savior. That should trump any and all applause. But it's exactly to your point of. There's no instant gratification there. But what if after three weeks, weeks of using your meantime moments to just talk to the Lord, play some worship music, jot down a couple things that are on your heart on a sticky note three weeks from now? I truly believe. Don't they say it takes 21 days to create a habit? I think if you spend one, we'll say one of your meantime moments during the day just talking to the Lord. I think in three weeks, you would sense more clarity. And whatever that conversation is, is. But, because we are so, for whatever reason, bothered by that mundane, we miss it. Like we're missing prime time to just talk things out with the Lord.
Dr. Jessica Peck You know, if we really want to step on people's toes, Chelsey mine included. Let's. Let's warn everybody. Put on your tough suit, because I'm going to go here. When you're talking about the meantime moments, I think one of the greatest tragedies, of motherhood today is that we are conditioned to go straight to our phones in any of those meantime moments. Any margin that we have, any moment. I mean, I see mothers who are feeding their infants, like, oh, this is time to scroll. I see, you know, okay, I'm sitting on the floor and my kids are playing. But, you know, like, I'm gonna watch social media while they're playing and while they're doing this. And we. But yet we say, I don't have any time. I don't have any time. I don't have any time. Well, our, iPhone, phone, time tracker.
Chelsey DeMatteis Yeah.
Dr. Jessica Peck It is a really tough accountability partner. And I think that is one of the most powerful perspective shifts that you're offering us today. Chelsey is. Instead of looking at Those, as you. You call it, meantime. But I often would say, like, this is me time. Like, I need some me time.
Chelsey DeMatteis Yes.
Dr. Jessica Peck Oh, my God. At the same time, like, saying, okay, this is some me and God time. Like, and it doesn't have to be every moment. It means that. It doesn't mean that you can never, you know, scroll through social media. It doesn't mean that you can't. You know what we call multitasking? Watching a show while you're putting away the dishes. But it means that. What if in two or three of those moments during the day, you're just more intentional? So instead of, you know, just scrolling through your phone while you're sitting on the floor playing with your kids, that you're actually engaging with them, you're praying for them, you're praying over them, you're noticing and being intentional about the characteristics that they're developing, and you're asking God to be with you in those moments. If we could you show. Just turn our attention. If we're scrolling through a Bible app, even, and working on memorizing scripture that we share with our kids. And that doesn't mean we have to do that all the time, all day, every day, but just something. One of those moments, and I. I love that because it takes the pressure off. We have to. The. The thought that we have to wait for those perfect moments for God to meet us. It's not, how do I find more time? It's what. What, if is God.
Encouraging Faithful Moms Who Feel Exhausted And Fearful
Where is God already meeting me in the time we have? And, Chelsey when we come back, we'll talk to the moms who feel like they're falling short, who feel like I am trying so hard and I'm just exhausted and I just am so fearful. We'll call those moms to be faithful, and we'll give them some help and some hope on the other side of this break. We'll be right back. And my father, your great grandfather, fought in World War II. Really? He was a, gunner on the big ship out in the Pacific Ocean. Wow. Your great grandmother did her part, too. Was she on a ship? Oh, no. She stayed back home. She and a lot of her friends worked really hard in a factory because the men had gone on and they held scrap metal drives to help in the war effort. The folks back home were heroes, too.
Here at the American Family Association, we consider you the heroes back home
Here at the American Family association, we consider you the heroes back home as you fulfill your responsibility of caring for your family day to day. Your partnership with us is crucial as we fight the enemies of freedom in America. Thank you for your commitment to the American Family Association. Grandpa, what's a, scrap metal drive? Let's get some cookies and I'll tell you all about it.
Have Your Way by Katy Nichole I've crawled through the valley of the shadow of death and somehow I walked out alive. I've run from my father I've run. I'm back again Time after, time after time One thing I have found I rise when I lay it down Lord, have your way in my life, in my heart, in my soul, in my mind Lord, have your way every time time 'Cause I know that your plans are better than mine I lift up my hands and I fall on my knees surrendering I'll sing it Lord, have your way.
Dr. Jessica Peck Welcome back, friends. That is have your way by Katy Nichole. And that line just struck me. I rise when I lay it down. We're talking today about laying down all of the pressures of motherhood and finding mercy in the margins of that. That's the name of a new devotional by Chelsey DeMatteis She is the author of that. And we've been talking about the beautiful, wonderful, godly call of motherhood and how it can be one of the most challenging, difficult things that you've done in your life, but one of the most rewarding. And I get concerned about the cultural narrative that either calls mothers to say, hey, this is the most perfect thing. It is the most beautiful thing you'll ever experience. It's supposed to be so wonderful. There's no difficult part of it if you're doing it right. And then there's the other side that is far more toxic and far more dark, saying, you will lose yourself. It's so depressing. It's so difficult. I mean, I mean, oh, my goodness, can we find mercy in the margin, in the middle of that and acknowledge that motherhood is messy? Because life is messy and humans are messy and little humans are particularly messy. And that may be where you're feeling that. And when we feel like, you know, we're doing all the things we're. We're trying to make sure everybody is physically cared for, emotionally, socially, academically, all of these things, maybe it's. There's a mama somewhere who's just hiding in the bathroom, just wants five minutes of peace. But underneath all of that pressure that mothers are carrying are these questions, am I doing it right? Am I enough? Am I good enough? Am I present enough? Am I. Am I investing enough? Am I. Am I spiritual enough? Am I a good enough wife? Am I a good enough mother? And the answer to that question can become so painful when we are measuring ourselves against everyone else's highlight reel. And intuitively, no. We know in our brains when we look at social media that we're looking at the best 14 seconds of someone's week. Not, you know, our average Tuesday. But Chelsey had said that comparison is the thief of joy. And we know that the enemy comes to steal and kill and destroy. And I believe one of the most powerful weapons against mothers today is that comparison. If I'm a type A mom, I'm looking at the type B moms and thinking, why can't I be more laid back? Like, I. I'm going to make my kids neurotic. If I'm the type B mom, I'm looking at the type A moms thinking, my kids are never going to know how to be responsible in life. But God has equipped us all. And that's why I think one of the powerful things is having friends come around you to meet you in the places where, like, I don't have that mothering gift. Like, Chelsey I am not the Pinterest mom. I am the Pinterest fail mom. Like, do not give me a craft to do. Like, I. I am not going to do it. But hey, if your kid's having a hard time and they need to have tough conversation, like, I'm going to be there. I know how to lean into that moment. How do we find Merc Mercy in the margin by just stopping ourselves on the comparison wheel that we're just running on trying to chase and catch somebody else's execution of motherhood when we need to focus on our own.
Chelsey DeMatteis So another devotion that I wrote, it was just pinged immediately as you said that, it's titled mercy and your methods. And it's funny. I am not a type A mom. We actually joke in my friend group. I'm the type C mom. I'm the one that's like, I've got beef sticks and like, I can feed your kids, but my gas tank might be on empty and my phone is on red. Like, I can feed your people. I don't know if I can get us anywhere. But the mercy in your methods is all about what I realized very early on. sleep training was, like, huge when I was having my son in 2017, and there's a method to sleep training. And I remember an older mom friend of mine gave me this book and she's like, read this book. She literally wrote inside it, saved my life. So I'm like, okay, so, like, I have to do this if it saved her life. Well, I'm reading this and I'm thinking, I am not this type of person because at this point, I'm not even a mom yet, and I'm already stressing about getting something right in motherhood. And I'm just carrying the baby.
The Greatest Method Of Mothering Is Bringing Our Cares To God
And so I remember I got like, three chapters into that book and just knew this is not for me. I am not like a prescriptive mom when it comes to this. I just knew it. And so fast forward all these years later, I always go back to that moment of reading the inside of the book, and she would laugh. I will even send her this interview and say, reading something that says this saved my life made me feel like, you must do this and if you don't, it's going to be terrible. But what God taught me in that is m Methods. It's okay to, like, glean wisdom and all of that, but what God taught me is the greatest, greatest method of mothering that I can do is bringing all of my cares and needs to him. Because I can tell you, if you want your kids in sports, you'll have anybody and everybody out there that will tell you how sports will ruin them or how sleep training will ruin them, or the education you choose will ruin them. But then you'll have that other side of the aisle where it's like, oh, you go, girl, you need to do that. Or, oh, my gosh, that's the perfect way of educating. And, oh, that's the perfect to it. And you're caught in this place of, what am I doing? Half the people say, I'm gonna fail my kid. The other half are telling me I'm the greatest parent on the planet. And what the Lord has told me is he is the perfect parent. He is the one that actually knows everything that my child needs. And when I come to him and say, lord, what is your method for my king Am and Lord, what is your method for my Collins? I can trust that he is going to give me exactly what they need. And I was so grateful the second time around, having our daughter where I was like, you know, things are going to work out the way they work out. And I didn't feel that fear of this saved my life that was written in that book. But I even know moms that have kids that they're launching to college that are reading books and blogs and methods and listening to things where they're like, I did it all wrong. I launched them into the world, and I literally wasted 18 years and messed them up. And I sit There. And I think you could have done everything right that the other books tell you, and you could still have the same outcome. It is not. Parenting is not prescriptive by the world standards. We can take wisdom and glean wisdom, and it's great. But truly the greatest method that does not have a date, a deadline, a, discount code, or anything is going before the feet of Jesus and saying, you knit this child together. You know exactly what they need. And also to the mom, I just have to say this, and I'm sure I will make you laugh. I asked my son, I put together Winter Wonderland for our school last year. Okay? It was awesome. It was beautiful. I was stretched very thin, though. I just asked him two weeks ago as we're prepping for it again. I said, what was your favorite part? He goes, I don't remember. I don't really. I don't really remember it, Mom. I was like, you don't remember it? So to the mom listening, that was like, I didn't do the balloon garland for their third birthday, but I did it for their older brother. They are not going to remember it. They are not going to be mad at you for not having it. It. They truly are just delighted that you are spending time with them, that you are celebrating them, that you are there for them. That is what they care about. And so sometimes these methods and these Instagram reels and all the socials just make us feel like, I can't win, when really, it's okay, I'll take wisdom, I'll glean wisdom, but I'm going to seek the Lord first and foremost, because he's the one that created this child, and he's the one that created me to be their mom. Mom. And the feet of Jesus is the very best method of mothering that I have ever found. and that's just what I always want to encourage moms with, is when you don't know what you're doing, which is how you will feel 99 of the time. Ask the Lord first, because I can tell you. And I also wanted to plug this. One of the greatest things for me has been Instagram is off my phone. It's only on my computer unless I have to share something to store stories. I don't have the option of getting on my phone when I'm sitting at the. On the couch or whatever. And the Lord spoke to me very clearly, this summer. And I. I could have missed it. Had socials been on my phone, maybe I would have been scrolling, but instead I was sitting There praying. And it was for one of my children specifically. And the words were war within their spirit. And I was like, that is a really big deal, Lord. What does that mean? And all I can say is, had I missed him speaking that to me in the quiet place because I was busy scrolling or trying to do something else, I would have missed a very, very pivotal piece of information that I needed from him to be praying for the rest of the summer. And I just, I kept thinking of that when you were talking about when we met. Miss the things because we're on the screens and we're seeing everyone else. It's just take it off, eliminate it completely, Put it on the computer so you can still be connected, but you can be disconnected when you're with your family. Because the Lord is always speaking. I mean, yes, we can read in Scripture. There are moments where he feels silent, but he's still always present. And he cares about the desires of our hearts, and he most certainly cares about our kids. Kids. And so when we are attuned to that and looking to him and listening, even while we're doing other things, if we don't have the noise of the world always at our fingertips, we will hear that. And it is like high alert. I mean, I felt like the Lord was like bells and whistles, red flags are waving war within their spirit. Like, we need to pray. And so I would just encourage moms that, that take the thing off your phone and just go to the Lord and ask him, what do I need for this child? And he will, he will guide you. He might not give you some instant answer, but you will have guidance.
Dr. Jessica Peck I've been so convicted about that in my own mothering journey. Honestly, Chelsey I'm just sitting here listening to you and thinking and reflecting back on my own. And I, I think, think one of the most,
The best things that you can give your kids is the gift of your presence
the best things that you can give your kids is the gift of your presence, not just your physical presence, although that is really important in a day, and age where we are in digital silos and we can text somebody in the next room, or we're all streaming our own reality. Having your physical presence is so important where your children are invited to be wherever you are, whether that's a stool, a chair they can sit at at the kitchen counter while you're cooking, or if that's a place that they can come and sit in your bedroom and talk with you. But they also need your emot and mental presence. They need you to be clued in, to be paying attention. Because so often we're distracted. And one of the things that we're studying in a scientific way, that I've talked about before on this show, Chelsey is a phenomenon called fubbing. I'm not sure if you've heard of it before. It's a. It's a word for phone snubbing. And there are actually scientific tools where we can measure this because it is having a holistic impact on kids. That absolutely absence of our presence because we have our faces in a screen and we're looking at, how's everybody else doing motherhood, and how are people telling me how to do motherhood? And let me get the perfect instructions and let me quiet any uncomfortable emotion I have, rather than just being present in the moment, being emotionally present, seeing, okay, I can see my kid is frustrated. And rather than treating that as an inconvenience, I treat that as an invitation to, okay, my kid is frustrated. What is making them frustrated? And how can I meet them in this moment? And I remember seeing on social media, ironically, it was, it was some event that had happened with the Royals or something like that. I can't remember. But it was all of these people, like, crowds and crowds of people, and they all had their phone, and you couldn't see any of their faces because they were all recording the moment. And there was this one just adorable little older lady who did not have a phone, and she was kind of had her arms over the rail, and she was just smiling so big and just so fully present in the moment. And I think that's where we find the margin when we stop. You're trying to numb everything, to fill every moment with the perfect activity, with the perfect, you know, mothering, the perfect birthday party, the perfect winter wonderland at school, which is so painful. Can we just say it's painful when our kids are like, oh, yeah, I forgot you did that. You're like, I'm trying so hard. It's in those margins that we can find. Find an invitation instead of an inconvenience, an invitation, as you said. So we have arrived already at our. The end of our time together, Chelsey I wish we had more time to talk in the last minute. What is the word of encouragement that you'd like to share with moms?
I just want to encourage you with knowing that God hand picked you to parent your children
Chelsey DeMatteis I just want to encourage you with knowing God hand picked you to parent your children. He did not pick anyone else on the planet other than you, and he did not create any other children other than those ones in front of you. And so trust, trust that he is going to equip you and that you walk with him faithfully and he will show you fruit down the road.
Dr. Jessica Peck And to all the dads out there, all of the men in these mothers lives, I encourage you to give that mama who is in your life, give them some affirmation. I cannot even tell you how powerful your words of affirmation can be to say, hey, I know things were crazy today, but you still got dinner on the table and it was really good. Thanks so much for doing that. Like, thanks for taking care of this. Hey, I saw you organize that closet. It looks really great. It was easy to find what I needed. Those words of affirmation will go so far and I appreciate, Chelsey you reminding us. The goal isn't to get our lives organized or perfect enough so that we can experience God's presence. It's the invitation to recognize he is already present. He never went anywhere. He's still working. He's present in the carpool line, at the kitchen sink, in the bedtime routine. And that difficult conversation, in the interruption and the detour and the mess. And those moments are so beautiful that when we feel like we're trying just desperately to get a breakthrough, God is inviting us. Hey, I'm here. Just pay attention. The book is called Mercy in the Margin And wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you. I'll see you back here next time.
We'd like to thank our sponsors, including PreBorn
We'd like to thank our sponsors, including PreBorn. PreBorn has rescued over 400,000 babies from abortion and has seen over 100,000 commitments to Christ. Will you join PreBorn in continuing this good work supporting young moms in crisis? Save a life today. Go to preborn.com/AFR the views and
Jeff Chamblee opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
We would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, PreBorn
Dr. Jessica Peck We would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, PreBorn. When a mother meets her baby on ultrasound and hears their heartbeat, it's a divine connection. And the majority of the time she will choose life. But they can't do it without our help. Preborn needs us, the pro life community, to come alongside them. One ultrasound is just $28. To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby or visit preborn.com/AFR friend we're living in a defining moment today. A woman facing an unexpected pregnancy can order the abortion pill online, often before anyone has the chance to tell her she is loved, that she's not alone, or that there is hope. That's why you are needed right now. You were made for this moment. At PreBorn Network clinics, mothers are welcomed with compassion, practical support and a free ultrasound. And when she sees her baby and hears that tiny heartbeat for the very first time, fear often gives way to hope. In fact, more than 80% of abortion vulnerable women choose life after seeing their baby on an ultrasound at a PreBorn Network clinic. That one moment can save a baby's life and open a mother's heart to the hope of Jesus Christ. This is our moment to stand. For those who cannot speak for themselves, just $28 provides one life saving ultrasound. $140 helps rescue five babies. Please don't wait. Dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby. That's pound 250 baby. If you're a business owner, would you consider a larger donation to claim a write off? Your best gift would be appreciated. A stand alone gift of $15,000 will sponsor an ultrasound machine for a needy clinic helping to save countless babies lives for years to come. All gifts are tax- deductible. Together we can save lives one heartbeat at a time. preborn.com/AFR hello and welcome to the
Dr. Nursemama Show Prescribing Hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
Dr. Jessica Peck Hey there friends and welcome to my favorite time of day, getting to spend time with you prescribing Hope for Healthy families. I do that every day.
Modern Motherhood Pressures And Conflicting Cultural Messages Mothers Face Daily
That's the whole name of my show. The Dr. Nurse Mama show is my professor brain, my hands on nursing experience, but most of all my heart as a mom. And when I think about things through the lens of motherhood and I look back at my motherhood journey, I look back at my own mothers and my grandmothers. I think motherhood has always been demanding it's always been one of the most difficult jobs on the planet, but then one of the most rewarding. But also, I think, modern motherhood, mothering today, it just feels like there is an entirely new layer of pressures. And when I see young moms coming into my clinical practice, like, I wanna go home with them and I wanna rock their babies and stand in the corner and just tell them, hey, you're doing such a good job. Hey, you just balanced love and toughness with just such a great amount. Hey, you're not messing up your kids for life. Because mothers need that kind of encouraging voice in their lives. We live in a culture where voices are constantly telling m mothers conflicting messages. You should be fully present with your kids, but you also need to be really productive and have a showcase home. You need to be nurturing, but you also need to be successful. You need to be emotionally available, never overwhelmed. You need to be organized, have your house look Pinterest perfect. But you also need to be spontaneous in responding to the moments. You need to be spiritually grounded. But somehow, how do you squeeze Bible study into a schedule that already feels like it's packed? And then you add on the pressures of social media. And as moms, we're scrolling, we're following content that makes us feel bad about ourselves. We see these beautiful birthday parties and we think, oh, well, okay, so I guess my grocery store cake doesn't feel like it quite met the mark. We see other moms, perfect, perfectly organized homes. And we see in our pantries, chips from three years ago that expired in our crush. We see these family vacations that seem perfect that we don't have the money to take the meal prep containers when we're, stuck on fast food or just making peanut butter and jelly. We see the carefully curated family photos. Everybody's in Christmas pajamas. Even her husband didn't give her trouble about wearing matching Christmas pajamas. My husband would never do that. And then on the other side of the algorithm, we see memes about how chaotic motherhood is. And we even see cultural messages in light of recent events that are really negative and destructive and downright scary toward motherhood. And somewhere in the middle of those two extremes that I know, there's a lot of moms who are just sitting there wondering, am I doing enough? Why does everybody else seem to have this figured out? Where is God in the middle of all of this? Am I doing the best that I can? Does he see me? Am I messing up my family for life? The laundry isn't finished. Someone needs a ride. Someone Forgot their homework. Dinner needs to happen. The toddler's melting down, teenager's struggling. Work is demanding. Maybe you're caring for aging parents. Maybe you're serving at church. Maybe you just keep waiting for that elusive moment when life is finally going to slow down enough for you to get organized for you to breathe and maybe have some meaningful time alone with God. But what if we have completely misunderstood the margin?
Introducing Chelsey DeMatteis And Her Devotional Mercy In The Margin
What if we have missed the moment here? What if these interruptions aren't interruptions? What if they are actually invitations? That is the beautiful premise behind a new devotional called Mercy in the Margin. It's written by Today's guest, Chelsey DeMatteis. Chelsey is a wife, she's a mom, she's an author, she's a speaker, and she is passionate about helping women encounter Jesus in everyday life. She is a devotional writer for Lifeways, Journey Women magazine, Salem Media, YouVersion. She's the host of Living with Less podcast, and she's the author of many other books. She lives in the Midwest with her husband, their two kids, and this newest book we're talking about today, Mercy in the Margin, just released through BH Publishing. You can get a copy of it. It would make a great holiday gift, Mother's Day gift, and really just give it to the mother and encouragement and the mother that, you know, who needs that. And this is particularly relevant for mothers who just feel like they just need to add one more thing to already impossible list. We have a different invitation for them. Chelsey so happy to have you here today. Thank you for joining us.
Chelsey DeMatteis Yes, I'm, so thrilled to be here. And I loved everything you said. I sat there just nodding along with yes. That is actually exactly how I feel too.
Dr. Jessica Peck Well, you know, Chelsey as a mom, I look in my own life and I see all the language that you use. I so relate to this. Disruptions, detours, mix ups, messes. That is really the heartbeat of motherhood. And I think so many moms, including me, were conditioned to see those things is just evidence that we're failing. But your book invites us to consider a very different alternative. I want you to take us back to the beginning of your own journey. Whether that began, you can start with your own motherhood journey, or if that was impacted even by your life before that. What was happening in your own life when God first began to teach you about finding mercy in the margins of motherhood?
Chelsey DeMatteis You know, I. This message came when, right before our second. Our daughter turned one and my son was four. And so I was very much. They're about to be 9 and 5. So I was really in, like, all the little stuff. Like, all of the. There were so many messes. So many messes. And so I was really in that state of my own life. And then a lot of my friends, my girlfriends, they were all in that stage too, where some of them had lots of little people all very close together. And that's actually where the heart of this really came from, was a conversation with a friend who was a little bit behind me, just wondering, like, when. When am I going to find time to do the things that I love to do that God's gifted me to do? That was kind of our conversation. And I remember saying to her, there is mercy in the margin. Like, God is going to meet you in the time that he's already given you, and you're gonna find ways to do that. Like, he's gonna work that out. So I left that conversation and realized there's a lot to unpack there. And I just was kind of praying through that. And about a week or so after, really, the message came to life. I actually texted my husband helping at a VBS at our church. It was like, the most chaotic week.
Finding God In The Chaos Of Motherhood By Keeping Eyes Fixed On The Lord
And I said, I have a burning message in my heart that I need to go just pour out of me that I know God's asking me to write. And I love alliteration. So if you get a copy of the book, you'll see all of the devotions, or, M's, most of them, I should say. But when you look at it, you realize all of these moments, like many of them, happen in one day. and I think that's the beauty of motherhood is. And I know, again, it's contrary to popular belief, but sometimes being pulled in lots of different directions, it feels negative. But really what it does for me is it makes me have to look to Jesus all the time. All the time. I cannot. If I get overwhelmed by going in a million different directions, I get to the end of the day, and I'm sure you've been here some days where you go, did any of that matter? Like, did any of that matter? But when I'm feeling pulled in a million different directions and my eyes are fixed on the Lord and the truth that he's in that with me, he is truly in all of it. Whether it is the packing kids up for school or driving to another place or picking somebody else up, when I realized that the Lord's in that with me, I can get to the end of the day and go, wow, He Delighted in that. He was with me in that. And I did accomplish something today. I accomplished things for my family. And I kept my eyes fixed on what gives this whole life purpose.
Dr. Jessica Peck You know, I wrote an article not too long ago for the Stand magazine, and it was talking about just mothering journeys. And. And I feel like, you know, the. The word of encouragement that the Lord gave me was that it is in the mundane that God works miracles. The mundane is what becomes miraculous in your mothering journey. And when we look at social media, we're so programmed to look for the highlights. It's that perfect birthday party that you, that you plan and that you post on social media. It's in that perfect, you know, conversation that you have in that award ceremony or the family dinner that you put on for Thanksgiving. Or we think that's where our legacy and mothering is going to be established. And it's not. It's in wiping the runny noses and making a million lunches and, you know, in the. The everyday carpool that you have, where you're taking your kids to where they need to go. It's all of those little margins. I really believe, Chelsey And looking at some of the language that you're using in your book, it's in those margins that God works the most intimately. And you write about God using disruptions, detours, mix ups, messes. And those are things that we see so negatively. And I know as moms, we're really hard on ourselves. We can be. Our inner monologue can be really, really cruel. We say things to ourselves that we would never say to anybody else to their face. But how. What changed when you stopped seeing those as failures, as interruptions, as, you know, negative, and you started see those as invitations to meet God there.
Chelsey DeMatteis So something that really shifted for me. Our son is a junior golfer, and it's interesting how God really met me in the writing of this. Through the game of golf. Okay, Talk about, lots of failure, lots of detours, lots of things that don't go your way. And I remember one morning I was out with him. He was at a golf tournament, and he hit a shot, and where it landed, he was, like, beside himself. Okay, he's little still, right? And they got, up to where the ball landed, and it actually was in the most perfect spot for the next shot. And what the Lord taught me in that, when you're talking about that in our dialogue, is there are things that happen every day where we are truly cruel. I love that you use that word because that is what it is. We are beating ourselves up, berating ourselves over maybe something that we got wrong or the email that we missed, or oh, we forgot that we made this appointment when instead if we looked at that mistake or that mess up, or maybe it was a job you really, really wanted. Because I feel like today what we see on socials is moms feel like I've got to make a side income, I've got to do more for my family. And you didn't get the job or you didn't get the thing at church that you were hoping for. Instead of looking at that as a negative thing, what if that is the exact place where the Lord is landing the ball? Because once you get there, or the missed appointment and then you end up getting the phone call that, your neighbor needs you far more than the eye appointment needed you, you're in the perfect place that God has put your feet in that moment. And that really freed me. And it's interesting that the Lord had to use a seven year old to teach me that sometimes the ball going in the wrong place is actually exactly where my feet need to be. But, but, ah, also, there are things that happen in motherhood where it feels like a detour. It feels like we're walking another lap around the mountain. When really I think hindsight, it's easier to say. But what if it's. He's preparing us for something that we're not quite ready for just yet. And I have seen that in my own life where I finally get to a stage or get to a season or something happens in our family where I'm like, had that happened three years ago, that would have crushed me. But I didn't know it three years ago. And I was praying for it and wanting this thing so badly. But three years later, I can see, had the Lord answered that prayer then, or had the Lord made me not feel like such a failure by not getting something right, I would have missed out on the journey of what he's teaching me. But also he was keeping me from something that I was not ready to carry yet.
Dr. Jessica Peck It's so true. When I, when I think about the pressure that we put on ourselves today to have everything be perfect, whether it's the perfect golf shot or the perfect meal that's on the table. Like, we have to cook something that is gourmet and delicious and nutritious and, you know, we, we've got to be chefs, we've got to be chauffeurs, you've got to be counselors taking care of our kids, emotional health like, you've got to be all of these things, all of these roles. When I look at, you know, some of the beauty of motherhood, like you're, you're being a nurse, you're all of these things. And when we don't do those perfectly, I think so often we just try to take control of our mothering experience. And we want to, to define our success based on that immediate gratification. Like, I want to implement a discipline and have my kids respond appropriate, perfectly to it. I want to create a perfect dinner and have my family respond immediately to it and say, oh, wow, mom, this is so great. This is you. You have just fed me body, mind and soul and really delicious. And I saw how much time you spent. And then when we don't get that immediate feedback, that's when that inner monologue starts saying, well, you're not a good cook. You're. You're not a good communicator. Oh, you. Why were you such an idiot? You know, you are. I mean, we use words, if we're really honest that are extremely not reflective of God's identity for us. And so often we need to submit to the sovereignty of God, recognize that God is in control and he is going to work in the margin. And we can't just wait for life to become perfect enough or peaceful enough for us to experience God. God is inviting us to recognize his presence right in the middle of that messiness. And when we come back, we'll talk about how motherhood is not actually about losing ourselves. And this is a really common thing that we're seeing in culture today. Either we feel the pressure to make motherhood perfect or we buy into the lie that, hey, motherhood is taking you away from what you could really accomplish and how it's holding you back. We'll explore more about finding mercy in the margins of motherhood and the beauty and the peace that's awaiting there for you with Chelsey DeMatteis when we come back. Hello, I'm Jessica peck, host of Dr. Nurse Mama.
Dr. Jessica Peck Did you know that this content is listener supported?
Without people like you, this podcast would not exist
Without people like you, this podcast would not exist. And that's why we need you A generous monthly gift of any amount will help sustain American Family Radio and specifically this podcast. Please consider becoming a monthly financial partner today by visiting afr.net/give that's afr.net/give
Lord Have Mercy by Michael W. Smith Jesus, I've forgotten what the words that you have spoken Promises that burn within my heart have now grown new with the doubting heart I follow the paths of earthly wisdom Forgive me for my unbelief M. Renew the fire again. Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Lord, have mercy on me. Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Lord have mercy all.
Dr. Jessica Peck Welcome back, friends. That is Lord, have Mercy by Michael W. Smith. And that is my prayer for you listening today. I pray that you would find the mercy of God today. And I'm talking with author and speaker Chelsey DeMatteis about her new devotional book called Mercy in the Margins. And so often in today's world, we expect everything to just look perfectly, and we're going to encounter God and a meadow somewhere under a sunset while our family is having a picnic that we perfectly prepared. And we're going to have a devotional. We're all going to sing together. We'll be the Von Trapps. Maybe this is just my family fantasy, but really, everyday life is so messy. And one of the cultural narratives surrounding motherhood today is that motherhood means depletion. It's taking something from you. It's a drain. You give and you give and you give. You give your time, your body, your energy, your sleep, your attention, maybe your career, your priorities. And your identity feels like it's completely rearranged, and that's presented as something really negative. And we start to begin to believe that becoming a mother means becoming less of who we were, losing ourselves. But motherhood is not a season where we lose ourselves, but a season where God grows us, where God makes us more like him. One of the things I found was it wasn't me losing myself. It was. Was finding more of God. What does that look like practically? How can we push back against the cultural narrative that's negative about the cost that it takes to raise children?
Chelsey DeMatteis So one of the devotions I actually wrote in the book is titled Mercy and the Quiet Work of God. And I paint this picture of a bread maker because I was at a friend's house.
Motherhood As A Sanctifying Process, Equipping Us With More of God
We walked in the door, and it smelled amazing. There was a just, oh, my gosh. You know, it, like, invites you. And when you walk in there. And I came home and was just really thinking about that whole experience, and I was like, you know what? Motherhood feels so much like that. Parenting feels so much like that. my husband would agree, where you become parents. And, yes, the narrative is so loud right now that you lose yourself, you lose all of these things. But really, what I have found and it challenges me. Like, I hope everyone hears this and knows, like, I am being sanctified because of motherhood. Like, it's not easy, but I see motherhood as this bread Maker. Okay. And that's the Lord. And you're putting all these ingredients in there. It gives you the measurements, right? The Lord has told me, okay? He gives me his word. I have his word here. I know the things he's called me to do as a parent, but also as his daughter. he has the things that he's given my husband and called my husband to do. We put those in the bread maker and our kids gifts and talents and the hopes and prayers and things that we have. And we're filling up that bread maker, hoping that the Lord's going to do all the work. And what I've seen is instead of losing myself, what I'm finding is the Lord is just equipping me with more, more of who he's called me to be. and also this call to trust him more. And I'm getting to just. Just add things into that bread maker, and eventually I'll get to close the lid and out will come this fruitful harvest. And I think that's what has at least hung me up, is mothering in the little years. And even I hear people say in the teenage years, I'm not quite there yet. Where's the fruit? Like, honestly, I think that's why we feel like we're losing ourselves. When people say, I've just lost myself in motherhood. A lot of it is because they're like, there's no fruit. Fruit I've poured in all this time, all this effort, all these prayers. I gave up the things so I can be here, present with my kids, and there's no fruit. But fruit is not instant. I mean, you can read that in scripture when you hear about the harvest, the jubilee. I mean, things were years and years and years before you could reap a harvest. And I feel like that is so much of what motherhood is. It's pouring in, it's investing, it's.
Motherhood Is About Pouring In And Trusting God To Grow Something Beautiful
It's putting in these ingredients, choosing to trust the Lord to close the lid, that when we one day get to open that, I'm hoping it's sooner than I think, but you'll get to see this beautiful thing that God has actually pieced and put together. And, that you weren't actually losing yourself. He was growing something in you. And when you're growing, you're finding new things out about yourself. I feel like I have learned so much about me as a person. I know the things that I feel very passionate about that I would have said, yeah, I kind of care about those things. But once I became a mother, God really highlighted for me those things that are my hills to die on. Like, I've got my hills to die on. but also entrusting him. And I think without that, if I felt like, if I gave into, I should say those thoughts of I've lost myself, what did I do? What was all of this for? You miss out on seeing the fruit of what God's growing in you personally, like today, because there is fruit today. But then also we'll miss out on seeing that fruit that's to come if we just throw in the towel because we think I missed it. Like, I gave up so much for this, but really it's. I gained so much in this calling, in this role as a mother. And the Lord's going to show that, that a little bit at a time. It's kind of like that manna. I feel like he'll show me. I'll see like an inkling of fruit in my son. I'm like, oh, glory to God. Oh, my goodness. He helped that little girl pick up her lunch that fell. The lunch woman will tell me from school. And I'm like, that's fruit. But I think we need to, as much as we need to realize that we can encounter Jesus in the day to day, I think when your son or your daughter helps to pick up someone's lunch that fell down, that is fruit. Like that is seeing the work of the Lord in your child. They could have kept walking and they didn't. And so be encouraged in the little things. When my son helps buckle my daughter in her car seat, fruit. He could be selfish and just sit down and buckle himself in and not pay attention to her. And so I would encourage parents listening, dads too, that when you see your kids do something that you know is contrary to their flesh, look at it as fruit and say, wow, Lord, thank you. Thank you for giving me a glimpse.
Dr. Jessica Peck you know, I had this exact revelation early in my mothering journey. I went out to a pineapple field, Chelsey And I didn't know at the time that it takes about two years to grow a pineapple. And so I was expecting something completely different, you know, when we went out there. But it's just a field of red dirt. It was really not very pretty. It was hot. There were a lot of bugs. And yet I see these workers out there who are working very diligently and they are doing whatever they need to do, you know, to, to water the pineapples, to make sure they have the right sun, all of that, because they know they have confidence in the seeds that they planted. They know that they will be harvested in the proper time. I think our kids need to see that confidence in our eyes, Chelsey because we are so inclined to instant gratification today. And we treat parenting. I've said this often, like the little instant helper on the Internet.
Parenting Like An Instant Helper Versus Trusting God's Process
You know, like the little virtual assistant that pops up in corner. We're like, our kids have a problem or they experience, you know, they express something that is, you know, needs to be corrected, disciplined in their character, whatever it is. And we're like, okay, what's your problem today? Well, have you tried this? Have you tried this? Have you tried this? Okay, do this. Would you be willing to take a survey about my service? And then we want them to say, five stars. You're amazing. You did the great. You know, a great thing. But, Chelsey one of the hardest truths that I had to embrace as a mom, especially at the stage where you are. When my kids were little, as I had to understand that it was not their job to give me instant gratification on my parenting skills. That is not their job in life. It takes how m. I mean, think about the things that the Lord is teaching you in your life that he's teaching me. I don't learn them in one thing. I don't learn them in one encounter with the Lord. God doesn't say, hey, you really need to work on being more patient. And I'm like, oh, got it. Okay. All right. I'm like, no, I'm stubborn, and it takes me a while to learn it. And so I had to learn that with my kids. Because when we post things online about our mothering journey, we post those great moments. We get immediate feedback. We get a. Like, we get a comment. We get an affirmation that gives us a dopamine hit in our brain, and it gives that positive affirmation. So we start going to social media to get our motherhood affirmed, rather than being patient and planting the pineapples and seeing, okay, I know when it seems like you're in a season of struggle, you just.
Seeing God Work On Our Character During The Waiting Seasons Of Motherhood
You have to wait. And it's in those moments where you see God working on your character, where you see him teaching you, where you see him strengthening you, where he gives you a new skill, a new mindset, a new character, trait development. That's really important. We've got to release our kids from that pressure, because what happens is we start to try to micromanage their behavior, and we start to care less about the heart. We only care about that immediate feedback loop, as long as you're acting the right way, that kind of manages my anxiety about making sure that I'm a good mom. And that's not what it's about. So why do you think, Chelsey that it is that we don't want to be in the margins? We want to be in the spotlight. We want to be in those big mountaintop moments. What is our. Our rejection of our disdain for those mundane margin spaces. Like, we're like, I hear what you're saying, but that doesn't sound very fun.
Chelsey DeMatteis Right? So, you know, I keep thinking, like, the word margin for me is, it's. You look at a piece of paper like, the margin is fixed. People do not like boundaries. Oftentimes they're like, I don't like these fixed things. But when I wrote this, like, mercy in the margin, the margin is the fixed time that the Lord has given me. I have 24 hours in that day, and where am I going to find him in that? And so oftentimes where I can find him, I write about this, but there's a devotion titled Mercy in the Meantime. And the meantime moments, that's the 15 minutes before I have to run out the door to go do the next thing. People discount that I actually write about those being that's where, like, miracles take place. That is where we so often want to pass that off. We'd rather be busy. How weird is this? We'd rather be busy doing something else rather than doing maybe the task in front of us. And I'm preaching to myself because I actually do need to do my dishes. Dishes today and get the dishwasher unloaded. But to me, that is not as fun as sharing something or calling a girlfriend, catching up with her. But, you have to ask yourself, why is that?
Turning Meantime Moments Into Opportunities To Talk With The Lord
And it's. Nobody's clapping for me when I'm unloading the dishwasher. But that's a meantime task. It only takes me eight minutes to do. So what the Lord has really invited me in is in these meantime moments, which is typically the moments that. That people don't like. They'd rather not be bothered doing those things. We can turn that to a moment where it's because oftentimes people will say, I have no margin in my day to spend more time with the Lord. Well, we don't need more margin. The margin is fixed. But we need to find the time. Like, what are we doing in the meantime? And that's where we can talk with Him. I tell people all the time, I'm like, Just talk to the Lord. Just talk to him. People think when they, okay, I need to sit and I need to pray. And I'm like, just have a conversation when you're putting the dishes away. I think that's the crux of it all, is the mundane feels so uncomfortable because there's no one applauding you. There's nobody watching. And to be quite frank, nobody cares. Nobody cares if I actually put the dishes away. But the Lord delights, delights if I'm going to take the time to talk to him while I'm doing that. So while I may not have the applause of a house or a yellow lab, she won't pay attention to it either. I'm sitting here under the delight of my Savior. That should trump any and all applause. But it's exactly to your point of. There's no instant gratification there. But what if after three weeks, weeks of using your meantime moments to just talk to the Lord, play some worship music, jot down a couple things that are on your heart on a sticky note three weeks from now? I truly believe. Don't they say it takes 21 days to create a habit? I think if you spend one, we'll say one of your meantime moments during the day just talking to the Lord. I think in three weeks, you would sense more clarity. And whatever that conversation is, is. But, because we are so, for whatever reason, bothered by that mundane, we miss it. Like we're missing prime time to just talk things out with the Lord.
Dr. Jessica Peck You know, if we really want to step on people's toes, Chelsey mine included. Let's. Let's warn everybody. Put on your tough suit, because I'm going to go here. When you're talking about the meantime moments, I think one of the greatest tragedies, of motherhood today is that we are conditioned to go straight to our phones in any of those meantime moments. Any margin that we have, any moment. I mean, I see mothers who are feeding their infants, like, oh, this is time to scroll. I see, you know, okay, I'm sitting on the floor and my kids are playing. But, you know, like, I'm gonna watch social media while they're playing and while they're doing this. And we. But yet we say, I don't have any time. I don't have any time. I don't have any time. Well, our, iPhone, phone, time tracker.
Chelsey DeMatteis Yeah.
Dr. Jessica Peck It is a really tough accountability partner. And I think that is one of the most powerful perspective shifts that you're offering us today. Chelsey is. Instead of looking at Those, as you. You call it, meantime. But I often would say, like, this is me time. Like, I need some me time.
Chelsey DeMatteis Yes.
Dr. Jessica Peck Oh, my God. At the same time, like, saying, okay, this is some me and God time. Like, and it doesn't have to be every moment. It means that. It doesn't mean that you can never, you know, scroll through social media. It doesn't mean that you can't. You know what we call multitasking? Watching a show while you're putting away the dishes. But it means that. What if in two or three of those moments during the day, you're just more intentional? So instead of, you know, just scrolling through your phone while you're sitting on the floor playing with your kids, that you're actually engaging with them, you're praying for them, you're praying over them, you're noticing and being intentional about the characteristics that they're developing, and you're asking God to be with you in those moments. If we could you show. Just turn our attention. If we're scrolling through a Bible app, even, and working on memorizing scripture that we share with our kids. And that doesn't mean we have to do that all the time, all day, every day, but just something. One of those moments, and I. I love that because it takes the pressure off. We have to. The. The thought that we have to wait for those perfect moments for God to meet us. It's not, how do I find more time? It's what. What, if is God.
Encouraging Faithful Moms Who Feel Exhausted And Fearful
Where is God already meeting me in the time we have? And, Chelsey when we come back, we'll talk to the moms who feel like they're falling short, who feel like I am trying so hard and I'm just exhausted and I just am so fearful. We'll call those moms to be faithful, and we'll give them some help and some hope on the other side of this break. We'll be right back. And my father, your great grandfather, fought in World War II. Really? He was a, gunner on the big ship out in the Pacific Ocean. Wow. Your great grandmother did her part, too. Was she on a ship? Oh, no. She stayed back home. She and a lot of her friends worked really hard in a factory because the men had gone on and they held scrap metal drives to help in the war effort. The folks back home were heroes, too.
Here at the American Family Association, we consider you the heroes back home
Here at the American Family association, we consider you the heroes back home as you fulfill your responsibility of caring for your family day to day. Your partnership with us is crucial as we fight the enemies of freedom in America. Thank you for your commitment to the American Family Association. Grandpa, what's a, scrap metal drive? Let's get some cookies and I'll tell you all about it.
Have Your Way by Katy Nichole I've crawled through the valley of the shadow of death and somehow I walked out alive. I've run from my father I've run. I'm back again Time after, time after time One thing I have found I rise when I lay it down Lord, have your way in my life, in my heart, in my soul, in my mind Lord, have your way every time time 'Cause I know that your plans are better than mine I lift up my hands and I fall on my knees surrendering I'll sing it Lord, have your way.
Dr. Jessica Peck Welcome back, friends. That is have your way by Katy Nichole. And that line just struck me. I rise when I lay it down. We're talking today about laying down all of the pressures of motherhood and finding mercy in the margins of that. That's the name of a new devotional by Chelsey DeMatteis She is the author of that. And we've been talking about the beautiful, wonderful, godly call of motherhood and how it can be one of the most challenging, difficult things that you've done in your life, but one of the most rewarding. And I get concerned about the cultural narrative that either calls mothers to say, hey, this is the most perfect thing. It is the most beautiful thing you'll ever experience. It's supposed to be so wonderful. There's no difficult part of it if you're doing it right. And then there's the other side that is far more toxic and far more dark, saying, you will lose yourself. It's so depressing. It's so difficult. I mean, I mean, oh, my goodness, can we find mercy in the margin, in the middle of that and acknowledge that motherhood is messy? Because life is messy and humans are messy and little humans are particularly messy. And that may be where you're feeling that. And when we feel like, you know, we're doing all the things we're. We're trying to make sure everybody is physically cared for, emotionally, socially, academically, all of these things, maybe it's. There's a mama somewhere who's just hiding in the bathroom, just wants five minutes of peace. But underneath all of that pressure that mothers are carrying are these questions, am I doing it right? Am I enough? Am I good enough? Am I present enough? Am I. Am I investing enough? Am I. Am I spiritual enough? Am I a good enough wife? Am I a good enough mother? And the answer to that question can become so painful when we are measuring ourselves against everyone else's highlight reel. And intuitively, no. We know in our brains when we look at social media that we're looking at the best 14 seconds of someone's week. Not, you know, our average Tuesday. But Chelsey had said that comparison is the thief of joy. And we know that the enemy comes to steal and kill and destroy. And I believe one of the most powerful weapons against mothers today is that comparison. If I'm a type A mom, I'm looking at the type B moms and thinking, why can't I be more laid back? Like, I. I'm going to make my kids neurotic. If I'm the type B mom, I'm looking at the type A moms thinking, my kids are never going to know how to be responsible in life. But God has equipped us all. And that's why I think one of the powerful things is having friends come around you to meet you in the places where, like, I don't have that mothering gift. Like, Chelsey I am not the Pinterest mom. I am the Pinterest fail mom. Like, do not give me a craft to do. Like, I. I am not going to do it. But hey, if your kid's having a hard time and they need to have tough conversation, like, I'm going to be there. I know how to lean into that moment. How do we find Merc Mercy in the margin by just stopping ourselves on the comparison wheel that we're just running on trying to chase and catch somebody else's execution of motherhood when we need to focus on our own.
Chelsey DeMatteis So another devotion that I wrote, it was just pinged immediately as you said that, it's titled mercy and your methods. And it's funny. I am not a type A mom. We actually joke in my friend group. I'm the type C mom. I'm the one that's like, I've got beef sticks and like, I can feed your kids, but my gas tank might be on empty and my phone is on red. Like, I can feed your people. I don't know if I can get us anywhere. But the mercy in your methods is all about what I realized very early on. sleep training was, like, huge when I was having my son in 2017, and there's a method to sleep training. And I remember an older mom friend of mine gave me this book and she's like, read this book. She literally wrote inside it, saved my life. So I'm like, okay, so, like, I have to do this if it saved her life. Well, I'm reading this and I'm thinking, I am not this type of person because at this point, I'm not even a mom yet, and I'm already stressing about getting something right in motherhood. And I'm just carrying the baby.
The Greatest Method Of Mothering Is Bringing Our Cares To God
And so I remember I got like, three chapters into that book and just knew this is not for me. I am not like a prescriptive mom when it comes to this. I just knew it. And so fast forward all these years later, I always go back to that moment of reading the inside of the book, and she would laugh. I will even send her this interview and say, reading something that says this saved my life made me feel like, you must do this and if you don't, it's going to be terrible. But what God taught me in that is m Methods. It's okay to, like, glean wisdom and all of that, but what God taught me is the greatest, greatest method of mothering that I can do is bringing all of my cares and needs to him. Because I can tell you, if you want your kids in sports, you'll have anybody and everybody out there that will tell you how sports will ruin them or how sleep training will ruin them, or the education you choose will ruin them. But then you'll have that other side of the aisle where it's like, oh, you go, girl, you need to do that. Or, oh, my gosh, that's the perfect way of educating. And, oh, that's the perfect to it. And you're caught in this place of, what am I doing? Half the people say, I'm gonna fail my kid. The other half are telling me I'm the greatest parent on the planet. And what the Lord has told me is he is the perfect parent. He is the one that actually knows everything that my child needs. And when I come to him and say, lord, what is your method for my king Am and Lord, what is your method for my Collins? I can trust that he is going to give me exactly what they need. And I was so grateful the second time around, having our daughter where I was like, you know, things are going to work out the way they work out. And I didn't feel that fear of this saved my life that was written in that book. But I even know moms that have kids that they're launching to college that are reading books and blogs and methods and listening to things where they're like, I did it all wrong. I launched them into the world, and I literally wasted 18 years and messed them up. And I sit There. And I think you could have done everything right that the other books tell you, and you could still have the same outcome. It is not. Parenting is not prescriptive by the world standards. We can take wisdom and glean wisdom, and it's great. But truly the greatest method that does not have a date, a deadline, a, discount code, or anything is going before the feet of Jesus and saying, you knit this child together. You know exactly what they need. And also to the mom, I just have to say this, and I'm sure I will make you laugh. I asked my son, I put together Winter Wonderland for our school last year. Okay? It was awesome. It was beautiful. I was stretched very thin, though. I just asked him two weeks ago as we're prepping for it again. I said, what was your favorite part? He goes, I don't remember. I don't really. I don't really remember it, Mom. I was like, you don't remember it? So to the mom listening, that was like, I didn't do the balloon garland for their third birthday, but I did it for their older brother. They are not going to remember it. They are not going to be mad at you for not having it. It. They truly are just delighted that you are spending time with them, that you are celebrating them, that you are there for them. That is what they care about. And so sometimes these methods and these Instagram reels and all the socials just make us feel like, I can't win, when really, it's okay, I'll take wisdom, I'll glean wisdom, but I'm going to seek the Lord first and foremost, because he's the one that created this child, and he's the one that created me to be their mom. Mom. And the feet of Jesus is the very best method of mothering that I have ever found. and that's just what I always want to encourage moms with, is when you don't know what you're doing, which is how you will feel 99 of the time. Ask the Lord first, because I can tell you. And I also wanted to plug this. One of the greatest things for me has been Instagram is off my phone. It's only on my computer unless I have to share something to store stories. I don't have the option of getting on my phone when I'm sitting at the. On the couch or whatever. And the Lord spoke to me very clearly, this summer. And I. I could have missed it. Had socials been on my phone, maybe I would have been scrolling, but instead I was sitting There praying. And it was for one of my children specifically. And the words were war within their spirit. And I was like, that is a really big deal, Lord. What does that mean? And all I can say is, had I missed him speaking that to me in the quiet place because I was busy scrolling or trying to do something else, I would have missed a very, very pivotal piece of information that I needed from him to be praying for the rest of the summer. And I just, I kept thinking of that when you were talking about when we met. Miss the things because we're on the screens and we're seeing everyone else. It's just take it off, eliminate it completely, Put it on the computer so you can still be connected, but you can be disconnected when you're with your family. Because the Lord is always speaking. I mean, yes, we can read in Scripture. There are moments where he feels silent, but he's still always present. And he cares about the desires of our hearts, and he most certainly cares about our kids. Kids. And so when we are attuned to that and looking to him and listening, even while we're doing other things, if we don't have the noise of the world always at our fingertips, we will hear that. And it is like high alert. I mean, I felt like the Lord was like bells and whistles, red flags are waving war within their spirit. Like, we need to pray. And so I would just encourage moms that, that take the thing off your phone and just go to the Lord and ask him, what do I need for this child? And he will, he will guide you. He might not give you some instant answer, but you will have guidance.
Dr. Jessica Peck I've been so convicted about that in my own mothering journey. Honestly, Chelsey I'm just sitting here listening to you and thinking and reflecting back on my own. And I, I think, think one of the most,
The best things that you can give your kids is the gift of your presence
the best things that you can give your kids is the gift of your presence, not just your physical presence, although that is really important in a day, and age where we are in digital silos and we can text somebody in the next room, or we're all streaming our own reality. Having your physical presence is so important where your children are invited to be wherever you are, whether that's a stool, a chair they can sit at at the kitchen counter while you're cooking, or if that's a place that they can come and sit in your bedroom and talk with you. But they also need your emot and mental presence. They need you to be clued in, to be paying attention. Because so often we're distracted. And one of the things that we're studying in a scientific way, that I've talked about before on this show, Chelsey is a phenomenon called fubbing. I'm not sure if you've heard of it before. It's a. It's a word for phone snubbing. And there are actually scientific tools where we can measure this because it is having a holistic impact on kids. That absolutely absence of our presence because we have our faces in a screen and we're looking at, how's everybody else doing motherhood, and how are people telling me how to do motherhood? And let me get the perfect instructions and let me quiet any uncomfortable emotion I have, rather than just being present in the moment, being emotionally present, seeing, okay, I can see my kid is frustrated. And rather than treating that as an inconvenience, I treat that as an invitation to, okay, my kid is frustrated. What is making them frustrated? And how can I meet them in this moment? And I remember seeing on social media, ironically, it was, it was some event that had happened with the Royals or something like that. I can't remember. But it was all of these people, like, crowds and crowds of people, and they all had their phone, and you couldn't see any of their faces because they were all recording the moment. And there was this one just adorable little older lady who did not have a phone, and she was kind of had her arms over the rail, and she was just smiling so big and just so fully present in the moment. And I think that's where we find the margin when we stop. You're trying to numb everything, to fill every moment with the perfect activity, with the perfect, you know, mothering, the perfect birthday party, the perfect winter wonderland at school, which is so painful. Can we just say it's painful when our kids are like, oh, yeah, I forgot you did that. You're like, I'm trying so hard. It's in those margins that we can find. Find an invitation instead of an inconvenience, an invitation, as you said. So we have arrived already at our. The end of our time together, Chelsey I wish we had more time to talk in the last minute. What is the word of encouragement that you'd like to share with moms?
I just want to encourage you with knowing that God hand picked you to parent your children
Chelsey DeMatteis I just want to encourage you with knowing God hand picked you to parent your children. He did not pick anyone else on the planet other than you, and he did not create any other children other than those ones in front of you. And so trust, trust that he is going to equip you and that you walk with him faithfully and he will show you fruit down the road.
Dr. Jessica Peck And to all the dads out there, all of the men in these mothers lives, I encourage you to give that mama who is in your life, give them some affirmation. I cannot even tell you how powerful your words of affirmation can be to say, hey, I know things were crazy today, but you still got dinner on the table and it was really good. Thanks so much for doing that. Like, thanks for taking care of this. Hey, I saw you organize that closet. It looks really great. It was easy to find what I needed. Those words of affirmation will go so far and I appreciate, Chelsey you reminding us. The goal isn't to get our lives organized or perfect enough so that we can experience God's presence. It's the invitation to recognize he is already present. He never went anywhere. He's still working. He's present in the carpool line, at the kitchen sink, in the bedtime routine. And that difficult conversation, in the interruption and the detour and the mess. And those moments are so beautiful that when we feel like we're trying just desperately to get a breakthrough, God is inviting us. Hey, I'm here. Just pay attention. The book is called Mercy in the Margin And wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you. I'll see you back here next time.
We'd like to thank our sponsors, including PreBorn
We'd like to thank our sponsors, including PreBorn. PreBorn has rescued over 400,000 babies from abortion and has seen over 100,000 commitments to Christ. Will you join PreBorn in continuing this good work supporting young moms in crisis? Save a life today. Go to preborn.com/AFR the views and
Jeff Chamblee opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
Author and Speaker Chelsey DeMatteis joins Jessica to talk about finding mercy in the margin for mothers running on empty.
Live
Did you know American Family Radio is listener-supported? Your monthly financial support will allow us to continue upholding Godly values through our numerous channels, like American Family Radio, One Million Moms, The Stand magazine, and many more.
Become a Great Commission Partner TODAY to help AFR transform culture by rebuilding the family. When you donate today, you’ll get access to:
