Dr. Jessica Peck: We would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, PreBorn. When a mother meets her baby on ultrasound and hears their heartbeat, it's a divine connection. And the majority of the time she will choose life. But they can't do it without our help. Preborn needs us, the pro life community, to come alongside them. One ultrasound is just $28. To donate, dial pound250 and say the keyword baby or visit preborn.com/AFR Candace talks

 : about finding out she was pregnant. Thankfully, the ultrasound provided by preborn allowed her to hear her baby's heartbeat. The sonogram sealed the deal for me. My baby was like this tiny little spectrum of hope and I saw his heart beating on the screen and knowing that there's life growing inside, I mean, that sonogram changed my life. I went from just Candace to mom. Thank you to everybody that has given these gifts. You guys are giving more than money. You guys are giving love.

 : PreBorn currently has clinics that do not have ultrasound machines. Would you consider a leadership gift and sponsor a machine today? These life Saving machines cost $15,000 more than most centers can afford. Your donation will save countless lives for years to come. Dial pound250 and say the keyword baby or go to preborn.com/AFR hello and

 : welcome to the Doctor Nursemama show, prescribing hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there friends and welcome. Welcome to my favorite time of day on my favorite day of the week. Happy Friday, everybody. It is, it is a Friday, but it is a somber Friday, isn't it? As we look back to the anniversary of 9 11. Cannot believe it has been 25 years. And anyone who is alive and can remember that day, really, it is the question of a generation, much like children before us, in generations before us, asked, where were you on VE Day? Where were you when JFK was assassinated? Where were you when the Challenger shuttle exploded? This generation asks, where were you on 9 11? And Allen Jackson asked it in a song, where were you when the world stopped turning? And that is exactly what it felt like on that day. I remember I was actually in nurse practitioner school and had a class in a creepy basement classroom in a hospital that did not have any access to technology. And as I was driving in, I was listening to Houston Christian Radio, KSBJ and listening to the radio DJ Susan o'. Donnell. And she had said, hey, a plane hit the trade center. Be in prayer for that and really kind of felt like maybe it was something small and of course praying for that. But walking in to my classroom and one of my classmates, actually her fiance was supposed to fly in to visit her that weekend, was able to call her and say planes were grounded. And then we couldn't get any information. So I ended up calling my mother in law who was at home putting my flip phone on speakerphone and standing up on a chair as my classmates gathered around me to listen to the news live that she was playing through the television. And that is just one tiny little story. And there's so many people who are were profoundly impacted that day, people who lost their lives, who lost loved ones. And really when we look at 911 in a post 911 world, it changed the world forever. And we may as generations who lived before 911 tell our kids about what life was like before that, about the differences in airplane security and how there was no tsa, which seems impossible to think about, but that was the really first sentence event that really made American children especially feel like we're growing up in a world that's not safe. The world is not safe. And that has only been amplified by social media. That brings all of the world's bad news in high definition instantly to the palm of their hand. And that means our children are growing up in a world today. Millennials, Gen Z behind them, Gen Alpha, which is now reaching those later teenage years, and even Gen Beta who are being born right now. These are the babies of the they're learning about historical tragedies that they never personally experienced, but yet it's impacting their everyday life because they practice emergency drills at school and they hear about violence and disasters on social media. But we see that it's not just about physical safety. This makes them feel emotionally unsafe, mentally unsafe. And we need to make sure that they live in a world where they can ask questions, where they can express their feelings and where they can feel as safe as we can make them and talk about what does safety mean. And that can be really hard to do. And so we start with 9 11. There will be a lot of children today who are watching news coverage, who may be talking about this in school and as parents. You remember the television coverage. You remember the fear. I remember the News being on 24 7. This was before streaming, so that was really unusual. And you're glued to the television. I remember my husband and I sitting at dinner one night. This was before we had children and. And all of a sudden hearing a sitcom come on the television and Laughter bro through. And it just sounded so strange and so foreign, like, is it okay to laugh now? And you may remember calling people you loved or going to work or wondering if it was safe. I remember I went to church. I didn't have any way to know if anybody was there, but sure enough, the pastor was there letting people in pray. But for our children today, 911 is not something they have those memories of. They're encountering it in a textbook or a documentary or a social media post or maybe a parent or grandparent talking about it. So the question for us as older generations is how do we teach children about a traumatic moment in our nation's history without unnecessarily making them traumatized or more fearful in the process? It's not just about a date. 911 is history to our children, but it is not history to us. We are, we can tell them about what happened and intentionally pass along that historical memory. Knowing about 911 helps to kids understand what why the world did change after 2001, why TSA is different, why we talk about terrorism, and why some adults still carry grief from that day. But remembering isn't about keeping them afraid. It is. There's a difference between remembering danger and living in fear of danger. So how do we explain something horrific that happens, whether it's 911 or something else? Just start with what your child already knows. What do you know about 9 11? What do you know about what happened? And make sure they have a factual understanding that is truthful. For younger children especially, just keep it really simple, keep it concrete. Just tell them that there were some terrorists that intentionally hurt people and that there were people who died. But focus on the helpers. I'm a Gen X kid and grew up, with Mr. Rogers. And I remember he would always say, look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping. And the response of the, to 911 is something that was inspiring all around the world. Don't give them any unnecessary details. They really shouldn't look at any graphic images. Those don't help, especially at younger ages. And just reassure them, hey, there are adults whose whole job, whose whole mission in life is to help keep you safe and, and talk about the people in their life who are working to keep them safe. Their parents, their grandparents, the school resource officers, their teachers, their coaches. All of that is really important now for middle schoolers. They can start to understand more of, the historical context and they might understand the why of it. You can expect more questions and just help them distinguish between Understanding something and being afraid of it. We can understand it without being severely afraid of it. We can be sad about it. But having a biblical worldview is just really helpful in knowing that, yes, bad things happen in the world, but God is still good. God cares about you, he knows you, he sees you, and we can trust him. For teenagers, you can have really more deep, complex conversations about what happened. And teens may also encounter very graphic material online. I expect that to be happening today because that is something that can provoke curiosity. Kids will click on more of that. It will up the ante, give them some more extreme images to look at even though it happened long ago. That is something that's really profitable for social media and, and it's detestable, but it is the truth. And they can see things that, oh, never before seen. Foot footage of 9, 11. They may even today encounter some AI generated images that are not true. And that can be a good way to talk about it, to ask, okay, how do you verify what information you're seeing is accurate? So just be really careful because we live in a world where kids are going to be fed that kind of information even if they don't have access to a smartphone. Somebody at school could say, hey, did you see this? And all of a sudden a screen is in their face. And so we really need to be very careful in not letting algorithms. Our kids, history teacher or interpreter make sure that we have age appropriate resources and move the conversation beyond something terrible happened. Yes, we want to acknowledge that something terrible happened, but we also want to give them truth, that, hey, people are capable of tremendous evil, but people are also capable of tremendous courage. And there are plenty of stories of courage from that day. First responders ran toward danger. Ordinary people sacrificed for strangers. Communities cared for grieving families. People demonstrated incredible courage and compassion. I think I saw a documentary about a flight that was stranded in Iceland or, or some, some other place that was there. And just how this little town took in all of these Americans off a flight and gave them hospitality. There are ways that we can remember the people who died by honoring their lives, but also remember the extraordinary courage that was there. And we cannot give our kids a simplistic answer for suffering. We just need to acknowledge that we, we don't want to say everything happens for a reason or that kind of thing. We, we can acknowledge evil is real and we live in a broken world and we don't love it and we don't understand it. And humans have the capacity to make really, really devastating choices, but God doesn't Ask us to pretend that our suffering isn't real. We can bring our grief and our anger and our questions to God. And we can also talk about how we have a Savior who is, is well acquainted with suffering. God is present in our suffering. We see all through the Psalms. About a third of the psalms are psalms of lament, of great emotional distress. And God also equips us for courage and compassion and forgiveness and hope. And most of all, what we can talk about is the value and dignity of every single human life. So instead of just asking what happened on September 11? We can say, what do we think we should remember about this day? And why? Because we don't want to raise kids who just know the facts of what happened. And we can recount it from a history book. We want to raise children who understand what it means to remember, to grieve, but also to serve and to be courageous. And to choose hope in the face of hopelessness and to choose good in the face of evil. And that can be really helpful to do. And so we, don't want our children to inherit just our fear, but they do need to inherit our memory of what happened to honor those who were lost. We can teach them the terrible things happened without teaching them, making them afraid. That terrible things are always or about to happen always about to happen. That is important to do. So we never forget these things. There are three things that we can never forget. First of all, that the world set aside their differences and for the most part, came together in a beautiful way in the face of tragedy. And that unity really sustained us and gave us hope in the future. And part of that hope is the children that were born 9 11. I remember one of my neighbors had a baby just a couple of days before this happened. And I remember going over to her house and her just thinking, oh my goodness, you know, what kind of world is she going to be raised in? But she just seeing hope for the future and calling people over to pray over that baby, who is now definitely not a baby anymore, who is a young adult. But seeing that, hey, we know that the world is scary, but we still see hope in the world. And part of that hope we see is you. The second thing we can tell them is that we live in a scary world that feels like change can happen in a split second. And we know they've experienced that in ways since 9 11. There are definitely tragedies that have impacted them since then, but the fear and the heartbreak behind those are the same. But we cherish every moment we have together. We live in a scary world, but we cherish every moment. And that treasure trove of memories, the beauty and the value and the dignity of your life, makes life worth living. And the third thing is that we pray that God, who is the ultimate source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. That comes straight from M. Romans 15:13. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. That actually is a verse that I keep on an index card right here on my desk all the time, and I read it all the time. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace and believing so that by the power of the Holy Spirit, you may abound in hope on our earthly power. It can be hard to find hope in a tragedy like 9 11, but by the power of Holy Spirit, we may abound, in confident hope. And that brings us to a question really parents are facing every every September as a new school year starts. How do we prepare our kids for emergencies without making them feel afraid? And one of the places that kids can feel most afraid to go, especially In a post 911 world, is they can be afraid to go to school. Now, we want our kids to be safe at school. We want it to be a place where they can learn, they can have friendships and explore and take risks that are appropriate to their age and just be kids. And today schools have emergency plans for everything from severe weather to fires to medical emergency. And now today, kids are having active shooter drills. And that is a really controversial topic. I'm going to talk about it, give you some perspective on how to prepare your kids for that. Because the goal isn't to make our kids constantly hyper alert for danger. It's to make sure adults have a plan. Children know that adults have a plan. We want to be prepared. We don't want to be be paranoid. Now I know that this is an emotionally loaded topic for parents. It's something that we never want to think about. I wish that I could talk about something different today, something that was more cheerful. But we will talk about it in a way that is hopeful. And I hope that you'll continue to listen in. Because whether you have kids or grandkids or nieces or nephews or kids on your team or your small group or your classroom, wherever you are, kids are looking to adults to see how do we interpret the fears and threats that are in the world. When we come back, I'm going to talk about this week's healthy habit, keeping our kids safe at school and because of the holiday weekend. I'll also be talking about keeping them safe at home emotionally too, which these things go together more than you think that they would. I'll be right back after the break. Hello, I'm Jessica peck, host of Dr. Nursemama. Did you know that this content is listener supported? Without people like you, this podcast would not exist. And that's why we need you. A generous monthly gift of any amount will help sustain American Family Radio and specifically this podcast. Please consider becoming a monthly financial partner today by visiting afr.net/give that's afr.net/give

Comforter by CeCe Winans: Faithful friend and father I've called you through the years. You've been great physician. When sickness linger near through distressing moments. Your name is new and sweet. You've become comforter to me. You are comforter, that's who you are to me. Comforter, a name that fits so perfectly. Peace, the pass is all understand. Comforter is who you are to me.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is comforter by CeCe Winans. On a on a day like 911 when we remember something incredibly tragic that happened in the world, I think there is not a Christian here who does does not long for the comfort of Christ. And God has given us a peace that passes understanding because in our limited human understanding it's hard to imagine how can we find comfort and peace in a world where something like 911 happens when a world where. In a world where kids are afraid sometimes to go to school, they're afraid of school violence. That's what we're talking about today. And wrapping up the this series on safety. In our Healthy Habits series, we started the year talking about four core spiritual disciplines, rhythms your family needs, communication patterns. Spent all summer talking about tech habits and we've been talking for about the last six weeks about safety, helping our kids feel safe in a world that is inherently unsafe. And one of the, the great sadnesses to me is to see kids afraid to go to school. And I feel this. I from time to time still work as a nurse in a school. And not too long after we had a shooting that was in a community adjacent to mine. It just, it was so tragic. And I recognized in my own soul I felt afraid when I was lacing up my sneakers to go to school. And that's not something that we want kids to face. And so how do we help them to face a world that is really broken without the ability to fix it? Well, let's talk about keeping our kids safe at school. Let's talk about some of the things that come along with that? Because again, we don't want them to be paranoid. We want them to be prepared. So the goal of preparedness isn't to convince children that, hey, something bad is going to happen, but you're prepared. It's to give them confidence about what to do if something unexpected happens. We still can give them the message. These things are very, very rare, and you're very unlikely to have this happen. But if it does happen, the adults around you are prepared and you are prepared to respond. So some practical things are know the plan before you need. The parents don't need to know every operational detail of a school's emergency response, but you should just know the basics. Like what? How does the school communicate with parents during an emergency? This is logistical. Are you on the text string? Are you on the email string? Are you signed up for all of the communication? Because you don't want to try to be figuring that out. If there is some sort of emergency, what is the school's reunification process? Where would children go if they had to evacuate? Who is authorized to pick up your child at school? Who is. Who are those people who are on the list there? And what happens if cell service or the school's normal communication systems is. Isn't working? What's the alternative? And how are parents notified if an emergency occurs and affects transportation or dismissal? These are good things to look at just at the beginning, and especially if you have a child with a disability or special medical needs, you need to make sure that you know all of those things because they may need to manage medications. If there's an emergency and your kiddo needs insulin or a rescue inhaler or an epip, something else that's really emergent, how are they going to get those things? And just again, being sure that your child is equipped and prepared in case there is some sort of emergency. Now, that could be severe weather or fire or a medical emergency or all kinds of things. But those are just some practical things to think about before any emergency happens. And as we're going back to school, it's a great time to think about it. Now, one of the things that's really controversial is as, drills, disaster drills. Now, some of you may remember, you know, drills from nuclear fallouts where you sit under your desk looking back at that, I'm not sure what that would have done. But a lot of times we just feel better when we do something. We feel better when we take some sort of preparation. Now what we want to tell our kids is, hey, when adults give you safety Instructions, no matter what it is, when they are helping you stay safe, a trusted adult is giving you safety instructions. Stay with, with your class, follow the directions and go to the adults for a plan that is, that should be their kind of go to general operating framework. And part of that preparedness that we see in schools is school safety drills. Now these are well intentioned. I want to be clear. Their purpose is to help schools rehearse procedures so that if something tragic were to happen, students and staff are less likely to freeze during a real emergency. And just having that preparedness can help, can help reduce, can help reduce, reduce some of the anxiety. But for a lot of kids, it exposes them to unnecessary anxiety because not every drill is experienced the same way by every child. And a drill is more likely to be distressing if kids aren't told beforehand what to expect. So kids should be told, we're going to have a drill. This is what's going to happen. This is exactly what you can expect. Or when adults use frightening or graphic language or their skill, simulation of gunfire, screaming, blood, all of those kind of realistic elements. Honestly, it is my professional opinion that those don't help, those don't help prepare people because we shouldn't ask children to imagine things that are overly graphic. And we need to be really careful in thinking there are some kids who have a trauma history and those kids need to have some special consideration. What if we have, you know, a child who, whose parent is a police officer who has lost their life in the line of duty, that they're going to experience that much differently than any kid who hasn't had any exposure or children with autism or sensory sensitivities or anxiety or disabilities, those kinds of things. That's really important because more realistic doesn't automatically mean more effective. That's really important. We want to rehearse the skill, the procedure, not experience or rehearse trauma. So the purpose of the drill should be, can we practice what to do? Not, you know, can we make this as realistic as possible. We can teach children what to do without simulating the emotional experience of a catastrophe. Because that is, that's really hard to do. And research shows that doesn't necessarily help kids to prepare any better. So if you know that a drill is going to happen, or even if you don't talk to your kids and say, hey, you may experience a disaster drill, a safety drill, a lockdown drill, we have all kinds of words to describe them. But just ask that. You can ask the school, first of all, am I going to be notified about this ahead of time. But at home, you can say, hey, your school practices safety procedures just like fire drills, and most of the time, nothing is wrong. And the purpose is to prepare you in case there ever is an emergency, which is very unlikely. Answer their questions honestly. We don't have to say, oh, you don't have to worry about this. This is never going to happen. We can't say you're absolutely safe. We can say things like, you know, we can't predict everything that will happen in life. But your school has adults whose job is to protect you, and they practice what to do in an emergency, and they are committed to keeping you as safe as possible. So that's realistic without being overly catastrophic. That is really important to do. And during the drill, you know, the adults should watch the kids, too, because sometimes they may respond in a way that you don't expect. A kid that you don't expect just becomes highly distressed or freezes or panics or just, you know, isn't emotionally prepared. So we need to watch that response. So if, you know, your kids have had a drill at school, ask them about it. Say, how did it feel? How did your body feel? How did your mind feel? What kinds of things were you thinking? What did you think was easy about it? What was hard about it? Just ask them, questions. Because one of the biggest missed opportunities is just, okay, back to class. Kids need a few minutes to process what happens. The debrief is actually even more valuable than the exercise itself because it helps kids to make sense of what happened, that think through what they did, what they didn't do, what they should do better. So that's important to have so you can, you know, talk to your kids about that when they have those drill and don't. We don't want to reinforce fear. Like, if your child says, that was really scary, like, say, I know. That's why I tell you, you need to know about this, because it is really scary. We want to. Yeah, I can understand why that felt scary. But you know what? You did a great job following directions that, and the purpose of the drill was to practice. Now you know what to do. And I'm really proud of you. And if you ever have more thoughts about it, you can come and talk to me about it anytime. That's important. Validate their emotion without amplifying the threat of what happened. And really, I. I would call schools to think about a, developmentally appropriate program, and it has certain elements in it. A, developmentally appropriate disaster drill. Should be predict telling the kids what kind of drill is occurring. Now I know people will say, well the, you know, the actual event is not predictable. Yes, that's true. But we have the luxury of being able to schedule that which is going to help children learn better and they'll be more prepared. It should also be age appropriate. What works for high school students is not going to be the same for what works for elementary students. And skill rehearsal is so important. Practice the actual behaviors that children need. Where do they need to go? Who do they need to to listen to? Where do they need to walk? How do they need to walk? Do they need to practice being quiet? What is that actual skill? And it is important to have a trauma informed approach. And that means no unnecessary graphic details, which is important. A good program should be accessible again for kids with different abilities and have that debriefing, giving them the opportunity to ask questions and process their experience. Those things are really important because, because we don't need children to feel afraid, to feel safe. Because a child who knows what to do is more prepared than a child who's just been simply frightened about what's happened. So we can say yes, this is frightening. That's why we're practicing. That's why we're practicing what to do. And we hope you will never ever have to do this and the likelihood is that you won't. Because we cannot as parents convince kids that the world is completely safe. We have to help them to depend on, develop age appropriate competence and confidence and help seeking skills. And so we say we practice. We care about keeping people safe. You don't have to be afraid, but understand if you are and if something unexpected happens, there are adults who will help you and you will know what to do. Because we practice. And one of the really important things that I wanted to say too is don't give kids the burden of being their own protector. We want kids to have age appropriate safety skills. But to make them feel, feel like they're responsible for keeping themselves or everyone else safe or alive is not usually going to be developmentally appropriate. So depending on their, on their age, some safety things that kids should know. Make sure that your kids know before they go to school.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Ah.

Dr. Jessica Peck: And really even from, from kindergarten on, they should know their full name, they should know their parents phone number. That can be a really hard thing in this day and age. When I think about, you know, people I used to know and memorize phone numbers. Now I, I just, you know, tell my phone to dial that person. I use voice Dial or I will just, you know, use a voice assistant. Make sure your kids know your phone number and how to get in touch with you. How do they identify trusted adults? How do they call 91 1? How do they communicate basic information? If they do call 91 1, how do they follow evacuation or shelter instructions? One of the ways you can do this is even doing this at home, having a fire drill at home or an evacuation drill at home just to practice. Okay. This is how you get out of your room safely. This is place where we meet. And normalizing those kinds of preparedness is really important. Where do you go if you're separated from your class or your caregiver? And if you see something, say something. It's really important for kids to be able to say something if, if that spidey sense is off, if they have a, a funny sense, if they feel a sense of unsafety even around maybe another student who's there or some situation. They should always be able to come to a trusted adult and, and that the emergencies are situations where they should follow trusted adults, not try to solve the problem themselves. That is really important. And don't forget those kids who have special needs. I've said it several times here, but that is really important to do. And when you're doing all of this thinking about school, like I said, build a family plan too. That is really important. Thinking through. If there's an emergency, who can I call? Who is a trusted adult that I call? What, what happens when happens if I can't get in touch with my parent? Who do I call? Who, who do I trust there? Where do, where do we meet? Where? And at home. Look at things like where are smoke detectors? What do we do during severe weather? I live on the Texas Gulf coast. My kids know all about hurricane preparation or what to do during a flash flood, which of course we saw a lot of tragic loss of life and the hill country floods just not too long ago. But it can happen. Any kind of natural disaster can happen anywhere. So just take a good moment to think about some general preparedness. What do we do? And again, practicing without creating fear. Be calm, be brief, be age appropriate and just say let's make sure everybody knows what to do. What do we do? Okay, walk through it, let them ask their questions and then move on with your day. The objective is familiarity, not fear, but really pay attention to your kids stress response. But because if a child sometimes they just have the temperament to be more worried about it. And that doesn't mean we don't want to dismiss that. We want to help them through that, do what we need to do, to slow down, to listen, to answer their questions, to provide reassurance. And the most important safety message that we can give is really relational because we think safety means eliminating every possible risk. Oh, I wish that was so. I absolutely wish that was so. But it's impossible. And really, a healthier, more attainable goal is to help kids develop competence and confidence that they know what to do and that they're confident about seeking help. They know. I am confident. There are adults here who help me keep. Who help keep me safe. I know who to go to. I know how to ask for help. My family has a plan for a disaster or an emergency. I don't have to figure out everything by myself. Myself. And I can prepare for hard things without being afraid of everything. So that is important to do because that emergency preparedness isn't just about physical safety. It's about emotional safety, too. And when we come back, we're going to talk about, can my child bring me the hard things that they're dealing with? Have I created an environment in my home that is emotionally safe, where my kids can always talk to me about anything? In a world where we can't guarantee their physical safety, one of the things that we can invest in the most is their emotional and relational safety, because that is the predictor of resilience, having a trusted adult they can connect to. I'll tell you how after the break.

Buddy Smith Jeff Chamblee: We live in a day when America's families are under attack like never before.

 : Buddy Smith, Senior vice president of the American Family Association.

 : The war against biblical principles rages on numerous fronts. The Internet, Hollywood, Washington, D.C. america's corporate boardrooms, and the list goes on. At American Family association, we're committed to. To standing against the enemies of God, the enemies of your family. And we recognize it's an impossible task without God's favor and your partnership. Thank you for being faithful to pray for this ministry, to give financially, and to respond to our calls for activism. What you do on the home front is crucial to what we do on the battlefront. We praise God for your faithfulness, and may he give us many victories in the battles ahead as we work together to restore our nation's biblical foundations.

Back To Jesus by Matthew West: I had my back to Jesus Thought I knew a better way but after all my wandering I landed in a place called shame yeah, I had had my back to Jesus I thought he had his back to me But a sinner's tears came falling down when I turned around to see. You can make a million road turns that lead you to a million dead ends. You can think your last bridge is burned and there's no going back home again. Do it no matter how, how far you are. No one chases a heart like he does. You're always only one step back to Jesus.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is Back to Jesus by Matthew West. And it's so true. You're always only one step back. Wherever you are and however you're being reflective on this day. This is 9 11, which just is a cause for reflection in the country. I pray that wherever you are, whatever grief you might be facing, whatever kind of emotions that you're processing, I pray that God will meet you in that moment. And God sees. He knows. He cares. And earlier in the show, I shared the verse Romans 15:13. Because in the face of what seems like a hopeless world, we can find hope. Romans 15:13 says, May the God of hope, hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit, you may abound in hope. And that's my prayer for you today, is that in a hopeless world, you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. And that is the eternal mindset that we need to be sharing with our kids today in a world that isn't safe. We have a God who cares very much about the them, who sees, who knows. And there are things that we cannot explain or understand. And we don't know what the future holds, but we do know who holds the future. And we know that he is trustworthy. And on this day and talking about some heavy things, but that are important things. We've talked about 9 11, helping our kids remember and honor the past while still having hope for the future. And we've talked about some ways to keep your kids safe at school, to talk through those disaster lockdown emergency drills that they're having, helping them process those things. It's so important for us to have a culture of emotional safety at home. And you might think, okay, well, what does that mean exactly? Well, I think you would know what it's not more than you would know what it is. If you grew up in a home that wasn't emotionally safe, you absolutely know what that felt like. It was not safe to express any emotions. If you were anxious that might be met by irritation by your caregiver, you could. It wasn't ever okay to have any sort of feelings. You would get punished for having your feelings. And you learn just to kind of stuff it down and to not process it. And just to ignore your own needs. And that can create generational trauma. We talked about that, recently on the show and really talk about that quite a bit. But the good news is in all of that, you are perfectly capable of creating emotional safety in your home and nurturing that. We can make our homes physically safe and emotionally safe, because that's a critical distinction. Kids can be physically safe. They can have food in the refrigerator. They can have a roof over their head. They can have power. They can have a smoke detector. They can have, you know, all of the elements of physical safety. But still wonder, what happens if I tell mom about this? What if dad gets angry? What. What if they think I'm dumb for having this fear? What if I get in trouble? What if I disappoint them? Them? Emotional safety doesn't mean that kids never experience correction or consequences or discomfort or struggle or disappointment. In fact, healthy families should absolutely have those boundaries. But emotional safety means something deeper, means that our kids know that telling the truth is not going to destroy their relationship with us. And that is really important because kids today are going to encounter things that we cannot anticipate. They're going to encounter bullying and peer pressure and exposure to explicit or violent material online. They're going to be tempted to try substances. They're going to feel anxious and depressed, and they may be at risk for abuse or relationship problems or academic failure, questions of identity, spiritual doubt. All these things that can make us so afraid. But the question is, when they experience those things, things, are they going to come to us? Are we safe to come to? So when we talk about emotional safety, it's basically the confidence that, hey, I can bring difficult things to the adults who love me. Telling the truth is safe. It's okay, I'm going to get help when, when I go and tell the truth. That is important to do. It's not the absence, of boundaries, it's just the presence of a relationship within those boundaries. A child should be able to know, hey, my parent may be disappointed in my choice, but their love for me isn't in question. And that's important. As our kids experience things that we cannot prevent, we can work to do that. We can work to protect them from everything we possibly can. But at the same time, they live in a. In a broken world. And so we want to teach them not how to run away when those things happen, but who to run to. We want them to run to God. And we are, as parents, are a reflection of that. Our first response that first response when they come to us really matters. I mean, think about the last time your kid told you something that kind of made your heart stop. Maybe they said something really alarming. Maybe they said something that had happened to them. Maybe they told you they broke a rule. Maybe they admitted something. They did. They knew that disappointed with you. And our nervous systems react. They go into full force before our brains can catch up. It is like our nervous system is the roller coaster that leads because. Because we might raise our voice. We panic, we lecture, we ask 47 questions at one time. We reach immediately for punishment. We use sarcasm. We'd say things like, how could you do something like this? How could you be so stupid? And we start telling them everything they've ever did done wrong. And we're like, how? How could you do this? What were you thinking? And they weren't. But sometimes we do that because we care so much. But the problem is our first, first response teaches our kids, if it's safe to bring us the next hard thing, it will reinforce it and say, okay, mom and dad is a safe place to come. Or, oh, that was not a safe experience. And I better try to figure out on my own before I go to them. Because if every disclosure produces an explosion, the children are going to learn, okay, I need to handle this myself. And children are not capable of abstract wise thinking because that's what we don't want. So a, better first response before correcting, directing, before teaching, before disciplining. Just regulate yourself, okay? Take a breath, lower your voice, get curious and listen. And that sounds so simplistic, but I am telling you, having been on the end of a lot of these conversations, because a lot of these conversations will result in a healthcare encounter because you need help figuring out things that happen, happened. I can tell you it is a wildly different outcome when we listen, when we emotionally regulate, when we start by saying, hey, I'm so grateful that you trusted me enough to come to me with this. Thank you so much for coming to me. That is always the right thing to do. And this is scary, this is hard, this is disappointing. I'm going to have some emotions. I'm not going to handle everything perfectly. I'll tell you that right now.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Now.

Dr. Jessica Peck: But I'm going to try and we're going to get through that together. It doesn't mean what you did was okay. It means our relationship is strong enough to hold this conversation. And so sometimes, you know, our kids are having problems that they're just not bringing to us to solve. They're Trying to figure it out on their own. And they may be having a nervous system emergency. They're overwhelmed, they're devastated, they're terrified, they're embarrassed or whatever. And our insecurities, instinct maybe to reason with them. We just see that emotional outburst, and we're like, calm down. You are overreacting. This is not a big deal. Like, here's what you should have done. And maybe we don't know everything there. Maybe we're seeing this emotional expression of things that they haven't yet verbally articulated. So when our kids are having that emotional outburst, you know, maybe. Maybe they're angry, and it's just something that they haven't disclosed yet.

Dr. Jessica Peck: And.

Dr. Jessica Peck: And it's just eating away at them, and it's impacting everything because they think, I don't know if I could come to you with this. I, I don't know if I'm safe. I don't know if I'll get in trouble. I don't know. Maybe it's another adult who's. Or kid who's told them, don't tell your parents, and they're having that conflict. We need to help our kid be emotionally regulated rather than trying to discipline them or lecture them out of it. Get physically close. If. If they want that. Just lower your voice. Bring down the temperature of the room. We don't rise to their emotions. We want them to regulate to ours. So sit down and just be calm. Give them some space. Help them breathe, stay calm, and just say, I'm here. I can see you're really upset. You don't have to figure this out alone. I'm here to help. I want to hear about what's going on. And when they become calmer, say, okay, what happened? What is going on here? What can I help you with? What are you facing alone that you need some help with? Because we cannot effectively teach when our kids or, ourselves are emotionally dysregulated. We have got to emotionally regulate. Before we do that. The next thing that we do is separate the behavior from the child. So if our kids are saying that they made a choice that we wish that they hadn't made. Now, I'm not talking about. About things that happen to them, that. That are beyond their control. But even so, even in that case, we can correct their behavior without attacking their identity. We can separate what happened to them without making them feel like that is their fault. So instead of like, oh, my gosh, this is what's going. You're a liar. Say, okay, all right, you experienced this and you weren't truthful about what happened. And so instead of you're so irresponsible, say, okay, I understand you were trying to make the best decision that you could. And the decision that you ended up with, was not a wise decision. You weren't set up for to make the best decision that you could. Let's talk about what guardrails we can put in place and what support we can have to practice so that when decisions like this come along, you feel better equipped. Instead of saying, like, what's wrong with you? Why are you acting like. Like this? Try something like, hey, help me understand what happened. Help me understand why you feel so emotional about this. It sounds so subtle and so simple. But the difference matters because behavior can change. We can change behaviors about this, we that and their response. But identity is something we can, that we protect. So our children need to know, like, I can make a terrible decision without being a terrible person person. And that doesn't eliminate accountability. It actually creates a stronger foundation for accountability. Because shame says I am bad, while guilt says, my decision was bad, my action was bad, but I can repent from that. What I did was wrong, and I can make it right. Same thing. If something happens to them beyond their control, we can say, hey, this was not your fault. The fact that this happened to you does not, does not make you a bad person. Because kids will often take the blame on themselves. Like, what is it now when they do something wrong? And they tell us being emotionally safe means emotionally regulating. First of all, like, we've talked about separating the behavior from the child and then exploring the consequences. Because you can tell me anything doesn't mean, hey, and there will never be any consequences. That's not true. We want our children to know they can come to. To us. And we also want them to know that the truth will result in consequences, whether that's natural consequences or whether that's discipline that we enact. But we can say, I'm really glad you told me this. I'm so grateful for your trust. We are going to work through this together. We are going to talk about what boundaries we need to put into place. I don't say necessarily punishment, because most of the time the punishment comes with a heap of shame. And we can talk about consequences. We can about talk. Talk about guardrails. We can talk about boundaries that need to be put into place to help you, to support you, to make better decisions. And that communicates two things at the same time. Truth is safe. Telling me the truth is safe. But my behavior still has consequences. But I can trust my parents to act for my good. That is healthy parenting. So this is doesn't come by just, you know, one singular interaction. This is but built through hundreds of ordinary interactions that are happening every day. So what we can do to help cultivate that sense of emotional safety is just create low pressure opportunities to talk all the time. Some of the best conversations happen when you're in the car or you're tucking them in at night. You're sitting at the dinner table, you're walking the dog, you're going to the grocery store, you're running them to practice, or you're cooking dinner, you're driving somewhere. Sometimes kids will talk more easily when you're doing something something alongside them rather than sitting directly across them asking, what's wrong? Now ask questions that invite conversation. Instead of how was school? Which you know what they're gonna say, Fine, it was fine. Say, what was the best part of your day? What was the funniest part? What was the hardest part? Come up with a funny question for dinner. One of my favorites was asking, what, what, did this teacher. What did your teacher. What's the phrase or thing that they talk about the most? And I've had some hilarious various things that they've told me about. Don't punish every disclosure, because if a kid tells us something difficult, you can distinguish between, you told me about a problem and you created a problem. Sometimes we just reinforce, hey, coming to me was the right thing. We'll figure this out together. And model vulnerability. Tell your kids, hey, I made a mistake. I was frustrated. I responded poorly. I. I'm, sorry about that. I don't know the answer. I need to apologize. I've struggled with this too. Here's how it's impacted me. Because children can learn emotional safety by watching adults demonstrate that difficult emotions and mistakes don't always destroy relationships we can repair. After conflict, we will lose our tempers. We will say things that we regret. We will get parenting wrong. Emotional safety doesn't require perfect parents. It just requires engaged parents who are willing to repair. And that is important. And really this becomes part of how we model the character of Christ in our homes. We want our children to experience something of what Scripture says, that there is therefore now no condemnation in Christ. That is important. And I hope that you have the kind of environment where children learn accountability and unconditional love are not polar opposites. And as you, you go through this day creating safety for those you love. I pray as I always do, the Lord will bless you and keep you. Make his face to shine upon you and give you peace. I'll see you back here Monday. We'd like to thank our sponsors, including PreBorn. PreBorn has rescued over 400,000 babies from abortion. And every day their network clinics rescue 200 babies lives. Will you join PreBorn in loving and supporting young moms in crisis? Save a life today. Go to preborn.com/AFR

Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.